"I confess I am not," returned the Doctor, "for we have jumped to a conclusion in defiance of all method: which I hold to be treason against the laws of true ratiocination."

"Do

you say he abolished or not?" cried the traveller, with petulance.

"He did, and he didn't," answered M'Ginnis. "What's coming now!" exclaimed Evelyn. "Gentlemen, I see ye are none of ye metaphyseecians," observed M'Ginnis.

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Metaphysicians or not," said Lord Bellenden, "we seem to have lost the King of Prussia, and as the ladies have sent for us, we will finish the argument some other time."

CHAP. VII.

WHICH MAY SUIT EITHER TOWN OR COUNTRY,

"Grows, lives, and dies, in single blessedness."

SHAKSPEARE.

LADY Bellenden in her drawing-room, if she had not so lively, had at least an easier task than her Lord. The three Baronets' wives, vivacious as they had been in defence of their legal rights before dinner,

sunk into dull and harmless quiescence, when those rights were no longer disturbed.

Mrs. Neville, departing from the character of humility she had imposed upon herself at dinner, received all Lady Bluemantle's advances (which were many) with disdainful coldness; and as to Lady Gertrude, it was quite sufficient that she obeyed her mother's commands by remaining in the drawingroom: to assist her in doing its honours, by endea vouring to put her guests at ease with their hostess, or with themselves, formed, as she thought, no part of the compact. She therefore gave herself up as before, entirely to Mrs. Neville; who, to do her justice, returned all her amenities with a most exact reciprocity of feeling. To no other female in the room, not even to Miss Lyttleton or Georgina, did she vouchsafe a single word. Nay, so strong was the friendship of the two ladies, that a large window forming a considerable recess in the room, these Exclusives removed their chairs into it, in order the better to enjoy their unexpected meeting; which seemed, they said, as if it had happened in a foreign land.

In this emergency, Miss Lyttleton, after not only gaping, but stretching two or three times, declared they were all great bores; adding, that if she were at home, she would go and amuse herself in the stable.

"That would be an excellent resource," said Lady Bellenden.

"How is my Lord off for cattle ?" continued Miss Lyttleton-" Miss Evelyn, are you fond of riding?"

"I am afraid you will despise me; I have only seen hounds throw off."

"That's something, however! Do you like going to the stables ?"

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"Very much-for I have a favourite little horse." Why, I declare, my dear creature, you have some soul in you. I could almost kiss you."

The two ladies in the recess looked round at this, and smiled at one another with ineffable superiority; but the conversation again languished, until Miss Lyttleton, turning to a Miss Carysfort, who sat near, asked her to enliven them with a little scandal. Now, let none of our readers imagine that this question was put, merely because the said Miss Carysfort was an old maid. Forbid it all the veneration I entertain for that sacred, and happy, because independent character: that is to say, if those to whom it belongs be rich. If poor, they must do as other poor devils do; fawn, and agree with, and traduce, and invent, just as those who feed them please-but not the more (I still assert) because they

are old maids, than if they were wives or widows. No; if at all at their ease, they are more at their ease than others; and are infinitely more courted,> (particularly if they have not made their wills,) than the best wife and mother on earth. The cares of the world press light upon them; they have no anxiety about the health, character, or fortune of a tribe of children, the humour in which a husband may come home, or the continuance of their empire: over his affections; they have nobody's taste to consult, overcome, or defer to; nor that sad source of altercation, the questions, how they shall pass the summer in the country-or how live, or dress, or amuse themselves in town. From all this they are delivered. If they are sick, a cloud of nephews and nieces present themselves hourly at their doors, to enquire after their health; if well, the said nephews> and neices all rejoice. Meantime they generally have some decent old maid, like themselves, half companion, half servant, always at their call at home, on whom they may vent all their little vexations, so as to appear in ever-smiling good-humour abroad.

You describe them so well, (I think I hear the reader say,) that you must certainly be one of the tribe yourself!

Of that, dear reader, I cannot satisfy thee; only if I am, I hope it is one of the happy sort I have been describing. For the blessings I have set before

thee, are not to be purchased without price. There is a requisite for this perfect enjoyment, not easily obtained, and often, when supposed to be obtained, vibrating in a doubtful state between hope and fear; nay sometimes, after being apparently within our grasp, thrown voluntarily away, as it should seem from very wantonness. Yet this requisite is very simple, with all its difficulties. It is merely and solely, that the old maid should have fairly, soberly, deliberately, and bona fide, given the matter up. It is inconceivable, from not understanding this, to how many misrepresentations, and ignorant calumnies, the poor old maid is subject. For observe, I talk of a real, pure, and unsophisticated old maid: none of your doubtful characters, who are still hesitating and hankering, and put out of their straight line, by every chance attention they meet; with whom, one squeeze of the hand, (unexpected as it may be,) is sure to demolish a six months' resolution. Woe to all such, for their happiness is not arrived, and they drag on a miserable, uncertain, between hawk and buzzard existence, which subjects them (like the poor bat in the fable, that was neither bird nor beast,) to a thousand affronts. But once fairly fixed, in a determinate capacity, with a good well-engraved Mrs. on their cards, their independence continues for the rest of their lives, and their happiness is complete!

But is there no rule, no operation of nature, by