Kit. One is nothing without French; I shall shine at the bar.-Do you speak French, boy? Lov. Anon.

Kit. Anon; O the fool! ha, ha, ha.-Come here, do, and let me new mould you a little:-you must be a good boy, and wait upon the gentlefolks to-night. [She ties and poroders his hair. Lov. Yes, an't please you, I'll do my best. Kit. His best! O the natural! This is a strange head of hair of thine, boy; it is so coarse and so carroty.

Lov. All my brothers and sisters be red in the pole.

Phi. & Kit. Ha, ha, ha.

[Loud laugh. Kit. There, now you are something like.Come, Philip, give the boy a lesson, and then I'll

lecture him out of the Servants' Guide.

Phi. Come, Sir, first, hold up your head;very well:-turn out your toes, Sir;-very well: -now, call coach.

Lov. What is 'call coach?'

Phi. Thus, Sir, coach, coach, coach. [Loud. Lov. Coach, coach, coach. [Imitating. Phi. Admirable! the knave has a good ear. Now, Sir, tell me a lie.

Lov. Oh la! I never told a lie in all my life. Phi. Then it is high time you should begin now; what's a servant good for that can't tell a lie.

Kit. And stand to it.-Now I'll lecture him. [Takes out a book.] This is The Servants' Guide to Wealth, by Timothy Shoulderknot, formerly servant to several noblemen, and now an officer in the customs: necessary for all servants.

Phi. Mind, Sir, what excellent rules the book contains, and remember them well.-Come, Kitty, begin.

Kit. [Reads.] Advice to the footman:

Let it for ever be your plan

To be the master, not the man,

And do-as little as you can.

Lov. He, he, he! Yes, I'll do nothing at all,

not I.

Kit. At market never think of stealing,

-

If your good master on you dotes,
Ne'er leave his house to serve a stranger,
But pocket hay, and straw, and oats,
And let the horses eat the manger.

Lov. Eat the manger! he, he, he!

Kit. I wont give you too much at a time. Here, boy, take the book, and read it every night and morning before you say your prayers.

Phi. Ha, ha, ha!-very good. But now for business.

Kit. Right-I'll go and get out one of the da-
mask table cloths, and some napkins; and be sure,
Phil. your sideboard is very smart.
Phi. That it shall; come, Jemmy.
Lov. Soh! soh! it works well.

ACT II.

[Exit.

Exit.

[Exit.

-And why wont you make one to-night, Tom?
Here's cook and coachman and all of us.
Tom. I tell you again, I will not make one.
Phi. We shall have something that's good.
Tom. And make your master pay for it.
Phi. I warrant you think yourself mighty
honest-ha, ha, ha.

Tom. A little honester than you, I hope, and not brag neither.

Kit. Harkee, you Mr. Honesty, don't be saucy. Lov. This is worth listening to. [Aside. Tom. What, Madam, you are afraid of your cully, are you?

Kit. Cully, sirrah! cully? afraid, sirrah! afraid of what? [Goes up to Tom. Phi. Ay, Sir, afraid of what?

[Goes up on the other side.

Lov. Ay, Sir, afraid of what? [Goes up too.
Tom. I value none of you: I know your tricks.
Phi. What do you know, sirrah?

Kit. Ay, what do you know?

Lov. Ay, Sir, what do you know?

Tom. I know that you two are in fee with every tradesman belonging to the house. And

To keep with tradesmen proper deal- that you, Mr. Clodpole, are in a fair way to be

hanged.
[Strikes LovEL.
Phi. What do you strike the boy for?
Lov. It is an honest blow.
[Aside.
Tom. I'll strike him again.--"Tis such as you
that bring a scandal upon us all.

Kit. Come, none of your impudence, Tom.

Tom. Egad, Madam, the gentry may well complain, when they get such servants as you in their houses.-There's your good friend, mother Barter, the old clothes woman, the greatest thief in town, just now gone out with her apron full of his honour's linen.

