The Comic Almanack for 1836

saw it he turned white, and deadly sick; and the poor fellow, in an agony of fright, sunk shivering down upon one of the butcher's cutting blocks, which was in the yard.

We saw old Brisket look steadily (as steadily as he could) at the confounded impudent, pert, waggling feather; and then an idea began to dawn upon his mind, that there was a head to the hat; and then he slowly rose up-he was a man of six feet, and fifteen stone-he rose up, put on his apron and sleeves, and took down his cleaver.

"Betsy," says he, "open the yard door." But the poor girls screamed, and flung on their knees, and begged, and wept, and did their very best to prevent him. "OPEN THE YARD DOOR," says he, with a thundering loud voice; and the great bull-dog, hearing it, started up, and uttered a yell which sent me flying to the other end of the court.-Dobble couldn't move; he was sitting on the block, blubbering like a baby.

The door opened, and out Mr. Brisket came.

"To him, Jowler," says he, "keep him, Jowler,"-and the horrid dog flew at me, and I flew back into the corner, and drew my sword, determining to sell my life dearly.

"That's it," says Brisket, "keep him there,-good dog,-good dog! And now, sir," says he, turning round to Dobble, "is this your hat?"

"Yes," says Dobble, fit to choke with fright.

"Well, then," says Brisket, "it's my-(hick)-my painful duty to-(hick) -to tell you, that as I've got your hat, I must have your head;-it's painful, but it must be done. You'd better-(hick)-settle yourself com-comfumarably against that (hick) that block, and I'll chop it off before you can say Jack(hick)-no, I mean Jack Robinson."

Dobble went down on his knees, and shrieked out, "I'm an only son, Mr. Brisket! I'll marry her, sir; I will, upon my honour, sir.-Consider my mother, sir; consider my mother."

"That's it, sir," says Brisket-" that's a good-(hick)—a good boy;-just put your head down quietly-and I'll have it off-yes, off-as if you were Louis the Six-the Sixtix-the Sixtickleteenth.-I'll chop the other chap afterwards."

When I heard this, I made a sudden bound back, and gave such a cry as any man might who was in such a way. The ferocious Jowler, thinking I was going to escape, flew at my throat; screaming furious, I flung out my arms in a kind of desperation,-and, to my wonder, down fell the dog, dead, and run through the body!

At this moment a posse of people rushed in upon old Brisket,-one of his daughters had had the sense to summon them, and Dobble's head was saved. And when they saw the dog lying dead at my feet, my ghastly look, my bloody sword, they gave me no small credit for my bravery. "A terrible fellow that Stubbs," said they; and so the mess said, the next day.

I didn't tell them that the dog had committed suicide-why should I? And I didn't say a word about Dobble's cowardice. I said he was a brave fellow, and fought like a tiger; and this prevented him from telling tales. I had the dog-skin made into a pair of pistol-holsters, and looked so fierce, and got such a name for courage in our regiment, that when we had to meet the regulars, Bob Stubbs was always the man put forward to support the honour of the corps. The women, you know, adore courage; and such was my reputation at this time, that I might have had my pick out of half-a-dozen, with three, four, or five thousand pounds a-piece, who were dying for love of me and my red coat. But I wasn't such a fool. I had been twice on the point of marriage, and twice disappointed; and I vowed by all the Saints to have a wife, and a rich one. Depend upon this, as an infallible maxim to guide you through life-It's as easy to get a rich wife as a poor one;-the same bait that will hook a fly will hook a salmon.

JULY, XXXI DAYS.

MOON'S CHANGES..

Last Quar... 4 day 14 min. past 5 mo.
New Moon.. 10 day 1 min. past 11 aft.
First Quar... 18 day 1 min. past 3 aft.
Full Moon.. 26 day 25 min. past 11 mo.