intill the world was a beggarly clerkship in Sawney Gordon's counting-house, here i' the city of London, whach, you'll say, afforded but a barren sort of a prospect.

Eger. It was not a very fertile one, indeed, Sir.

Sir P. The revcarse, the revcarse. Well, Sir, seeing mysel in this unprofitable situation, I reflected deeply, I cast aboot my thoughts, and concluded that a matrimonial adventure, prudently conducted, would be the readiest gait I could gang for the bettering of my condection, and accordingly set aboot it- -noow, Sir, in this pursuit beauty-beauty, ah! beauty often struck mine oyne, and played aboot my heart, and fluttered, and beet, and knocked, and knocked, but the deel an entrance I ever let it get-for I observed that beauty is generally a prood, vain, saucy, expensive sort of a commodity.

Eger. Very justly observed, Sir.

Sir P. And therefore, Sir, I left it to prodigals and coxcombs, that could afford till pay for it, and in its stead, Sir,-mark-I luocked oot for an ancient, weel-jointured, superannuated dowager: -a consumptive, toothless, phthisicky, wealthy widow-or a shreeveled, cadaverous, neglacted piece of deformity, i' th' shape of an czard, or an empersi-and-or in short, any thing, any thing, that had the siller, the siller; for that was the north star of my affection-do ye take me, Sir? Was nac that right?

Eger. O doubtless, doubtless, Sir.

Sir P. Noow, Sir, where do ye think I gacd to luock for this woman wi' th' siller-nac till court-nac till play-houses, or assemblies-ha, Sir, i gaed till the kirk, till the Anabaptists, Independent, Bradleonian, Muggletonian meetings; till the morning and evening service of churches and chapels of case; and till the midnight, melting, concceliating love-feasts of the Methodistsand there at last, Sir, I fell upon an old, rich, sour, slighted, antiquated, musty maiden; that luocked ha ha ha! she luocked just like a skeleton in a surgeon's glass-case-noow, Sir, this mecserable object was releegiously angry wi' hersel, and aw the warld; had nae comfort but in a supernatural, releegious, enthusiastic deleerium; ha ha! ha! Sir, she was mad- -mad ass a bedlamite.

Eger. Not improbable, Sir; there are numbers of poor creatures in the same enthusiastic condition.

Sir P. Oh! numbers, numbers; now, Sir, this poor, cracked, crazy creature, used to sing, and sigh, and groan, and weep, and wail, and gnash her teeth constantly, morning and evening, at the tabernacle. And ass soon ass I found she had the siller, aha! gude traith, I plumped me doon upo' my knees close by her, check-by-jole, and sung, and sighed, and groaned as vehemently ass she could do for the life of her; ay, and turned up the whites of my eyne, till the strings almost cracked again. I watched her attentively; handed her till her chair; waited on her hame; got most releegiously intimate wi' her in a week; married her in a fortnight; buried her in a month; touched the siller; and wi' a deep suit of mourning, a sorrowful vecsage, and a joyful heart, I began the warld again: and this, Sir, was the first effectual boow I ever made till the vanity of human nature: noow, Sir, do ye understand this doctrine?

Eger. Perfectly well Sir.

Sir P. My next boow, Sir, was till your ain mother, whom I ran away wi' fra the boardingschool, by the interest of whose family I got a gude smart place i' th' treasury; and, Sir, my vary next step was intill parliament, the whach I entered wi' ass ardent and ass determined an ambeetion, ass ever agcetated the heart o' Cæsar himsel. Sir, I boowed, and watched, and attended, and dangled upo' the then great mon, till I got intill the vary bowels of his confidence-hah! got my snack of the clothing, the foraging, the contracts, the lottery tickets, and aw the poleetical bonuses; till at length, Sir, I became a much wealthier mon than one half of the golden calves I had been so long a boowing to. [He rises, EGERTON rises too.] And was nac that boowing to some purpose, Sir, ha?

Eger. It was, indeed, Sir.

Sir P. But are ye convinced of the gude effects, and of the uteelity of boowing?

Eger. Thoroughly, Sir, thoroughly.

