should be seduced to believe what was not of paid me a second visit. As I now seemed to God; for I plainly saw, that nothing short of him at a stand, dubious with whom to join, he what was so, would satisfy my soul. I may laid before me the profession of the Presbyterisay, in thankfulness to that Eternal Power which still preserved me, the arguments used did not abate my travail of soul after the Divine favour: and, though I hope I never was one wise in my own conceit, yet so far did the truth of God in the secret of my soul exalt itself, that I proved its influences to be more wise than all my teachers; who, at best, were but as the hammer to the nail, in fastening in my soul the impressions which I had received.

In this situation my uncle also visited me, and the sternness of his countenance was altered. He kindly signified to me, how hard our separation was to them, and that if I would but bind myself by a promise, that I would never be a Quaker, he would give me a deed of gift, that at his and my aunt's decease I should have all they were worth. I answered him, that if I could make such a promise, I wanted no farther encouragement than the continuance of their love; but oh! I could not do it. We both sat and wept our passion out. My uncle mentioned my leaving them so abruptly; but instead of inviting me home, he signified he could now take no pleasure in seeing me, without an alteration.

In a little time I found the balm of Eternal Goodness, which healed the wound that my mind had been made to endure on truth's account.

There now came a young man to visit me that had been a student, and had received orders with a benefice-not one of the most thoughtful, as will appear. After he had used the compliment of, Madam, how do you do? and I had thanked him, he said, "Why I hear you are turning a Quaker?" I answered, "We sometimes hear that which is not altogether true; but I suppose what you have to say." "Why then," said he, "there must be a great change in you; and a deal of sobbing and sighing, and thouing and theeing." "And pray," said I, "what have you against that language?" "Why," said he, "it is not within the line of morality, or common civility; but what is used betwixt men and their beasts, and more fit to be used to brutes than men." I replied, "I am very sorry you should think I have already forgotten myself; but I remember, and know, it is that language which we, in all our prayers, and in the Litany, put up our petitions in; therefore, take heed what you say, for, by your saying it is fit to be used only to brutes and beasts, of what do you make your God?" "O," says he, "I perceive you side with the Quakers." "Yes, so far," said I," as to believe that language good enough for man, which is used in honouring God."

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ans, saying, he would freely give me leave to join with them. But from the acquaintance I had with that people, whilst twice at Manchester, I knew they dwelt much upon the same things I was in the practice of before; therefore I was not likely to find with them the satisfaction I was in pursuit of. My uncle further proposed, to take the shop and bear the loss he might sustain in selling off the goods, if I would choose a place agreeable to board at, in any other town; for he thought the removing me out of the way of shame and disgrace, as he called it, might be a means of altering my resolution. But the idea I had conceived of spiritual worship, was so fixed in my mind, that it seemed to me, that I must have carried it with me, had I been removed to the uttermost corner of the earth. I signified this to him; and he, much wondering at my foolishness, left me, saying, I was certainly bewitched. Indeed, I myself could not, at times, but wonder what it was that bore up my soul against the many hard things I met with from others, and the secret temptations that were daily presented to my own mind; which so filled it, that, in the little sleep I got, I frequently dreamed of something relative to my exercises.

In one of my dreams, a man appeared, coming up to my door with a sieve in his hand, and a bag. He sat down, and opening the bag, put out some wheat into the sieve. I asked him what he was going to do; he said, "to separate the chaff from the wheat." Here the enemy shot his empoisoned dart against that fear which lodged in me, and, through his insinuations, made me believe myself the chaff, blown from my former quietness, by aspiring after the knowledge of things too high for me. Oh! the consternation that my soul was in, from these assaults of the enemy, who now brought up the miscarriages of my life, and my foolish actions, as so many witnesses against me; whilst I endeavoured to withstand him by repentance, and purposes of amendment; pleading with myself the just ground of my present proceeding. But as I had not the evidence of hope at my own command, I was obliged to suffer, till I was again revived by the mercies of a God, who would not break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax.

