Consigns the dear charmer to rest, With a dose of the best Prussic acid. Thus quiet thee, mate of my bed! And, as poison and hemp are too slow Do thy business with bullets instead. Should thy faith in my medicine be shaken, That, blest as thou art in thy lot, Nothing's wanted to make it more pleasant But being hang'd, tortur'd, and shot, Much oft'ner than thou art at present. Even Wellington's self hath averr'd Thou art yet but half sabred and hung, And I lov'd him the more when I heard Such tenderness fall from his tongue. So take the five millions of pills, "Tis the cure that all quacks for thy ills, And you, ye brave bullets that go. How I wish that, before you set out, The Devil of the Freischutz could know, For he'd charm ye, in spite of your lead, That you'd all of you know, as you sped, A LATE SCENE AT SWANAGE.* Regnis Ex-sul ademtis. VIRG. 1827. To Swanage that neat little town, in whose bay Fair Thetis shows off, in her best silver slippers Lord Bags† took his annual trip t' other day, To taste the sea breezes, and chat with the dippers. There-learn'd as he is in conundrums and laws Quoth he to his dame (whom he oft plays the wag on), "Why are chancery suitors like bathers?" "Be cause "Their suits are put off, till-they have n't a rag on." A small bathing-place on the coast of Dorsetshire, long a favourite summer resort of the ex-nobleman in question, and, ill this season, much frequented also by gentlemen of the church. The Lord Chancellor Eldon. Thus on he went chatting—but, lo, while he chats, With a face full of wonder around him he looks; For he misses his parsons, his dear shovel hats, Who used to flock round him at Swanage like rooks. "How is this, Lady Bags?-to this region aquatic "Last year they came swarming, to make me their bow, "As thick as Burke's cloud o'er the vales of Carnatic, 66 Deans, Rectors, D. D.'s where the dev'l are they now?" 66 "My dearest Lord Bags!" saith his dame, can you doubt? "I am loth to remind you of things so unpleasant; "But don't you perceive, dear, the Church have found out "That you're one of the people call'd Ex's, at present?" "Ah, true you have hit it -I am, indeed, one "Of those ill-fated Ex's (his Lordship replies), "And, with tears, I confess God forgive me the pun! "We X's have proved ourselves not to be Y's." WO! WO!* Wo, wo unto him who would check or disturb it— That beautiful Light, which is now on its way; Which, beaming, at first, o'er the bogs of Belturbet, Now brightens sweet Ballinafad with its ray! Oh Farnham, Saint Farnham, how much do we owe thee! How form'd to all tastes are thy various employs! The old, as a catcher of Catholics, know thee, The young, as an amateur scourger of boys. Wo, wo to the man, who such doings would smother! On, Luther of Cavan! On, Saint of Kilgroggy! With whip in one hand, and with Bible in 't other, Like Mungo's tormentor, both "preachee and floggee." Come, Saints from all quarters, and marshal his way; Come, Lorton, who, scorning profane erudition, Popp'd Shakspeare, they say, in the river, one day, Though 't was only old Bowdler's Velluti edition. Suggested by a speech of the Bishop of Chester on the subject of the New Reformation in Ireland, in which his Lordship denounced "Wo! Wo! Wo!" pretty abundantly on all those who dared to interfere with its progress. Come, Roden, who doubtest so mild are thy views Whether Bibles or bullets are best for the nation; Who leav'st to poor Paddy no medium to choose, "Twixt good old Rebellion and new Reformation. What more from her Saints can Hibernia require? Wo, wo to the man, who would check their career, Or stop the Millennium, that's sure to await us, When, bless'd with an orthodox crop every year, We shall learn to raise Protestants, fast as pota toes. In kidnapping Papists, our rulers, we know, Had been trying their talent for many a day; Till Farnham, when all had been tried, came to show, Like the German flea-catcher, "anoder goot way." And nothing's more simple than Farnham's receipt; "Catch your Catholic, first- soak him well in poteen-t • The inextinguishable fire of St. Bridget, at Kildare + Whiskey. |