Sir P. Sir, it is infallible-but, Charles, ah! while I was thus boowing and raising this princely fortune, ah! I met many heart sores, and disappointments, fra the want of leeterature, ailoquence, and other popular abeclitics; Sir, gin I could but ha'e spoken i' th' house, I should ha'e done the deed in half the time; but the instant I opened my mouth there, they aw fell a laughing at me: aw which defecciencies, Sir, I determined at any expense till have supplied by the polished education of a son, who I hoped would yane day raise the house of Macsycophant till the highest pinnacle of ministeerial ambection; this, Sir, is my plan: I ha'e done my part of it: Nature has done her's: ye are ailoquant, ye are popular; aw parties like ye; and noow, Sir, it only remains for ye to be directed-completion follows.

Eger. Your liberality, Sir, in my education, and the judicious choice you made of the worthy gentleman, to whose virtues and abilities you entrusted me, are obligations I ever shall remember with the deepest filial gratitude.

Sir P. Vary weel, Sir-vary weel; but, Charles, ha'e ye had any conversation yet wi' Lady Rodolpha, aboot the day of yeer marriage, yeer leeveries, yeer equipage, or yeer establishment ?

address wi' fervency, and a most rapturous vehemence; for ye are to conseeder, cousin, that our match is nae till arise fra the union of hearts, and a long decorum of ceremonious courtship, but is instantly till start at yance out of necessity or mere accident, ha ha! ha! just like a match in an ancient romance, where ye ken, cousin, the knight and the damsel are mutually smitten, and dying for each other at first sight; or by an amorous sympathy, before they exchange a single glance.

me.

Eger. Then, Madam, you may command

Lady R. Why, then, Sir, the condection is this; ye must here gi'e me your honour, that nae importunity, command, or menace, o' your father-in fine, that nae consideration whatever shall induce you to take me, Rodolpha Lumbercourt, till be your wedded wife.

Eger. Madam! I most solemnly promise, I never will.

Lady R. And I, Sir, in my turn, most selemnly and sincerely thank ye for your resolution, [Courtesies.] and your agreeable aversion, ha! ha! ha! for ye ha'e made me as happy as a poor wretch reprieved in the vary instant of intended

Eger. Trilling creature!

Lady R. Nay, nay, nay, cousin, gin ye do na begin at yance, the lady o' the enchanted castle will vanish in a twinkling.

Eger. [Rises.] Lady Rodolpha, I know your talent for raillery well; but at present, in my case, there is a kind of cruelty in it.

Lady R. Raillery! upon my honour, cousin, ye mistake me quite and clean. I am serious; vary serious; and I have cause till be serious: ay, and vary sad intill the bargain; [Rises.] nay, I will submit my case even till yoursel-can ony poor lassie be in a mair lamentable condeetion Whining.] than to be sent four hundred miles, by the cominands of a positive grandmother, till marry a man who I find has nac mair affection for me than if I had been his wife these seven years.

Eger. Madam, I am extremely sorry. Lady R. But it is vary weel, cousin-vary weel see your aversion plain enough-and, Sir, I must tell ye fairly, ye are the ainly mon that ever slighted my person, or that drew tears fra these eyne; but 'tis vary weel. [Cries.] I wull return till Scotland to-morrow morning, and let my grandmother know how I have been af fronted by your slights, your contempts, and your

aversions.

Eger. If you are serious, Madam, your distress gives me a deep concern: but affection is not in our power; and when you know that my heart is irrecoverably given to another woman, I think your understanding and good nature will not only pardon my past coldness and neglect of you, but forgive me when I tell you, I never can have that honour which is intended me, by a connexion with your ladyship.

Lady R. [Starting up.] How, Sir! are ye serious?

Eger. Madam, I am too deeply interested, both as a man of honour and a lover, to act otherwise with you on so tender a subject.

Lady R. And so, ye persast in slighting me. Eger. I beg your pardon, but I must be explicit-and at once declare, that I never can give my hand where I cannot give my heart.

Lady R. Why, then, Sir, I must tell you, that your declaration is sic an affront ass nae woman o' speerit ought to bear, and here I make a solemn vow never till pardon it—but on yane con

deetion.

Eger. Pray, Madam, how am I to understand all this?

Lady R. Sir, your frankness and sincerity demand the same behaviour on my side. Therefore, without further disguise or ambiguity, know, Sir, that I myself am ass deeply smitten wi' a certain swain, ass I understand ye are wi' yeer Constantia.