In this interval, my uncle came again with parson Leay, and still with hopes, from my staying at home, that they might gain me; but they found their mistake: for, though I said but little, I was as resolute to prove the truth as ever. We sat down, and the parson offered to take in writing, any scruples I had to make; He went off; nor was it long before my uncle promising either to answer them himself, or to

get them answered by the bishop. I acknow- damned, for I have sinned against the Holy ledged his kindness, saying, I did not see how Ghost, and shall never be forgiven." When any one could be serviceable to me, for it was the words were passed, I felt bewildered, and faith I wanted in the whole. He signified, it immediately flung myself upon my face, crying was not for the unlearned to pry into the mat- out, "O Lord! forgive me; but it is not I, yet, ter of faith, but to believe according to the ca- O Lord! forgive me." Thus, in confusion, I nons of the church; and went on largely in went on, sometimes begging for forgiveness, commendation of the wisdom and great care and then denying the fact: and when I did so there had been amongst the learned fathers, far recover, as to know how I was, I felt, from that there might be no default or error in the the agony, in a complete perspiration; the bed articles of our faith; thence inferring, that it whereon I lay, for some time after, shook with was requisite we should believe them. I sig. my strong trembling; and it was a considerable nified that I could not place my trust in man, time ere I could compose myself. Yet when I but had received a better faith already; and could, I found that my great God did not acthat I believe I ought to seek God for myself. cuse me; but encouraged the sincerity of my He said, "You are obstinate, and if you do not desire to look up to him, as God, who mercitake care, you will renounce your vow of bap- fully saveth those that trust in his providence; tism." I answered, “I do not find that trou- and is willing to remit the past transgressions bles me; for I hold it as a matter of indiffer- of the truly penitent. And here I proved my ence, which will do me neither good nor hurt." hope renewed, and my faith established; yet, He said, “You are hardened; and if you per- even here I stumbled at the honour I had been sist, you will be damned." This struck us si- taught to give to those divine oracles, as I eslent; and as soon as I could take my looks off teemed the clergy; and thought I must surely him, I cast them on my dear uncle, whose eyes be mistaken, in supposing there was no more plainly bespoke his grief. The parson got up, in them than in other men; nor yet could I and said, "You have need of the prayers of lower my high esteem of their learning, and set the congregation." I said, "I know I have the illiterate, (as I had been taught to call them,) need of the prayers of all good people, and de- on an equal footing of wisdom, with those havsire to have them." As they passed the shop, ing the high title of reverend. Yet here did my I heard him say something of my being quite God help me; for one evening as I sat, low in lost, and my uncle shook his head, and left me mind, musing alone, the everlasting Truth seized in great sorrow. upon me, in an exposition of that remarkable thanksgiving of our Saviour, "I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes." This immediate favour, from the loving kindness of the Lord, had a great influence over me; I arose from my chair, and fell upon my knees to receive the overshadowings of his power; and such was the effect, that by its assistance, I ejaculated from my soul, a few words in supplication to the Lord, begging a farther manifestation of his will, and his preservation therein. This, I apprehend, was the most lively prayer I had ever then made.

This was a heavy trial to me, for the enemy aimed his dart again to give a fatal blow, by insinuating into my mind the doctrine of election and reprobation; which strengthened those doubtings the late conversation had raised. What had I here to do? no person in the world to flee to, with whom I could entrust my soul! no book to try my cause by! the Bible itself being still to me as if written in an unknown tongue! no God or Saviour at hand, nor even any comfortable desire that I was sensible of! Read, in these expressions, the deep afflictions of my soul, thus lying under the tramplings of a most desperate fiend! Could I have found just reason for his upbraiding me with lightness, When I had waited for a time on my knees, it would at this time have certainly appeared; I remembered that I had read the passage, yet or could I have believed that God was unjust, desired to look at it again. I had no Bible of and would inflict eternal punishment on the in- my own, my aunt having taken mine from me, nocent, or on a repentant sinner that was will- telling me I should have no use for it, as indeed ing to turn from every evil way-I say, could I had not much till this time; yet, being proI have reconciled this to his attributes of mercy vided with one, I looked for the text, and castand goodness, I must assuredly have fallen by ing my eye upon it, found a great alteration in these suggestions of the cruel deceiver, who myself, and cause to say, " surely the Lamb of now appeared to me in the most surprising God is found worthy to take the book, and to manner; producing that exercise, which, to this open the seals thereof." From this time I present time, gives me astonishment. For, one knew it was not in my power to read the night, as I lay in bed, on a sudden, a voice, as Scriptures in their right signification, but only I thought, audible and like my own, cursed the as I had the key of interpretation lent me, which Lord, and defied Heaven; saying, “Now am II now often received, to my great profit and

consolation. Thus I became again familiar to the truth; and I remember it was as one with my book, and prized that good companion having authority, pressing Friends to come out more justly than I had ever done before; desiring to be kept in the way I was to go; to have bread to eat, and raiment to put on, and to be enabled to return to my Father's house in peace; concluding that the Lord should be my God.

