though I am sure to lose the man whom I intend to serve.

Sid. I believe it, Mrs. Betty. And what did Constantia say to all this?

Bet. Oh! oh! she is sly enough-She looks as if butter would not melt in her mouth-but all is not gold that glitters-smooth water, you know, runs deepest. I am sorry, very sorry indeed-my young master makes himself such a fool-but- -um!--ha!—take my word for it, he is not the man-for though she looks as modest as a maid at a christeningyet-a-when sweethearts meet-in the dusk of the evening-and stay together a whole hour in the dark grove-and-a-aha! embrace and kiss-and-weep at parting-why then-then you know-ah! it is easy to guess all the rest.

Sid. Why, did Constantia meet any body in this manner?

ACT II.

SCENE I.-A Library.

[Exil.

Enter EGERTON and CONSTANTIA.
Con. Mr. Sidney is not here, Sir.
Eger. I assure you I left him here, and I
begged that he would stay till I returned.

Con. His prudence, you see, Sir, has made him retire; therefore we had better defer the subject till he is present-In the meantime, Sir, I hope you will permit me to mention an affair that has greatly alarmed and perplexed me. I suppose you guess what it is?

Eger. I do not, upon my word!

Con. That's a little strange-You know, Sir, that you and Mr. Sidney did me the honour of breakfasting with me this morning in my little study.

Eger. We had that happiness, Madam.

Bet. Oh! heavens! I beg your worship will not misapprehend me! for I assure you, I do not believe they did any harm-that is, not in the grove- -at least, not when I was there and she may be honestly married, for aught I know-She may be very honest, for aught I Con. Just after you left me, upon my openknow-heaven forbid I should say any harm ing my book of accounts, which lay in the of her-I only say that they did meet in the drawer of the reading desk, to my great surdark walk-and perhaps nine months hence-prise-I there found this case of jewels, conay, remember, Sir-I said that-a-certain taining a most elegant pair of ear-rings, a person in this family-nine months hence- necklace of great value, and two bank-bills, may ask me to stand godmother-only remem- in this pocket-book; the mystery of which, ber-for I think I know what's what-when I Sir, I presume you can explain. see it, as well as another. Eger. I can.

Sid. No doubt you do, Mrs. Betty.

Bet. I do indeed, Sir; and so your servant, Sir; [Going, returns.] but I hope your worship will not mention my name in this business; or that you had any item from me about it.

Sid. I shall not, Mrs. Betty.

Bet. For indeed, Sir, I am no busy body, nor do I love fending or proving-and I assure you, Sir, I hate all tittling and tattling-and gossiping, and backbiting and taking away a person's character.

Sid. I observe you do, Mrs. Betty.

Bet. I do, indeed, Sir-I am the furthest from it of any person in the world.

Sid. I dare say you are.

Con. They were of your conveying, then?
Eger. They were, Madam.

Con. I assure you, they startled and alarmed

me.

Eger. I hope it was a kind alarm, such as blushing virtue feels, when with her hand she gives her heart-and last consent.

Con. It was not, indeed, Sir.

kind at once; my peace and worldly bliss de-
Eger. Do not say so, Constantia-come, be
pend upon this moment.

Con. What would you have me do?
Eger. What love and virtue dictate.

Con. Oh! Sir-experience but too severely proves that such unequal matches as ours never produced aught but contempt and anger

Bet. I am, indeed, Sir; and so, Sir, your in parents, censure from the world-and a

humble servant.

Sid. Your servant, Mrs. Betty. Bet. So! I see he believes every word I say; that's charming-I will do her business for her, I am resolved. [Aside; exit. Sid. What can this ridiculous creature mean -by her dark walk?--I see envy is as malignant in a paltry waiting wench, as in the vainest, or the most ambitious, lady of the court. It is always an infallible mark of the basest nature; and merit, in the lowest as in the highest station, must feel the shafts of envy's constant agents—falsehood and slander.

