upon ceremony.

Gay. I am sorry to hear your mistress is taken so suddenly

Kitty. Vapours, vapours only, Sir; a few matrimonial omens, that's all: but I suppose Mr. Sharp has made her excuses.

Gay. And tells me I can't have the pleasure of her company to-night. I had made a small preparation; but 'tis no matter: Sharp shall go to the rest of the company, and let them know 'tis put off.

Kitty. Not for the world, Sir: my mistress was sensible you must have provided for her, and the rest of the company; so she is resolved, though she can't, the other ladies and gentlemen shall partake of your entertainment.-She's very goodnatured.

Sharp. I had better run and let 'em know 'tis deferred. [Going. Kitty. [Stops him.] I have been with 'em already, and told them my mistress insists upon their coming; and they have already promised to be here: so pray don't be under any apprehensions that your preparations will be thrown away.

Gay. But as I can't have her company, Mrs. Kitty, 'twill be a great pleasure to me, and a greater compliment to her, to defer our mirth; besides, I can't enjoy any thing at present, and she not partake of it.

Kitty. Oh, no, to be sure; but what can I do? My mistress will have it so! and Mrs. Gadabout, and the rest of the company, will be here in a few minutes: there are two or three coachfuls of

'em.

Sharp. Then my master must be ruined, in spite of my parts. [Aside.

Gay. 'Tis all over, Sharp. Sharp. I know it, Sir.

[Apart.

[Apart.

[Apart.

Gay. I shall go distracted! what shall I do?

Sharp. Why, Sir, as our rooms are a little out of furniture at present, take 'em into the captain's, that lodges here, and set 'em down to cards: if he should come in the mean time, I'll excuse you to him.

[Apart. Kitty. I have disconcerted their affairs, I find. I'll have some sport with them. [Aside.] Pray, Mr. Gayless, don't order too many things: they only make you a friendly visit; the more ceremony, you know, the less welcome. Pray, Sir, let me entreat you not to be profuse. If I can be of service, pray command me; my mistress has sent me on purpose. While Mr. Sharp is doing the business without doors, I may be employed within. If you'll lend me the keys of your sideboard, I'll dispose of your plate to the best advantage. [To SHARP. Sharp. Thank you Mrs. Kitty; but it is disposed of already. [A knocking. Kitty. Bless me the company's come! I'll go to the door and conduct them into your presence. [Exit. Sharp. If you'd conduct them into a horsepond, and wait on them there yourself, we should be more obliged to you.

Gay. I can never support this! Sharp. Rouse your spirits, and put on an air of gayety, and I don't despair of bringing you off

yet.

Gay. Your words have done it effectually.

Re-enter KITTY, with MRS. GADABOUT, her Daughter, and Niece; JUSTICE GUTTLE, TRIPPET, and MRS. TRIPPET.

Mrs. G. Ah, my dear Mr. Gayless!

[Kisses him. Gay. My dear widow ! [Kisses her. Mrs. G. We are come to give you joy, Mr. Gayless; and here's Mr. Guttle come to give you joy. Mr. Gayless, Justice Guttle.

Sharp. Oh, destruction! one of the quorum. [Aside. Just. G. Hem! though I had not the honour of any personal knowledge of you, yet, at the instigation of Mrs. Gadabout, I have, without any previous acquaintance with you, thrown aside all ceremony, to let you know that I joy to hear the solemnization of your nuptials is so near at hand.

Gay. Sir, though I cannot answer you with the same elocution, however, Sir, I thank you with the same sincerity.

Mrs. G. Mr. and Mrs. Trippet, Sir; the properest lady in the world for your purpose, for she'll dance for four-and-twenty hours together.

Trip. My dear Charles, I am very angry with you, faith: so near marriage, and not let me know! 'twas barbarous. You thought, 1 suppose, I should rally you upon it; but dear Mrs. Trippet here has long ago eradicated all my anti-matrimonial principles.

Kitty. Pray ladies, walk into the next room; Mr. Sharp can't lay his cloth till you are set down to cards.

