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For what does make it ravishment
325 'Twas he that made Saint Francis do But being against the mind's consent?
More ihan the devil could tenipt him to, Avape that is the inore inhuman,
In cold and frosty weather grow For being acted by a woman.
Enamour'd of a wife of snow; Why are you fair, but to entice us
And though the were of rigid temper, 353 To love you, that you may despise us? 330
With melting flames accost and tempt her, But though you cannot love, you say,
Which after in enjoyment quenching, Out of your own fanatick way,
He hung a garland on his engine. Why should you not at least allow
Quoth the, If love have these effects, Those that love you to do so too?
Why is it not forbid our sex? For, as you fly me, and pursue
335 Why is 't not damn'd and interdicted, Love more averse, so I do you ;
For diabolical and wicked ? And am by your own doctrine taught
And fung, as out of tune, against, To practice what you call a fault.
As Turk and Pope are by the Saints? Quoth the, if what you say is true,
I find I 've greater reason for it, You must fly me as I do you ;
340 Than I believ'd before, t'abbor it. But 'tis not what we do, but say,
Q!!oth Hudibras, These sad effects In love and preaching, that must sway.
Spring from your Heathenish neglects Quoth he, To bid me not to love,
Of Love's great power, which he returns Is to forbid my pulse to move,
Upon yourselves with equal scorns, 390 My beard to grow, my ears to prick up, 345
And those who worthy lovers Night, Or (when I'm in a fit) to hiccop.
Plagues with preposterous appetite : Conimand me to piss out the moon,
This made the beauteous Queen of Crete And 'twill as easily be done.
To take a town-bull for her sweet; Love's power's too great to be withstood
And from her greatness stoop so low, By feeble human flesh and blood.
To be the rival of a cow: 'Twas he that brought upon his knees
Others to prostitute their great hearts, The hectoring kill-cow Hercules ;
To be baboons' and monkeys' sweethearts: Transform’d his leager-lion's skin
Some with the devil himself in league grow, T'a petticoat, and made him spin ;
By.'s representative a Negro. Seiz d on his club, and made it dwindle 355
'Twas this made vestal maid love-fick, T'a feeble distaff and a spindle.
And venture to be bury'd quick: 'Twas he that made Emperors gallants
Some by their fathers and their brothers To their own listers and their aunts;
To be made mistresses and mothers. Set Popes and Cardinals agog,
'Tis this that proudest dames enamours To play with pages at leap-frog:
On lacquies and vales de chambres ; 'Twas he that gave our Senate purges,
Their haughty stomachs overcomes, And Auxt the House of many a burgess;
And makes them stoop to dirty grooms; Made those that represent the nation
To night the world, and to disparage Submit, and suffer anıputation;
Claps, issue, infamy, and marriage. And all the Grandees o'th' Cabal
Quoth the, These judgments are severe, Adjourn to tubs at spring and fall.
Yet luch as I should rather bear He mounted Synod-men, and rode them
Than trust men with their oaths, or prove To Dirty-Lane and Little Sodom;
Their faith and secresy in love. Made them cui vet like Spanish Jenets,
Says he, There is as weighty reason And take the ring at Madame -'s,
For secrely in love, as treason. 370
Love is a burglarer, a felon,
That at the windore eye does steal in, Ver. 332.] Fanarique in some of the first editi. Steals out again a closer way;
To rob the heart ; and with his prey ons, and faratick in the reft, from 170c, if not
Which whosoever can discover, fooner, to this time. Might not fantastick have been as proper, as his mistress expresses herself, He's sure (as he deserves) to suffer. Verses 545, 546?
