« AnteriorContinuar »
~** **3 4+4..
should thus differ among themselves, and make even the profession ridiculous! sure the world is wide enough, at least, for two great personages to figure in; men of science should leave controversy to the little world below them; and then we might see Rock azt Franks walking together, hand in hand, smiling on ward to immortality. Oliver Goldsmith.
GOOD ADVICE FROM A FATHER TO A SON.
-I don't mind your taking a few glasses of wine in company-it cheers and enlivens, promotes mirth, spirit, and conversation;-nay-if you can bear it, at those times,-Tom-I don't much mind a whole bottle. But as you value yourself-and as you value my friendship-beware of t' other bottle. In all my experience in life, the mischief has been done by tother bottle. It is t'other bottle makes us drunk, quar. relsome, stupid, stay out late, keep bad hours, and bad company, and bad every thing.-Therefore, I say again, Tom-beware of t' other bottle!
THE INSANE ORGANIST.
At Worcester, there was an idiot, who was employed at the cathedral there, in blowing the organ. A remarkable fine anthem being performed one day, the organ-blower, when all was over, said, I think we have performed mighty well to-day. We per formed! answered the organist; I think 't was I performed, or I am much mistaken. Shortly after, another celebrated piece of music was to be played. In the middle of the anthem, the organ stops all a The organist cries out in a passion, why don' you blow? The fellow on that pops out his head from behind the organ, and said-shall it be we then?
Look up at the inscription on that venerable building, defaced with plaister; what does it record ? "Beautified by Samuel Smears and Daniel Daub, churchwardens." And so these honest gentlemen call disguising that fine old stone building with a thick coat of lime and hair, or whitewash, beautifying it! What is the history of all this? Why, the plain matter of fact is, that every parish-officer thinks he has a right to make a round bill on the parish during his year of power: an apothecary physics the poor; a glazier, first in cleaning, breaks the church windows, and afterwards mends them, or at least charges for it; a painter repairs the commandments, puts new coats on Moses and Aaron, gilds the organ pipes, and dresses the little cherubims about the loft as fine as verilion, prussian blue, and dutch gold, can make The late churchwardens were a silver-smith and a woollen-draper: the silver-smith new fashioned the communion plate; and the draper new-clothed the pulpit, and put fresh curtains to the windows. All this might be modestly done, were they not to insult the good sense of every beholder with their beautified shame on them!
THE EXPEDITIOUS PAINTER.
A certain nobleman having built a chapel, had a mind the stair-case leading to it should be ornamented with some scripture history-which he at last determined should be the Children of Israel passing through the Red Sea, and the Egyptians pursuing them,-A painter was employed upon this occasion, and fell to work immediately; and after he had daubed the wall from
top to bottom with red paint, he called to his lordship and told him the work was done.-Done! quoth the peer. What's done? Where are the Children of Is rael? My lord, they are gone over, replied the painter. But, zounds! where are the Egyptians the The Egyptians, my lord ?—why they are drowned to be sure!
THE ART OF PUNNING BY RULE.
By rule ?" Yes-thus. A man says, " Mr. Locke was a great metaphysician." "Oh Lord!' say you, that's nothing at all-I met a physician myself yes "terday.' The next rule is to lay a trap for a pun, by a previous question. Say 'do you think the dinner is ready?' "I really don't know," says one of the company, "I am going to see.” 'Oh, to sea, are you!' say you, I wish you a good voyage.'-Or the
say you what do you think of this business of the Empress and the Turks?' "Think!" says one, "why that the Empress will play the very devil with them. Why, sir, in another twelvemonth there will be no Turkey in Europe." Upon my word,' say you, 'I am sorry for that-it is a very charming dish, espec ially with a pudding in its belly.' Thus when you have learned to pun with facility, you may do what you please. One says-"Come pun away.' " Away! say you' I had better pun here had not Í ? “Igad," says another, "he is in for it, stop him who can." Nay,' say you, what should they stop me for? I have stolen nothing. "Well, upon my word," says the first, "that is beyond every thing." "Oh,' say you, if that is the case, you know I can go no farther,' S much for punning.
Dibdin's Musical Tour.
Phillips's Splendid Shilling. A Medicine for the Ladies. Lord Chesterfield's Advice to Lady Fanny Shirely. The Cookmaid Mary's Letter to Dr. Sheridan. Cowper's facetious History of John Gilpin. A Receipt to make a Love Letter. The Seeker, by Matth. Green.
PRINTED BY G. NICHOLSON AND CO.
Sold by T. KNOTT, No. 47, Lombard-street;
and CHAMPANTE & WHITROW, Jewry-street, London.