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PROLOGUE.

WRITEN AND SPOKEN BY MR. GENTLEMAN.

PROLOGUES, like cards of compliment, we find
Most as unmeaning as politely kind;
To beg a favour, or to plead excuse,
Of both appears to be the general use.

Shall my words, tipt with flattery, prepare
A kind exertion of your tenderest care?
Shall I present our Author to your sight,
All pale and trembling for his fate this night?
Shall I solicit the most powerful arms
To aid his cause-the force of beauty's charms?
Or tell each critic, his approving taste
Must give the sterling stamp, wherever placed?
This might be done-but so to seek applause
Argues a conscious weakness in the cause.
No-let the Muse in simple truth appear,
Reason and Nature are the judges here:
If by their strict and self-describing laws,
The several characters to-night she draws;
If from the whole a pleasing piece is made,
On the true principles of light and shade;
Struck with the harmony of just design,
Your eyes-your ears-your hearts, will all com-

bine

To grant applause:-but if an erring hand
Gross disproportion marks in motley band,
If the group'd figures false connections show,
And glaring colours without meaning glow;
Your wounded feelings, turn'd a different way,
Will justly damn th' abortion of a play.

As Farquhar has observed, our English law, Like a fair spreading oak, the Muse should draw,

By Providence design'd and wisdom made
For honesty to thrive beneath its shade:
Yet from its boughs some insects shelter find
Dead to each nobler feeling of the mind,
Who thrive, alas! too well, and never cease
To prey on justice, property, and peace.

At such to-night, with other legal game,
Our venturous author takes satiric aim;
And brings, he hopes, originals to view,
Nor pilfers from th' Old Magpie nor the New.*
But will to Candour cheerfully submit;
She reigns in boxes, galleries, and pit.

ACT I.

SCENE I.

Enter SERJEANT CIRCUIT and CHARLOTTE.

Char. I tell you, Sir, his love to me is all a pretence: it is amazing that you, who are so should be so blind upon this. acute, so quick in discerning on other occasions,

Ser. But where are your proofs, Charlotte? What signifies your opening matters which your evidence cannot support?

Char. Surely, Sir, strong circumstances in every court should have weight.

Ser. So they have, collaterally, child, that is, by way, as it were of corroboration, or where

* Alluding to Mr. Garrick's Prologue to the Jubilee.

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Char. I own, Sir, age procures honour, but I believe it is very rarely productive of love. Ser. Mighty well.

Char. And though the loss of a leg can't be imputed to Sir Luke Limp as a faultSer. How!

Char. I hope, Sir, at least you will allow it a misfortune.

Ser. Indeed!

Ser. But then to turn the scale, child, against A in favour of B, they produce the circumstance D, viz. B's watch found in the pocket of A; upon which the testimony of C being contradicted by Char. A pretty thing truly, for a girl at my B,—no, by D,—why, then A, that is to say, C,-time of life to be tied to a man with one foot in no, D,-joining B, they convict C,-no, no, A,against the affidavit of C. So this being pretty clear, child, I leave the application to you.

Char. Very obliging, Sir. But suppose, now,
Sir, it should appear that the attention of Sir
Luke Limp is directed to some other object, would
not that induce you to

Ser. Other object! Where?
Char. In this very house.

Ser. Here! why the girl is non compos; there's nobody here, child, but a parcel of Abigails.

Char. No, Sir?

Ser. No.

Char. Yes, Sir, one person else.

Ser. Who is that?

Char. But remember, Sir, my accusation is confined to Sir Luke.

Ser. Well, well.

Char. Suppose, then, Sir, those powerful cha.ms which made a conquest of you, may have extended their empire over the heart of Sir Luke.

Ser. Why, hussy, you don't hint at your mother in law?

Char. Indeed, Sir, but I do.

Ser. Ay; why this is point blank treason against my sovereign authority; but can you, Charlotte, bring proof of any overt acts?

Char. Overt acts!

Ser. Ay; that is, any declaration by writing, or even word of mouth, is sufficient; then let 'em demur if they dare.

Char. I can't say that, Sir; but another organ has been pretty explicit. Ser. Which?