Kit. Well, Sir, and did you never,-ha? Tom. No, never: I have lived with his honour four years, and never took the value of that. [Snapping his fingers.] His honour is a prince, gives noble wages, and keeps noble company; and yet you two are not contented, but cheat him wherever you can lay your fingers.-Shame on you!

Lov. The fellow I thought a rogue, is the only honest servant in my house. [Aside.

Kit. Out, you mealy-mouth'd cur. Phi. Well, go, tell his honour, do; ha, ha, hạ. Tom. I scorn that; damn an informer! but yet, I hope his honour will find you two out, one day or other: that's all.

[Exit.

Kit. This fellow must be taken care of.
Phi. I'll do his business for him, when his ho-tween hereditary honours and the huzzas of a

Lov. You lie, you scoundrel, you will not. [Aside.] O la! here's a fine gentleman.

Enter DUKE'S SERVANT.

Duke. Ah! ma chere Mademseille! comment
vous portez vous?
[Salute.
Kit. Fort bien, je vous remercier, Mounsieur.
Phi. Now we shall have nonsense by whole-
sale.

Duke. How do you do, Philip?
Phi. Your grace's humble servant.
Duke. But my dear Kitty.

Kit. Very smart, my lord.-Now, Sir Harry. Sir H. If you make use of your hereditary honours to screen you from debt

Duke. Zounds! Sir, what do you mean by that?

Kit. Hold, hold! I shall have some fine old no-
ble blood spilt here.-Ha' done, Sir Harry—
Sir H. Not 1.-Why, he is always valuing
himself upon his upper house.

Duke. We have dignity.
[Slow.
Sir H. But what becomes of your dignity if
[Quick.

[Talk apart. we refuse the supplies?

Kit. Well, give me a good tragedy.
Duke. It must not be a modern one then.-good breeding!
You are devilish handsome, Kate; kiss me.
[Offers to kiss her.

Enter SIR HARRY'S SERVANT.
Sir H. Oh, oh! are you thereabouts, my lord
duke? That may do very well by and by ;-how-
ever, you'll never find me behind hand.

[Offers to kiss her. | park.

Sir H. The park? I'll explain that affair, Ma-1 dam. Lady C. I want none of your explanations. [Scornfully.

Sir H. Dear Lady Charlotte!Lady C. No, Sir; I have observed your coolness of late, and despise you-a trumpery baronet !

Sir H. I see how it is; nothing will satisfy you bit nobility: that sly dog, the marquis

Lady C. None of your reflections, Sir; the marquis is a person of honour, and above inquiring after a lady's fortune, as you meanly did.

Sr H. I, I, Madam ?-I scorn such a thing. I assue you, Madam, I never-that is to say-egad I am confounded! My lord duke, what shall I say to her? Pray help me out. [Aside. Duke. Ask her to show her legs-ha, ha, ha! [Aside.

Enter PHILIP and LOVEL, loaded with bottles.

Phi. Here, fiddler; [Calls.] Í have provided a let us have a song- -Sir Harry, your song. very good hand, you see.

Nature made all alike, no distinction she craves,
So we laugh at the great world, its fools and its
knaves,

For we are all servants, but they are all slaves.
Both high, &c.

The fat shining glutton looks up to the shelf,
The wrinkled lean miser bows down to his pelf,
And the curl-pated beau is a slave to himself.
Both high, &c.

The gay sparkling belle, who the whole town
alarms,

And with eyes, lips, and neck, sets the smarts all
in arms,

Is a vassal herself, a mere drudge to her charms.
Both high, &c.

Then we'll drink like our betters, and laugh, sing,
and love;
[move,
And when sick of one place, to another we'll
For with little and great, the best joy is to rove.

Chorus. Both high and low in this do agree,
That 'tis here, fellow-servant,
And there, fellow-servant,
And all in a livery.

Phi. How do you like it, my lord duke?
Duke. It is a damned vile composition.

Phi. How so?

Duke. Look ye, friend; don't give yourself airs, and make a disturbance among the ladies. 'you are a gentleman, name your weapons. Sir H. Weapons! what you will-pistolsDuke. Done-behind Montague HouseSir H. Done-with seconds

Duke. Done.

