Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB
[ocr errors]

though they were certainly true in themselves, yet if they were suggested by him I saw plainly that it must be for some evil purpose of pride and eventual impiety. If, on the other hand, these beautiful visions were afforded by the grace of my Saviour, I was confident that he would in due time clearly demonstrate to me that they were so. I therefore determined to decide upon nothing, but to wait patiently, and apply myself continually to the study of the Scriptures; which alone were to be depended on, as the source and standard of divine truth.

In the course of my close application to the study of the Scriptures, I necessarily met with many parts, which I could not properly digest or understand. Indeed, such was my timidity, and self-diffidence, and fear of my enemy, that I hardly ever ventured to think or reason freely on any difficult text; but resolved, as the safest way to take, and if possible, to obey them all literally. Observing that our Saviour cast out a spirit of lunacy which His disciples were unable to do, and that one cause assigned for it was this, viz. "Howbeit this kind goeth not "out, but by prayer and fasting," I became strongly inclined to think, from the uncommonly agitated state of my mind, which, like the ocean vexed with fierce winds, never rested day or night, that I was possessed by such a spirit. And truly, the incessant struggles

[ocr errors]

within me, between faith and fear, did to a poor blind worm render such an opinion very plausible. However, I resolved at all events, if there was such a spirit in me, to drive him out, since the mode was clearly laid down by our Lord himself. I therefore, after praying for a blessing upon my weak endeavours, immediately entered upon a course of severe fasting and continual prayer*.

* I have since heard a new exposition of the above text of Scripture, viz. That it is not the diseased and possessed person who is expected to fast or to pray for himself; but the priest or exorcist, who is to fast and pray for him. I confess, that this opinion does not appear to me to be very probable, except in as much as it regards the prayer. Prayer must no doubt be necessary, and the poor lunatic cannot (except in a lucid interval) be expected to pray for himself; therefore the exorcist must undoubtedly pray, and with real genuine faith too, in order to succeed. But how can the fasting of the priest benefit the lunatic? It can only be by miracle, and the reception of such doctrine would evidently carry us back to the dark ages of popish superstition and imposture. I therefore apprehend, that the lunatic must fast, or be made to fast, for himself. He cannot be made to pray, but he may be made to fast. Exclusive of these considerations, there is a natural tendency and fitness in fasting, to cure, or at least to mitigate all such kinds of disorders; of which certain fits seem to be a species.

I have known more than one person visited by fits, very similar in appearance to those described in the Gospel concerning the lunatic, who were much relieved, and one positively cured, during the period of his abstinence from wine,

For about a fortnight, I ate little besides bread and water, in small quantities; and twice in every week I fasted altogether for one day, and the first time for two entire days, or forty-eight hours. I also passed the whole of each day, from sunrise till sunset (excepting only the unfrequent calls of subaltern duty) in earnest prayer, reading, and meditation, on my knees, or on my feet; with the exception only of such intervals of rest, as were absolutely necessary to keep me from fainting with heat; and observing that David says, "At midnight will I rise," &c. I also arose and prayed often when I awoke during the night......

1

But I did not succeed so well as I had expected by this rigorous regimen; for I found that hunger often made me fretful and impatient; and I also found my strength much diminished, and that I was no longer able to do my duty properly. Also, my hunger often became so urgent, that when food was before me I could not restrain myself, when once I began

spirits, smoking, and much animal food; that is to say, one year. After this he resumed his old habits, in consequence of which his fits returned immediately with increased violence.

as

The state of intoxication and heat, into which the mind well as body is thrown by such excesses, seems to rouse the evil spirit, and to be a kind of signal, that he may lawfully attack the backsliding sinner......

. I

to eat, but often ate so immoderately, as to hurt my health by the contrast between entire emptiness and repletion.

Yet mistaken as I was, I do believe that my blind endeavours were graciously accepted, because they were sincerely intended in humble faith; or rather, the Lord, having called me unto eternal life, was pleased to excuse my follies and infirmities for his covenant's sake. Neither were they useless; for though I perceived no sensible expulsion of any evil spirit, yet the inconveniences that resulted from my errors, taught me, by slow degrees, that MODERATION, or TEMPERANCE, was, in the course of nature and Providence, the point of perfection in the worm man; and that every degree beyond this right angle, and true perpendicular, only carried him nearer to the regions of superstition on one side, or of sensuality and licentiousness on the other.

1

In my silly misapplication of truth, and true principles, I preferred to eat unleavened bread, though it did not agree with me, because it was an emblem of "sincerity and truth;" and though milk agreed still worse with my stomach, yet I used it as a meal, because St. Peter terms the first principles of the Gospel "the sincere "milk of the word." Not that I thought there was any holiness in milk, but I thought that it

must be particularly nourishing to obtain the honour of being such an emblem.

The longer I persisted in this very foolish regimen, the more enfeebled I became in mind and body; till at last a sudden instinctive sensation, like the voice of expiring common sense, told me that I was acting most absurdly, and that my health and strength would be immediately restored by a change of diet, and a moderate use of the hooka, or Indian pipe.

I resisted this impulse for some time, as a snare and temptation of the devil; but as it became daily more powerful, and my weakness more intolerable, I at last (after consulting by letter an old staunch Christian at Madras, for whose opinion I had a high respect, and being assured by him that there could be no harm in it, if taken in moderation) resumed it, after first beseeching the Lord to sanctify it to me, and to pardon me if I was doing wrong. The consequence of this was, that the very first day I used it, I got such bodily strength and comfort, as to be able to take a walk of three or four miles, without inconvenience; in two or three days my disorder was stopped, my stomach digested its food, which I changed from milk to flesh, and I recovered my health and animal spirits,

.

From this circumstance, I hoped that what I had done was not criminal, since such a

« AnteriorContinuar »