words and the fine words, the sighings and the languishments. The lady was satisfied; the gentleman had no reason to complain; and after a short visit he left her, promising to return in the evening to take his coffee with her and her friend.

She had just sat down to express to that friend, in her accustomed high-flown language, the contentment of her heart, when another knock was followed by a second visiting ticket. "Mr Turner again! Oh! I suppose he has remembered something of consequence. Show him in."

And in came a second Mr. Turner!!

The consternation of the lady was inexpressible! That of the gentleman, when the reason of her astonishment was explained to him, was equally vehement and flattering. He burst into eloquent threats against the impostor who had assumed his name, the wretch who had dared to trifle with such a passion, and such a ladyelove; and being equally well-looking and fine-spoken, full of rapturous vows and ardent protestations, and praise addressed equally to the woman and the authoress, conveyed to the enchanted Selina the complete idea of her lover-poet.

He took leave of her at the end of half an hour, to ascertain, if possible, the delinquent who had usurped his name and his assignation, purposing to return in the evening to meet her friend; and again she was sitting down to her writing table, to exclaim over this extraordinary adventure, and to dilate on the charms of the true Orlando, when three o'clock struck, and a third knock at the door heralded a third visiting ticket, and a third Mr. Turner !!!

But

A shy, awkward, simple youth, was this," the real Simon Pure !"-bowing and bashful, and with a stutter that would have rendered his words unintelligible even if time had been allowed him to bring them forth. no time was allowed him. Provoked past her patience, believing herself the laughing-stock of the town, our sentimental fair one forgot her refinement, her delicacy, her fine speaking, and her affectation; and calling her maids and her footboy to aid, drove out her unfortunate

suitor with such a storm of vituperation, such a torrent of plain, honest, and homely scolding, that the luckless Orlando took to his heels, and missing his footing on the narrow bridge, tumbled, head-foremost, into the Holy Brook, and emerged dripping like a river god, to the infinite amusement of the two impostors and of William Marshall, the contriver of the jest, who lay perdu in the mill, and told the story, as a great secret, to so many persons, that before the next day it was known half over the place, and was the eventual cause of depriving the good town of Belford of one of the most inoffensive and most sentimental of its inhabitants. The fair Selina decamped in a week.

THE FIRST DAY OF TERM.

"HAS anybody called upon me, this morning, Mrs. Brown?" inquired Mr. Launcelot Transit, a young gentleman of fashionable exterior, as he entered the breakfast parlour of his landlady, a middle-aged person of a pursy presence and an agreeable demeanour.

"Lord! no, sir!" replied Mrs. Brown, as she pounced upon the spout of the tea-urn, and gave her accustomed dip to the tea-cups" who would think of calling upon you at this early hour, Mr. Transit?-no clandestine marriage on foot, eh, sir?-he, he, he," and the landlady indulged in a lodging-house giggle.

"Ha! ha!-oh! no, Mrs. Brown," and a sickly smile on the lodger's face died of a rapid decline. "I was thinking some one might have called-that's all."

There was a deep and unaccountable melancholy spread over Transit's commonly vivacious visage-his usually buoyant spirits had deserted him, and, as he hummed a dolorous cavatina, he might have been compared to a grig in grief, or a cricket chirping the dead march in Saul.

"And you have seen no one in the street since you rose, Mrs. Brown?" he resumed after a pause.

"That's more than I can say," answered the landlady, with a becoming reverence for truth. "I have seen three chimney-sweeps, five milkmen, several old clothesmen, an old woman with water-cresses, and I don't know how many servant girls opposite banging their mats against the street door steps-and a filthy dust they make. We shall presently have the pot-boy, I dare say; but you look peaking this morning, my dear sir, what's the matter?"

66

I had a dream last night," muttered Transit, with an odious grimace. "I dreamt I was pursued by an alligator."

"An alligator, Mr. Transit; well, that was shockingwhat sort of an animal was that?"

"It was dressed in top-boots, and had a Belcher hand- · kerchief round its neck," said the dreamer.

"Only think of that, now," cried Mrs. Brown, as she leaned her hand upon her knee, and sputtered into a laugh like a damp skyrocket. "Really, Mr. Transit, you are the funniest man

"Was not that somebody at the door?" faltered Transit, starting like a guilty creature-but not "sitting at a play."

"I didn't hear a knock," said Mrs. Brown, "but what if there is-you are quite nonsical this morning, I declare, -but there certainly is," added the landlady, looking out of the window, "a man leaning against the lamp-post, waiting for somebody, I suppose.'

Down went the Bohea with a splash into the lodger's saucer, while the tea-cup hung suspended from the tip of his forefinger, and a piece of dry toast stuck in his jaws. like a pound of bran in the throat of Ugolino.

It was

It was to be so-Transit knew it must be so. the first day of term. Messrs. Stitch and Stretch had advised him that, unless certain articles manufactured of sheep's wool were paid for before that day, a certain piece of sheep's skin should be issued forth to compel such payment. It was a bailiff.

"What kind of thing is it, Madam ?" croaked the sufferer, at length.

"It's a man, sir," cried Mrs. Brown, calmly. "What height?"

"A short, thick-set man."

"What face?"

"A red face, sir."

"What kind of eyes?"

He squints, Mr. Transit; eyes like those of a pictur' that always seem to be looking at you, and never are."

"Oh, yes they are," groaned the lodger. "What has it on its head, Madam ?"

"A broad-brimmed hat." "Round its neck?"

"A twisted crab-stick, with knots, like, in it."

With Tarquin strides, aud bent nearly double, like a master of the ceremonies with a cramp in the stomach, and with a face that rendered the similitude still stronger, did Mr. Launcelot Transit evacuate the apartment, and crawling up stairs to his bed-room, locked himself in to enjoy the pleasure of his own society.

It was necessary to reconnoitre this pest of human kind; and gingerly as an ostrich from its covert, did he protrude his head from the window to watch the proceedings of the being below. The wretch was whistling a vulgar tune, and leaning on his stick with the commendable patience of an experienced adept. Never did that tune strike on the tympanum of the lodger's ear with so grating a harshness-never, surely, was human creature so positively ugly and barbarously hideous as the person at the lamp-post. Yes; it was Fang, for his face was for a moment elevated, and his ill-assorted eyes were projected on a voyage of discovery, in different directions over the exterior of the house. "Son of bailiff, I know thee now." Transit knew him of old. It was Fang; the most active of sheriff's officers. Once before had his shoulder blade been paralysed by the torpedo touch of the reptile's antennæ-once before had he been liberated from his grasp by paternal affection-once-but no more was such protection to be extended to him. Down upon the bed he sunk in an agony of doubt, amazement, and fear.

But something must be done-a thought struck him, and he started from the bed. 66 Yes, I will call on little Dicky Spraggs, and borrow the money of him-he'll lend it me in a moment. I'm sure of it a good little fellow that I don't know a better fellow breathing than Dicky Spraggs he certainly is a kind creature." But how to get out-the case was desperate and the idea of the practicability of escape darted through his brain. Dressing himself hastily, he decended to the kitchen, and from