rebelled against it, then had my peace been as a river.

my heart to me, and did break my peace, and caused his terrors to seize upon me, and I I was about ten or eleven years old, when was wounded at my heart, and great was my the Lord visited me with the light of his Son, sorrow, and my tears were many, and I knew and gave me to see the vain life and way I not what to do. Yet in this state of sorrow, lived in, being much given to play amongst I sometimes had a secret hope, and this kept rude boys, and took great delight in playing me from sinking under the great weight that at cards, and shooting at butts, and ringing lay upon me. This gave me courage to pray of bells, for which I was reproved. I came to God, though I knew not how to pray; but to see that vain sports and pleasures were yet I thought, that in secret, where none displeasing to the Lord, which I was in- could hear or see me, I could pray best, clined to, before I came truly to know the and could confess those sins, and pray for Word of God in my heart and mouth, to forgiveness and for power over them, that I hear it and do it, and was judged in my was not willing men should know of. But still self for the same, but knew not the Judge, I found not power to forsake the sins I was being but a child. I did not yet know the so prone to, because I received not him, to Lord, nor think it had been he who met me whom all power is given, nor yet knew him. in my heart and conscience, and told me all I little thought it had been He who told me that ever I did, and made all things manifest all that ever I had done, and searched out all that were reproved; though I had read in the my secret sins; there was nothing hid from Scriptures, that Christ was come to redeem him, but he discerned the very thoughts and from a vain conversation, to serve the living intents of my heart, and I was even laid God; and Christ taught to pray, "Thy king- naked before him, and could hide nothing dom come: thy will be done in earth, as it is from him; yet his appearance seemed such in heaven;" and said, "I came not to do my a poor, low, despised thing, that I believed own will, but the will of him that sent me;" not in it, nor thought to have found Christ in and, "not my will but thy will be done," me, but looked for him, or concluded him to when he was to drink that bitter cup, of the be in heaven, above the skies. And though cross; and," he that will be my disciple, he appeared to me wonderfully by his Spirit, must deny himself, and take up his cross yet I did not know him, but still rejected his daily and follow me:" and so the cup he was counsel, and came not to him, to be taught to drink of, and the baptism he was to be by him, though he had long waited to be grabaptized with, they should [also drink of and cious to me; glory to his Name for ever, for be baptized with.] Oh! it is beyond words, he made many things manifest to me. Great or the depth of man's wisdom to reach, and was the travail of my poor soul; and all outyet we must drink of it, and be baptized ward things sometimes seemed little worth to with his baptism. It was he that appeared me, and I cried unto the Lord, that he would in me, when I was young, though I knew him tell me what he would have me to do, and not, but followed hireling priests, Presbyteri- that he would show me, who were his people, ans, &c., yet was uneasy among them all. that worshipped him aright, according to his will.

When I saw that I lived not as I ought, a fear came over me, and I sat down upon the ground, and was very serious; and thought to live more carefully and holily for the time to come. And when this mind was begotten in me, I felt and saw the grace of God appear in me, but I knew not what it was, yet I would gladly have held it, and have kept the enjoyment of it, but did not; for being young, my mind got out again after vain and childish sports, and sinful, foolish pastimes, when I met with my companions, sporting myself in earthly things, and so fell from the counsel of the heavenly, and lost the sense, sight and feeling of it; so that trouble and sorrow of mind came over me. Thus I lived for five or six years; and as I grew in years, so it increased in me: yet did I often find the heavenly Monitor meet with me, and sometimes did sharply reprove me, and sometimes gently instruct me; and at last clearly opened

I read much, and conferred with many about religion, and ran to and fro, to hear those that were accounted great preachers, but neglected the great Teacher in my own heart. I esteemed the priests that were then in place, in Oliver Cromwell's time, and went constantly to hear them, but often came home full of sorrow; for I was not satisfied with their doctrine of election and reprobation, which put me into deep trouble, and I was sometimes very near concluding that I was a reprobate; my state appearing to be a state of sin. Yet I believed, that men who were in Christ, were elected, but men out of Christ, are out of the way to God; for Christ is the elect and chosen of God, the heir of all things, and all that are in him, are co-heirs with him. If Christ be theirs, then all is theirs; and Christ is all in all to them in whom he lives and reigns. But if Christ be

This was the first time, to my remembrance, that I was sure the Lord gave me an answer to my prayers. But I had deep sorrow, yea, very deep, and sometimes I was ready to say, Oh, that I had never been born! watering my pillow with tears; but it pleased the Lord to put it into my mind to be content, and wait the Lord's time, for him to give me further knowledge of his will.

