nobility and gentry now and then, to enable them to go through their evolutions with more grace and spirit." This put me in mind of something my cousin Jack said to the same purpose, though he went too far in his zeal for reformation. He declared, 66 I he wished sin cerely one of the critics of the day would take all the slab-shabs of the theatre (like cats in a bag), and twig the whole bunch." I can't say but I like Jack's idea well enough, though it is rather a severe one. He might have remarked another fault that prevails among our performers (though I don't know whether it occurred this evening), of dressing for the same piece in the fashions of different ages and countries, so that while one actor is strutting about the stage in the cuirass and helmet of Alexander, another, dressed up in a gold-laced coat and bag wig, with a chapeau de bras under his arm, is taking snuff in the fashion of one or two centuries back, and perhaps a third figures in Suwarrow boots, in the true style of modern buckism. But what, pray, has become of the noble Marquis of Montague, and Earl of Warwick?" said the countryman, after the entertainment was concluded. "Their names make a great appearance on the bill, but I do not recollect having seen them in the course of the even But ing." Very true,-I had quite forgot those worthy personages; but I suspect they have been behind the scenes, smoking a pipe with our other friends incog., the Tripolitans. We must not be particular nowadays, my friend. When we are presented with a battle of Hexham without fighting, and a Tripolitan afterpiece without even a Mahometan whisker, we need not be surprised at having an invisible marquis or two thrown into the bargain. what is your opinion of the house?" said I; "don't you think it a very substantial, solidlooking building, both inside and out? Observe what a fine effect the dark coloring of the wall has upon the white faces of the audience, which glare like the stars in a dark night. And then, what can be more pretty than the paintings in the front of the boxes,-those little masters and misses sucking their thumbs, and making mouths at the audience?" "Very fine, upon my word. And what, pray, is the use of that chandelier, as you call it, that is hung up among the clouds, and has showered down its favors upon my coat?" "Oh! that is to illumine the heavens, and set off to advantage the little periwig'd Cupids, tumbling head over heels, with which the painter has decorated the dome. You see we have no need of the chandelier below, as here the house is perfectly well illuminated; but I think it would have been a great saving of candle-light if the manager had ordered the painter, among his other pretty designs, to paint a moon up there, or if he was to hang up that sun with whose intense light our eyes were greatly annoyed in the beginning of the afterpiece.' "But don't you think, after all, there is rather a sort of a-kind of a heavyishness about the house? Don't you think it has a little of an under-groundish appearance?" To this I could make no answer. I must confess I had often thought myself the house had a dungeon-like look; so I proposed to him to make our exit, as the candles were putting out, and we should be left in the dark. Accordingly, groping our way through the dismal subterraneous passage that leads from the pit, and passing through the ragged bridewelllooking ante-chamber, we once more emerged into the purer air of the park, when bidding my honest countryman good-night, I repaired home, considerably pleased with the amusements of the evening. Thus, Mr. Editor, have I given you an account of the chief incidents that occurred in my visit to the theatre. I have shown you a few of its accommodations and its imperfections. Those who visit it more frequently may be able to give you a better statement. I shall conclude with a few words of advice for the benefit of every department of it. I would recommend To the actors-less etiquette, less fustian, less buckram. To the orchestra-new music, and more of it. To the pit-patience, clean benches, and umbrellas. To the boxes-less affectation, less noise, less coxcombs. To the gallery-less grog, and better constable; and, To the whole house, inside and out, a total reformation. And so much for the theatre. JONATHAN OLDSTYLE. DECEMBER II, 1802. |