nature. But the idol of the modern world, in which I moved, was wealth or avarice, was, in short, all the objects of selfish reason procured by wealth. These were stronger than my childish gods, and were victorious. At that time, however, though I felt its force, yet I understood nothing of the mystery or theory of this truth. It was a riddle too spiritual* for my carnal mind then to solve.

I was, indeed, persuaded, that my speculative love of all the heroic virtues was just, was even a divine afflatus. I also still flattered myself, that I possessed inherently, and self-sufficiently, the said splendid qualities of moral gold, silver, &c. because I perceived certain brilliant points, stars of light, in my imagination, which were really at an immense distance from me, but which I most childishly conceived to be close at hand, and even in the center of my heart. Hence, I, as it were, thought myself to be in heaven, or heaven (the divine qualities) to be in me, though I was in reality upon the brink of hell, and ready to fall into the depths of the bottomless pit, of my own deceitful unbeliev

By spiritual the writer means, abstracted from material objects, or intellectual, or metaphysical; and lastly, in a religious sense, either legal or evangelical. For the law is spiritual, as St. Paul says; and I consider myself authorised to use the word as freely as he does.

ing heart; and this was my farewell view of the regions of light. These regions, however, were only those lower polluted heavens, which Paul calls "the beggarly elements of this world," (Galatians) and in which reigns "the prince of "the power of the air," Ephesians; that is to say, the human, moral, vain-glorious virtues.

With respect to the indulgence of my sensual appetites, I indeed thought it unphilosophic, unheroic; but as this was clearly not the age of heroism, and as I found myself too weak to stem the torrent of society, I resolved to indulge them, that I might not run mad for want of an object to occupy my roving restless mind; but which I resolved should not be the base object of the world's idolatry; money, or self in its lowest form. As I admitted not the existence of any divine law, or revelation, or any possible offence against the Deity, independent of moral obligations, and as I thought I had an undoubted right to dispose of myself as I pleased, within the pale of my own morality; so I met with no obstacle to this last resource, this ultimate (or rather and happily penultimate) enquiry after happiness, in the search of which, I had been so long disappointed. Here my reader may say, I thought you had been experimenting in this way for some time. I answer, only eventually and incidentally, as an auxiliary, not as a principal.

Thus having long worshipped the host of heaven, that is to say, those distant brilliant points of imaginary goodness and virtue, which I met with in ancient history; and which I fixed in my own mind as the limits of absolute perfection, or heaven; finding also at last that they were beyond my reach in the actual state of the world, I was forced to descend reluctantly from this superb idolatry, and to devote myself to the worship of things in the earth beneath; that is, the corrupt and inflaming images of creeping things (lusts) in my own heart. This I soon did with a vengeance (a divine vengeance); not suspecting that as earth joined to heaven on one side, so it was connected with hell on the other. Here, again, my reader may say, laughing, I thought heaven was on every side, all around; pray, on which side is hell? I answer, on the side of the center; the center of the wicked heart is individual hell.

Amongst various whims which entered my mind, long puzzled and confounded in the vain search for truth, among the tombs of error, where I was continually wounding myself with stones which I supposed precious (that is to say, pride and hardness of heart), which I considered as virtues, it occurred to me to reperuse the Scriptures called sacred; and I expected much amusement from the shrewd remarks and ingenious discoveries which I conceived I

should certainly make in analyzing this wonderful book, this mountain of superstition, as I esteemed it. With this profane view I took up the Word of God; not at all doubting the full sufficiency of my own understanding to comprehend it, if it was consonant to reason, or of my ability to judge accurately whether it was true or false; because I conceived that reason was the sole judge in this case, as in every thing else, and that whatever was incomprehensible to reason must be false. Thus, I took for my foundation this capital error, that I was possessed of right reason; whereas I was wholly destitute of it; for my understanding was blinded by thick prejudices, and bound in the chains of pride and infidelity. Neither did I in the least doubt the goodness and purity of my own heart, whose fine moral sense I depended upon as a sure guide in all cases of conscience. Thus the maniac in his dark cell, seated on stubble, and bound with iron and brass, supposes himself to be a king seated on his regal throne *.

Deluded as I was by impious pride, and hardened in unbelief, the sequel may be readily foreseen. After reading a very small portion of the sacred volume, it appeared to me so contrary to reason, justice, humanity, and even to

* I forgot, or despised, the admonition of Solomon, "He "that trusteth in his own heart is a fool."-Proverbs.

common sense, in many respects, that I did not hesitate to pronounce it a gross imposture, a palpable and impious forgery. I was chiefly astonished how it could possibly have been so long imposed on the credulity of mankind as a divine revelation. Being therefore more convinced than ever, that all revealed religions were human fabrications, invented by priestcraft and kingcraft, to lead mankind by the nose, and make the multitude of simpletons a prey to a few artful and selfish individuals, I was filled with indignation against the whole, but (alas) more particularly against Christianity, because I dared to think it the most impious and tyrannous of any*!!!

Moreover, I did not believe that the penalties of revealed religion were necessary to bind mankind, and preserve the order and peace of society. On the contrary, I was persuaded that

* I must now add, that the writer of this Narrative, after the above-mentioned examination, and insane and impious judgment, concerning the Holy Scriptures, and the Christian faith; consummated his blasphemous madness, by seizing the sacred volume in a rage, throwing it upon the floor, and out of the house!!! And yet this shocking reprobate still lives, and believes the same glorious volume to be the very word of God, and desires, hopes, and prays to live and die in this blessed faith and obedience, as the only truth, and name, and way, given to mankind, whereby we must be saved. Amen. Glory be to God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.