Char. In those cases a very infallible one-the

eye.

Ser. Pshaw! nonsense and stuff.—The eye!—
The eye has no authority in a court of law.
Char. Perhaps not, Sir; but it is a decisive evi-
dence in a court of love.

Ser. Hark you, hussy, why, you would not file an information against the virtue of Madam your mother; you would not insinuate that she has been guilty of crim. con.

Char. Sir, you mistake me; it is not the lady, but the gentleman, I am about to impeach. Ser. Have a care Charlotte! I see on what ground your action is founded-jealousy.

the grave.

Ser. One foot in the grave! the rest of his body is not a whit the nearer for that.-There has been only an execution issued against part of his personals, his real estate is unencumbered and free

-besides, you see he does not mind it a whit, but is as elert, and as merry as a defendant, after non-suiting a plaintiff for omitting an S.

Char. O, Sir! I know how proud Sir Luke is of his leg, and have often heard him declare that he would not change his bit of timber for the best flesh and bone in the kingdom.

Ser. There's a hero for you?

Char. To be sure, sustaining unavoidable evils with constancy is a certain sign of greatness of mind.

Ser. Doubtless.

Char. But then to derive a vanity from a misfortune, will not I'm afraid be admitted as a vast instance of wisdom, and indeed looks as if the man had nothing better to distinguish himself by.

Ser. How does that follow?
Char. By inuendo.

Ser. Negatur.

Char. Besides, Sir, I have other proofs of your hero's vanity, not inferior to that I have mentioned.

Ser. Cite them.

Char. The paltry ambition of levying and following titles.

Ser. Titles! I don't understand you.

Char. I mean the poverty of fastening in public upon men of distinction, for no other reason but because of their rank; adhering to Sir John till the baronet is superseded by my lord: quitting the puny peer for an earl; and sacrificing all three to a duke.

Ser. Keeping good company! a laudable ambition.

Char. True, Sir, if the virtues that procured the father a peerage could with that be entailed on the son.

Ser. Have a care, hussy-there are severe laws against speaking evil of dignities—

Char. Sir!

Ser. Scandalum magnatum is a statute must not be trifled with; why, you are not one of those vulgar sluts that think a man the worse for being a lord?

Char. No, Sir; I am contented with only not | the mere engine, of another man's will, to be thinking him the better nothing more than a cypher.

Ser. For all this, I believe, hussy, a right honourable proposal would soon make you alter your mind.

Char. Not unless the proposer had other qualities than what he possesses by patent.-Besides, Sir, you know Sir Luke is a devotee to the bottle.

Ser. Not a whit the less honest for that. Char. It occasions one evil at least; that when under its influence, he generally reveals all, sometimes more than he knows.

Ser. Proofs of an open temper, you baggage: but, come, come, all these are but trifling objec

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Ser. At this rate the jade will half unpeople the world: but what is all this to Sir Luke? to him not one of your cases apply.

Char. Every one-Sir Luke has not a first principle in this whole composition; not only his pleasures, but even his passions, are prompted by others; and he is as much directed to the objects of his love and his hatred, as in his eating, drink. ing, and dressing. Nay, though he is active, and eternally busy, yet his own private affairs are neglected; and he would not scruple to break an appointment that was to determine a considerable part of his property, in order to exchange a couple of hounds for a lord, or to buy a pad-nag for a lady. In a word-but he's at hand, and will explain himself best; I hear his stump on the stairs.

Ser. I hope you will preserve a little decency before your lover at least.

Char. Lover! ha, ha, ha!

Enter SIR LUKE LImp.

Sir L. Mr. Serjeant, your slave-Ah! are you there, my little-O Lord! Miss, let me tell you something for fear of forgetting-Do you know that you are new christened, and have had ma for a gossip?

Char. Christened! I don't understand you.

Sir L. Then lend me your ear-Why, last night, as Colonel Kill'em, Sir William Weezy, Lord Frederick Foretop, and I, were carelessly sliding the Ranelagh round, picking our teeth. after a damned muzzy dinner at Boodle's, who should trip by but an abbess, well known abont town, with a smart little nun in her suit. Says

Char. There is your next door neighbour, Sir Weezy (who, between ourselves, is as husky as Harry Hen, an absolute blank.