Eger. Indeed, Madam!

Lady R. Oh, Sir, aw my extravagance, levity, and redecculous behaviour in your presence, noow, and ever since your father prevailed on mine to consent till this match, has been a premeditated scheme, to provoke your gravity and gude sense intill a cordial disgust, and a positive refusal.

Eger. Madam, you have contrived and executed your scheme most happily; but, with your leave, Madam, if I may presume so far-pray who is your lover?

Lady R. In that too I shall surprise you, Sirhe is [Courtesies.] your ain brither. So ye see, cousin Charles, thoff I could nae mingle affections wi' ye, I ha'e nae gaed oot o' the family.

Eger. Madam, give me leave to congratulate myself upon your affection-you couldn't have placed it on a worthier object; and whatever is to be our chance in this lottery of our parents, be assured that my fortune shall be devoted to your happiness and his.

Lady R. Generous indeed, cousin, but not a whit nobler, I assure you, than your brother Sandy believes of you; and pray, credit me, Sir, that we shall both remember it, while the heart feels, or memory retains a sense of gratitude: but now, Sir, let me ask one question-pray, how is your mother affected in this business?

Eger. She knows of my passion, and will, I am sure, be a friend to the common cause.

Lady R. Ah! that is lucky, vary lucky-our first step must be to take her advice upon our conduct, so as till keep our fathers in the dark, till we can hit off some measure that wull wind them aboot till our ain purpose, and till the common interest of our ain passions.

Eger. You are very right, Madam, for should my father suspect my brother's affection for your ladyship, or mine for Constantia, there is no guessing what would be the consequence; his whole happiness depends upon his bargain with my lord: for it gives him the possession of three boroughs, and those, Madam, are much dearer to him than the happiness of his children: I am sorry to say it, but to gratify his political rage, he would sacrifice every social tie that is dear to friend or family. [Exeunt.

ACT IV.

SCENE I-A Library.

Enter SIR PERTINAX and COUNSELLOR PLAU

SIBLE.

Sir P. No, no; come away, Counsellor Plausible come away, I say; let them chew upon it -let them chew upon it.-Why, Counsellor, did ye ever hear so impertinent, so meddling, and so obstinate a blockhead, ass that Sergeant Eitherside? confound the fallow, he has put me oot of aw temper!

Plau. He is very positive, indeed, Sir Pertinax, and no doubt was intemperate and rude; but, Sir Pertinax, I would not break up the match notwithstanding: for, certainly, even without the boroughs, it is an advantageous bargain, both to you and your son.

always the best wi' sic a man; ye must even come up till his mark at yance, and let him know fra me, that I will secure him a seat for yane of those vary boroughs.

Plau. Oh! that will do, Sir Pertinax; that will do, I'll answer for it.

Sir P. And further, I beg ye wull let him know, that I think myself obliged till conseeder him in this affair ass acting for me ass weel ass for my lord, ass a common friend till baith, and for the service he has already done us, mak' my special compliments till him; and pray let this soft, sterling, bit of paper be my faithful advocate till convince him what my gratitude further intends for his great [Gives him a bank-bill.] equity, in adjusting this agreement betwixt my lord's family and mine.

Plau. Ha ha! ha! Sir Pertinax, upon my word this is noble-ay, ay! this is an eloquent bit of paper, indeed.

per cent.

Plau. No doubt they will, Sir Pertinax-but what shall we do in this case? for Mr. Sergeant insists that you positively agreed to my lord's having the nomination to the three boroughs during his own life.

Sir P. Why, yes, in the first sketch of the agreement 1 believe I did consent; but at that time, mon, my lord's affairs did not appear to be half so desparate ass I noow find they turn oot. Sir, he must acquiesce in whatever I demand, for I ha'e gotten him intill sic an hobble, that he canna exist without me.

Plau. No doubt, Sir Pertinax, you have him absolutely in your power.

Sir P. Vary weel; and ought not a mon till make his vantage of it?

Plau. No doubt you ought, no manner of doubt; but, Sir Pertinax, there is a secret spring in this business that you do not seem to perceive, and which I am afraid governs the whole matter respecting these boroughs.

