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bo, "though in the trade of war he had slain men," yet, in the true spirit of chivalry, he wished to take no undue advantage of his antagonist, and therefore challenged him to meet him, in single combat, six months from that day, that he might be duly prepared for the conflict; but in the mean time, the fact must remain a profound secret except to the intimate friends of the parties. It was feared in the interim that the fact had leaked out; but the eventful day at length arrived, and in spite of their friends, they met-they fought. They were armed in a genteel and fashionable manner, that is to say, with "hair-triggers," Quashee, disdaining to avail himself of his superior physical force, by giving him what is vulgarly called a sound drubbing, as those less sensible to the dictates of honour would have done.
The parties took their positions, and the word was given to fire. Sambo, knowing the prowess of Quashee, and feeling, in the present case, that "delays are dangerous," in his eagerness to have the first shot, turned about with such rapidity, that he whirled too far by about ninety degrees, and, mistaking his second for his opponent, fired instantly, and had his skill been equal to his intrepidity, it is probable the shot would have been fatal; but he luckily escaped unhurt, the ball having only demolished a glass bottle which stood on the ground near his feet, containing some cordials, which had been provided in case they should be called for by any emer gency.
Quashee finding himself unhurt, now put in requisisition his collected energies, and with the determined coolness and valour of the Telamonian Ajax, with cer tain vengeance in his grasp, (having Sambo like the Lemnean hydra beneath the club of Hercules,) took his accustomed sure unerring aim-and Sambo fell. Quashee felt puissant as the Olympian lover, but he was acquainted with the chances of war and like Ulysses, he was not less prudent than brave; he therefore determined like a good general, not to lose any favourable opportunity, and he resolved to have another shot at Sambo before he had time to rise, through fear that the first had been ineffectual. It might be urged, to the discredit of
Quashee, that his intention was not in strict conformity to the laws of chivalry, but it cannot be denied that this was the true Machiavelian policy. Fortunately, however, the seconds, who had been considerably alarmed for their personal safety by the first shot, succeeded in preventing further bloodshed, representing to Quashee
hat his well earned laurels would fall from his brow, were he to attack his fallen enemy. Quashee, who feared that such another opportunity might never again occur, was very reluctant to comply, growling like a hungry lion, when his prey has escaped from his relentless grasp. Sambo's wound was not mortal.
Neither party was satisfied, though both were probably willing to avoid another engagement. Sambo contended that he had not an equal chance, not having had a dram during the whole morning, while Quashee had been stuffing his skin with numerous potations of peach brandy; besides, he was constantly rubbing his hands and face with a pocket handkerchief steeped in gunpowder and whiskey. This accusation Quashee indig nantly repelled, taking it for a direct assault upon his reputation for courage. He stated upon his honour that the handkerchief had been borrowed from Miss Dinah, and that it was only perfumed with burgamot, to counteract any noxious effluvia, that might be occasioned by the contest; that Sambo, in making such an assertion, proved himself "no gentleman." Quashee regretted very much that he had condescended to fight with a man of such a character; but that if Mungo, the second of Sambo, would furnish incontestible evidence, that he was himself a gentleman, Quashee would have no objection to give him a shot.
The correspondence between the parties would have been sent herewith, but a school-master in the neighbourhood has consented to give it a polish, the parties not being very conversant in those matters, or a meeting, no doubt, would have been avoided. The correspondence will fully evince that honour and sensibility are confined to no situation or colour.
"Reputation-that's man's idol,
"Set up 'gainst God, the maker of all laws,
"Who has commanded us we shall not kill
N. B. Sambo is "is perfectly comfortable and doing well."
I should think this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it; knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in such reverence." SHAK.-MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.
THE Custom of dedicating any article of sale, or invention, to those, who have been pleased to patronize it by their gracious approbation, which so generally prevails within the precincts of a royal court, seldom fails of incurring our ridicule. When we see it officially announced, that Mr. A. is appointed a peruke-maker to his majesty, and Mr. B. by special permission, is to be maker of lozenges, and caudle-provider to her serene highness, we deem it our prerogative to smile on the occasion. We do not consider that there are many of our own peculiarities equally open to ridicule, and which have not even the shadow of an apology for their support. The rights and privileges of royal patronage seem, in some degree, essential to the parade, if not existence, of his court. But with all their farcical display of patronage, the advertisements of the English courtdependants are not, in this respect, more ridiculous, than many of those puffing credentials, which our own learned men so indiscriminately bestow on every thing submitted to their inspection.
