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again. O Lord, I am, thou knowest I ad, 0: pressed; undertake for me!
“Nov. 5. At times to-day I have been reconciled to the thought of staying if any brethren should so advise ; but at other times I seem to think I could not. I look at brother Carey's portrait as it hangs in my study, I love him in the bowels of Jesus Christ, and long to join his la. bours: every look calls up a hundred thoughts, all of which inflame my desire to be a fellowlabourer with him in the work of the Lord. One thing, however, I have resolved upon, that, the Lurd keeping me, if I cannot go abroad, I will do all I can to serve the mission at home.
“ Nov. 7. This is the last day of peculiar deyotion before the deciding meeting. Máy I have strength to wrestle with God to-day for his wisdom to preside in the Committee, and by faith to leave the issue to their determination.
“I did not enjoy much enlargement in prayer to day. My mind seems at present incapable of those sensations of joy with which I have lately been much indulged, through its strugglings in relation to my going or staying : yet I have been enabled to commit the issue into the hands of God, as he may direct my brethren, hoping that their advice will be agreeable to his will."
The result of the Committee Meeting has already been related ; together with the state of his mind, as far as could be collected from his letters, for some time after it. The termination of these tender and interesting exercises, and of all his other labours, in so speedy a removal froin the present scene of action, may teach us not to drawany certain conclusion as to the designs of God concerning our future labours, from the ardour or sincerity of our feelings. He may take 'it well that it ras in our hearts to build hiin an
house, though he should fur wise reasons have determined not to gratify us. Suffice it, that in matters of EVERLASTING MOMENT he has engaged to perfect that which concerns us. In this he hath condescended to bind himself, as by an oatlı, for our consolation; here therefore we may safely consider our spiritual desires as indicative of his designs : but it is otherwise in various instances with regard to present duty.
HIS EXERCISES AND LABOURS, FROM THE TIME OF HIS GIVING UP THE IDEA OF GOING ABRUAD, TO THE COMMENCEMENT OF
HIS LAST AFFLICTION.
HAD the multiplied labours of this excellent man permitted bis keeping a regular diary, we may see by the foregoing specimen of a single month, what a rich store of truly Christian experience would have pervaded these Memoirs. We should then have been better able to trace the gradual openings of his holy mind, and the springs of that extraordinary unction of spirit, and energy of action, by which his life was dis. tinguished. As it is, we can only collect a few gleanings, partly from memory, and partly from letters communicated by his friends.
This chapter will include a period of about four years, during which he went twice to London to collect for the Baptist Mission, and once he visited Dublin, at the invitation of the Evangelical Society in that city.
There appears throughout the general tenor of his life, a singular submissiveness to the will of God; and what is worthy of notice, this disposition was generally most conspicuous when his own will was most counteracted. The justness of this remark is sufficiently apparent from his letter to Mrs. Pearce, of Nov. 13, 1794,* after the decision of the Committee; and the same spirit was carried into the common concerns of life. Thus, about a month afterwards, when his dear Louisa was ill of a fever, he thus writes from Northampton to Mrs. Pearce :
See page 40.
December 13, 1794 “My dear Sarah,
“I AM just brought on the wings of celestial
mercy safe to my Sabbath's station. I am well; and my dear friends here seem healthy and happy : but I feel for you. I long to know how our dear Louisa's pulse beats : I fear still feverish. We must not, however, suffer ourselves to be infected with a mental tever on this account. Is she ill? It is right. Is she very ill .... dying? It is still right. Is she gone to join the heavenly choristers It is all right, notwithstanding our repinings- Repinings! no;
we will not repine. It is best she should go. It is best for her. This we must allow.
It is best for us. expect it ? O what poor, ungrateful, short-sighted worms are we ! Let us submit, my Sarah, till we come to heaven : if we do not then see that it is best, let us then complain. But why do I attempt to console? Perhaps an indulgent Providence has ere now dissipated your fears : or if that same kind Providence has removed our babe, you have consolation enough in Hin who suffered more than we; and more than enough to quiet all our passions, in that astonishing consideration,-'God so loved the world, that he spared not his own Son.' Did God cheerfully give the holy child Jesus for us : 'and shall we refuse our child to Him! He gave his son to suffer : He takes our children to enjoy : Yes; to enjoy Himself. Yours, with the tenderest regard,
In June, 1795, he attended the Association at Kettering, partly on account of some missionary
business there to be transacted. That was a sede son of great joy to many, especially the last forenoon previous to parting. From thence he wrote to Mis. Pearce as follows:
“From a pew in the house of God at Kettering, with my cup of joy running over, I address you by the hands of brother Simmuns. Had it pleased divine Providence to have permitted your accompanying me, my pleasures would have received no small addition ; because I should have hoped that you would have been filled with sin. ilar consolation, and have received equal edifica. tion by the precious means of grace, on which I have attended. Indeed, I never remember to have enjoyed a public meeting to such a high degree since I have been in the habit of attending upon them. Oh that I may return to you, and the dear church of God, in the fulness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ ! I hope, my beloved that you are not without the enjoyment of the sweetness and the supports of the blessed gospel. O that you may get and keep near to God, and in Him find infinitely more than you can possibly loose by your husband's absence !
“Mr. Hall preached, last evening, from 1 Pet. i. 8. A most evangelical and experimental season ! I was charmed and warmed. Oh that Jesus may go on to reveal himself to him as aftogether lovely! I am unable to write more now. To-day I set off for Northampton, and preach there to-night. The Lord bless you
In July 1795, he received a pressing invitation from the General Evangelical Society in Dublin, to pay them a visit, and to assist in diffusing the gospel of the grace of God in that kingdom. To this invitation he replied in the following, addressed to Dr. Mc. Dowal: