NUMBER SIX. Night and day from harm I'll shield them, Close the hand I'm clasping, darling, But our children need my presence, Then we'll have the joy of loving NOTHING AT ALL IN THE PAPER TO-DAY. NOTHING at all in the paper to-day! A girl who has put her child away, Or a drunken husband beating a wife With the neighbors lying awake to listen,— Scarce aware he has taken a life Till in at the window the dawn-rays glisten. But that is all in the regular way There's nothing at all in the paper to-day. Nothing at all in the paper to-day! To be sure there's a woman died of starvation, Fell down in the street-as so many may In this very prosperous Christian nation. 42 Or two young girls, with some inward grief Or a mother been robbed of one of her daughters. There's nothing at all in the paper to-day, Unless you care about things in the city- But there's nothing in this that's out of the way- Nothing at all in the paper to-day But the births and bankruptcies, deaths and marriages, But life's events in the old survey, With Virtue begging, and Vice in carriages; And kindly hearts under ermine gowns, And wicked breasts under hodden gray, For goodness belongs not only to clowns, And o'er others than lords does sin bear sway. But what do I read ?-" drowned! wrecked!" Did I say A SKETCH OF THE "OLD COACHING DAYS." I Do not call him an early riser who, once in his life, may have been forced out of his bed at eight o'clock on a November morning, in consequence of his house having been on fire ever since seven; nor would I attach such a stigma to him who, in the sheer spirit of foolhardiness and bravado, should for once and away "awake, arise," even three or four hours earlier, in the same inclement season: I, myself, have done it! But the fact is, that the thing, as a constant practice, is impossible to one who is not 'te the manner born.' He must be taught, as a fish is taught to swim, from his earliest infancy. * * I know it may be objected to me that chimney-sweepers, dastmen, &c., are early risers; but this I would rather take to be a vulgar error than admit it as a fact; what proof can you adduce that they have yet been to bed? For my own part, I am unwilling to think so uncharitably of human nature as to believe that any created being would force another to quit his bed at five o'clock on a frosty morning. * * I have confessed that once, in the sheer spirit of bravado, I myself rose (or promised to rise,) at that ignominious period of the night, known, or rather heard of, by the term, 'four in the morning.' My folly deserved a severe punishment, which, indeed, it received in its own conse quences; but since I have lately been informed that 'a good-natured friend' is of opinion that it merits the additional chastisement of public exposure, I will (to spare him the pain of bestowing it upon me,) inflict the lash with my own hand. I had the pleasure of spending, years ago, my Christ mas holidays very agreeably with a family at Bristol. Having an appointment of some importance for the eighth of January, in London, I had settled that my visit should terminate on Twelfth-night. On the morning of that festive occasion, I had not yet resolved on any particular mode of conveyance to town; when, walking along Broad-street, my attention was brought to the subject by the various coach-advertisements which were posted on the walls. The 'Highflyer' announced its departure at three in the afternoon-a rational hour; the 'Magnet' at ten in the morning-somewhat of the earliest; whilst the 'Wonder' was advertised to start every morning at five precisely!!-a glaring impossibility. *** We often experience an irresistible impulse to interfere in some matter, simply because it happens to be no business of ours; and the case in question being clearly no affair of mine, I resolved to inquire into it. I went into the coach-office, expecting to be told, in answer to my very first question, that the advertisement was altogether a ruse de guerre. So, sir," said I, to the book-keeper, "you start a coach to London at five in the morning?" "Yes, sir," replied he-and with the most perfect nonchalance! "You understand me? At five?-in the MORNING?" said I, with an emphasis sufficiently expressive of doubt. "Yes, sir, five to a minute-two minutes later you'll lose your place." This exceeded all my notions of human impudence. It was evident I had here an extraordinary mine to work: so I determined upon digging into it a few fathoms deeper. 64 And would you, now, venture to book a place for me?" "Let you know directly, sir.-(Hand down the "Wonder" Lunnun-book there.)-When for, sir?" I stood aghast at the fellow's coolness. mind After a momentary pause, "for to-morrow," said I. "Full outside, sir; just one place vacant in.” The very word "outside," bringing forcibly to my he idea of ten or a dozen shivering creatures being induced, by any possible means, to perch themselves on the top of a coach, on a dark, dull, dingy, drizzling morning in January, confirmed me in my belief that the whole affair was, what is vulgarly called a "take-in." 'So you will venture, then, to book a place for me?" "Yes, sir, if you please." "And, perhaps, you will go so far as to receive half my fare?" "If you please, sir-one pound two." "Well, you are an extraordinary person! Perhaps, now-pray be attentive-perhaps, now, you will carry on the thing so far as to receive the whole !" "If you please, sir-two pound four." I paid him the money, observing at the same time, and in a tone calculated to impress his imagination with a vivid picture of attorneys, counsel, judge, and jury-" You shall hear from me again." "If you please, sir; to-morrow morning, at five punctual -start to a minute, sir-thank'ee, sir-good-morning, sir." And this he uttered without a blush!!! "To what expedients," thought I, as I left the office, "will men resort, for the purpose of injuring their neighbors! Here is one who exposes himself to the consequences of an action at law, or, at least, to the expense of sending me to town in a chaise and four, at a reasonable NUMBER SIXJ hour of the day; and all for so paltry an advantage as that of preventing my paying a trifling sum to a rival proprietor and on the preposterous pretence, too, of sending me off at five in the morning!" The first person I met was my friend, Mark Nortington, and Even now, though years have since rolled over my head, I shudder at the recollection of the agonies I suf fered, when assured by him of the frightful fact that I had, really and truly, engaged myself to travel in a coach. which, really and truly, would start at five in the morning! * * * It may be asked why I did not forfeit my forty-four shillings, and thus escape the calamity. No; the laugh would have been too much against me; so, resolving to put a bold face on the matter, I-I will not say I walked-1 positively swaggered about the streets of Bristol, for an hour or two, with all the self-importance of one who has already performed some extraordinary exploit, and is conscious that the wondering gaze of the multitude is directed towards him. Being condemned to the miseries, it was but fair I should enjoy the honors of the undertaking. To every person I niet, with whom I had the slightest acquaintance, I said aloud, "I start at five tomorrow morning!" at the same time adjusting my cravat and pulling up my collar; and went into three or four shops and purchased trifles, for which I had no earthly occasion, for the pure gratification of my vain-glory in saying, "Be sure you send them to-night, for I start at five in the morning!" But, beneath all this show of gallantry, my heart, like that of many another hero on equally desperate occasions -my heart was ill at ease. * * * * I returned to Reeves's Hotel, College Green, where I was lodging. *** The individual who, at this time, so ably filled the important office of "Boots" at the hotel was a character. Be it remembered that, in his youth, he had been dis charged from his place for omitting to call a gentleman, who was to go by one of the morning coaches, and who, in consequence of such neglect, missed his journey. This |