Love is a fire, that burns and sparkles
Iu men, as naturally' as in charcoals, And yet ’tis no fantastick pique
I have to love, nor coy dislike. Ver. 370. And take the ring at Madam
Ver. 406.] On lacquies and valets de chanStennet was the person whose name was dalied, bres. Varlets des chambres, in all edit. to 1704 says Sir Roger L'Estrange, (Key to Hudibras) “ Her | inclusive. “ hufhand was by profesiion a broom-man, and “ lay-elder. She followed the laudable employ
Ver. 418.] That at tbe windore eye dies feare “ ment of bawding, and managed several in Thus in all editions to 1684, inclusive. Ákere:
trigues for those Brothers and Sisters whose to window eye, edition 1700. Restored agai, “ purity confitted chiefly in the whiteness of 1726, if not sooner. is their linen.”
Which footy chemists stop in holes, 425 | Your only way with me to break
Your mind, is breaking of your neck
For as, when merchants break, o'erthrown That though they burn they may not smoke, Like nine-pins, they strike others down ; 'Tis like that sturdy thief that stole
So that would break my heart; which done, And dragg'd beasts backwards into 's hole; 430 My tempting fortune is your own.
490 So love does lovers, and us men
These are but trifles; every lover Draws by the tails into his den,
Will damn himself over and over, That no impression may discover,
And greater matters undertake And trace this cave the wary lover.
For a less worthy mistress' sake: But if you doubt I should reveal
435 Yet they're the only ways to prove 495 What you intrust me under seal,
Th' unfeign'd realities of love; I'll prove myself as close and virtuous
For he that hangs or beatsout 's brains, As your own secretary' Albertus
The devil's in him if he feigns. Qnoth the, I grant you may be close
Quoth Hudibras, This way's too rough In hiding what your aims propose : 440 For mere experiment and proof;
soo Love-patsions are like parables,
It is no jefting, trivial matter, By which men still mean foniething else:
To swing i' th' air, or douce in water, Though love be all the world's pretence, And like a water-witch try love ; Money 's the mythologick sense,
That's to destroy, and not to prove : The real substance of the shadow, 445 As if a man should be diffected,
505 Which all address and courtship 's made to. To find what part is disaffected : Thought he, I understand your play,
Your better way is to make over, And how to quit you your own way;
In trust, your fortune to your lover:.
Trust is a trial; if it break,
Beside, th' experiment's more certain;
Men venture necks to gain a fortune: I grant, quoth he, wealth is a great
The soldier does it every day Provocative to amorous heat :
(Eight to the week) for sixpence pay ; It is all philtres and high diet,
455 Your pettifoggers damn their souls, That makes love rampant, and to fly out : To Share with knaves, in cheating fools ; 'Tis beauty always in the Aower,
And merchants, venturing through the main, That buds and blossoms at fourscore :
Slight pirates, rocks, and horns, for gain : 'Tis that by which the sun and moon,
This is the way I advise you to; At their own weapons, are out-done : 460 Trust me, and see what I will do.
520 That makes knights -errant fall in trances,
Quoth lie, I should be loth to run And lay about them in romances :
Myfelf all th' hazard, and you none ; 'Tis virtue, wit, and worth, and all
Which must be done, unless some deed That men divine and sacred call :
Of your's aforesaid do precede: For what is worth in any thing, 465 Give but yourself one gentle swing,
525 But so much money as 'twill bring ?
For trial, and I'll cut the string; Or what but riches is there known,
Or give that revererd head a maul, Which man can solely call his own,
Or two, or three, against a wall, In which no creature goes his half,
To Thew you are a man of mettle, Unless it be to squint and laugh? 470 And I'll engage myself to settle.
530 I do confess, with goods and land,
Quoth he, My head's not made of brass, I'd have a wife at second hand ;
As Friar Bacon's noddle was, And such you are: nor is 't your person
Nor (like the Indian's fcull) so tough, My stomach 's fet so sharp and fierce on : That, authors say, 'twas musket-proof; But 'ris (your better part) your riches, 475
As it had need to be, to enter,
535 That my enamour'd heart bewitches :
As vet, on any new adventure : Let me your fortune but possess,
You see what bangs it has endur'd, And settle your person how you please,
That would, before new feats, be cur’d:
But if that's all you stand unon,
Quoth ihe, The matter 's not so far gone
That may be done, and time enough,
When you have given coʻvnright proof;
I have to love, nor co: dillike; Ver. 483.] Soruning. Thus it stands in all edi. 'Tis no implicit, nice aversion tions to 1684, inclusive. Altered to swooning, T' your conversation, mien, or person; 17oo.