Whilst I resigned myself to his holy will, it pleased the Almighty to show me, that it was not right that I should thus believe, and yet live alone, without assembling myself with those that I was satisfied were believers in the same Divine principle: neither do I now think it would have been good or right; for, as sure as the Lord thought proper, in his wisdom, to provide helpmates for the body, so surely does he condescend to qualify many of his faithful servants, to be helpful, in a spiritual sense, to each other. I therefore believed it was right for me to attend meetings, in order to retain my favour with him,

In this my aunt did not interrupt me till I had been a few times; notwithstanding which, I had enough to do within myself; the tears I shed at my entrance at the door, and on presenting myself before the Invisible Being, were so many renunciations of my own will. I used to sit down on the first seat I came to; yet so well did it answer, that what I sowed in tears at my getting there, I reaped with joy at my coming away.

Going with a soul desirous of improvement, I was often highly favoured, and had to remember S. Radford's recommendation to me, to "buy the truth and sell it not ;" as also to be assured of the justice of the Almighty, and that man's destruction is of himself. I think it was about, or a little after this time, that I heard my present uncle, Joshua Toft,* give his testimony

Nor

of Babylon, and exhorting them not to partake
with her of her sins, lest they should also be
partakers of her plagues; and though I was
very young in the truth, yet the Lord was
pleased so to enlighten my understanding, that
I read him spiritually, and was made a partaker
of that life from which the power came.
do I forget the encouragement which I received
from another Friend, when, like a shower of
the former and latter rain, he watered the plan-
tation of the Lord, by setting forth the blessed-
ness with which he will reward those who for-
sake all for his name's sake, &c. But, though
I could take delight, yet I was not to build a
tabernacle here; my troubles were not quite
over; for, though my aunt let me go free a few
times, yet she proposed to perplex me in my
new design, by aggravating the passions she
found in herself, and by giving way to the fool-
ish excitations of others.

The first time she met me in my going to meeting, was with a whip, and the next with a black hood and green apron. But I shall endeavour here to be as brief as I can; for I do not desire to remember the foolish pains she took to mortify me: yet I feel engaged, gratefully to acknowledge, that I was preserved above all the ridicule I met with; though, to many I was a subject of entertainment and diversion. Some, however, seemed to have compassion for me; though I cannot say that of such, I knew at that time above three or four. Among these was one that frequently expressed a concern for my preservation, and offered to assist me in having my aunt bound over to her

to the service of his great Lord and Master. He came forth as a minister when about thirty-two years of age, and laboured faithfully in that character for many years in various parts of England and Ireland. For about twenty years before his decease he was much disabled from travelling, by a disorder in his head, which at times affected his understanding, and which deprived him of sight for more than fourteen of the last years of his life. After this privation, his mental faculties resumed their former strength, and continued clear till his decease.

* Joshua Toft joined the Society of Friends by convincement in the early part of his life, and through obedience to the teaching of Divine grace, became whilst young, a good example of religion and virtue. His concerns in business at that time, occasioned him to be much from home and in company with such as were unacquainted with that circumspect demeanour which his religious profession required; from some of whom, in consequence He bore great bodily suffering as well as the of his consistent conduct, he met with ill-treat-loss of sight, with exemplary patience, resignation, ment. But his mind was so clothed with patience, and cheerfulness, expressing his belief that all his meekness, and love, that he was enabled to silence affliction was laid upon him in love, and his hope the ignorance of foolish men; and sometimes their that he should receive it as so dispensed. enmity against him for his faithfulness, gave place to respect and friendship. He began business in a small way; but the blessing of Divine Providence crowned his honest endeavours, and whilst yet in the full vigour of life, he acquired a moderate competency. Thus circumstanced, and with a flow of business which would have enabled him to accumulate much wealth, with noble fortitude he declined trade, in order to devote himself more fully

A short time before his departure he was much comforted by a secret intimation in these words, "I have been with thee, I am with thee, and will be with thee."

