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METHODIST IN HELL.
A CERTAIN Methodist, born and bred in London, though in what street the chronicle says not, but whose name, according to tradition, was John Grant, or, as he was vulgarly called, Johnny Grant, chanced one day to fall in love with a young lady from Newcastle. As he possessed great wealth, be had besides a very sanctified reputation, the ceremony was soon settled between him and this young sprig of methodism. The only condition attached to it of any importance was that the newly-married couple should pass the honey-moon in Newcastle, at the house of the bride's father ; à condition that was readily acceded to, for Johony was always extremely careful of the main chance. Accordingly, the pious couple set out on their journey, and were well received by their friends, who, in the true spirit of rustic hospitality, contrived to intoxicate the bridegroom. Overpowered by the funies of the wine, Johnny fell into a profound sleep; in this state his new friends thought proper to complete the jest, by letting him down into a coal pit; and pleased themselves not a little with the idea of his astonishment upon waking. - In a few hours Johnny awoke, and was immediately.snr. rounded by the miners; one of a peculiarly rough appear. ance stepped forward to the astonished, trembling bridegroom, and asked in a gruff voice, “Who and what are you? and how did you come hither ?” Johnny, astonished at this infernal crew, concluded immediately that he was in hell, and very subinissively taking off his hat replied, “ How I came here I know not, but I suppose I died.”
“Who, and what are you?" repeated the miner, “ When on earth,” replied the bridegroom, “ I was Johnny Grant, a righteous man, and a psalm-singer; but now I am in hell, I am any thing your Devilship pleases."
Names and surnames, are things to which some persons attach an importance greater than they may seemn to deserve; yet the names we bestow on men and things, merit their de. gree of consideration,
I can easily conceive a nervous hypochondrical patient thrown into fainting fits on being told that Dr. Death, actually the name of a medical man in London, within fifty years, and probably related to a respectable Kentish family, but who spell it with a dipthong, that Dr. Death was coming up stairs; and the freeholders of a county would probably put on forbidding looks, were they told that Tom Long and Big Ben solicited their votes and interests as parliamentary candidates at the ensuing election.
Yet the doctor might be no friend to his name-sake; Tom Long no longer a carrier ; and Big Ben, in spite of inveterate prejudice, might be a respectable member of society. • Many years ago, I remember a street in the vicinity of London, but now, by the incessant labours of masons, carpenters, and ground-landlords, buried in and forming a part of our enormous metropolis. Two of the houses in it were occupied by surgeons, Mr. Bigg and Mr. Little ; the 'name of each was Alexander. As any passenger approached, A. Bigg, surgeon, first caught his eye, and a few paces further, A. Little, surgeon; this accidental assemblage was thought ludicrous, and produced a laugh, but it also produced wisdom; for the professional men soon removed the plates from their doors, as they found that the circumstance, though trifling, injured their practice; and for this reason, -him whom we are long in the habit of laughing at, from whatever cause, we shall soon cease to respect.
Nick-names have exercised the talents of commentators and critics; from these singular efforts of humour, malice, envy or revenge, the most powerful monarchs, legislators, heroes, conquerors, and statesmen have not escaped..
Justice and common-sense should seem to impel us to bestow undiminished praise on Sergius, a Roman pontiff, and the fourth of that name, at the commencement of the ele. venth century; he was eminent for learning, considering the period at which he lived, of correct manners, zealous in the cause of religion, and remarkable for charitable benevolence to the poor. But the Pope's countenance exhibited an unfortunate combination of features, which could not escape the mockery of those who were fed by his bounty ; while eating his bread, those worthy charaeters
could not resist the preponderating impulse of humour. · They observed that “old hog’s-snout,” to which the lower part of the pontiff's face bore a striking resemblance, “ was a good sort of fellow."
It is impossible to doubt, that the soldiers of Julius Cæsar were warmly attached to their commander; yet when the victor entered Rome in triumphant procession, they were heard to say as they marched along, and in the dictator's hearing, “ Romans, take care of your wives and daughters, Bald-pate is come again.”
The Emperor Frederic the First, from the colour of his beard, was distinguished by the word Barbarossa. . On many of our English kings these additions have been bestowed ; on Alfred, the well-earned and appropriate epi. thet, of Great. Edgar was the Peaceable; his successor, the Martyr; and Edmund, from his matchless courage, his muscular form, or constantly wearing armour in his unceasing battles with Canute, was called Ironside.