Enter SAM.

Sam. Sir, Mr. Egerton and Miss Constantia desire to speak with you in the china-room.

Sid. Very well, Sam. [Exit SAM.] I will not see them-what's to be done?-inform his father of his intended marriage !-no ;-that must not be for the overbearing temper and ambitious policy of Sir Pertinax would exceed all bounds of moderation. But this young man must not marry Constantia-I know it will offend him-no matter. It is our duty to offend, when the offence saves the man we love from a precipitate action.-Yes, I must discharge the duty of my function and a friend,

long train of sorrow and repentance in the
tailed upon their hapless issue.
wretched parties, which is but too often en-

Eger. But that, Constantia, cannot be our condition; for my fortune is independent and ample, equal to luxury and splendid folly; I have the right to choose the partner of my heart.

Con. But I have not, Sir-I am a dependent on my lady—a poor, forsaken, helpless orphan. Your benevolent mother found me, took me to her bosom, and there supplied my parental loss with every tender care, indulgent dalliance, and with all the sweet persuasion that maternal fondness, religious precept, polished manners, and hourly example, could administer. She fostered me; [Weeps.] and shall I now turn viper, and with black ingratitude sting the tender heart that thus has cherished me? Shall I seduce her house's heir, and kill her peace? No-though I loved to the mad extreme of female fondness; though every worldly bliss that woman's vanity or man's ambition could desire, followed the indulgence of my love, and all the contempt and misery of this life the denial of that indulgence, I would discharge my duty to my benefactress, my earthly guardian, my more than parent.

Eger. My dear Constantia! Your prudence, | are a fine fellow-what have ye to say for your gratitude, and the cruel virtue of your yoursal-are not ye a fine spark? are ye not a self-denial, do but increase my love, my admi- fine spark, I say?-ah! you're a-so you ration, and my misery. would not come up till the levee?

Con. Sir, I must beg you will give me leave to return these bills and jewels.

Eger. Pray do not mention them; sure my kindness and esteem may be indulged so far, without suspicion or reproach-I beg you will accept of them; nay, I insist

Con. I have done, Sir,-my station here is to obey-I know they are gifts of a virtuous mind, and mine shall convert them to the tenderest and most grateful use.

Eger. Sir, I beg your pardon-but-I-I-I was not very well;-besides-I did not think that-that my presence there was necessary.

Sir P. Sir, it was necessary-I tauld ye it was necessary—and, Sir—I must now tell ye, that the whole tenor of your conduct is most offensive.

Eger. I am sorry you think so, Sir. I am sure I do not intend to offend you.

Sir P. [In anger.] I care not what ye intend

Eger. Hark! I hear a carriage-it is my father? dear girl, compose yourself-I will con--Sir, I tell ye, ye do offend-What is the sult Sidney and my lady; by their judgment we will be directed;-will that satisfy you?

Con. I can have no will but my lady's; with your leave, I will retire-1 would not see her in this confusion.

Eger. Dear girl, adieu! [Exit CONSTANTIA.

Enter SAM.

Sam. Sir Pertinax and my lady are come, Sir; and my lady desires to speak with you in her own room-Oh! she is here, Sir. [Exit SAM.

Enter LADY MACSYCOPHANT.

Lady M. Dear child, I am glad to see you: why did you not come to town yesterday, to attend the levee-your father is incensed to the uttermost at your not being there.

Eger. Madam, it is with extreme regret I tell you, that I can no longer be a slave to his temper, his politics, and his scheme of marrying me to this woman. Therefore you had better consent at once to my going out of the kingdom, and to my taking Constantia with me; for, without her, I never can be happy.

Lady M. As you regard my peace, or your own character, I beg you will not be guilty of so rash a step you promised me, you would never marry her without my consent. I will open it to your father: pray, dear Charles, be ruled-let me prevail.

Eger. Madam, I cannot marry this lady. Lady M. Well, well; but do not determine. First patiently hear what your father and Lord Lumbercourt have to propose, and let them try to manage this business for you with your father-pray do, Charles.

