EXPLANATIONS. To those who are in the habit of consulting Almanacks, the head of each column of the Calendar will be sufficient to explain what is given under it.-It may however be useful to some, to signify that the small column, headed Sun's Arc,' shows the hours and minutes from sun-rising to sun-setting for every sixth day-The column Moon's Node' (in Astrology the Dragon's Head) shows in degrees and minutes the point of the Ecliptic, which the moon crosses in passing from the Southern into the Northern Hemisphere. The column Sun's Declination' expresses, in degrees and minutes, the distance of the sun, on any day, from the Equinoctial Circle towards the North or South; from N to S signifying North, and from $ to N South. In the columns Moon Rises, Moon Souths,'-the time of each is set down for every day in hours and minutes, from M to A denoting Morning, and from A to M, Afternoon. -In the column Moon's Arc' is shown the time that the moon is above our horizon; therefore, if to the given time of rising for any day, you add the hours and minutes of the Lunar Arc for that day, you obtain precisely the time of setting, and consequently the whole duration of moonlight; which in many other, as well as Love-appointments, will be found of special use. astronomy of the moon is certainly the most interesting part of the science, and a computation tending to familiarise this, has ever been a desideratum in Almanacks.-The remaining columns give the time of rising and setting of each primary planet, for every third day, in hours and minutes, M and A denoting as before. For the assistance of such of my readers as do not mix much in the erudite world, I subjoin the following glossary, which contains a specimen of some of those elegant and choice terms, with which the English Language has been recently embellished; and some of which may, perhaps, have inadvertently slipped into the biographical part of my manuscript. The Pagnus ........A blow with the fist. Stannum .........Tin. Sterco........ A mass of filth. Stationers' Hall: Entered 20th December 1820. ONE THE AUTHOR, HIS DEVOIRS, MEMOIRS, SAVOIRS, ESTEEMING the British Isles to constitute altogether but ONE GREAT BODY POLITIC, of which the Head is represented by the King-the Arms, right and left, by the Lords and Commons of Parliament-the Thorax, Epigastrium, Regio Umbilicalis, and Hypogastrium, by the Mer chants, Farmers, Manufacturers, and Traders the Legs and Feet, right and left, by the Mechanics and Labourers-the Animus, by the Christian Doctors-the Vital Organs, by Almanack-makers, Poets, Moralists, Historians, Critics, Public Commentators, and other Literary Functionaries-and the Medullary substances, being the most refined, delicate, susceptible, and insinuating part of the system, by the milder, tenderer, kinder, lovelier sex:Physicians, Lawyers, et cætera, though representatives of the more subordinate members, are nevertheless considered, in some measure, subservient to the sanity of the whole. On coming forward then, before this dignified and revered MULTUS IN UNO, your Vaticinian preceptor, with all sincerity of heart, has the honor to offer his unreserved and spontaneous veneration; his hearty and boundless affection; his constant and utmost service. Before the Memoir can satisfactorily commence, it seems necessary to settle one important question. The plural pronoun has, of late, crept very much into fashion with certain eminent masters, and poor I, which could never number more than unity, seems in danger of being reduced to a cypher. But here let it be asked, how an Almanack-maker, like myself, with only a miserable rag-a-muffin boy to carry in coffee and that, can have any reason, when speaking from himself, to say We? To be once supposed coupled with such a stupid, odious little cub as that, indeed a very sterco!- How repugnant to a philosopher the bare idea! What does he know?-Not Jupiter from Mars Not Planets even from the common stars→→ I wouldn't for the world-there-good bye, Muse, Very different, indeed, is my state from that of a king! I, it may be seen, do not keep a single journeyman; whereas kings have a multitude of journeymen to help to rule-a posse of neat, spruce, glittering satellites-a plurality in which, a king, even, need not be ashamed to connect himself by the proper pronoun, We. Your primary critics, too, are surrounded by numerous lesser luminaries not visible to the naked eye, from which many of those brilliant scintillations of wit that dazzle the spectator, are known to proceed. Here then, as a mingled light is emitted from the whole train, the plural pronoun is, with as much propriety as in the foregoing instance, adopted.Retail news-mongers, also, dispatch abroad their nuncios into all quarters in quest of political secrets; faux-pas; motions of royalty; rapes, murders, matrimonial tidings; safe deliverances; and marvels of all sorts, new and old. They may well say We!