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would not have done such a thing for his other eye, and there's no other in the neighbourhood.

Har. It was not Parson Dosey that did the kind office, but honest Joe Tackum.

Sir G. And pray, who the devil is honest Joe Tackum?

Cha. A friend of mine, sir, who I detained for the purpose.

Kit. Dea guardie, forgive me for this time, and I'll never do it again. [Kneeling. Miss B. Did you ever hear any thing so profligate and destitute? oh, you'll turn out finely, miss!-to deceive us all-what, guilty of such an abomination, in so short a time, and at your age!

Kit. Pray, madam, excuse me; is it not quite as bad to do it in so short a time, and at your age? Miss B. What do you mean, you impertinent slut? Sir G. Ay, what do you mean, Miss Hotupon't? Kit. Ask this gentleman, pray.

Sir G. Why, what the devil, sister!

[She looks confounded. Har. Since I am subpoena'd into court, I must speak the truth. That lady, in so short a time, and at her age, offered her hand for the same trip to matrimony; but I was not in a humour for travelling. Miss B. You are all a parcel of knaves, fools, and impertinent hussies-I'll never see your faces again. [Exit.

Sir G. Well, as my sister, who ought to be wiser, would have done the same, I will forgive the less offence. [Kisses her.] Make her a good husband, Charles and permit me to recommend one thing to you; let her never read a play, or go within the doors of a theatre; if you do, I would not underwrite her.

Cha. My life upon her faith. I am afraid, sir, you judge severely of the drama: it is the business

of the stage, to reflect the manners of the world; to shew virtue her own feature, scorn her own image, and the very age and hody of the time his form and pressure.

We point just satire to correct the age,
And give to truth a beauty from the stage.

[Exeunt.

THE

LYING VALET;

FARCE,

IN TWO ACTS.

AS PERFORMED AT THE

THEATRE ROYAL, DRURY-LANE.

BY

MR GARRICK.

[blocks in formation]

THE

LYING VALET.

ACT I.

SCENE I-GAYLESS's Lodgings

Enter GAYLESS and SHARP.

Sharp. How, sir, shall you be married to-morrow? Eh, I'm afraid you joke with your poor humble ser

vant.

Gay. I tell thee, Sharp, last night, Melissa consented, and fixed to-morrow for the happy day.

Sharp. 'Tis well she did, sir, or it might have been a dreadful one for us in our present condition: all your money spent; your moveables sold; your honour almost ruined, and your humble servant almost starved; we could not possibly have stood it two days longer; but if this young lady will marry you, and relieve us, o'my conscience I'll turn friend to the sex, rail no more at matrimony, but curse the whores, and think of a wife myself.

Gay. And yet, Sharp, when I think how I have imposed upon her, I am almost resolved to throw D †

VOL. IV.

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