Mrs. G. One thing I had quite forgot: Mr. Gayless, my nephew, who you never saw, will be in town from France presently; so I left word to send him here immediately, to make one. Gay. You do me honour, Madam.

Sharp. Do the ladies choose cards or supper

first?

Gay. Supper! What does the fellow mean?

[Aside. Just. G. Oh, the supper by all means; for I have eat nothing to signify since dinner. Sharp. Nor I, since last Monday was a fortnight. [Aside. Gay. Pray, ladies, walk into the next room.Sharp get things ready for supper, and call the music. Sharp. Well said, master.

Mrs. G. Without ceremony, ladies.

[Exeunt GAYLESS, TRIPPET, and Ladies. Kitty. I'll to my mistress; and let her know every thing is ready for her appearance.

.

[Aside, and exit. Just. G. Pray Mr.-what's your name, don't be long with supper:-but harkye, what can I do in the mean time? suppose you get me a pipe and some good wine; I'll try to divert myself that way till supper's ready.

Sharp. Or suppose, Sir, you was to take a nap till then: there's a very easy couch in that closet. Just. G. The best thing in the world! I'll take your advice; but be sure to wake me when supper is ready. [Exit.

Sharp. Pray heaven, you may not wake till then!-What a fine situation my master is in at present! I have promised him my assistance; but his affairs are in so desperate a way, that I am afraid 'tis out of my skill to recover them. Well, "Fools have fortune," says an old proverb, and a

Re-enter GAYLESS.

Gay. Well, Sharp, I have set them down to cards; and now what have you to propose ?

Sharp. I have one scheme left, which in all probability may succeed. The good citizen, overloaded with his last meal, is taking a nap in that closet, in order to get him an appetite for yours. I'll pick his pocket, and provide us a supper with the booty.

Gay. Monstrous! for, without considering the villany of it, the danger of waking him makes it impracticable.

Sharp. If he wakes, I'll smother him, and lay his death to indigestion: a very common death among the justices.

Gay. Pr'ythee, be serious; we have no time to lose. Can you invent nothing to drive them out of the house?

Gay. She did.

Sharp. Say no more, but in to your company.

If I don't send them out of the house for the night, I'll at least frighten their stomachs away; and if this stratagem fails, I'll relinquish politics, and think my understanding no better than my neighbours.

Gay. How shall I reward thee, Sharp? Sharp. By your silence and obedience. Away to your company, Sir. [Exit GAYLESS.] Now, dear Madam Fortune, for once open your eyes, and behold a poor unfortunate man of parts addressing you. Now is your time to convince your foes you are not that blind, whimsical whore they take you for; but let them see, by your assisting me, that men of sense, as well as fools, are sometimes entitled to your favour and protection.[Goes aside, and cries out] Help, help, help, master! gentlemen, ladies! murder, fire, brimstone! help, help, help!

Re-enter GAYLESS, TRIPPET, and the LADIES, with Cards in their hands, and SHARP enters running, and meets them. Gay. What's the matter?

Sharp. Matter, Sir! If you don't run this minute with that gentleman, this lady's nephew will De murdered. I am sure 'twas he; he was set upon at the corner of the street by four; he has killed two; and if you don't make haste, he'll be * either murdered or took to prison.

Mrs. G. For heaven's sake, gentlemen, run to his assistance. How I tremble for Melissa! this frolic of her's may be fatal. [Aside.

Gay. Draw, Sir, and follow me.
[Exeunt all but SHARP.

Re-enter JUSTICE GUTTLE, disordered, as from sleep.

Just. G. What noise and confusion is this?
Sharp. Sir, there's a man murdered in the

street.

Just. G. Is that all? Zounds! I was afraid you had thrown the supper down. A plague of your noise! I shan't recover my stomach this half hour.

Mrs. G. Well, but my dear Jemmy, you are not hurt, sure?

Mel. A little, with riding post only.

Mrs. G. Mr. Sharp alarmed us all, with an account of your being set upon by four men; that you had killed two, and was attacking the other when he came away; and when we met you at the door, we were running to your rescue.