Harold the first was Harefoot; our third Edward, the Confessor; William the first, before conquest had effaced illegitimacy. was styled the Bastard; and his unfortunate son, who fell by Tyrrell's arrow in the New forest, Rufus, from his red hair; of his brothers, Henry, bore an epithet for his learning, and Robert, from the shortness of his small. cloaths. · On Henry the second, and a considerable number of noble personages, the singular appellation of Plantagenet was be« stowed ; this literally means a broom-stick, and is said to have derived its origin from one of their ancestors, an Earl of Anjou, who doing penance for his crimes by a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, was scourged with a rod of broom twigs at the holy sepulchre. • Why Richard the first was called Coeur de Lion, is obvious to every general reader; to Join his brother the name of Lackland was given by his own father, in his will, in which, bequeathing him neither lands nor hereditaments, he meant him to rernain dependent on the bounty of his eldest son. '
The military glory of Edward the first, King of England, Lord of Ireland, &c could not shelter him from the coarse nick-name of Long-shanks; Henry the fourth, that canker Bolingbroke, was so called from an obscure village in Lincolnshire, the place of his birth; for the same reason his truant son, but afterwards that illustrious warrior our fiftli Henry, the pride of England and the scourge of France, was surnamed Monmouth.
The life and reign of Richard the Third, however plausibly defended by Buck, and ingeniously handled by the pleasant Horace Walpole, seem to afford abundant materials for abusive epithet and declamatory invective; but his enemies could not be content, unless the arrow of hostility was poisoned by the bitterness of gross personality: they called him crook-back, a mal-formation, in which the tyrant could not be instrumental, but for which he was probably indebted to his mother's fondness for a slender waist, to a rash impatient accoucheur, or to an hereditary scrophula.
CURIOUS CUSTOMS AND CEREMONIES OF VARIOUS
The various methods of salutation, modes of ceremony, and singular customs, observed in the different nations of the world, afford an interesting subject for a speculative mind. In the earlier ages we find that modesty, simplicity, and perhaps sensibility, were the happiest characteristics, and manual labour was not thought unworthy of the most respectable persons. „In sacred history it is said, that Abraham took a calf, ordered his young man to dress it, and served it him. self with milk and butter to the three angels who had visited him in human forms. Jacob tended the locks of Laban, which multiplied under his care. Moses was the shepherd of Jethro, his father-in-law, when God appeared to him in the burning bush ; and David was feeding sheep when the prophet Samuel sent for him to consecrate him King of Israel.
In profane history, the manners and customs of the ancient heathen world correspond exactly with those of the Jews. In the Iliad of Homer, Kings and Princes are sup. ported by their Aocks and herds. Achilles receives the deputies of the different districts of Greece without being at. tended by a númerous retinue. He introduced and seated them himself; then turning to Patroclus, commanded him to bring one of the largest vases, fill it with the best wine, and present a goblet to each of them. Patroclus obeyed his order. He next takes a large vessel, and fills it with the half of a sheep, half of a goat, and the chine of a fat hog. Aufomedon holds the vessel, and Achilles himself cuts the meaç into pieces, which he puts on several spits, whilst Patroclus kindles a fire, upon which, when the fame is extinct, the ashes are spread to roast the meat. · When the pieces are well roasted, and laid on different dishes, Patroclus takes bread from the basket in which it was kept, and places it on the table. The portions are divided by Achilles, who orders Patroclus to make the usual sacrifice. He obeys his friend, and throws into the fire the first slices of the meat. This offering being made, they begin the repast, and each guest eats what is set before him. . . .
No people were more religious observers of an oath than the Arabians, and thus they took one :—When they were going to swear friendship, or make an alliance, a man stood betwixt the parties, holding a sharp stone with which he cut the palm of their hand. He then pulled a tuft from the garment of each of them, and dipped it in the blood that issued from the wounds. He rubbed this blood on seven stones, which were placed betwixt them, invoking, at the same time, Bacchus and Urania.
The Babylonians had a sensible custom, which is worthy of relation. They were accustomed to bring their sick into the forum, to consult those who passed on their diseases; for they had no regular physicians. All who approached the sick were asked if they ever had the same distemper? if they knew any one who had been aflicted with it, and how he had been cured? Hence, every one who saw a sick person was obliged to go to him, and enquire the nature of his disorder.
Of all nations perhaps the Chinese are most singularly. affected in their personal ciyilities. It arises from national affectation. They invariably substitute artificial ceremonies for natural actions. Their actions, nay, even their words, are prescribed by the Chinese ritual, or academy of complio ments, The number of bows, and expressions to be used; the genuflexions; and the inclinations which are to be made to the right or left hand ; the salutations of the master before the chair where the visitor is to be seated, (for he salutes it most profoundly, and wipes the dust away with the skirts of his robe,) are all limited. The learned Dr. Morrison has lately favoured the world with a description of the ceremonies used in the celestial empire, from which it appears that