Ser. How so, Mrs. Pert?

hell) Who is that? odds flesh, she's a delicate wench! Zounds! cried Lord Frederick, where can Weezy have been not to have seen the Harrietta before? for you must know Frederick is a bit of Macaroni, and adores the soft Italian ter mination in a.

Char. He does?

Char. What, Sir! a man who is not suffered to hear, see, smell, or, in short, to enjoy the free use of any one of his senses; who, instead of having a positive will of his own, is denied even a paltry negative: who can neither resolve or reply, consent or deny, without first obtaining the leave of his Sir L. Yes, a delitanti all over.-Before? relady: an absolute monarch to sink into the sneak-plied Weezy; crush me if ever I saw any thing ing state of being a slave to one of his subjects-half so handsome before!-No? replied in an Oh, fy! instant; Colonel, what will Weezy say, when he sees the Charlotta ?-Hey! you little

Ser. Why, to be sure, Sir Harry Hen, is, as I

may say

Char. Nobody, Sir, in the fullest sense of the word-Then your client, Lord Solo.

Ser. Heyday!-Why, you would not annihilate a peer of the realm, with a prodigious estate, and an allowed judge too of the elegant arts?

Char. O yes, Sir, I am no stranger to that nobleman's attributes: but then, Sir, please to consider, his power as a peer he gives up to a proxy; the direction of his estate to a rapacious, artful attorney; and as to his skill in the elegant arts, I presume you confine them to painting and music. He is directed in the first by Mynheer Van Eisel, a Dutch dauber; and in the last is but the echo of Signora Florenza, his lordship's mistress, and an opera singer.

Ser. Mercy upon us! at what a rate the jade

runs!

Char. In short, Sir, I define every individual, who, ceasing to act for himself, becomes the tool,

Char. Meaning me, I presume.

Sir L. Without doubt; and you have been toasted by that name ever since.

Ser. What a vast fund of spirits he has!
Sir L. And why not, my old splitter of causes?
Ser. I was just telling Charlotte, that you was
not a whit the worse for the loss.

Sir L. The worse! much the better, my deal. Consider, I can have neither strain, splint, spavin, or gout; have no fear of corns, kibes, or that another man should kick my shins, or tread on my toes.

Ser. Right.

Sir L. What, d'ye think I would change with
Bill Spindle for one of his drumsticks, or chop
with Lord Lumber for both of his logs?
Ser. No!

Sir L. No, damn it, I am much better.-Look there-Ha!-What is there I am not able to do To be sure I am a little awkward at running; but

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Ser. Wonderful!

Sir L. And as to hearing and speaking, those organs are of no manner of use in the world. Ser. How!

Sir L. If you doubt it, I will introduce you to a whole family, dumb as oysters, and deaf as the dead, who chatter from morning till night by only the help of their fingers.

Ser. Why, Charlotte, these are cases in point. Sir L. Oh! clear as a trout-stream; and it is not only, my little Charlotte, that this piece of timber answers every purpose, but it has procured me many a bit of fun in my time.

Ser. Ay!

Sir L. Why, it was but last summer at Tunbridge, we were plagued the whole season with a bullet-headed Swiss from the canton of Bern, who was always boasting what, and how much he dared do; and then as to pain, no Stoic, not Diogenes, held it more in contempt. By gods, he vas no more minds it dan notings at all-So, foregad, gave my German a challenge.

I

Ser. As how!-Mind, Charlotte.

Sir L. Is he so? Oh ho-That alters the case.-George, give my compliments to Sir Gregory, and I'll certainly come and dine there. Order Joe to run to alderman Inkle's in Threadneedlestreet; sorry can't wait upon him, but confined to bed two days with new influenza.

Char. You make light, Sir Luke, of these sort of engagements.

Sir L. What can a man do? These damned fellows (when one has the misfortune to meet them) take scandalous advantage; teaze, when will you do me the honour, pray, Sir Luke, to take a bit of mutton with me? Do you name the day. They are as bad as a beggar, who attacks your coach at the mounting of a hill; there is no getting rid of them, without a penny to one and a promise to t'other.