Mel. I had a small rencounter with half a

dozen villains; but finding me resolute they were wise enough to take to their heels. I believe I scratched some of them.

I

[Lays her hand to her sword. Sharp. His vanity has saved my credit. have a thought come into my head may prove to our advantage, provided Monsieur's ignorance bears any proportion to his impudence. [Aside.

Mrs. G. Now my fright is over, let me introduce you, my dear, to Mr. Gayless. Sir, this is my nephew.

Gay. Sir, I shall be proud of your friendship. [Salutes her. Mel. I don't doubt but we shall be better acquainted in a little time.

Just. G. Pray, Sir, what news in France? Mel. Faith, very little that I know of in the political way; I had no time to spend among the politicians. Í was

Gay. Among the ladies, I suppose?

Mel. Too much indeed. Faith I have not

philosophy enough to resist their solicitations. You take me? [Apart to GAYLESS. Sdeath! this puppy's impertinence is an addition Gay. Yes, to be a most incorrigible fop. [Aside.] to my misery. [Apart to SHARP.

Mel. Poor Gayless! to what shifts is he reduced! I cannot bear to see him much longer in this condition; I shall discover myself.

[Apart to MRS. GADABOUT. Mrs. G. Not before the end of the play; besides, the more his pain now, the greater his plea[Apart.

sure when relieved from it.

Trip. Shall we return to our cards? I have a sans prendre here, and must insist you play it out.

Ladies. With all my heart.
Mel. Alons donc.

[As they go out, SHARP pulls MELISSA
by the Sleeve.

Sharp. Sir, sir, shall I beg leave to speak with you? Pray did you find a bank-note in your way hither?

Mel. What between here and Dover, do you

Mel. I shall laugh in his face. [Aside.] Oh, I'll speak to your master about it, and he will forgive you at my intercession.

Sharp. Ah, Sir! you don't know my master. Mel. I'm very little acquainted with him, but I have heard he's a very good natured man.

Sharp. I have heard so too, but I have felt it otherwise; he has so much good nature, that if I could compound for one broken head a day, I should think myself very well off.

Mel. Are you serious, friend? Sharp. Lookye, Sir, I take you for a man of honour; there is something in your face that is generous, open, and masculine; you don't look ike a foppish, effeminate tell-tale; so I'll venture to trust you. See here, Sir, these are the effects of my master's good nature. [Shows his head. Mel. Matchless impudence! Aside.] Why do you live with him then, after such usage?

Sharp. He's worth a great deal of money; and when he's drunk, which is commonly once a day, he's very free, and will give me any thing! but I design to leave him when he's married, for all that.

Mcl. Is he going to be married then? Sharp. To-morrow, Sir; and between you and I, he'll meet with his match, both for humour and something else too.

Mel. What, she drinks too? Sharp. Damnably, Sir; but mum. You must know this entertainment was designed for Madam to-night; but she got so very gay after dinner, that she could not walk out of her own house; so her maid, who was half gone too, came here with an excuse, that Mrs. Melissa had got the vapours; and so she had indeed violently, here, here, Sir. [Points to his head. Mel. This is scarcely to be borne. [Aside.] Melissa! I have heard of her: they say she's very whimsical.

Sharp. A very woman, and please your honour; and between you and I, none of the mildest and wisest of her sex. But to return, Sir, to the twenty pounds.

Mel. I am surprised, you, who have got so much money in his service, should be at a loss for twenty pounds, to save your bones at this juncture.

Sharp. I have put all my money out at interest; I never keep above five pounds by me; and if your honour would lend me the other fifteen, and take my note for it[A knocking.

Mel. Somebody's at the door. Sharp. I can give very good security.

[A knocking.

Mel. Don't let the people wait, Mr.

Sharp. Ten pounds will do. Mel. Allez vous en.

LA knocking.

Sharp. Five, Sir.

Mel. Je ne puis pas.

[A knocking.

Sharp. Je ne puis pas. I find we shan't understand one another; I do but lose time; and if I had any thought, I might have known these young fops return from their travels generally with as little money as improvement.

