There ain't no fun in women nor there ain't no bite to drink; It's much too wet for shootin', we can only march and think; An' at evenin', down the nullahs, we can 'ear the jackals say, "Get up, you rotten beggars, you've ten more today!" 'Twould make a monkey cough to see our way o' doin' things Lieutenants takin' companies an' captains takin' wings, An' Lances actin' Sergeants-eight file to obeyFor we've lots o' quick promotion on ten deaths a day! Our Colonel's white an' twitterly-'e gets no sleep nor food, But mucks about in 'orspital where nothing does no good. 'E sends us 'eaps o' comforts, all bought from 'is pay But there aren't much comfort 'andy on ten deaths a day. Our Chaplain's got a banjo, an' a skinny mule 'e rides, An' the stuff 'e says an' sings us, Lord, it makes us split our sides! With 'is black coat-tails a-bobbin' to Ta-ra-ra Boomder-ay! 'E's the proper kind o' padre for ten deaths a day. An' Father Victor 'elps 'im with our Roman Catholicks He knows an 'eap of Irish songs an' rummy conjurin' tricks; An' the two they works together when it comes to play or pray; So we keep the ball a-rollin' on ten deaths a day. We've got the cholerer in camp-we've got it 'ot an' sweet; It ain't no Christmas dinner, but it's 'elped an' we must eat. We've gone beyond the funkin', 'cause we've found it doesn't pay, An' we're rockin' round the Districk on ten deaths a day! Then strike your camp an' go, the Rains are fallin', The Bugle's callin'! The dead are bushed an' stoned to keep 'em safe below! An' them that do not like it they can lump it, Then, Number One, let down the tent-pole slow, (Gawd 'elp us!) THE LADIES I'VE taken my fun where I've found it; One was a woman at Prome, Now I aren't no 'and with the ladies, You never can say till you've tried 'em, There's times when you'll know that you But the things you will learn from the Yellow an' Brown, They'll'elp you a lot with the White! 1 Head-groom. I was a young un at 'Oogli, Then I was ordered to Burma, Actin' in charge o' Bazar, Through buyin' supplies off 'er pa. Doll in a teacup she were, But we lived on the square, like a true-married pair, An' I learned about women from 'er! Then we was shifted to Neemuch (Or I might ha' been keepin' 'er now), An' I took with a shiny she-devil, The wife of a nigger at Mhow; 'Taught me the gipsy-folks' bolee;1 Kind o' volcano she were, For she knifed me one night 'cause I wished she was white, And I learned about women from 'er! 1 Slang. Then I come 'ome in the trooper, An' I wouldn't do such, 'cause I liked 'er too much, But I learned about women from 'er! I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' the end of it's sittin' and thinkin', An' dreamin' Hell-fires to see; So be warned by my lot (which I know you will not), An' learn about women from me! What did the Colonel's Lady think? Somebody asked the Sergeant's wife, When you get to a man in the case, For the Colonel's Lady an' Judy O'Grady |