tle dandy having caught his little bit of ham-the old lady, her plate full of the boiled, and the crusty old gentleman beginning to survey with delighted eyes his ample moiety of the roasted, and the stewed, and the broiled; of all that walks, flies, or swims-then, precisely at that moment you hear a trumpet "shaking the archy vault," and the terrible words reverberated-

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Stage is ready"-ye, who have plates, to eat, prepare to leave them now! Every starving sojourner spitefully throws down knife and fork, and moving slowly and sullenly from the table," casts a longing, lingering look behind."

Your next business is, to get your old seat in the carriage, or else a better one. In the last case"Sir, is not that my seat?"

"'Twas yours--'tis mine”—

Then comes up to the door a new passenger, being numbered 21. He looks with a terrified eye upon the mass of mortality heaped in the carriage, and seems to be almost as much frightened as Macbeth when he saw the ghost of Banquo and exclaimed, "The table's full !” You proceed, the carriage breaks down; the little dandy spoils his hat; the old lady loses her bottle of rose water, and the crusty old gentleman loses his temper; the sailor is capsized, and the young lady ruins her Leghorn; the Frenchman exclaims "Hoh Peste!" and the lap-dog breaks his neck; and you, after a pleasant walk of ten miles, arrive at another tavern,

VIII. SHORT ANSWERS.

[From the same.]

"Give me men about me that are-prompt."

MR. EDITOR,

I AM a person of few words, and an admirer of pantomime. I like to "suit the action to the word," because brevity is the life of business as well as the soul of wit. When I am asked a question, I endeavour to answer it with common perspicuity; that is, I give a categorical answer, for I detest, myself, to be put off with a long

yawn, or a lazy respond that seems to say, "aye, what's the clock."

Time is money, time is knowledge-therefore time is valuable to all men, particularly in these hard times, when money is so scarce and knowledge is so uncertain. How much time would be saved if every body's neighbour would only give short answers!

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If, for instance, when you present a bill for payment, the debtor would say, yes, very right-I'll pay it." How much better that pithy sort of dialogue is, than

such as is too common, and withal a little inconvenient : for instance-" a bill! I really had forgotten you had an account against me! Why had you not brought it in before? I have just drawn on the bank for the last cent-hope you will not let another bill stand so long; I always pay all my bills punctually, but just at this time, I—I—have lent all my money: I have notes to pay tomorrow; the rascally banks won't discount the best paper in market: I expect a vessel next week: my lawyer (poor dog he is) either don't collect or won't pay over; I am busy now, pressed with all sorts of cares; must be here, must be there--zounds and death! I must be every where. Call to-day, tomorrow, next day, next week; I will then give you"-" Give what?"Why, give you--an answer, to be sure."

Now how, much better a direct answer in the first place would be; either, I can't pay you, or, I won't pay you; because, in either case the affair is ended, and you may go about your business. But to stand the butt of ignorance, impertinence, poverty and eternal loquacity, all at once, is more than is given to human patience to endure.

I went the other day to a shoemaker. In the simplicity of my heart, I wanted a pair of shoes made. "I want them made large with long quarters." "Quarters, (said the shoemaker) do you think the French army will make their quarters in Madrid ?" "With thin soals and low heels,” said I.

"Will the New-Hampshire votes be given to Craw ford ?" said the shoemaker.

"I have corns on my toes, (I continued) and cannot walk in straight shoes."

"The Pirates," said he→

"The shoes," I said—

"The Pirates, (said he) at last are”—

"Zounds! (I exclaimed) stick to your last; THE SHOES! I want the shoes to wear tomorrow for I am absolutely barefoot"

"If Bonaparte was alive," said my incorrigible man of wax-

"With short straps," I interrupted.

"He would be at the head"--"The Foot," said I— "of a hundred thous❞—

I rushed from the shop in a paroxysm of mortification. I went, not long since, limping with the rheumatism, to a physician. I gave him an affecting recital of my afflictions. Seizing me by the hand, and giving me such a cordial grasp as "made each particular hair to stand on end;" he exclaimed,

"Ah! my dear friend, pain is incident to the human frame".

"Oh" said I

"Galen and Hippocrates, and learned men”. ("O-o-h!" I shuddered internally!)