For a while I lived in great sorrow and fear, and trouble. Oh! it was undeclarable; so that in the morning, I was glad that the day was come, and at night, that night was come; and I was apt to think, that no man's condition was ever like mine.

not in them, they are reprobates, without to show me my own heart, and the Lord was God in the world, dead in sins and trespas- pleased to hear and answer my prayer, at ses, and all they do are dead works, dead that time; so that he gave me to see my own prayers, dead preaching, dead worship and heart, that I knew it was the Lord that did performances; and many are seeking the show it to me, to my satisfaction; for I plainliving amongst the dead, and among deadly saw it to be deceitful, and not a good, ordinances, dead faiths, dead observations, humble, pure heart. I was pleased that I saw and dead professions. My sorrows increased; it, and knew what it was; but sorry it was yet I strove hard to get ease, and read much, so very bad. and prayed much in secret, and went to hear sermons very eagerly. I was now become one of the Presbyterian church, and had been much among them, and told some of them part of my condition. But, alas! alas! they could not help me; no, nor themselves neither; but would tell me, it was a good condition, and I must be troubled with my sins as long as I lived, and the best of God's children had all along their failings. All this was to persuade me to sit down contented, before I was cleansed and washed from my sins. Oh! these were the physicians of no value; these were they that daubed with untempered mortar, and cried, peace, peace, when there is no peace at all experienced. So that my sorrows increased upon me, and when the people sang psalms in the steeple-house, and I have been there, I durst not sing the same sayings of David, as they did: it would have been a lie in my mouth; for I saw I was not in the condition David was in, nor could I sing it truly, as my song; and if I had I should have said or sung a false thing as to myself. My sorrows still increased night and day, and my tears and fears also were many: and sometimes, when I secretly prayed unto the Lord, and confessed all my sins, and begged of the Lord forgiveness, and used many words, some of which, it may be, I had learned of the priests, and some that were real, according to my state; yet, when I had done, I was condemned, and full of sorrow, and my spirit would sometimes be more heavy laden after I had done, than before I began, being condemned in myself, that I had not prayed in faith, nothing doubting; nor in the spirit of prayer and supplication, and I could find no rest to my poor soul. I mourned deeply because I was unholy, and unrighteous, though my neighbours thought better of me, for I saw my sins and trespasses were many, and believed the Scripture that saith, "No unclean thing can enter the kingdom of Heaven," and without "holiness, no man shall ever see the Lord." I mourned deeply, and was ready to think, that my heart was not right in the sight of God. I prayed much in private in the stable and barns, and in bed, and on the high-moor. One day, being alone on the top of a hill, in the snow, I cried aloud with strong cries to the Lord, and desired him

About this time, king Charles the second came to the crown; and after a while uniformity was concluded on, and enacted, that none must have liberty to preach in churches, so called, but such as would conform, and read the common prayer, and observe those ceremonies that were set up by the Episcopalians, or else be silent. Then the Presbyterian priests, whom I had so much esteemed and admired, made their farewell sermons, and left us; for they liked not to conform to the common prayer themselves, and so would not venture to stay with their flocks; which caused me to weep bitterly.

Whereupon it came into my mind to search the Scriptures, to see whether those the Lord sent forth to preach the gospel, in the demonstration of the Spirit, could be silent at man's command, though they were men in authority that forbade them. And whether these, who now pretend to be his ministers, could, according to Scripture, be clear to leave their flocks and congregations, in the will of man, yea, or nay. For I believed that if God had sent them, and set them up, then man ought not to pull them down. I likewise found it clear, by the Holy Scriptures, that they ought not to be silent at man's command, if the Lord had sent and commanded them to preach; but to obey God rather than man, when the Lord commands one thing and man another; as the three children and Daniel also, who patiently bore the wrath of the king, and were put into the fiery furnace and lions' den; they trusted in God, and he delivered them. I found in Isaiah lxii. that, in plain words, the Lord commanded those that