[Exit. Mel. Ha, ha, ha! What lies does this fellow invent, and what rogueries does he commit, for

Re-enter SHARP, before several Persons with Dishes in their hands, and a Cook, drunk. Sharp. Fortune, I thank thee; the most lucky accident! [Aside.] This way, gentlemen, this

way.

Cook. I am afraid I have mistook the house.

Is this Mr. Treatwell's?

Sharp. The same, the same. What, don't you know me?

Cook. Know you?-Are you sure there was a supper bespoke here?

I'll draw a

Sharp. Yes; upon my honour, Mr. Cook: the company is in the next room, and must have gone table. I see you have brought a cloth with you; without had not you brought it. but you need not have done that, for we have a very good stock of linen-at the pawnbroker's. [Aside, and exit; but returns immediately, quick. The company begin to be very uneasy; drawing in a table.] Come, come, my boys, be but I knew my old friend Lickspit here would

not fail us.

Cook. Lickspit! I am ro friend of yours, so I desire less familiarity.-Lickspit too!

Re-enter GAYLESS.

Gay. What is all this? [Apart to Sharp. Sharp. Sir, if the sight of the supper is offensive, I can easily have it removed. [Apart.

Gay. Pr'ythee, explain thyself Sharp. [Apart. Sharp. Some of our neighbours, I suppose, have bespoke this supper; but the cook has drank away his memory, forgot the house, and brought it here: however, Sir, if you dislike it, I'll tell him of his mistake, and send him about his business. [Арат!.

Gay. Hold, hold, necessity obliges me against my inclination to favour the cheat, and feast at my neighbour's expense. [Apart. Cook. Hark you, friend, is that your master? [To SHARP.

Sharp. Ay, and the best master in the world. Cook. I'll speak to him then.-Sir, I have, according to your commands, dressed as genteel a supper as my art and your price would admit of. [TO GAY.

Sharp. Good again, Sir! 'tis paid for.

[Apart to GAY. Gay. I don't in the least question your abilities, Mr. Cook; and I am obliged to you for your care. Cook. Sir, you are a gentleman; and if you would but look over the bill, and approve it, you will over and above return the obligation.

[Pulls out a bill.

Sharp. Oh, the devil! Gay. [Looks on the bill.] Very well, I'll send my man to pay you to-morrow.

Cook. I'll spare him that trouble, and take it with me, Sir. I never work but for ready money. Gay. Ha!

Sharp. Then you wont have our custom. [Aside.] My master is busy now, friend. Do you think he wont pay you?

Cook. No matter what I think; either my meat or my money.

Sharp. "I'will be very ill-convenient for him to pay you to-night.

Re-enter MELISSA.

Gay. Pr'ythee, be advised.-'Sdeath, I shall be discovered! [Takes the Cook aside.

Mel. What's the matter? [To SHARP. Sharp. The cook has not quite answered my master's expectations about the supper, Sir, and he's a little angry at him; that's all."

Mel. Come, come, Mr. Gayless, don't be uneasy; a bachelor cannot be supposed to have things in the utmost regularity; we don't expect it.

Cook. But I do expect it, and will have it. Mel. What does this drunken fool say? Cook. That I will have my money, and I wont stay till to-morrow, and- -and

Sharp. Hold, hold! what are you doing? are you mad? [Runs and stops his mouth. Mel. What do you stop the man's breath for? Sharp. Sir, he was going to call you names. Don't be abusive, cook; the gentleman is a man of honour, and said nothing to you. Pray be pacified. You are in liquor.

Cook. I will have my

Sharp. [Still holding.] Why, I tell you, fool, you mistake the gentleman; he is a friend of my master's, and has not said a word to you.Pray, good Sir, go into the next room. The fellow's drunk, and takes you for another. [To MELISSA.] You'll repent this when you are sober, friend.-Pray, Sir, don't stay to hear his imperti

nence.

Gay. Pray, Sir, walk in. He's below your anger. [TO MELISSA. Mel. Damn the rascal! what does he mean by affronting me?—Let the scoundrel go; I'll polish his brutality, I warrant you. Here's the best reformer of manners in the universe. [Draws his sword.] Let him go, I say.