Ser. True; and then for such a time too-three weeks! I wonder they expect folks to remember. It is like a retainer in Michaelmas term for the

summer assizes.

Sir L. Not but upon these occasions, no man in England is more punctual than

Enter a SERVANT, who gives SIR LUKE a Letter.
From whom?

Serv. Earl of Brentford. The servant waits for

an answer.

Sir L. Answer!-By your leave, Mr. Serjeant and Charlotte. [Reads.] "Taste for musicMons. Duport-fail-Dinner upon table at five" -Gadso! I hope Sir Gregory's servant an't gone.

Serv. Immediately upon receiving the answer. Sir L. Run after him as fast as you can-tell him, quite in despair-recollect an engagement that can't in nature be missed,-and return in an instant. [Exit SERV. Char. You see, Sir, the knight must give way lord. my

for

Sir L. No, faith, it is not that, my dear Charlotte; you saw that it was quite an extempore business.-No, hang it, no, it is not for the title; but to tell you the truth, Brentford has more wit than any man in the world; it is that makes me fond of his house.

Char. By the choice of his company he gives an unanswerable instance of that.

Sir L. You are right, my dear girl. But now to give you a proof of his wit: You know Brentford's finances are a little out of repair, which

Sir L. Why, to drive a corkin-pin into the procures him some visits that he would very gladly

calves of our legs.

Ser. Well, well.

excuse.

Ser. What need he fear? His person is sacred;

Sir L. Mine, you may imagine, was easily for by the tenth of William and Marydone- but when it came to the Baron

Ser. Ay, ay.

Sir L. Our modern Cato soon lost his coolness

and courage, screwed his nose up to his foretop,
rapped out a dozen oaths in high Dutch, limped
away to his lodgings, and was there laid up for a
month-Ha, ha, ha!

Enter a SERVANT, and delivers a card to SIR
LUKE.

Sir L. [Reads.] "Sir Gregory Goose desires the honour of Sir Luke Limp's company to dine. An answer is desired." Gadso! a little unlucky; I have been engaged for these three weeks. Ser. What, I find Sir Gregory is returned for the corporation of Fleesum.

Sir L. He knows that well enough; but for all that

Ser. Indeed, by a late act of his own house, (which does them infinite honour) his goods or chattels may be

Sir L. Seized upon when they can find them; but he lives in ready-furnished lodgings, and hires his coach by the month.

Ser. Nay, if the sheriff return non inventus.

Sir L. A pox o' your law, you make me lose sight of my story. One morning, a Welch coachmaker came with his bill to my lord, whose name was unluckily Loyd. My lord had the man up. You are called, I think, Mr. Loyd-At your Lordship's service, my lord-What, Loyd with an L-It was with an L indeed, my lord.

-Because in your part of the world I have heard that Loyd and Floyd were synonymous, the very same names.-Very often, indeed, my lord.-But you always spell yours with an L-Always.That, Mr. Loyd, is a little unlucky; for you must know I am now paying my debts alphabetically, and in four or five years you might have come in with an F; but I am afraid I can give you no hopes for your L.-Ha, ha, ha!

Enter a SERVANT.

Serv. There was no overtaking the servant. Sir L. That is unlucky: Tell my lord I'll attend him.-I'll call on Sir Gregory myself.

Ser. Why, you wont leave us, Sir Luke? Sir L. Pardon, dear Serjeant and Charlotte; have a thousand things to do for half a million of people, positively; promised to procure a husband for Lady Cicely Sulky, and match a coach-horse for Brigadier Whip; after that, must run into the city to borrow a thousand for young At-all at Almacks; send a Cheshire cheese by the stage to Sir Timothy Tankard in Suffolk; and get at the Herald's office a coat of arms to clap on the coach of Billy Bengal, a nabob newly arrived: so you see I have not a moment to lose.

Ser. True, true.

Enter MRS. CIRCUIT.

Mrs. C. What have you done with the knight? -Why, you have not let him depart?

Char. It was not in my power to keep him. Mrs. C. I don't wonder at that; but what took him away?