make mention of the Lord, not to keep silence. God, and will help them, and recompense And when the rulers of the Jews commanded them into their bosoms an hundred fold in the apostles not to preach any more in the name this life, and in the world to come life everof Jesus, they answered with a query, "Whe-lasting. ther it be right in the sight of God, to obey men He told me that he preached in his own rather than God, judge ye. For we cannot but hired house, as Paul did at Rome, and was speak the things which we have heard and not silent; but that did not satisfy me, for seen; and they went straitway into the temple, Paul was a prisoner, and they were not. Had and preached or taught." In the next chapter, they staid till they were pulled out and put in when the Lord delivered them out of prison, prison, then they had done like men that they went again into the temple and taught, trusted in God, and it was a question whether and one came and told the rulers, "Behold men would have had power to take them from the men whom ye put in prison, are standing their flocks; but they fled and left us. I in the temple and teaching the people." Then they sent for them before the council, and the high priest said, "Did not we strictly command you, that you should not teach in this Name, and behold, you have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man's blood upon us." Then Peter, and the other apostles answered, and said, "We ought to obey God rather than men:" and forthwith, to their faces, they preached boldly, and did not keep silence, nor flee their testimony, as these priests did in those days.

And that able minister of Christ, the Apostle Paul, said, "Necessity is laid upon me, and wo is unto me, if I preach not the gospel." He and they had the gospel to preach, and knew it to be weighty and powerful, and were filled with the Holy Ghost, so that they could not contain, or be silent, for if they had, they had felt the wo. Men could not silence them, though they used violence to them; for they chose to suffer rather than to be silent; for to be silent they durst not, seeing their great Lord and Master had commanded them to preach; nor silent could they be, unless they would bring themselves under that wo, which man could not take off. Though they imprisoned them, whipped and stoned them, and used great violence to them, yet they testified, even to the very faces of those kings and rulers they were brought before, of their way of worship, and of the Truth and Life that is eternal; not valuing their lives, or counting them dear unto themselves.

having searched the holy Scriptures, and found that they were contrary thereto, and that both the Old and New Testament were against them; and that if they had been true ministers of Christ, they could not be silent, though they had laid down their lives, not knowing but after them grievous wolves might come in, I was fully persuaded in my mind upon the aforesaid grounds, that the Presbyterians were not the true ministers of Christ; and I felt my mind turned against them, considering, if God had sent them, they should have stood in their places; but if they were not sent of God, then they run before they were sent, and were not the men that I had taken them to be; and now they were manifest. So I left them, and saw they were like those spoken of by our Lord in the 10th of John, who were hirelings, and not true shepherds; for when they saw the wolf come, they left the flock and fled; but the true Shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

Whither to go, or what to do, I knew not; therefore I was much grieved, and could not tell who the people of the Lord were, but often cried, Lord! show me who are thy people, and they that worship thee aright. I pray thee join me unto them, and enable me to serve thee, that I may enjoy thy presence. Had I then joined to the Lord, and to the gift or grace of God that appeared in my heart, and believed in it, and obeyed the teaching of it, I should then have been joined to the Lord in his spirit, and also have been brought to them who were in the Spirit before me; for they are his true worshippers who are in the Spirit, and in that, worship God aright, who is a Spirit.

Meeting with the priest, who had lived in the parish where I did, I spoke my mind to him, and told him, that I believed if God was pleased to fit and qualify men for the work of The Presbyterians being removed out of the the ministry, gift them for it, and send them pulpit, and out of my heart also, then the to preach, they ought to obey God; and if Episcopal priests came in their white surmen forbid them to obey God, they ought not plices, and read common prayer, with long to forbear their obedience to God to please composed forms, that we had nothing of in men; nor to be silent at man's command, if God command them to preach or teach, as he did his servants of old time. Those he sends in these days ought to be obedient to God, though man be displeased, and cause them to suffer for righteousness sake; the Lord is VOL. IX.-No. 8.