Eger. Madam, I submit.

Lady M. And while he is in this ill humour, I beg you will not oppose him, let him say what he will; when his passion is a little cool, I will try to bring him to reason-but pray do not thwart him.

Sir P. [Without.] Haud your gab, ye scoundrel, and do as you are bid. Zounds! ye are so full of your gab. Take the chesnut gelding, return to town, and inquire what is become of my lord.

Lady M. Oh! here he comes, I'll get out of
the way.
[Exit.

Sir P. [Without.] Here you, Tomlins.
Tom. [Without.] Sir.
Sir P.Without.] Where is my son Egerton?
Tom. [Without.] In the library, Sir Perti-

nax.

Sir P. [Without.] Vary weel, the instant the lawyers come, let me ken it.

Enter SIR PERTINAX.

Sir P. Vary weel-Vary weel-ah, ye

meaning of this conduct?-neglect the levee! -'Sdeeth! Sir, your-what is your reason, I say, for thus neglecting the levee, and disobeying my commands?

Eger. Sir, I own-I am not used to levees; -nor do I know how to dispose of myselfnor what to say or do, in such a situation.

Sir P. Zounds, Sir! do you not see what others do? gentle and simple; temporal and and bishops? aw crowding, bustling, pushing spiritual; lords, members, judges, generals, foremost intill the middle of the circle, and there waiting, watching, and striving to catch a luock or a smile fra the great mon; which they meet with an amicable risibility of aspect

a modest cadence of body-and a conciliating co-operation of the whole mon;-which expresses an officious promptitude for his service, and indicates that they luock upon themselves as the suppliant appendages of his power, and the enlisted Swiss of his poleetical fortune-this, Sir, is what ye ought to doand this, Sir, is what I never once omitted for these five-and-tharty years-let wha would be

meenister.

Eger. [Aside.] Contemptible!

Sir P. What is it that ye mutter, Sir?

relative to you.
Eger. Only a slight reflection, Sir; and not

Sir P. Sir, your absenting yoursal fra the
levee at this juncture is suspeecious-it is
luocked upon as a kind of disaffection; and
yeer conduct: for, Sir, they do not luock upon
aw your countrymen are highly offended with
land or Scotsmen.
ye as a friend or a weel wisher either to Scot-

Eger. Then, Sir, they wrong me, I assure you; but pray, Sir, in what particular can I be charged either with coldness or offence to my country?

uncle, Sir Stanley Egerton, left ye this three Sir P. Why, Sir, ever since your mother's thousand pounds a year, and that ye have, in compliance with his will, taken up the name of Egerton, they think ye are grown proudthat ye have estranged yoursal fra the Macsycophants-have associated with yeer mother's family-with the opposeetion-and with those, till Scotland-besides, Sir, in a conversation again I must tell you, wha do not wish weel the other day, after dinner, at yeer cousin Campbell Mackenzie's, before a whole table full of yeer ain relations, did ye not publicly wish-a total extinguishment of aw party, and of aw national distinctions whatever, relative to the three kingdoms. And, ye blockhead-was that a prudent wish-before sae mony of yeer own countrymen, and be damned to ye? Or, was it a filial language to hold be

fore me?

Eger. Sir, with your pardon-I cannot think

G

it unfilial, or imprudent; I own I do wish most ardently wish, for a total extinction of all parties-particularly that of English, Irish, and Scotch, might never more be brought into contest, or competition; unless, like loving brothers, in generous emulation for one com

mon cause.

Sir P. How, Sir; do ye persist ?-what, would ye banish aw party-and aw distinction betwaxt English, Irish, and your ain countrymen?

Eger. I would, Sir.

Sir P. Then damme, Sir-ye are nae true Scot. Ay, Sir, ye may luock as angry as ye wull; but again I say-ye are nae true Scot.

