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allowed you; by these means you will always add to your own consequence, at least in your own opinion, and your estimation will not be diminished with the public, as they are generally ignorant of the terms upon which you are engaged. . 'If you have been accustomed in the country to play the first-rate characters, never take a subordinate one in London. Should you do so, your country friends would entertain a contemptuous opinion of your talents. It is of the utmost importance that you should rigidly adhere to this rule, be 'cause, when you again visit the country (which in all probability will be your lot,) you cannot expect the same cordial reception. Besides, you must always bear in mind, that Julius Cæsar declared he would rather be the first in a village, than the second in Rome" Aut Cæsar, aut nullus .!?

Regularly, if you have credit, frequent in an evening some pot-house in Drury Lane or Covent Garden. Upon these occasions, I would have you talk upon every topic, no matter whether you understand it or not; for a performer is always a man of superior information-as he follows one of the liberal professions. · Never pay any respect to the actresses, but as you may feel inclined for the kindnesses they shew you, and the freedoms they allow, Actresses look well enough on the stage; but in a morning, at rehearsal, they are at best lovesiek maidens . Be sure to have a severe cold, or indisposition, five or six times in a season. If you could possibly contrive to be very much indisposed about four o'clock of an evening when you are to perform, you will enhance your consequence with the public extremely, who are never so well pleased as when they are entirely disappointed!

Make it a rule never to attend rehearsals you have your part completely any body can read it for you, and the business goes on equally well as if you were present !

If you perform a character in a comedy, never adhere to the text of the author, particularly if the dialogue be pointed and witty. Gét an idea only of the author's meaning, and the devil's in't if you cannot produce an equally brilliant illustration yourself!

Never perform perfectly sober. A bottle of wine or so, or, more likely, a pot or two of stout or ale, will do you no harm. Besides, Churchill says, you“ must act from your

self;" in my opinion, therefore, drunk or sober it makes little difference!

Entertain a most sovereign contempt for every hint which may be given you by a friend—your discrimination was never before questioned, and his advice you cannot receive otherwise than as a direct insult on your judgment!

Should your person be not over-handsome, you can easily hide its defects by never fronting the audience. For instance, if one leg be better shaped than the other, you have only to give a profile of yourself, at the same time leaning gently on the inelegant limb. When you change sides, always be careful to move in the shadow of your companion.

If you feel inclined to pair off with any of the ladies, be particularly cautious of your choice. Elect, if possible, an actress retained at a great salary, and if you should fail in keeping her, it may chance that she will keep you."

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My Dear Charmer, The circuit is now at an end, and the judges and lawyers on their return home; but no felon, sentenced at the assizes to transportation, could have been in a more wretched plight than your humble servant; for I can safely make affidavit, that each day that I behold not your lovely face, is to me a dies non. Cupid, the tipstaff, has served me with an attachment from your bright eyes, more dreadful than a green wax process; he has taken my heart into custody, and will not accept of bail. Unless you allow of my plea, I must be non-suited in a cause I have set my heart on. Why will you, while I pine in hopes of a speedy rejoinder, hang me up, term after term, by frivolous delays, which tend only to gain time?

I filed my bill as of last Michaelmas Term on the morrow of All Souls, in hopes ere this to have joined issue with you. It is now fifteen days from Easter-day, and, by your demurring, I am as far from bringing my cause to an hearing, as before I commenced my suit. You still delay giv-' ing in your answer, which is absolutely against the practice of all the Courts. I would willingly quit the fattest client

there to attend your business, would you but submit to a reference; and should prefer an attendance at your chambers, to those of a Master in Chancery.

I stand in great need of an able counsel to move my suit while I am absent; that sly slut, Dolly, your chambermaid, has taken my fee, yet I fear betrays my cause: she is ever preferring some cross-bill, which protracts matters, and yet I do not sue in forma pauperis, being ready and willing to infeoff you in a good jointure; and to this I will bind myself, my heirs, executors, administrators, and assigns, by a deed in which you shall nominate trustees.

To save expenses, my clerk shall engross it, and it shall be perused by your own lawyer, it being left as a quere, how vastly preferable the title of a femme converte is to that of a spinster; but you shall answer shortly to all my in terlocutory interrogatories. If I could but once obtain a leading order to try my title, by even a jury of your own friends, I am certain l should obtain a verdict in my favour and recover costs against you; for I have a good action for attendance and loss of time, though, upon the postea. I do not think I could find in my heart to issue a ca: sa: against you, or put you into any court but that of Hymen.

You have equity in your own breast, and from thence I hope for relief; decree but for me, and the day of essoign shall be that of your own nuptials, and the eve of the lasting felicity of, dear creature,

Your humble supplicant,
And faithful orator, &c.

T. SPLITCAUSE. (To be Resumed.)

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W. Oxberry, Printer, White-Hart Yard.





Callapissa Indians - - 145
Curious Customs of Vari-

ous Nations 156–261--307

Chivalry, Flower of - 196
Cavern, Tale of a

Charitable Subscriptions,
Art of Parrying - -

Characters -

Criticism in Shakspeare's

Cambrian Wit

Criticism -

Charles Brandon, and Mary

Queen of France - -


Advertisement Extraordi-

nary - -
Ali Bey - - -

Alliteration - -

Author's Pocket Book - 149
Antedote, the Gamester's 283
Alpine Horn - -
Actors, Rules for . 409

Billy Taylor, a Critique on

the Song of - - 8-74
Beaux of Modern Times -
Belles, of do. - -

Broken Heart -

Blood, Nobility of ., 147
Bulls, Parliamentary - 286
Buonaparte and the Female

Politician - - - 405
Bishop, a Disinterested - 458



Death Beneath the Oak - 61
Duke's Frolic - - 197
Dramatic Journals, Spirit

of the .' - 201-273
Death, Dance of, Hol-

bein's - 205–273–341


Coronation Oath - - 43
Conviction, Fatal, on cir-

cumstantial Evidence -
Criticism, Effectual Me.
thod of Refuting - 105

Cato - - - 117
Clitophon and Leucippe,
Loves of 119–191—213—294

- 365,
Criticism, Modern Speci. .
men of

- - 144


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Intoxication, Various Modes

of - -
Italian Lover
Iphigenia, Fate of . . 116
Irish Prospectus - - 368

Kean, Edmund, Memoirs

of - - 205—273341
King, his Mistress and

Ferryman - - - 246


Queen in Danger - - 200
Queen Elizabeth's Reign,
a Peep into - • 387

R .
Recollections, Literary, of
London - - -

Revenge, the Abbé's

Rainy Day - -

- S
Sieur Stir-em-up - -
Seven Wise Men of Greece
Studies of a Young Reviewer 53
Shoe and Slipper-

- 117
Scottish Gipsies - - 182
Sportsman's Diary - - 393
Spanish Superstition

. . T ..
Tradition, Sketch of - 100
Tribunal of the Synod - 115
Theatricals, Extraordinary 315
To be on One's Legs Again 335

Londiniana - - . 14
Love, Book of - 126—176
London, Singular Manners

of, in the Fifteenth and

Sixteenth Centuries - 166
Last Lines, Swift's - . 249
Love, Dictionary of 265– 297
Lessons of Thrift - - 323
London Streets, their Names

and Origin - -
Letter from an Attorney to

his Mistress - 411
Lines on the Gravé of a
Child - -

· M
Methodist, Journal of a - 32
Mozart's Requiem - -

Methodist in Hell. : 153



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