the holy Scriptures; which was as a dead, empty sound to me, and my spirit was grieved with it, for I met with nothing at all of the life or power of God in them; so that I saw they had a form without the power. If this had been the form of Godliness, yet being

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without the power, the Scripture exhorts from such to turn away; and the power that they came in by, was the same that the others were put to silence by; and this power had authorized the priest to compel all to buy his wares, and if any refused, he had power given to excommunicate him out of their synagogue; and then, though he would not have his ware, yet he had power to make him pay for it when he was cast out.

ous; greedy after their gain, and they do not profit the people at all; and if they leave people, after ten, twenty, thirty or forty years tithing them, yet they are no better for all the charges they have put them to; they are "miserable sinners" still, and likely to be so.

Though this was seen by me, I still had not that wisdom to come to the true light, which made them manifest to me; but was considering, in my own wisdom, what to do, and yet could not tell, or find out the true worshippers. I heard of a sort of people much commended, who used to meet in private houses, in great fear of being persecuted, but

Hearing that all must go to this form of worship, I also went to worship I knew not what. When I came, who should come to carry on the work but an old Presbyterian, who had spoken much against the common were much commended by great professors, prayer, and those ceremonies then command- whom I looked upon to be understanding ed by men to be used. But rather than lose men. I went to their meetings, some of those great benefits that yearly came in, for whom were called Independents, some Presbypraying and preaching to the people, he swal- terians, and some Anabaptists. I found some lowed down that which before he had vomitted of this mixed multitude believed that God had up. I observed their worship, and I searched elected a certain number to be saved, and had the Scriptures again and again, and found reprobated all the rest: others of them held the power they stood in not to be the power forth free grace, or Christ a gift freely given of God, but of men. I found that God com- to all. Some held baptizing infants in water; manded, "Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so unto them, | for this is the law and the prophets;" but they went contrary.

some said nay, none ought to be baptized in water till they believe: some baptized not at all.

But the great thing of all I met not with among them, viz: the Lord to my comfort, The Lord commanded his servant Paul, nor could I see the power of God upon them, saying, “ Pray always, with all prayer and or amongst them; but pride abounded, slansupplication, in the spirit; but I found the dering one another, foolish jesting, vain talkEpiscopal prayers in a book. I found the ing, fashioning themselves according to the worship God required, to be in spirit and in customs of the world, many of them conformtruth; but the Episcopal worship was in cere- ing so far as to go one while to their own mony and outward external things without meeting, and another while to the steeple life. I found the Lord commanded in the house, though they had much to say against New Testament, not to observe days and the steeple-house worship. I saw they feared times, and months and years; but these priests man greatly, as it appeared; for the law of commanded days to be observed, one above man coming forth, with great penalties upon another. The Lord commanded his minis- all separate meetings, they refrained, and ters, saying, “Freely ye have received, freely were not to be found, and kept silent, rather give ; but these gave nothing freely, but sat | than hazard this world's goods. So I was ready to receive, and compelled people to give still in great trouble of mind, and knew not them. Finally, I found them in nothing suit. | what to do; for the Lord was what I longed able to the Scriptures, and as I then conclud- for, and to glorify him was my desire; but I ed, none else were, but like the false prophets found not wherewith. who were spoken of in Scripture. Then I absented myself and did not join with them, but was separated from them by the Lord, blessed be his name for ever, who hath been gracious to my soul, far beyond what I can express; living praises be given to his holy Name, for evermore.

Then I went to Chesterfield, to seek out and meet with those people called Independents; for I liked the name, seeing nothing at all in man to depend on; but they depended only upon the death and sufferings of Christ in his own body, yet did not come to see him nor his appearance in themselves to be their life, I left them, with their dead forms, dead and had not heard his voice, and the Word of sounds, dead works, yea, all seemed dead to God they had not abiding in them; so were me; and to stay there, seeking the living dead professors, and dry trees, not bringing among the dead, would not profit my poor forth fruit. But they preached free grace, soul at all. I had this saying in my mind; | universal love, general redemption, and tenWhoever is right I know not; but these are dered mercy to all. This pleased me well, wrong, their eyes are blinded, their ears are far better than the Presbyterian doctrine of dulled, their hearts are proud, carnal, covet- | election and reprobation; yet I was not sat