Sir P. What spring do ye mean, Counsellor ? Plau. Why this: I have some reason to think that my lord is tied down, by some means or other, to bring Sergeant Eitherside in, the very first vacancy, for one of those boroughs-now that, I believe, is the sole motive why the sergeant is so very strenuous that my lord should keep the boroughs in his own power, fearing that you might reject him for some man of your

own.

Sir P. Oh! my dear Plausible, ye are clever -yes, vary clever-ye ha'e hit upo' the vary string that has made aw this discord-O! I see it-I see it noow; but haud, haud-bide a wee bit-a wee bit, mon-I ha'e a thought come intill my head-yes-I think noow, Plausible, wi' a little twist in oor negociation, that the vary string, properly tuned, may be still made to produce the vary harmony we wish for-ya-yas, I ha'e it-this sergeant I see understands business, and if I am not mistaken knows hoow till take a

hint.

better.

Plau. Oh! nobody better, Sir Pertinax, nobody Sir P. Why then, Plausible, the short road is

Enter LORD LUMBERCOURT and SERGEANT
EITHERSIDE.

Lord L. My dear Sir Pertinax, what could provoke you to break off this business so abruptly?-You are really wrong in the point; and if you will give yourself time to recollect, you will find that my having the nomination to the boroughs for my life, was a preliminary articleand I appeal to Mr. Sergeant Eitherside here, whether I did not always understand it so.

Serg. E. I assure you, Sir Pertinax, that in all his lordship's conversation with me upon this business, and in his positive instructions too, we always understood the nomination to be in my lord, durante vita, durante vita-clearly, clearly, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Sir P. Why then, my lord, till shorten the dispute, aw I can say, in answer till your lordship, is, that there has been a total mistake betwaxt us in that point-and therefore the treaty must end here-1 give it up-I wash my hands of it for ever-for ever.

Plau. Well but, gentlemen, a little patience, pray. Sure this mistake, some how or other, may be rectified-Mr. Sergeant, pray let you and I step into the next room by ourselves, and reconsider the clause relative to the boroughs, and try if we cannot hit upon some medium that will be agreeable to both parties.

Serg. E. Mr. Plausible, I have already considered the clause fully, am entirely master of the question, and my lord cannot give up the point; it is unkind, unreasonable, to expect it, and I shall never, never-on no account whatsoever shall I ever advise him to give it up.

Plau. Nay, Mr. Sergeant, I beg you will not misapprehend me-do not think I want his lordship to give up any point without an equivalent, Sir Pertinax, will you permit Mr. Sergeant and me to retire for a few moments, to reconsider this point about the three boroughs?

Sir P. Wi' aw my heart and saul, Maister Plausible, ainy thing till accommodate his lordship-ainy thing-ainy thing;

Plau. What say you, my lord?

Lord L. Nay, I submit it entirely to you and Mr. Sergeant.

Plau. Come, Mr. Sergeant, let us retire. Lord L. Ay, ay, go, Mr. Sergeant, and hear what Mr. Plausible has to say, however.

Serg. E. Nay, I will wait on Mr. Plausible, my lord, with all my heart; but I am sure I cannot suggest the shadow of a reason for altering my present opinion :-impossible, impossible, he cannot give them up; it is an opinion from which I never can depart.

Plau. Well, well, do not be positive, Mr. Sergeant; do not be positive. I am sure, reason, and your client's conveniency, will always make you alter your opinion.

Serg. E. Ay, ay, reason, and my client's conveniency, Mr. Plausible, will always control my opinion, depend upon it. Ay, ay! there you are right; Sir, I attend you. [Exeunt Lawyers. Sir P. I am sorry, my lord, extremely sorry, indeed, that this mistake has happened.

Lord L. Upon honour, and so am I, Sir Perti

nax.

Sir P. But come noow, after aw, your lordship must allow ye ha'e been i' the wrong. Come, my dear lord, ye must allow that noow.

Lord L. How so, my dear Sir Pertinax? Sir P. Not aboot the boroughs, my lord, for those I do not mind of a bawbee-but aboot yeer distrust of my friendship. Why, do ye think noow, I appeal till your ain breast, my lord; do ye think, I say, that I should ever ha'e refused or slighted your lordship's nomination till these boroughs?