Eger. Your pardon, Šir, I think he is the true Scot, and the true citizen, who wishes equal justice to the merit and demerit of every subject of Great Britain.-Amongst whom, Sir, I know but of two distinctions. Sir P. Weel, Sir, and what are those? what are those? [Impatiently. Eger. The knave and- -and the honest man. Sir P. Pshaw! redeeculous! Eger. And he who makes any other-let him be of the north or of the south, of the east or of the west, in place or out of place-is an enemy to the whole, and to the virtues of humanity.

Sir P. Ay, Sir! this is your brother's impudent doctrine-for the which I have banished him for ever fra my presence, my heart, and my fortune-Sir, I will have nae son of nine, because truly he has been educate in the English univarsity, presume to speak against his native land-or against my principles. Sir, Scotsmen-Scotsmen, Sir-wherever they meet throughout the globe-should unite and stick together, as it were, in a poleetical phalanx. However-nae mair of that now, I will talk at large till ye about that business anon; in the meantime, Sir, notwithstanding your contempt of my advice, and your disobedience till my commands, I wool convince ye of my paternal attention till your welfare, by my management with this voluptuary-this lord Lumbercourt, whose daughter ye are to marry:-ye ken, Sir, that the fellow has been my patron above these five-and-tharty years.

Eger. True, Sir.

advise him in his matches on the turf, cards, and tennis; his harridan, till drink drams wi him, scrat his face, and burn his periwig, when she is in her maudlin hysterics-the fellow has aw that he wants, and aw that he wishes, in this world

Enter TOMLINS.

Tom. Lady Rodolpha is come, Sir.
Sir P. And my lord?

Tom. No, Sir, he is about a mile behind, the servant says.

Sir P. Let me know the instant he arrives.
Tom. I shall, Sir.
[Exit.

Sir P. Step ye oot, Charles, and receive Lady Rodolpha. And I desire, Sir, ye wool treat her with ass much respect and gallantry ass possible-for my lord has hinted that ye have been very remiss ass a lover. Adzooks, Charles! ye should admeenister a whole torrant o' flattery till her; for a woman ne'er thinks a man loves her, till he has made an idiot of her understanding by flattery; flattery is the prime bliss o' the sex, the nectar and ambrosia o' their charms; and ye can ne'er gi'e them o'er muckle of it: sae, there's a guid lad, gang and mind yeer flattery. [Exit EGERTON.] Hah! I must keep a tight hand upon this fallow, I see. I'm frightened oot o' my wits lest his mother's family should seduce him to their party, which would ruin my whole scheme, and break my heart. A fine time o' day indeed for a blockhead to turn patriotwhen the character is exploded, marked, proscribed; why, the common people, the very vulgar, have found out the jest, and laugh at a patriot now-a-days, just as they do at a conjurer, a magician, or any other impostor in society.

Enter TOMLINS and LORD LUMBERCOURT. Tom. Lord Lumbercourt. [Exit. Lord L. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand. Sir P. Your lordship's most devoted-I rejoice to see you.

Lord L. You stole a march upon me this morning!-gave me the slip, Mac; though I never wanted your assistance more in my life. I thought you would have called upon me.

Sir P. My dear lord, I beg ten millions of pardons, for leaving town before you-but ye ken that your lordship at dinner yesterday settled that we should meet this morning at the levee?

Lord L. That I acknowledge, Mac-I did promise to be there, I own-but

Sir P. You did, indeed-and accordingly I was at the levee; and waited there till every mortal was gone, and seeing you did na come, concluded that your lordship was gone before.