"And learned men of all ages have agreed in one position"

"Hoh!" ejaculated I, in the extremity of grief.

--"One position: (continued he) that there is a decaying principle inherent in the nature of man, which sooner or later, gradually, or instantaneously, produces his dissolution."

"Oh Lord!" said I.

"I remember a case, (pursued my tormentor, slapping me on my shoulder with a violence that sent twinges over my frame,) I remember a case reported of a patient in the Greenwich Hospital, who continued fortyfive years and six months under the exercise of the most excruciating complaint."

"Was it the rheumatism?" I asked in an agony of men tal suffering.

"No; it was the gravel!"

"Boo!" I roared with exultation and anger; and hobbled away relieved from my complaint.

Now, Mr. Editor, I am pretty comfortably situated. I see but few friends, whose communication is confined to yea, yea, and nay, nay. I have cured myself of the rheumatism. I order my shoes, by my own written dimensions, from the country. And to avoid long talks, I keep no books of accounts. By persevering in this plan of life, I yet hope to be a happy man.

IX. DRESS.

[Courier. Charleston.]

TAILORS and mantuamakers are the indispensables of life. Dress being of the earliest necessity, and of universal demand, the principles of the science must have been embodied in the mind by nature, and have embraced the whole understanding. Whether to cover or discover; whether to conceal or to display; whether to intimidate or to allure, dress is the universal expedient. Modes of thought, modes of feeling, modes of character, modes of rank, and modes of power, are only modes of dress. It reveals, by occular syllogisms, whatever you wish to know or to communicate to one another. It marks, with unfailing accuracy, your standing in society, and your particular pursuits. Dress a man in drab, for instance, and he is a quaker; dress him in black, and he is a clergyman; give him a short jacket, and he is a sailor; quill boots over his knees, and he is a soldier; give him a wig, and he is a judge; a garter, and he is a nobleman; put on him two epaulettes, and he is a general; dress his head in a turban, and he is a Turk; give him a black gown, and he is a barrister; a purple, and he is a king. If he swear with his hat on, he is a Hebrew; if he swear with his hat off, he is a christian; if his garments abound, he is a Mussul man; if they be deficient, he is a Highlander.

Sacred history attests the importance of the wedding garment. Hercules was destroyed by a poisonous piece of linen, and Antony, the artful orator, when influencing the Romans to vengeance, pointed to the bloody clothes of Cæsar. To say nothing of the double death of Des

demona and Othello; together with the revolution in Cyprus, effected by an Egyptian pocket handkerchief, such as is now called a zephyr.

The technicals of dress are engrafted on every pursuit, and embraced in every science. Dress the line, says the adjutant; dress the sallad, says the epicure; dress his jacket, cries the overseer. A lawyer is nothing without a suit; a courtier is nothing without address; and any man will be wronged if he cannot get redress. Will they not suit, Miss? asks the dapper shop-boy, as he hands a pretty girl a pair of gloves; and the printer of a newspaper calls on his customers to patronize its new dress.

So we have the habit of speaking, the habit of writing, &c.; the terms of dress being of universal use and application.

But the subject is exhaustless, and we forbear. Our only object at present, is, to draw the attention of the fashionables of Charleston, to the recent improvement in the dress of the gentlemen, received from London via Philadelphia, with which a friend has favoured us. It will be seen that while the bonnets of the ladies are perfectly elastic, sweetly nodding at every person they meet, as much as to say, yes, yes, yes, yes, in more charming rapidity than the tongue can pronounce, gentlemen are becoming a stiff-necked generation, and to use the words of the writer--Bows are EXPLODED.

CIRCULAR.

the

PHILADELPHIA, JAN. 12. Having recently received, from London, several articles of dress, that are fashionable there, I have thought proper, presuming you would be pleased to know what is worn, to send you a copy of a letter, giving a full and minute description of them severally; at the same time shewing the attention my business receives in Europe, and how beneficial such an arrangement will be to my customers, particularly those at a distance. In fact, I have been induced to do this, through a spirit of accommodation to my friends; for by it, I give them an opportunity to know what is really fashionable, not only in the shape of a coat, but in every article of dress.

DESCRIPTION.

The shirts are of two patterns, the one without a frill, and with a plaited full bosom, to be worn in the morning; the other with