it an easy pad-ram, and foreseeing she might have further occasion for it, she purchased it of the steward. "Mrs. Sarah Dainty, relict of Mr. John Dainty, who was the greatest prude of the parish, came next in the procession. She at first made some difficulty of taking the tail in her hand; and was observed, in pronouncing the form of penance, to soften the two most emphatical words into clincum clancum : but the steward took care to make her speak plain English before he would let her have her land again. "The third widow that was brought to this worldly shame, being mounted upon a vicious ram, had the misfortune to be thrown by him; upon which she hoped to be excused from going through the rest of the ceremony; but the steward, being well versed in the law, observed very wisely upon this occasion, that the breaking of the rope does not hinder the execution of the criminal. "The fourth lady upon record was the widow Ogle, a famous coquette, who had kept half a score young fellows off and on for the space of two years; but having been more kind to her carter John, she was introduced with the huzzas of all her lovers about her. "Mrs. Sable appearing in her weeds, which were very new and fresh, and of the same colour with her whimsical palfrey, made a very decent figure in the solemnity. "Another, who had been summoned to make her appearance, was excused by the steward, as well knowing in his heart, that the good squire himself had qualified her for the ram. "Mrs. Quick, having nothing to the indicment, pleaded her belly. object against But it was re membered that she made the same excuse the year before. Upon which the steward observed, that she might so contrive it, as never to do the service of the manor. "The widow Fidget being cited into court, insisted that she had done no more since the death of her husband than what she used to do in his lifetime; and withal desired Mr. Steward to consider his own wife's case if he should chance to die before her. "The next in order was a dowager of a very corpulent make, who would have been excused as not finding any ram that was able to carry her; upon which the steward commuted her punishment, and ordered her to make her entry upon a black ox. "The widow Maskwell, a woman who had long lived with a most unblemished character, having turned off her old chamber-maid in a pet, was by that revengeful creature brought in upon the black ram nine times the same day. "Several widows of the neighbourhood, being brought upon their trial, they showed that they did not hold of the manor, and were discharged accordingly. "A pretty young creature, who closed the procession, came ambling in, with so bewitching an air, that the steward was observed to cast a sheep's eye upon her, and married her within a month after the death of his wife. "N. B. Mrs. Touchwood appeared, according to summons, but had nothing laid to her charge; having lived irreproachably since the decease of her husband, who left her a widow in the sixty-ninth year of her age. "I am, SIR," &c. No. 624. WEDNESDAY, NOV. 24, 1714. Audire, atque togam jubeo componere, quisquis Ambitione malá, aut argenti pallet amore; Quisquis luxuriá.— HOR. SAT. ii. 3. 77. Sit still, and hear, those whom proud thoughts do swell, CREECH. MANKIND is divided into two parts, the busy and the idle. The busy world may be divided into the virtuous and the vicious. The vicious again into the covetous, the ambitious, and the sensual. The idle part of mankind are in a state inferior to any one of these. All the other are engaged in the pursuit of happiness, though often misplaced, and are therefore more likely to be attentive to such means as shall be proposed to them for that end. The idle, who are neither wise for this world nor the next, are emphatically called by doctor Tillotson fools at large.' They propose to themselves no end, but run adrift with every wind. Advice, therefore, would be but thrown away upon them, since they would scarce take the pains to read it. I shall not fatigue any of this worthless tribe with a long harangue; but will leave them with this short saying of Plato, that labour is preferable to idleness, as brightness to rust.' "The pursuits of the active part of mankind are either in the paths of religion and virtue; or, on the other hand, in the roads to wealth, honours, or pleasure. I shall, therefore, compare the pursuits of avarice, ambition, and sensual delight with their op posite virtues; and shall consider which of these principles engages men in a course of the greatest labour, suffering, and assiduity. Most men, in their cool reasonings, are willing to allow that a course of virtue will, in the end, be rewarded the most amply; but represent the way to it as rugged and narrow. If therefore it can be made appear, that men struggle through as many troubles to be miserable as they do to be happy, my readers may, perhaps, be persuaded to be good when they find they shall lose nothing by it. First, for avarice. The miser is more industrious than the saint: the pains of getting, the fears of losing, and the inability of enjoyings, his wealth, have been the mark of satire in all ages. Were his repentance upon his neglect of a good bargain, his sorrow for being over-reached, his hope of improving a sum, and his fear of falling into want, directed to their proper objects, they would make so many different Christian graces and virtues. He may apply to himself a great part of Saint Paul's catalogue of sufferings. "In journeyings often; in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils among false brethren, In weariness, and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often."-At how much less expense might he lay up to himself treasures in heaven!' Or, if I may in this place be allowed to add the saying of a great philosopher, he may provide such possessions as fear neither arms, nor men, nor Jove himself.' In the second place, if we look upon the toils of ambition in the same light, as we have considered those of avarice, we shall readily own that far less trouble is requisite to gain lasting glory than the power and reputation of a few years; or, in other words, we may with more ease deserve honour than me miss as long as I live, must be married before me, they say. She tells them that Mr. Fondle makes a fool of me, and will spoil the child, as she calls me, like a confident thing as she is. In short, I am resolved to marry Mr. Fondle, if it be but to spite her. But because I would do nothing that is imprudent, I beg of you to give me your answers to some questions I will write down, and desire you to get them printed in the Spectator, and I do not doubt but you will give such advice as I am sure I shall follow. "When Mr. Fondle looks upon me for half an hour together, and calls me Angel, is he not in love?" 'Answer. No.' 66 May not I be certain he will be a kind husband, that has promised me half my portion in pin-money, and to keep me a coach and six in the bargain ?” 'No.' "Whether I, who have been acquainted with him this whole year almost, am not a better judge of his merit than my father and mother, who never heard him talk but at table?" 'No.' "Whether I am not old enough to choose for myself?" C No.' "Whether it would not have been rude in me to refuse a lock of his hair?” 'No.' "Should not I be a very barbarous creature, if I did not pity a man that is always sighing for my sake?" 'No.' "Whether you would not advise me to run away with the poor man?” 1 No.' |