3 [G] 2
I know you cannot think me fit
Till you expl in vourself, and show
735 To be th' yoke-fellow of your wit;
B'experiment 'tis fo or no. Nor take one of fo mcan deferts,
Quoth he, If you 'll join issue on't, 'To be the partner of your parts;
I'll give you satisfactory account ; A grace thic', if I could believe, 675 So you will promise, if you lose, I've not the conscience to receive.
To settle all, and be my spouse.
740 T at conscience, quoth Hudibras,
That never shall be done (quoth she) Is misinform'd ; I'll state the case.
To one that wants a tail, by me; A man may be a legal donor,
For tails by Nature lure were meant, Of any thing whereof he's owner, 680 As well as beards, for ornament; And may conier it where he lifts,
And though the vulgar count them homely, 745 l' th’judgment of all caruits :
In men or beat they are so comely, Then wit, and parts, and valour, may
So gentce, alamode, and hand fome, Be aliinated, and made away,
Ill never n arry man that wants one : By those that are proprietors,
685 And till you can demonstrate plain, As I may give or tell my horse.
You have one equal to your mane,
750 Quoth the, I grant the cale is true,
I'll be torn piece-meal by a horse, And proper 'twixt your horse and you ;
Ere I'll take you for better or worse. But whether I may take, as well
The Prince of Cambay's daily food As you may give away or sell?
690 Is asp, and basilisk, and toad, Buyers, you know, are bid beware ;
Which makes him have so strong a breath, 755 And worse than thieves receivers are.
Each night he itinks a queen to death; How shall I answer Hue and Cry,
Yet I shall rather lie in 's arms
Than your's on any other terms.
I Mall produce, upon my word;
760 Where, hen, bythom, and what y'were sold for, And if the ever gave that boon And in the open market toll's for?
To man, I'll prove that I have one; Or, nould I take you for a stray,
I mean by poftulate illation, You must be kept a year and day,
700 When you shall orfer juit occasion; (Ere I can own you, here i'th'pound,
But since ye ’ave yet deny'd to give 765 Where, if ye 're sought, you may be found; My heart, your prisoner, a reprieve, And in the mean time I must pay
But made it funk down to my heel,
Let that at least your pity feel;
Give its poor entertainer quarter ;
770 And prove myself, by topick clear,
And by discharge, or mainprize, grant No gelding, as you would infer.
Delivery from this baie restraint. Lofs of virility's averr'd
Quoth the, I grieve to see your leg To be the cause of loss of beard,
910 Stuck in a hale here like a peg, That does (like embryo in the womb)
And if I knew which way to do 't,
775 Abortive on the chin become:
(Your honour safe) I'd let you out. This first a woman did invent,
That dames by jail-delivery In envy of man's ornament,
Of errant knight have been set free, Semiramis of Babylon,
915) When by enchantment they have been, Who first of all cut men o'th' stone,
And sometimes for it, too, laid in,
730 To mar their beards, and laid foundation
Is that which knights are bound to do Of low-geldering operation :
By order, oath, and honour too ; Look on this beard, and tell me whether
For what are they renown's and famous else, Eunuchs wear such, or geidings either? 720 But aiding of distressed damofels Next it appears I am no horie,
But for a lady, no ways errant,
785 That I can argue and discourse,
To free a knight, we have no warrant Have but two legs, and ne'cr a tail.