Sharp. So, so, you have done finely now.-Get away as fast as you can. He's the most courageous, mettlesome man in all England. Why, if kis passion was up, he could eat you.- -Make your escape you fool.

Cook. wont.-Eat me! He'll find me damned hard of digestion, though.

Sharp. Pr'ythee, come here; let me speak with you. [Takes Cook aside. Re-enter KITTY.

Kitty. Gad's me! Is supper on the table already? Sir, pray defer it for a few minutes; my mistress is much better, and will be here immediately.

Gay. Will she, indeed? Bless me, I did not expect-but however-Sharp! Kitty. What success, Madam?

[Apart to MELISSA. Mel. As we could wish, girl: but he is in such pain and perplexity, I can't hold it out much longer.

Kitty. Ay, and that holding out is the ruin of half our sex.

Sharp. I have pacified the cook; and if you can but borrow twenty pieces of that young prig, all may go well. You may succeed, though I could not. Remember what I told you. -About it straight, Sir. [Apart to GAYLESS. Gay. Sir, sir, I beg to speak a word with you. To MELISSA.] My servant, Sir, tells me he has Sad the misfortune, Sir, to lose a note of mine of

the bankers' shops being shut up, and having very little cash by me, I should be very much obliged to you, if you would favour me with twenty pieces till to-morrow.

Mel. Oh, Sir, with all my heart: [Takes out her purse.] and as I have a small favour to beg of you, Sir, the obligation will be mutual. Gay. How may I oblige you, Sir?

Mel. You are to be married, I hear, to Melissa } Gay. To-morrow, Sir.

Mel. Then you'll oblige me, Sir, by never seeing her again.

Gay. Do you call this a small favour, Sir? Mel. A merc trifle, Sir. Breaking of contracts, suing for divorces, committing adultery, and such like are all reckoned trifles now-a-days; and smart young fellows, like you and myself, Gayless, should be never out of fashion.

Gay. But pray, Sir, how are you concerned in this affair?

Mel. Oh, Sir, you must know I have a very great regard for Melissa, and indeed she for me; and, by the by, I have a most despicable opinion of you; for, entre nous, I take you, Charles, to be a very great scoundrel.

Gay. Sir!

Mel. Nay, don't look fierce, Sir, and give yourself airs-damme, Sir, I shall be through your body else in the snapping of a finger. Gay. I'll be as quick as you, villain.

[Draws, and makes at MELISSA. Kitty. Hold, hold, murder! you'll kill my mistress-the young gentleman, I mean.

Gay. Ah! her mistress! [Drops his sword. Sharp. How! Melissa! Nay, then drive away, cart; all's over now.

Enter all the Company, laughing. Mrs. G. What, Mr. Gayless, engaging with Melissa before your time? Ha, ha, ha!

Kitty. Your humble servant, good Mr. Politician. [To SHARP.] This is, gentlemen and ladies, the most celebrated and ingenious Timothy Sharp, schemer-general and redoubted squire to the most renowned and fortunate adventurer, Charles Gayless, knight of the woeful countenance-ha, ha, ha!-Oh that dismal face, and more dismal head of yours! [Strikes SHARP upon the head. Sharp. 'Tis cruel in you to disturb a man in his last agonies.

Mel. Now, Mr. Gayless!-What, not a word? You are sensible I can be no stranger to your misfortunes, and I might reasonably expect an excuse for your ill treatment of me.

Gay. No, Madam, silence is my only refuge; for to endeavour to vindicate my crimes, would show a greater want of virtue, than even the commission of them.

Mel. Oh, Gayless! 'twas poor to impose upon a woman, and one that loved you too.

Gay. Oh, most unpardonable; but my necessities

Sharp. And mine, Madam, were not to be matched, I'm sure, o'this side starving.

Mel. His tears have softened me at once. [Aside.] Your necessities, Mr. Gayless, with such real contrition, are too powerful motives not to affect the breast already prejudiced in your favour.-You have suffered too much already for your extravagance; and as I take part in your