He quietly departed this life the 15th of the eighth month, 1769, aged upwards of eighty years, and was interred at Friends' burial ground at Leek.-(From the Testimony of Staffordshire Quarterly Meeting.)

good behaviour; but I felt more desirous to be preserved in a proper decorum towards her.

over to my views, I said, "Do you think, Sir, there is room to believe I should be presumptuous, if I should stay, and receive an injury from them? He said, he thought not, so long as I gave them no just occasion; and added, thyself?" I answered, "I would not, willingly, run myself into danger, neither act any way purposely to provoke them; nor yet do I see how I can, at this time, fly from their anger, and leave the town, without giving myself se cret uneasiness." To this he replied, "To be sure, we ought to mind that; for we might go out of one trouble into another, and perhaps a worse." He further asked me, how I thought I could bear the trial; saying, I had already known something of an exercise of this kind. I said, "Yes, I have; and the truth I have found so much on my side, that I have been hitherto supported through it, and now do not doubt, but if I should lose my life, in the way of my relations' anger, my soul would still be happy." He signified, if such was my belief and resolution, he could say nothing better to me than, Go on and prosper.

Others of my well-wishers advised me to leave the town; proffering me a room in their house, and liberty to sell my goods with them. This, I must ever acknowledge, was a kind" Young woman, what dost thou think is best part; but, though they pressed my compliance, I could not find an inclination thereto; for I conceived that to quit the town would look as though I had done some bad thing; and I knew no one could, justly, say any worse thing of me, than that I was a Quaker. Therefore, though I could willingly have been out of the noise that my change had occasioned, yet I rather chose to commit myself to that Hand, which I now believed could preserve me, and submit to the confusion of this time, till my God should say, it is enough; not doubting that these things were permitted for the trial of my faith. Yet, so far did their kindness prevail, that I inclined to ask farther advice upon it; and, as S. Leay had been a few times to ask me how I did, I told him my desire, and requested him to procure me an opportunity of speaking with one of the Friends Toft. He He asked me, which? I said, either of the Wishing him the compliment of the night, I three brothers, that I could most conveniently go to, without my uncle or aunt's knowing it; for I was much more troubled at their abuse of others, than of myself. He told me the next day, that he had spoken to Samuel Toft, who was willing to give me the hearing that night.

returned, desiring to remain stedfast to what I apprehended was my duty; but when at home, I could not forbear reflecting on the small as surance I had given this Friend; and especially on the odd appearance, for a Quaker, which I made; for, besides my speech, I went in full Accordingly I went in the dusk of the even- trim. I had on my hoop, rings on my fingers, ing, Nicodemus like; not so much for the shame and ear-rings in my ears; my clothes, indeed, of the thing, (which I was now used to,) as for were black and white crape mourning, which I fear that my aunt should get knowledge of it. wore for my beloved sister, and therefore my I did not know, by the name of Samuel, which linen was without lace; neither was I thoughtwas to receive me; but, knocking at the door, ful, at this time, about my outward dress, my he let me in. Having paid my compliments, I work lay more within. Nor did my friend resat down; and introduced our discourse, by say-gard my appearance so much, as to overlook ing, I supposed he was no stranger to the hurry the intentions of my heart; for Samuel Leay of the town, and the angry mood of my uncle told me the next time he saw me, that S. Toft and aunt. concerning me. I signified that I said, he was satisfied there was that within me, could not help it, but that, notwithstanding this, that would prevail on me to lay my compliI found myself engaged to join the Society: Iments aside; and it was not long ere I found it farther told him of the kind proffer made me, but doubting in my mind what would be for the best, I had a desire to ask advice. He told me, that to go was the most likely way to rid my self of those troubles; but asked if I had no hopes of my relations being better humoured. I told him, no; but was rather afraid they would be worse, for they said they could never rest while I was a Quaker. He then said, "It is a nice point to give advice in, for who can tell what thy relations may do in their anger, or how thou thyself canst bear it; perhaps the surest way to be quiet from them is, to accept the proposals of thy friends."

This, however, was not what I expected, nor indeed, what I desired; and to bring him more

my place to do so. I must now mention a probable reason, why I was not allowed to give my friend a fuller assurance; and which may also show, how blind I was to my own state, and how much need I had to crave Divine light to steer my course by; for, though I seemed to myself to be quite fixed in my purpose, yet I soon found, by experience, how weak I was.

I received a letter from my dear brother, (who had kindly paid us a visit on the death of my sister,) saying that he had heard from my uncle, the melancholy affair that was amongst us; describing the fanatical and fantastical deportment of those I was about to join with; the utter mistake they lay under, in respect to the doctrines of Christ, and giving me a kind invi