-Now from that of kings, critics, and news-jobbers, my case differs vastly; being, as you see, neither more nor less than ipse; or, as we say in English, I by 'tself I. Is it that there is a plenitude in the sound of we which imports dignity, and which I does not possess? I am a stubborn stickler for dignity; and as I feel myself obliged either to violate orthography, or to adopt the first singular person, I cannot, on chusing the latter, suffer my choice to depreciate my dignity below the rank lawfully due to I. Perhaps as far as dignity is concerned, it may be settled upon the following authority.-Until very lately there had not been an Olympic Convention for I don't know how long. In consequence, however, of numerous embassies from the Earth, touching certain changes which mortals were desirous to accomplish in the world, as well as concerning divers infringements upon the powers and prerogatives of the gods and goddesses, that had in modern ages been committed by terrestrials, Jupiter was induced to summon the immortal synod for the purpose of investigating the affairs of the whole universe. When the progress of fashion was before them, it is said, that the extraordinary versatility which had been displayed for the last century, afforded the Court considerable amusement. Amongst the [A. D. many encroachments upon the special privileges of immortality that were presented, were some few instances of nudity in the daughters of Eve, which so nearly imitated the celestial ladies, that great murmurs were raised, and the gods were importuned to closely inspect the particulars exhibited. During the solemnity of this debate, the high assembly was grossly interrupted by a most indecorous (as we should style it) horse-laugh, which proceeded from a group whose attention had been withdrawn from the main business before the court. The grave arbitrator was dreadfully incensed, and immediately ordered the offenders before him to atone for their breach of homage. They all bowed submissive, begging that their rudeness might not be visited by any signal vengeance, as it was an involuntary ebullition, proceeding from an irresistible impulse, which they humbly begged leave to explain. The thunderer, whose brows were still knit with awful sternness and seeming implacability, was about to consign them to instant perdition, when a sort of veteran demi-god stood forward, and with extraordinary candour implored that the fiat might be passed on him alone, as the chief occasion of the disorder; but earnestly entreating to be heard before condemnation. The throne deigned a compliant nod, and the pleader commenced: "Sire universal! know that whilst I, who long abode on earth, was mortal; my days were to the relief of human maladies devoted. From me, your prostrate suitor, was the Art of Health, which from immortal Chiron I obtained, denominated Esculapian. Seeing then, O Sire, that hot, is now the substitute for cold, and cold for hot; throughout my art one contrary for another, I, with that lapse of duty and respect, the thought of which now whelms me over with unheavenly shame, was irresistibly overtaken. My pharmacopoeia, Sire, enrolled all plants of sovereign virtue. Their several actions on the ducts of life I circumspectly taught. Hippocrates, highly and justly famed throughout the nether world, from me the secret learned how herbs could temper into purity the vitiated blood, and proper tension to the nerves restore. From him down to renowned Galen did the pharmaceutic art improved descend: and ere he left for this unchanging, that capricious world, did he, the last of these, bequeath vast stores of healing knowledge-tests by experience stamped, and ratified by health. Judge mildly then, O Sire, my surprise, at seeing now the changes that prevail on earth in this my art. Our's they now denounce a plodding system. True, it was-it kept the worthier of the race plodding in low mortality too long. Men plodded halely on for five and six score years, and died at last with nothing but extreme old age: passing from that world into this almost without a jolt. Seldom were experiments heard of, for every malady was cured as fast as it came on. Practitioners, addicted to our mode, were so ignorant that they had no notion of making a case interesting by experimental courses that produced critical periods and dubious symptoms. All they could possibly produce in a patient, when a disease appeared, was a cure. But it was such a plain straight-forward way, that it was dull-there was no novelty-it was quite a bore. To gratify the proneness of the world to something new, the bowels of the earth were scoured, to scour the bowels of mankind. Earth, air, fire, water,-all their powers combined-begun to carbonate, sub-carbonate, and super-carbonate to acetate, sub-acetate, and super-acetate---to oxydate, succinate, borate, sulphate, muriate, phosphate, and sub-ate, and super-ate productions without end. So many