nations, and blasphemies, as might overpower my reason, which together with the faith of my heart kept me close to my Saviour. The object of the physical operation was to cloud, contaminate, and weaken the nervous energy of my natural brain, the emblem of right reason, and of our Lord Jesus Christ *, and through it the strength of my natural heart, the seat and source of faith and courage, by the similar application of those corrupt and deadly effluvia which arose upon the sudden opening of that dangerous aggregation of putrid matter in the natural ulcer.

Now, the ulcer, or rather the bottomless pit, of my own heart's moral and spiritual corruptions and infidelities, had just been opened in the same ignorant, unsuspecting way by me (under a divine influence), and therefore, through the medium of " the prince of the power "of the air," as Satan is denominated by St. Paul. The abominations which arose therefrom were applied to my reason and conscience, in the same violent rapid manner, and produced similar effects proportionately, in the spiritual scale.

[Five pages of the MS. are by advice omitted here.]

matter; or which is the same thing inversely, the action of the matter upon the brain; for 2×3=3×2 and 2+3=3 +2.

Ephesians, iv. 15, 16.

When bed-time came, I desired to pray for pardon, peace, and protection; but when I attempted to kneel, I was opposed by I know not what spirit of dismal sullen pride, mixed with horror and despair; which painted me to myself in such colours, that I feared to present myself, a wretch fit only for hell, before the Divine Presence. Yet feeling that it was absolutely necessary, and that there was no time to be lost, I, as it were by main force, bent my stubborn knees to the earth; not free from a wicked shame, lest I should be detected in that humble posture; and raising my hands, remained for some time in that state, without daring to lift my eyes or thoughts to heaven, which appeared to me a presumptuous and vain effort. But at length, a fresh agony of horror and terror forced open my mouth, in broken ejaculations for mercy! Yet when I attempted to utter the words Saviour! Jesus Christ! I could not produce them. I was again opposed by a suggestion, that I did not believe in Him; that He knew this; that it was all mere pretence, extorted by fear, and that he would reject my impious hypocrisy! At last I exclaimed to this effect, "I do desire to believe in Thee, O Lord; I see the glory of this belief; I feel the beauty of Thy redemption, the necessity of it! O make me to believe; have mercy upon me,

K

miserable sinner! O save my soul from the powers of darkness!"

C

After some time passed in this manner, struggling against the desperate assaults of infidelity, guilt, and despair, I became more composed and calm, and resigned myself into the hands of my God and Saviour, with some degree of faith and hope. Yet I could not sleep; for a continual succession of gloomy ideas, heightened by the solitude and romantic wildness of the place, kept me waking. A tiger also that infested the hill, and broke the silence of the night with his hoarse voice, (which resembled the action of a large saw on a bar of iron,) appeared to my perturbed mind the messenger of the prince of darkness, whose vengeance he seemed to denounce against me (as he stopped at the foot of the wall directly under my window) as a traitor and a deserter.

About this time, I had received orders to proceed to Bangalore, to take the command of the corps to which I belonged, it having become vacant by the death of the commanding officer; and I accordingly set off the next morning, the 3d or 4th of March 1792, at daybreak.

[Twenty-one pages of the original Narrative are here omitted by the advice of friends.]

After my arrival at Bangalore, I became most anxious to procure a Bible, which I con

sidered as the true bread of life, the true waters of comfort, and the only effectual balm for my wounded spirit. There appeared but little probability of getting such a book in such a place; yet so great, so precious, were the mercies of God to me, that after two or three days search, he provided for me this inestimable treasure, this pearl of great price, which I hardly dared to hope for. This gift of God then became my great, and almost only study; and the more I read, the more I was comforted, encouraged, and instructed by its precious truths. I perceived the figurative spirit, as well as the literal form, of all its parts *; but when I came to read the Epistles of St. Paul, my surprise was great, as well as my joy, to find that the very things which I had written at Ramghurry, respecting the resemblance of the visible and the invisible things of God, and particularly the close analogy between the human soul and body, and the symbol of a spiritual matrimony in the union of man and wife, were (as it appeared to me) all taught therein; only not in so detailed and essay-like a manner, but with the authority, accuracy, and concentration of the inspired Scriptures.

That is to say, in general; not that I presume even to think, that I understood one hundredth part of the particulars.

+ See Romans, i. 19, 20; Ib. vii.; 1 Cor. xi. 1–17; Ephes. iv. 4. 12, 13, 14, 15, 16; Ib. v. 31, 32.

This supposed discovery convinced me more fully, that I had been assisted in what I wrote, by the grace of God; who had thus by His Holy Spirit of Truth, through our Lord Jesus Christ, deigned to reveal to me in that secluded situation, the holy mysteries of his faith; and that these parts, at least, of my writings were not suggested by Satan. But though my faith was greatly confirmed by this coincidence, yet my adversary, and my own depravity, were still present to ensnare me, and by every means to turn truth into error, and error into truth, in my ignorant, weak, fearful, yet presumptuous heart and mind.

Happy and safe would it have been for me, perhaps (for I know nothing), had I, or could I have remained content in humble faith and practical knowledge, gradually acquired by obedience. What fiery trials and tribulations I should then have escaped! But my curiosity, my intense thirst for spiritual knowledge, were so predominant; my heart and imagination were so ravished and transported with the beautiful

* I call it supposed, not because I have any doubts of its reality; that is impossible. But out of respect to the prejudices of those who are young in the analogy of faith.

+ My present knowledge of the exclusive sense in which the word spiritual is used by evangelical persons in England, makes it proper to say, that my meaning is more general; including evangelism, intellectuality, &c.