isfied nor easy, for I read Scripture very find none to comfort me, or lend me a hand much, and saw by reading the Scriptures, in my tears, fears, terrors, grief, amazements, with the secret help of Almighty God, which bitterness, anguish and deep mourning. Yet he afforded me in his infinite love, that as was I forward to discourse and talk with many as were led and guided by the Spirit of many about matters of religion, who would God, they were sons of God; and that, if any talk with me, for many had a love to me, but man has not the Spirit of Christ, he is none the priests I saw were in deceit, and I was of his. This is such a clear distinction be- sharp upon them at times; and my sorrows tween the children of God and the children of were so great that sometimes I roared out, the wicked one, or the children of this world, and cried mightily to the Lord when I travelthat there is no uniting them. This is clear led upon the plains and moors, and thought from the holy Scriptures. For light and none was near to hear or see me but the darkness are opposites; and Christ and Belial, Lord alone, who was the only one to whom I believers and infidels are past uniting, without did look and hope in for help and deliverance. a new creation, a new birth, which the unconverted are encouraged to wait for, seek for, beg and hope for.

I saw, that without the enjoyment of God in my own soul all was in vain; it was little comfort to me to read and hear what other men had enjoyed, while I wanted it. The wise virgins' oil would not serve them and me too. I saw that a little measure of the Spirit of God was more precious than all this vain world; and that short of this I could not rest. I made my remarks on those Independents, and saw they were very proud, and afraid of men and sufferings; and when we went to meetings, we were cautioned to go as privately as might be; so that they went several ways, one under one hedge side, and another under another, that we might not be taken notice of. Then, when we came to the meeting places, scouts or watchers were set to see and to give notice, that if a magistrate came, we might all run away and break up our meeting. This seemed a wrong thing to me, and it displeased me; for I saw that they were not like the disciples of Christ, who were not ashamed or afraid to own Christ before men. This doing did not tend to spread the gospel, if they preached it.

Now it pleased the Lord to open and show me many things; and he opened holy Scriptures to me sometimes, and I was mightily afraid of sinning against the Lord, so that I walked carefully. It grieved me to see people live badly, and that they could not be lieve one another, what they said when they bought and sold; and when I heard a man swear I trembled. Sometimes I felt something in my inward parts that was very precious and sweet to me, yet I did not clearly understand what it was; but if at any time I did or said any thing that was not right, then I soon lost the sight and feeling of that. Oh! it hath been gone in a moment: I saw that every thing which offended the holy God and was reprovable, would not abide, but all defilement, and whatsoever was tinctured with evil was against it, and it let me see it and condemned it, and me too so far as I joined with it. Oh! this to enjoy is a comfort beyond utterance, to that heart which loves righteousness and hungers after it. When I have been talking with a person who saw not that I spoke a wrong word, yet I have seen it, and the Lord's spirit gave me to see it, though it may be, it slipped from me at unawares for want of diligent heed, and watching I got no true peace with God among them, like a doorkeeper, as I ought to have done; nor enjoyment of the Lord in my poor soul. and then my sorrows would be renewed upon Whereupon I left them, and all churches and me, and tears and fears in abundance. Yet people, and continued alone like one that had a secret desire was in me, that I might die, no mate or companion; yet at times some and go out of this wicked, sinful world, where hope would arise beyond my expectation, and I found it rare to find a true hearted man or I believed God had a people somewhere. But I knew not who they were, and was now afraid to join with any, lest they should not worship God aright; and then I might be guilty of idolatry, which I had often observed the Lord had been much offended at among the Jews, and not only threatened them sorely by his prophets, but also brought judgments upon them, for their idolatry and rebellion against him.

The sorrows of hell took hold on me and the very pangs of death beset me round; which way to turn I knew not, but I could

woman.

One first-day, after I had been reading one while and weeping another, under a wall in a field, about the middle of the day I came home, and found my father and mother were come over to see us, for I then lived with my grandfather an apprentice, and I thought they would hinder me from minding the exercise I was in, which was deep. In the afternoon I fell ill of bodily sickness; and when I felt my illness grow upon me, I was glad, and in some hopes I should be taken out of this world; for I was plainly sick with trouble of