substances, so many agents and re-agents, have they now, that every complaint is treated with some novelty. Nay, every stage of every disorder has some new pill, new potion, or new bolus, from which some new effect is confidently hoped, and thus an interest is raised, which gives peculiar zest to the profession. So manifold, so sage, so extraordinary have been their findings out on earth, great Sire, that they have not the means to try them all; and what the faculty petition now, is, for a cargo of quite new diseases to be sent below to try their new discoveries upon. Still more, Jupiter-they manufacture now the very principle of vitality, which essence they do bottle up, forsooth, to vend at moderate price, at which strange novelty, most gracious Sire, I laughed." And Jupiter, who now relaxed into a laugh, declared no god could help it; and gave free pardon to them all. The Court having resumed its gravity, serious attention was demanded to a most important project of the Earthlings. The conclave was informed by Jupiter that a scheme had been concerted below for erasing from the firmament all the grotesque, old-fashioned (as they were pleased to call 'em) constellations, and refurnishing the skies with new ones, more compatible with taste and nature. Numerous were the devices which had been submitted: and the suggestions, he was pleased to say; con sidering their earthly origin, were not unworthy of the attention of the conclave. The armies of the several states of Europe were solicitous to behold the noblest groups of stars typified by their heroic leaders, England moreover prayed that some magnificent asterism that was daily vertical to her eminent metropolis might be represented by her hero Nelson. The scientific associations, as well as the humble miners, begged that Davy and his safety-lamp might be appointed to designate some bright compartment; and other philosophers had their bands of par tizans catering for favorite stations in the heavens. The steam-engine and its author had a host of honourable suffrages; a vast throng of zealous patriots prayed that Burdett might be most richly starred. Fair troops of wanton nymphs and burning swains thought Byron ought to have a sumptuous place some thought, Little Moore-some. Colman George. The good folk of Blithe were advocates for Smith, who lately raised, in new antarctic world, the homaged sceptre of the British King But the vast train, that claimed a radiant station for Queen Caroline sur tions. But to behold the countless patrons beauty had-beauty by choicest, best endowments of the mind enriched- -was laudable for earth-was extacy for heaven! Although Jupiter did not altogether approve of totally dismantling the old symbolical arrangement of the skies, he still expressed a will to indulge mankind as far as seemed consistent with the good of all; as he considered that amongst celestials, there were some that held distinguished honours midst the stars, which willingly they would not, perhaps, resign. He, therefore, a commission of divinities invested with full authority to hear appeals, and to prepare the new arrangement, reserving however to himself, the supervision of their determinations previous to any of the old mementos being disturbed. Forthwith the high commissioners were sworn, and sped to execute their sacred charge. Mars showed great zeal to elevate his friends to stations choice; whilst, with peculiar eloquence and grace, Apollo urged that he had claims for science and for letters, which ought to have precedence; and, with some other names, he mentioned mine, not for superior merit, I presume, but for a secret prejudice which best in my memoir will be disclosed. Juno flounced to see the splendid mansions of the skies forestalled, calling it ungallant and ill-bred not to do first for the ladies what was to be done; and Venus seconded what Juno urged, declaring that the cestus of the universe must deck the fair (meaning, it is supposed, the old Zodiac). Saturn attempted artfully to gain important cantons, when Momus cynically cried, "It will not do— I'm up, Sir, to your dolus." Wielding a tremendous club, Hercules swore that he would hold his post till beaten out. Neptune growled that "if things were not more fairly and above-board done, he would raise a storm," when a great clamour betwixt Mercury, Vulcan, and some other deities, threw heaven into disorder. All in their claims persisted, until Vulcan, furiously uplifting his sledge hammer, would certainly have levelled those before him, had not that goddess, who once softened with a welding heat his heart, hooked from his hand the weapon with her lance, and begged him not to use such knock-down arguments as those. Thunders Olympus, at this juncture, shook; and in the flash appeared the terror-striking god!-The shivering delegates crouch, mute with awe; whilst thus, in peremptory tone, the Mighty spake :"Henceforth, for ever, the odious privilege I deigned, I now revoke.