In any authentical romance,
Or classic author vet of France;
An ancient custom for a freak,
790 And that 'tis custom makes them go
Orinnovation introduce Erroneously upon but two;
In place of things of antique use, As 'twas in Germany made good,
To free your heels by any course B'a boy that lost himself in a wood, 730 That might b'unwholcfome to your spurs : And growing down t'a man, was wont
Which if I should consent unto,
795 With wolves upon all four to hunt.
It is not in my power to do; As for your reasons drawn from tails,
For 'ris a service must be done ye We cannot say they 're true or falle,
With folemn previous ceremony;
Which always lias been us’de untie
With comely movement, and by art,
It is an easier way to make
Love by, than that which many take. But that which thorough Virtue's lay;
Who would not rather suffer whipping, So from this dungeon there 's no way
Than (wallow toasts of bits of ribbon? To honour'd freedom, but by passing 805 Make wicked verses, treats, and faces, That other virtuous school of lashing,
And spell names over, with beer-glasses? 860 Where knights are keptin narrow lifts,
Be under vows to hang and die With wooden lockers 'bout their wrists;
Love's sacrifice, and all a lie? In which they for a while are tenants,
With China oranges and tarts, And for their ladies suffer penance :
810 And whining plays, lay baits for hearts? Whipping, that 's Virtue's governess,
Bribe chamber-maids with love and noney, 86; Tutress of arts and sciences;
To break no roguish jests upon ye? That mends the gross mistakes of nature, For lilies limn'd on cheeks, and roses, And puts new life into dull matter;
With painted perfumes, hazard noses? That lays foundation for renown,
815 Or, venturing to be brisk and wanton, And all the lionours of the gown:
Do penance in a paper lantern?
870 This suffer'd, they are set at large,
All this you may compound for now, And freed with honourable discharge;
By fuffering what I offer you ;
Which is no more than has been done
Did not the great La Mancha do so 873 By magiftrates of every town ;
For the Infanta Del Toboso? And, all respect and charges paid,
Did not th’illustrious Bafla make
Himself a Nave for Miffe's sake,
Was taw'd as gentle as a glove?
Was not young Florio sent (to cool The laying of a whipping-on
His flame for Biancafiore) to school, (And may you prosper in your suit
Where pedant made his pathic bum As you with equal vigour do 'r)
839 For her fake suffer martyrdom? I here engage myself to loose ye,
Did not a certain lady whip, And free your heels from caperdewlie.
of late, her husband's own lordship) But since our sex's modesty
And though a grandee of the House, Will not allow I should be by,
Claw'd him with fundamental blows; Bring me on oath a fair account,
835 Ty'd him stark-naked to a bed-poft, And honour too, when you have don't;
And firk'd his hide, as if the 'ad rid poft ; 8cm And I'll admit you to the place
And after in the Sessions court, You claim as due in my good grace.
Where whipping's judg'd, had honour for 't? If matrimony and hanging go
This swear you will perform, and then By destiny, why not whipping too? 840 I 'll set you from th’inchanted den, What medicine else can cure the fits
And the Magician's circle, clear.
86 Of lovers when they. lofe their wits
Quoth he, I do profess and swear, Love is a boy, by poets nyi’d,
And will perform what you enjoin, Then spare the rod, and spoil the child.
Or may I never see you mine. A Persian emperor whipp'd his grannam, 845 Amen, (quoth the) then turn'd about, The sea, his mother Venus came on ;
And bid her Squire let him out. And hence some reverend nien approve
But ere an artist could be found Of rosemary in making love.
T' undo the charms another bound,
The fun grew low, and left the skies,
Ver. 894.) I'll set you from th' incbanted to la all editions to 1704, inclusive. I'll free yo, a
later editions. Ver. $31.) I bere engage myself to loose ye. This, Ver. 903.) The evening is here finely describ. and the following line, thus altered, 1674, &c.
ed; the Epics are not more exact in descrites
times and reasons than our Poet: we mas tras I here engage to be your bayk
his hero morning and night ; and it should be abAnd free you from the unknightly jay!.
served, in the conclusion of this Canto (cockor
mably to the practice of the Critics upon Homer Thus continued to 1705, inclufive. Restored 1704.
and Virgil) that one day is only passed fince a opening of the Poem.