The inventor of a threshing machine, or a new theory of the earth, of improved blacking or improved grammar, a compounder of systems, or a compounder of pills, have each a peculiar patron, selected for his literary titles, to whom a public reference is made for the qualities ascribed to the subject of invention. It would seem, that a certificate of approbation from an A.M. LL.D. or D.D. was absolutely essential to a smooth chin, or a good cup of coffee. If it is so, then farewell to the en
joyment of our morning pleasures. We often indulge ourselves with a full bowl of cafe du Bourbon, and it is with no small degree of gout, that we imbibe its savoury elements; but alas, this innocent enjoyment is now to be withheld from us; our coffee is not Columbian, and therefore it cannot claim the recommendation of the governour. We frequently pay a morning visit to the knight of the comb and razor, to obtain relief from that torment of manhood, a beard; but now, the bristled sedge must flourish unshorn in spite of the " magnum bonum" and "Dutch rattler," for they are not edged on
Pomeroy's improved strap," so warmly recommended by a college professor. If physic is necessary for our bodily comforts, it must first be approved by the learned judges of the land, who deem it no derogation from their honours, to become the patrons of a pill box.
They leave the bench, to judge their drops and pills,
What, a governour to descend from the chair of state, to assume the office of herald to a coffee vender!--a judge to decide on the merits of a pill! and a learned professor to enroll his name on the mortal tablet of a razor-strap case! These separate offices seem, in our humble apprehension, so utterly incompatible with each other, that we should consider it impossible for them to be faithfully administered by the same person. It is true, that in the paucity of dramatis persone, of a village theatre, we have seen buskined royalty disguised in a candle snuffer, and a cidevant princess reduced to her proper person, a chambermaid. But surely, amidst the varieties of character, that may be found in the community, there can be no necessity for our governours, judges, and professors to become the genii of domestic coffeemakers, pill-compounders, and barber's blocks.
We are willing to trust either of those gentlemen, in recommending any work belonging to their peculiar departments, but in the mysteries of the kitchen, mortar or pestle, or barber's trade, we hope it will not be deemed derogatory to their character, if we do suggest doubts of their being competent standards of public opinion. Certain we are, that our coffee, especially if do
mestic, would not be a whit more palatable from the circumstance, that a governour has publickly recommended it; and we should hardly rely with more confidence on the efficacy of that sovereign specific, for all maladies, a pill, because a judge has pronounced a judgement in its favour, and we should anticipate no smoother chin, from a razor rubbed, secundum artem, on a college professor's favourite strap.
This system, of puffing by authority, is mere gulling. Names of distinguished men are used for the purpose of securing the sale of any article in the market, with as little ceremony, as a sportsman would use in springing woodcocks. Be it a washing machine, or a cooking apparatus, a steam engine or improved rat-trap, some name of eminence must be subscribed to its "probatum est," or its public utility will never be duly valued.
There is another custom which is, in some degree, assimilated to this, and which seems quite as ridiculous; we mean the rendering, to the ex-presidents of the United states, annual tithes of the first fruits, that are forced by a July sun, and ardent temperament, from young professional scions. These premature productions are generally too insipid, and can never be preserved in a fit state to suit such delicate palates.
The exemption of all letters and addresses, to these honourable gentlemen from post charges, has often times proved a luckless act for their patience. Congress could not have anticipated the perversion of their frank, to a passport for the numerous orations, that are annually engendered by the warmth of July and liberty, or it certainly would have made some provision, against this imposition on the people's pockets, and the ex-presidents' patience.
Indeed, this custom seems to us, like "carrying coals to Newcastle;" and we hope, it will be carefully avoided by all future orators, who may be called on, in course, to spout the flames of liberty, and blood of revolutionary patriots, till their history shall cease to be outraged by an incorrect recital.