- Star-chambers all, for ever I dissolve. Hereafter I restrict your power, tumultuous gods, to your respective godships. Go-and be those fickle earthlings well forewarned that I renounce all prayers that fashion shall prescribe- that I will fetter torments on those restless souls that, with vain whims, shall dare my throne to teaze." Peace and obedience thus again restored, ere he retired, Jove intimated that, although the ancient constellations unto everlasting were confirmed, yet there were vacancies which might be filled without infringing his decree; expressing wonder that, to the open space between the southern monster and her own ascendant, Britain did not some new memorial give of her just philosophic fame. Now upon the authority of the Highest of Olympus, it is presumed, that the pronoun singular will be no reproach to the dignity of your Protean oracle. This material question being therefore settled with perfect satisfaction, I shall proceed to gratify the curiosity of the Reader with a brief account of myself and a few of my ancestors, from, which narrative my pretensions to astrological judgments will, it is trusted, be sufficiently evinced. Having unfortunately missed a scrap of the genealogical chronicle, I find it difficult to trace from this authentic source, my pedigree, in the male line, higher than sixty-three generations; a date corresponding, according to accurate chronological computation, with about the fifteenth year preceding that lamentable era, when the happy and social villages of our good forefathers were plundered, and their altars purloined, by those Roman marauders led hither by the spoiler Cæsar. It is scarcely possible to temper one's feelings so as to allude to that unprovoked incursion in patient, or less than vindictive terms.-Magnanim Lluylle, a princely Druid of worthy memory and Scythian origin, from whom, in a direct chain of consanguinity, your most respectful Sir W. L. B. is the sixty-third link; after, as it is recorded, his ancestors and himself had for nearly fifteen peaceful centuries, cultivated their little patrimonial fundus, until it seemed that incantation in the wilderness at work had been some Eden for a Persian Caliph to prepare, was forced to have recourse to arms, in order to secure, as he hoped, his green arcades; his garden luxuries; his dear vill, and the treasures it contained, from the predatory invaders. It was perhaps well for the Britons, that fate, some few ages before, had conducted to their island an alien crew, who understood something of the art and practice of war. small remnant of gallant Trojans, who, after the demolition of their noble city, committed themselves in a shattered skiff to the mercy of Providence and the billows, was, by one of the extraordinary auspices of fortune, drifted to these hospitable shores. Though shoeless, tattered, and without one half-penny in their pockets, these comrades of the valiant Hector were welcomed to the land of benevolence and freedom. Nourishment was copiously supplied, and those parts which seemed to lack the necessary concealment, were soon decently and comfortably obscured in mystical drapery, freely supplied from the druidical wardrobes: all which has been long since most faithfully recorded, by the late learned and reverend Master Geoffery of Monmouth. Our ancient kinsmen were remarkably partial to the strangers, and highly animated at the recital of the many adventurous exploits of that decennial conflict in which their fosterbrethren had each so nobly participated. They were constantly importuned to recount the particulars of each memorable achievement, and it seems to have been the story of the Ilion heroes that first kindled in British bosoms the inextinguishable spark of military glory. The most B A war. perfect and uninterrupted harmony subsisted between them-a grateful recollection of the succour they had experienced having been warmly preserved on the one side; and on the other, a no less degree of generous hospitality was invariably manifested. The Trojans, as they wanted for nothing, made themselves in course very happy; and in the series of years of which we have been speaking (a period long antecedent to those ages alluded to in any of the scurrilous accounts from more modern Greece and Rome, cited by Camden and others) had raised to themselves a copious and hale posterity, which, both in stature and in soul, declared the British Isles for procreation more congenial far, than the vicinities of Dardanian Ida. Beneath intenser beam, voluptuous leaven, there ferments desire, whilst nature, ever irritated, ever palled, courts adscititious aid: here, tempered by a genial ray, the vitals kindlier mantle, until genuine passion prompt the mutual will-hence the race superlative that makes these isles the dread and emulation of the world!