Lord L. Why really I don't think you would, Sir Pertinax; but one must be directed by one's lawyer, you know.

Sir P. Ha! my lord, lawyers are a dangerous species of animals till ha'e any dependence upon they are always starting punctilios and deeficulties among friends. Why, my dear lord, it is their interest that aw mankind should be at variance; for disagreement is the vary manure wi' which they enrich and fatten the land of leetigation; and as they find that that constantly produces the best crop, depend upon it they wull always be sure till lay it on ass thick ass they can.

Lord L. Come, come, my dear Sir Pertinax, you must not be angry with the sergeant for his insisting so warmly on this point for those boroughs, you know, are my sheet anchor.

Sir P. I know it, my lord; and as an instance of my promptness to study, and my acquiescence till your lordship's inclination, ass I see that this Sergeant Eitherside wishes ye weel, and ye him, I think noow he would be as gude a mon to be returned for yane of those boroughs as could be pitched upon, and ass such I humbly recommend him to your lordship's consideration.

Lord L. Why, my dear Sir Pertinax, to tell you the truth, I have already promised him; he must be in for one of them; and that is one reason why I insisted so strenuously-he must be in.

Sir P. And why not?-why not? is nae yeer word a fiat? and wull it nae be always so till me? are ye nait my friend, my patron? and are we nait by this match of our children to be united intill yane interest.

Lord L. So I understand it, I own, Sir Pertinax.

Sir P. My lord, it canna be otherwise-then for heaven's sake, ass your lordship and I ha'e

but yane interest for the future, let us ha'e nae mair words aboot these paltry boroughs, but conclude the agreement at yance-just as it standsotherwise there must be new writings drawn, new consultations of lawyers; new objections and delays will arise, creditors wull be impatient and impertinent-so that we shall nac finish the Lord knows when.

Lord L. You are right, you are right; say no more, Mac, say no more-split the lawyers-you judge the point better than all Westminster-hall could-it shall stand as it is—yes, it shall be settled your own way, for your interest and mine are the same, I see plainly. Oh! here the lawyers come-so gentlemen-well, what have ye done-how are your opinions now?

Enter COUNSELLOR PLAUSIBLE and SERGEANT EITHERSIDE.

Serg. E. My lord, Mr. Plausible has convinced me-fully convinced me, that the boroughs should be given up to Sir Pertinax.

Plau. Yes, my lord, I have convinced him—I have laid such arguments before Mr. Sergeant, as were irresistible.

Serg. E. He has, indeed, my lord; for when I come to consider the long friendship that has subsisted between your lordship and Sir Pertinax; the great and mutual advantages that must attend this alliance; the various foreclosings, seizing, distracting, and in short every shape of ruin that the law can assume; all which must be put in force, should this agreement go off; and as Sir Pertinax gives his honour, that your lordship's nomination shall be sacredly observed, why, upon a nearer review of the whole affair, I am convinced that it will be the wiser measure to conclude the agreement just as it is drawn-just as it is drawn, my lord: it cannot be more to your advantage.

Lord L. I am very glad you think so, Mr. Sergeant, because that is my opinion too-so, my dear Eitherside, do you and Plausible despatch the business now as soon as possible.

Serg. E. My lord, every thing will be ready for signing in less than an hour-come, Mr. Plausible, let us go and fill up the blanks, and put the last hand to the writings, on our part. Plau. I attend you, Mr. Sergeant.

[Exeunt Lawyers. Lord L. And while the lawyers are preparing the writings, Sir Pertinax, I will go and saunter with the women.

Sir P. Do, do, my lord, and I wull come to you presently.

Lord L. Very well, my dear Mac, I shall expect you. [Exit singing.

Sir P. So a leetle flattery, mixed wi' the finesse of a guilded promise on yane side, and a quantum sufficit of the aurum palpabile on the other, have at last made me the happiest father in Great Britain, and feel nothing but dignity and elevation. Haud! haud! bide a wee! bide a wee! I ha'e yane leetle mair in this affair till adjust, and then, Sir Pertinax, ye may dictate till fortune herself, and send her till govern feuls; while ye show, and convince the world that wise men always govern her. Wha's there?

Enter SAM.

Tell my son Egerton I would speak wi' him Now I ha'c settled the grand point [Exit. SAM.