MISS IN HER TEENS.

ACT I.

SCENE I.-A Street.

Enter Captain LOVEIT and PUFF.

Capt. This is the place we were directed to; and now, Puff, if I can get no intelligence of her, what will become of me?

Puff. And me too, sir-you must consider I am a married man, and can't bear fatigue as I have done.

-But pray, sir, why did you leave the army so abruptly, and not give me time to fill my knapsack with common necessaries? half a dozen shirts and your regimentals are my whole cargo.

Capt. I was wild to get away; and as soon as I obtained my leave of absence, I thought every moment an age till I returned to the place where I first saw this young, charming, innocent, bewitching creature. -I did so, but we found the house was shut up, and all the information, you know, that we could get from the neighbouring cottage was, that miss and her aunt were removed to town, and lived somewhat near this part of it.

Puff. And now we are got to the place of action, propose your plan of operation.

Capt. My father lives but in the next street, so I must decamp immediately for fear of discoveries; you are not known to be my servant, so make what inquiries you can in the neighbourhood, and I shall wait at the inn for your intelligence.

Puff. I'll patrole hereabouts, and examine all that pass; but I've forgot the word, sir-Miss BiddyCapt. Bellair.

Puff. A young lady of wit, beauty, and fifteen thousand pounds fortune-but, sir

Capt. What do you say, Puff?

Puff. If your honour pleases to consider, that I had a wife in town, whom I left somewhat abruptly half a year ago, you'll think it, I believe, but decent to make some inquiry after her first; to be sure it would be some small consolation to me, to know whether the poor woman is living, or has made away with herself, or

Capt. Pr'ythee don't distract me; a moment's delay is of the utmost consequence; Í must insist upon an immediate compliance with my commands.

[Exit Captain.

Puff. The devil's in these fiery young fellows; they think of nobody's wants but their own. He does not consider, that I am flesh and blood as well as himself. However, I may kill two birds at once; for I shan't be surprised if I meet my lady walking the streets- -but who have we here? sure I should know that face.

Enter JASPER from a House.

Who's that, my old acquaintance, Jasper?
Jas. What, Puff! are you here?

Puff. My dear friend! well, and now, Jasper, still easy and happy! Toujours le même !--what intrigues

now? what girls have you ruined, and what cuckolds made, since you and I beat up together, eh?

Jas. Faith, business hath been very brisk during the war; men are scarce, you know; not that I can say I ever wanted amusement in the worst of times. -But hark ye, Puff

Puff. Not a word aloud; I am incognito.

Jas. Why, faith, I should not have known you, if you had not spoke first; you seem to be a little dishabille too, as well as incognito. Whom do you honour with your service now? are you from the wars?

Puff. Piping hot, I assure you; fire and smoke will tarnish; a man that will go into such service as I have been in, will find his clothes the worse for wear, take my word for it: but how is it with you, friend Jasper? what, you still serve, I see? you live at that house, I suppose?

Jas. I don't absolutely live, but I am most of my time there; I have within these two months entered into the service of an old gentleman, who hired a reputable servant, and dressed him as you see, because he has taken it into his head to fall in love.

Puff. False appetite and second childhood! but prithee what's the object of his passion?

Jas. No less than a virgin of sixteen, I assure you. Puff. Oh, the toothless old dotard!

Jas. And he mumbles, and plays with her till his mouth waters; and then he chuckles till he cries, and calls it his Bid and his Bidsy, and is so foolishly fond

Puff Bidsy! what's that?

Jas.

Her name is Biddy.

Puff. Biddy! what, Miss Biddy Bellair?

Puff. I have no luck, to be sure. [Aside.]—Oh! I have heard of her; she's of a pretty good family, and has some fortune, I know. But are things settled? is the marriage fixed?

Jas. Not absolutely; the girl, I believe, detests him: but her aunt, a very good, prudent old lady, has given her consent, if he can gain her niece's; how it will end I cannot tell-but I am hot upon't myself.

Puff. The devil! not marriage, I hope.

Jas. This is not yet determined.

Puff. Who is the lady, pray?

Jas. A maid in the same family, a woman of honour, I assure you: she has one husband already, a scoundrel sort of a fellow that has run away from her, and listed for a soldier; so towards the end of the campaign she hopes to have a certificate he's knock'd o' the head: if not, I suppose we shall settle matters another way.

Puff. Well, speed the plough.-But hark ye, consummate without the certificate, if you can-keep your neck out of the collar-do- -I have wore it these two years, and damnably galled I am.

Jas. I'll take your advice; but I must run away to my master, who will be impatient for an answer to his message, which I have just delivered to the young lady; so, dear Mr Puff, I am your most obedient, humble servant.

Puff. And I must to our agent's for my arrears : if you have an hour to spare, you'll hear of me at George's, or the Tilt Yard-Au revoir, as we say abroad. [Exit JASPER.] Thus we are as civil and as false as our betters; Jasper and I were always the beau monde exactly; we ever hated one another heartily, yet always kiss and shake hands-but now to my master with a head full of news, and a heart full of joy. [Going, starts.]-Angels and ministers of grace defend me !-it can't be! by heavens, it is that fretful porcupine, my wife! I can't stand it; what shall I do? I'll try to avoid her.

Enter TAG.

Tug. It must be he! I'll swear to the rogue at a mile's distance; he either has not seen me, or won't know me; if I can keep my temper, I'll try him farther.

Puff. I sweat-I tremble-she comes upon me! Tag. Pray, good sir, if I may be so bold

Puff. I have nothing for you, good woman; don't trouble me.

Tag. If your honour pleases to look this way

Puff. The kingdom is over-run with beggars; I suppose the last I gave to has sent this; but I have no more loose silver about me, so prithee, woman, don't disturb me.

Tag. I can hold no longer: oh, you villain, you! where have you been, scoundrel? do you know me now, varlet? [Seizes him. Puff. Here, watch, watch! zounds, I shall have. my pocket picked.

Tag. Own me this minute, hang-dog, and confess every thing, or by the rage of an injured woman, I'll raise up the neighbourhood, throttle you, and send you to Newgate.

Puff. Amazement! what, my own dear Tag? come to my arms, and let me press you to my heart that pants for thee, and only thee, my true and lawful wife-now my stars have over-paid me for the fatigue and danger of the field; I have wandered about like Achilles in search of faithful Penelope, and the gods have brought me to this happy spot. [Embraces her.

Tag. The fellow's cracked for certain! leave your bombastic stuff, and tell me, rascal, why you left me, and where you have been these six months, heh?

Puff. We'll reserve my adventures for our happy winter's evenings-I shall only tell you now, that my heart beat so strong in my country's cause, and being instigated by either honour or the devil (I can't tell