Char. What will at any time take him away-a duke at the door.

Mrs. C. Are you certain of that?

Ser. Why truly, chuck, his retreat was rather precipitate for a man that was just going to be married.

Mrs. C. The prospect of marriage does not always prove the strongest attachment.

Ser. Pardon me, lovee; the law allows no higher consideration than marriage.

Mrs. C. Pshaw!

Ser. Insomuch, that if Duke A was to intermarry with chambermaid B, difference of condition would prove no bar to the settlement. Mrs. C. Indeed!

Ser. Ay; and this was held to be law by Chiefbaron Bind'em, on the famous case of the Marquis of Cully and Fanny Flip-flap the French dancer.

Mrs. C. The greater blockhead the baron: but don't pester me with your odious law-cases. Did Sir L. At your toilet to-morrow at ten you not you tell me you was to go to Kingston to-day to try the crown causes?

may

Ser. I was begged to attend for fear his lordEnter a SERVANT abruptly, and runs against ship should not be able to sit; but if it proves in. convenient to you

SIR LUKE.

Can't you see where you are running, you rascal? Serv. Sir, his Grace the Duke of

Sir L. Grace! Where is he?-WhereServ. In his coach at the door.-1f you an't better engaged, would be glad of your company to go into the city, and take a dinner at Dolly's. Sir L. In his own coach did you say? Serv. Yes, Sir.

Sir L. With the coronets-or-
Serv. I believe so.

Sir L. There's no resisting of that.-Bid Joe run to Sir Gregory Goose's.

Serv. He is already gone to Alderman Inkle's. Sir L. Then do you step to the knight-hey! -no-you must go to my lord's-hold, hold, no -I have it--step first to Sir Gregory's, then pop in at Lord Brentford's just as the company are going to dinner.

Serv. What shall I say to Sir Gregory?
Sir L. Any thing-what I told you before.
Serv. And what to my lord?

Sir L. What!-Why tell him that my uncle from Epsom-no, that wont do, for he knows 1 don't care a farthing for him-hey!--Why tell hin-hold I have it-Tell him, that as I was going into my chair to obey his commands, I was arrested by a couple of bailiffs, forced into a hackney coach, and carried to the Py'd Bull in the Borough; I beg ten thousand pardons for making his Grace wait, but his Grace knows my misfor[Exit. Char. Well, Sir, what d'ye think of the proofs ? I flatter myself I have pretty well established my

case.

Ser. Why, hussy, you have hit upon points; but then they are but trifling flaws, they don't vitiate the title that stands unin eached; and but, Madam, your mother.

Mrs. C. To me! Oh, by no means in the world; I am too good a subject to desire the least delay in the law's execution. And when d'ye set out?

Ser. Between one and two. I shall only just give a law lecture to Jack.

Mrs. C. Lord! I wonder Mr. Circuit you would breed that boy up to the bar.

Ser. Why not, chuck? He has fine steady parts, and for his time moots a point

Mrs. C. Steady! stupid you mean: nothing sure could add to his heaviness but the being loaded with law. Why don't you put him into the army?

Ser. Nay, chuck, if you choose it, I believe I have interest to get Jack a commission.

Mrs. C. Why, Mr. Circuit, you know he is no son of mine; perhaps a cockade may animate the lad with some fire.

Ser. True, lovee; and a knowledge of the law may'nt be amiss to restrain his fire a little. Mrs. C. I believe there is very little danger of his exceeding that way.

Ser. Charlotte, send hither your brother. [Exit CHARLOTTE.

Mrs. C. I'll not interrupt you. Ser. Far from it, lovee; I should be glad to have you a witness of Jacky's improvement.

Mrs. C. Of that I am no judge; besides I am full of business to-day-There is to be a ballot at one for the Ladies' Club lately established, and Lady Bab Basto has proposed me for a member.

-Pray, my dear, when will you let me have that money to pay my Lord Loo?

Ser. The three hundred you mean? Mrs. C. And besides, there is my debt to Kitty Cribbidge. I protest I almost blush whenever I meet them.

Ser. Why really, lovee, 'tis a large sum of

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