Phi. Oh shame, gentlemen. My lord Duke!
Sir Harry, the ladies! fy!

[DUKE and SIR H. affect to sing; a violent
knocking.

Phi. What the devil can that be, Kitty?
Kit. Who can it possibly be?

Phi. Kingston, run up stairs and peep. [Exit
KINGSTON.] It sounds like my master's rap. Pray
I leaven it is not he! [Enter KINGSTON.] Well,
Kingston, what is it?"

King. It is my master and Mr. Freeman: I eeped through the key-hole, and saw them by the lamp-light. Tom has just let them in.

Phi. The devil he has! What can have brought him back!

Kit. No matter what- -away with the things..

away.

Phi. Away with the wine-away with the plate. Here, coachman, cook, Cloe, Kingston, bear a hand- -out with the candles away, [They carry away the table, &c. Visitors. What shall we do? What shall we [They all run about in confusion. Kit. Run up stairs, ladies. Phi. No, no, no. He'll see you thenSH. What the devil had I to do here!

do?

Duke. Pox take it, face it out.

Phi. I would not have him see any of you for the world.

Lov. [Without.] Philip-where 's Philip?

Phi. Oh the devil' he's certainly coming down stairs-Sir Harry, run down into the cellar--My lord Duke, get into the pantry-away, away.

Kit. No, no; do you put their ladyships into the pantry, and I'll take his grace into the coal-hole. Visitors. Any where, any where-up the chim ney, if you will.

Phi. There-in with you.

[All go into the pantry Lov. [Without.] Philip-PhilipPhi. Coming, Sir. [Aloud.] Kitty, have you never a good book to be reading of? Kit. Yes, here is one.

Phi. 'Egad, this is black Monday with us; sit down-seem to read your book.-Here he is, as drunk as a piper. [They sit down. Enter LOVEL with pistols, affecting to be drunk, FREEMAN following.

Lov. Philip, the son of Alexander the Great, where are all my myrmidons ?--What the devil makes you up so early this morning?

Phi. He is very drunk indeed-[Aside.] Mrs. Kitty and I had got into a good book, your honour. Free. Ay, ay, they have been well employed, I dare say, ha, ha, ha!

Lov. Come, sit down, Freeman-lie you there. -[Lays his pistols down.] I come a little unexpectedly, perhaps, Philip.

Phi. A good servant is never afraid of being caught, Sir.

Lov. I have some accounts that I must settle.
Phi. Accounts, Sir! to-night?

Lov. Yes; to-night-I find myself perfectly
clear-you shall see I'll settle them in a twinkling.
Phi. Your honour will go into the parlour ?
Lov. I'll settle 'em all here.

Kit. Your honour must not sit here.
Lov. Why not?

the room

[Aside.

Kit. You will certainly take cold, Sir;
has not been washed above an hour.
Lor. What a cursed lie that is!
Duke. Philip-Philip-Philip. [Peeping out.
Phi. Pox take you!hold your tongue.

[Aside.
Free. You have just nicked them in the very
minute.
[Aside to LoveL.
Lov. I find I have-mum-Aside to FREE-
MAN.] Get some wine, Philip [Exit PHILIP.]
Though I must eat something before I drink-
Kitty, what have you got in the pantry?

Kit. In the pantry? lord, your honour! we are at board wages.

Free. I could eat a morsel of cold meat.

Lov. You shall have it-here. [Rises.] Open the pantry door-I'll be about your board wages! I have treated you often, now you shall treat your master.

Kit. If I may be believed, Sir, there is not a scrap of any thing in the world in the pantry. [Opposing him. Lov. Well, then, we must be contented, Freeman. Let us have a crust of bread and a bottle of wine. [Sits down again, Kit. Had not my master better go to bed? [Makes signs to FREEMAN that LOVEL is drunk. Lov. Bed! not I-I'll sit here all night-'tis

Sir H. Or no; these West Indians are very very, very pleasant and nothing like variety in

fiery.

life.