Sir P. Vary weel-and now, Sir, you see by his prodigality he is become my dependant; and accordingly I have made my bargain with him-the deel a bawbee he has in the world but what comes through these clutches; for his whole estate, which has three impleecit boroughs upon it-mark-is now in my custody at nurse; the which estate, on my paying off his debts, and allow-I ing him a life-rent of seven thousand per annum, is to be made over till me for my life; Lord L. To confess the truth, my dear Mac, and at my death is to descend till ye and your that old sinner, Lord Freakish, General Jolly, issue the peerage of Lumbercourt, you ken, Sir Anthony Soaker, and two or three more will follow of course-so, Sir, you see there of that set, laid hold of me last night at the are three impleecit boroughs, the whole patri- opera; and, as the General says,-I believe, mony of Lumbercourt, and a peerage, at one by the intelligence of my head this morningslap-why it is a stroke-a hit-a hit-a capi-ha! ha! ha! we drank deep ere we departed tal hit, mon.-Zounds! Sir, a man may live a century, and not make sic another hit again! Eger. It is a very advantageous bargain, no doubt, Sir; but what will my lord's family say to it?

Sir P. Why, mon, he cares not if his family were aw at the deel, so his luxury be but gratified-only let him have his race-horse, till feed his vanity; his polite blacklegs, to

-ha! ha! ha! and

Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! nay, if you were with that party, my lord, I don't wonder at not seeing your lordship at the levee!

Lord L. The truth is, Sir Pertinax, my fellow let me sleep too long for the levee. But wish I had seen you before you left town-I wanted you dreadfully.

I

Sir P. I am heartily sorry that I was not in

the way; but on what account, my lord, did | see, my dear Mac, what a damned country this you want me? is to live in, where noblemen are obliged to pay their debts, just like merchants, cobblers, peasants, or mechanics.Is not that a scandal, dear Mac, to a nation?

Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! a cursed awkward affair-and-ha! ha! yet I cannot help laughing at it neither; though it vexed me confoundedly.

Sir P. My lord, it is not only a scandal, but a national grievance.

Sir P. Vexed you, my lord-I wish I had been wi' ye then; but for heaven's sake, my Lord L. Sir, there is not another nation in lord, what was it that could possibly vex your the world that has such a grievance to comlordship? plain of. But what concerns me most, I am Lord L. Why, that impudent, teasing, dun-afraid, my dear Mac, that the villain will send ning rascal, Mahogany, my upholsterer-you down to Newmarket, and seize my string of know the fellow?

Sir P. Perfectly, my lord.

Lord L. The impudent scoundrel has sued me up to some infernal kind of a-something or other, in the law, which I think they call

an execution!

Sir. P. The rascal!

horses.

Sir P. Your string of horses! We must prevent that, at all events:-that would be such a disgrace, I will despatch an express to town directly, to put a stop till the scoundrel's proceedings.

Lord L. Pr'ythee do, my dear Sir Pertinax.
Sir P. Oh! it shall be done, my lord.
Lord L. Thou art an honest fellow, Sir Per-
tinax, upon honour.

abeelity.

Lord L. Upon which, Sir, the fellow-ha! ha! ha! I cannot help laughing at it-by way of asking pardon, ha! ha! ha! had the modesty to wait on me two or three days ago-to inform Sir P. Oh, my lord; 'tis my duty to oblige my honour, ha! ha! as he was pleased to dig-your lordship to the very utmost stretch of my nify me-that the execution was now ready to be put in force against my honour, ha! ha! ha! -but that, out of respect to my honour, as he had taken a great deal of my honour's money, he would not suffer his lawyer to serve it-till he had first informed my honour-because he was not willing to affront my honour! ha! ha! ha! a son of a whore!

Sir P. I never heard of so impudent a dog. Lord L. Now, my dear Mac! ha! ha! as the scoundrel's apology was so very satisfactory, and his information so very agreeable to my honour-I told him, that in honour I could not do less than to order his honour to be paid immediately.

Sir P. Ha! ha! ha!-vary weel-ye were as complaisant ass the scoundrel till the full, I think, my lord.

Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! to the full; but you shall hear you shall hear, Mac-so, Sir, with great composure, seeing a smart oaken cudgel, that stood very handily in a corner of my dressing-room-I ordered two of my fellows to hold the rascal, and another to take the cudgel, and return the scoundrel's civility with a good drubbing, as long as the stick lasted!

Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! admirable! as gude a stroke of humour as ever I heard of and did they drub him soundly, my lord?

Enter TOMLINS.

ments to you, Sir, and having no family down
Tom. Colonel Toper presents his compli-
with him in the country-he and captain
Hardbottle, if not inconvenient, will do them-
with you.
selves the honour of taking a family dinner

does your lordship know them?
Sir P. They are two of our militia officers:

Lord L. By sight only.

terrupt our business.
Sir P. I am afraid, my lord, they will in-

ha! ha! ha! I should like to be acquainted
Lord L. Ha! ha! not at all-not at all-
with Toper, they say he is a fine jolly fellow!

and the captain, my lord, are reckoned two of Sir P. Oh! very jolly, and very clever. He the hardest drinkers in the country.

us have them by all means, Mac; they will
Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! so I have heard-let
enliven the scene-how far are they from you?

a mile, my lord-a step-a step.
Sir P. Just across the meadows--not half

Lord L. Oh, let us have the jolly dogs, by all means!

wi' the women.

their company. [Exit
Sir P. My compliments, I shall be proud of
TOMLINS.] Gif ye
please, my lord, we wull gang and chat a bit
dolpha since she returned fra the Bath; I long
I have not seen lady Ro-
to have a little news from her aboot the com-
pany there.

Lord L. Oh! most liberally, ha! ha! ha! most liberally; and there I thought the affair would have rested, till I should think proper to pay the scoundrel-but this morning, Sir, just as I was stepping into my chaise-my servants all about me a fellow, called a tip-them, I'll warrant you. [A very loud laugh Lord L. Oh! she'll give you an account of staff, stepped up, and begged the favour of my without.] Here the hairbrain comes! it must footman, who thrashed the upholsterer, and be her by her noise. the two that held him, to go along with him upon a little business to my lord chief justice. Sir P. The devil!

Lord L. And at the same instant I, in my turn, was accosted by two other very civíl scoundrels, who, with a most insolent politeness, begged my pardon, and informed me, that I must not go into my own chaise!

Sir P. How, my lord! not intill your ain carriage!

Lord L. No, Sir-for that they, by order of the sheriff, must seize it, at the suit of a gentleman-one Mr. Mahogany, an upholsterer. Sir P. An impudent villain!

Lord L. It is all true, I assure you; so you

Lady R. [Without.] Allons! gude folks- · follow me sans ceremonie!

Enter LADY RODOLPHA, LADY MACSYCOPHANT,
EGERTON, and SIDNEY.

Lady R. [Running up to SIR PERTINAX.] Pertinax,-your most devoted-most obsequious, and most obedient vassal.

Sir

[Courtesies very low. Sir P. Lady Rodolpha-down till the ground my congratulations, duty, and affection, sincerely attend your ladyship.

[Bowing ridiculously low. Lady R. Oh! Sir Pertinax-your humeelity

is most sublimely complaisant-at present un- | gunda Mackensie and I used to gang aboot answerable-but, Sir, I shall intensely study to return it [Courtesies very low.] fafty fold. Sir P. Weel, Madam, ha! you luock gaily weel-and how-how is your ladyship after your jaunt till the Bath?

Lady R. Why, Sir, the beeshop was strivSir P. But, Lady Rodolpha, I wish till asking to convert the Jew; while the Jew, by your ladyship some questions aboot the company at Bath; they say ye had aw the world there.

Lady R. Gude faith, my lady, the company were my diversion-and better nae human Lord L. Well, you are a droll girl, Rodolpha, follies ever afforded-ha! ha! ha! sic an a and upon honour, ha! ha! ha!you have maxture-and sic oddits, ha! ha! ha! a per- given us as whimsical a sketch as ever was fect gallimowfry! ha ha! ha! Lady Kuni-hit off. What say you, Mr. Sidney?