-It was at the head of a volunteer band of youthful natives, leagued with a few choice Brito-Trojans, that the veteran Magnanim met the tenfold columns of the ambitious Roman. The combat was desperately furious. All that was dear to my noble kinsman was at stake---his female offspring being, at the mercy of such miscreants left, the nature of the anticipated sacrifice exasperated his manly soul, and quickened his parental anguish-a sort of convulsive energy actuated his busy fatal arm, which soon had brought the odds of the unequal fray to almost nothing!--Even Roman chivalry was daunted before him, and sought its honors where the fight was less appalling!-Heedless of aught, but his immediate bent, he still upon the panic-stricken herd, till it for quarter bellowed, dealt reckless vengeance! His spirit none exhausted, seemed indeed to thrive within him; yet through his many wounds, that essence which invigorates each nerve was fast escaping! Willing, therefore, he, at length, the flying few that lived, the lives they sued for spared!-Now for the first time since the fight began the hero looked behind to greet his swains; but, ah!-not one of twenty score was there!Deafened by death each ear-mute every tongue-in vain did the amazed Magnanim call and list!-None ran to swathe his gaping gory wounds-with cordial flask, his parching heart to exhilarate and quench!-Scarcely need the reader be reminded here, that this brave man, who had now been a chief agent in so terrific a slaughter, had never before witnessed the havoc of Is it then matter of surprise that his stout heart oozed relenting drops as soon as it had leisure to survey the awful desolation? Is it strange that, at the first moment's pause, the wonted current of gentleness should begin again to trickle within him? Is it wonderful that he feared he had been overstepping the prerogative of man-that he had trespassed upon the province of the Creator by inflicting death, since life was not at his disposal?-He wished the power to have restored the breath even of his foes, rather than have been left alone to contemplate such a scene of carnage-and he with Cæsar, too, joint author of it all!-Fatigued with giant-action-with gory gashes faint-atonement doubtful—in half-distracted mood, involuntarily upon the earth prostrate he sunk, anxious to conciliate the powers on high; and to renew that intercourse by which alone the vulnerated bosom can be healed.—The Roman chief, who of four thousand, now of efficient men had only four, saw, from a respectful distance, the Druidwarrior, as he supposed, release himself for ever from the world, approached the spot before the haggard remnant of his troops, and seized with mingled dread and exultation, the magic-seeming falchion and the shield that lay discarded by.-Intent alone on pious supplication-each sense and faculty-each mental duct-impervious to all but pure devotion's fervent flowing tide -Magnanim, of intruders treacherous, had no room to dream; until about his lacerated limbs galvanic twitches shooting, betray to the morose by-standers signs of life; when one of these ferociously, at his left lumbus, as the veteran lay, a javelin aimed, which striking luckily the buckle of his girdle, glanced without mischief off!-Not to mention the torrent of indignation and furious reprehension which Cæsar vented upon the infamous recreant might perhaps be esteemed illiberal and unjust; some having gone so far as to declare, that more glory was due to him for having modestly omitted to mention, in his "Commentaries," this instance of his own magnanimity, than resulted from any of his previous or subsequent conquests, not even excepting his Pharsalian victory!- The Island hero, a moment before, whose thoughts of aught but peace were all quiescent, thus from his godly trance unwillingly disturbed, with a surprising vault, his hardships all considered, bounced upon his feet, and with that manly prowess by which a genuine Briton is distinguished, presented without ceremony, the (as we may say) transalpine varlet with what is technically termed a straight-forward pugnus, that like a shock electric, at one motion, from perpendicular to horizontal brought him: at which, seeing his stout opponent quite unarmed, and his escape inevitable, the destined Conqueror of Pompey Magnus laughed.—From those of equal state, the brave and sage derision never brook. Magnanim bold advanced; and with a Jovian scowl, and tone imperious, demanded, whether the Martial Roman would consent a pugilatione to decide the fray. This Cæsar prudently declined, claiming carte blanche surrender. The agonistic Briton deeming resistance without weapon, rashdisdaining parley, yields-and two appointed lictors are his guard. From the manner in which the final overthrow of Magnanim was accomplished, it can hardly be imagined that much exultation on the part of a general who had just subdued all Gaul and Germany, would have been indulged; yet it seems, that he was more elated with the glory of this, than with that of |