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found, in short, that the manners of a gentleman were quite different things in England and in India; and that in the latter nothing could pass for such, which was not blasphemous, or lewd, or riotous, or predatory; that is to say, the public being the common object of plunder.

Truth obliges me to make this declaration, because these things had an effect on myself, which it is in my plan to notice; the same truth, however,, requires me also to own, that those shocking manners are at present (1809) banished from among us.

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For some time I flattered myself (in my simplicity) that perhaps some Scipio might be found, after whose instructions and example I might model my own conduct. I still remembered with pleasure what I had read at school, concerning the supper conversations of the ancients; of the Grecian and Roman generals, who amused and improved themselves and their officers, by the discussions of Military topics, by analyzing different orders of battle, and considering the conduct of other great commanders before them. I hoped to find something of this kind; but I soon discovered that I was looking for what had no actual existence *.

I confess that I wanted to play the general, before I had learned the duty of the subaltern. But still this error was a weed which grew up with the useful fruit, of military ardour.

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In this situation my love of military glory was useful. I saw plainly, that if I became á debauched, enervate, idle, sensual creature, like many others, I must give up all pretensions and hopes of distinguishing myself in my profession, which object required self-denial, and a contempt of luxury; and I therefore avoided, as far aslay in my power, all such company, as I would have avoided a house infected with the plague.

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Providentially, I loved reading, had still some relish for drawing, and delighted in music; so that these occupations, together with the occasional study of the Persian language, were very useful for a time in preserving me from the destructive abuses which daily ruined the most promising young men before my eyes; either carrying them quickly to the grave, or else leaving them mere shadows of men both in body and spirit."

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Yet I was not always able to keep clear of such society, which was then very general; so that by degrees I lost much of my dislike to the manners of this new world; and as our common center of gravity lay much nearer to them than to me, I became by degrees drawn into close contact with them. Nevertheless, providential head-aches, and sickness, soon disgusted me, and convinced me that I must either give up my health or my company; I therefore soon

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retired again to my reading and music, and my cloud-built towers of military fame; which, however, became daily more obscure.

With respect to women, I fear I was not more virtuous than my neighbours; but I was often more prudent, reserved, and ashamed of my excesses. I often lamented the dreadful necessity (as I called it) which drove me to do what in my cooler moments I much condemned and despised, though not from religious motives. I often reflected with inexpressible regret upon my romantic love in England, which, wild as it had been, was honourable and beautiful, when compared with these degrading connections. I wished that it was in my power to marry, or to subdue my corrupt propensities altogether, which, if I could effect it, would be a noble effort and triumph of philosophy. But my increasing knowledge of the world soon drove away this notion; for I reflected, that I could not gain any honour and glory from such a victory, were I even able to effect it; but on the contrary should only expose myself to ridicule and reproach.

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But I was for a time delivered from these entanglements, by the almost sleeping spirit of military glory. The Bombay detachment under the command of Colonel Leslie, consisting of one company of native artillery, six battalions of native infantry, one regiment of native ca

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valry, and five hundred Khandahar irregular horse, was ordered in 1778 to march to the Malabar Coast, crossing the Jumna at Calpee. With much difficulty I obtained my removal from the European corps to which I belonged, into one of the native battalions which composed the detachment. Then I congratulated myself! Then my heart swelled with confident hopes of gaining such military experience, and performing such exploits, as could not fail to raise me to notice, and in due time to glory.

For a time my mind was so occupied with military objects, as to leave little room for any thing else; but as the bustle of my own inexperience subsided, and I began to look around me, I found that my companions had leisure for libertine pursuits, as well as for public duty; and (I confess) my military zeal soon sunk to the common level of those around me, with respect to what is called the sex.

Yet I both saw and felt what was morally true and decorous, and would have embraced it, as I thought, had it been attainable; that is to say, attainable without taking any trouble, or making any sacrifice: but I had cast off the whole armour of God, and full of pride, ignorance, and self-conceit, exposed myself naked: to the fiery darts of the world, the flesh, and the devil. The latter I believed to be only a bugbear, and the two former to be my friends;

and I therefore most justly became the dupe, and almost the victim, of my extravagant folly, blindness, and impiety.

My whole progress in libertinism was chequered with the vain efforts of philosophic pride, dying away gradually, but still from time to time making convulsive efforts to bear up against the increasing inundation of corruption, within and without, which assailed me on every side, and at last (as I more clearly discovered the depravity of all my neighbours, and the vanity of my own principles) carried me rapidly away in its then irresistible torrent.

Souls which are restrained from vice, merely by pride and shame, resemble lakes, which are contained and kept up to a certain height, by banks of earth only. For pride and shame, that is to say, the hope and fear of the world's applause and censure, can only act as a bank to the natural corruption of the human soul, through ignorance of the depravity of the world around us; and therefore a little experience, that is, a little communication through some weak part, soon brings down the waters of the lake of the mind to the common level. But Religion is a reservoir in a solid rock, which lasts for ever, in spite of rats, and winds, and waters.

My hopes of military fame, in the mean time, were not much enlivened by my experience and observation; for, upon the whole, I

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