This--this it 18-and here I pray

Those sapient wits of the Reviews, Who make us poor, dull authors say,

Not what we mean, but what they choose; Who to our most abundant shares

Of nonsense add still more of theirs,
And are to poets just such evils

As caterpillars find those flies'
That, not content to sting like devils,
Lay eggs upon their backs likewise→
To guard against such foul deposits,

Of others' meanings in my rhymes
(A thing more needful here because it's
A subject ticklish in these times,)
I here to all such wits make known,
Monthly and weekly, Whig and Tory,
'Tis this Religion-this alone-

I aim at in the following story:
Fable.

WHEN Royalty was young and bold,
Ere, touch'd by Time, he had become-

If 't is not civil to say old

At least, a ci-devant jeune homme.

One evening, on some wild pursuit,
Driving along, he chanced to see
Religion, passing by on foot,

And took him in his vis-à-vis.

This said Religion was a friar,

The humblest and the best of men, Who ne'er had notion or desire

Of riding in a coach till then. "I say"-quoth Royalty, who rather Enjoy'd a masquerading joke"I say, suppose, my good old father,

You lend me, for a while, your cloak."

The friar consented-little knew

What tricks the youth had in his head; Besides, was rather tempted, too,

By a laced coat he got in stead.

Away ran Royalty, slap-dash,

Scampering like mad about the town; Broke windows-shiver'd lamps to smash,

And knock'd whole scores of watchmen down.

While nought could they whose heads were broke,
Learn of the "why" or the "wherefore,"
Except that 't was Religion's cloak

The gentleman, who crack'd them, wore.
Meanwhile, the Friar, whose head was turn'd
By the laced coat, grew frisky too-
Look'd big-his former habits spurn'd-
And storm'd about as great men do-
Dealt much in pompous oaths and curses-
Said "Damn you," often, or as bad-
Laid claim to other people's purses-
In short, grew either knave or mad.

1 "The greatest number of the ichneumon tribe are seen settling upon the back of the caterpillar, and darting at different intervals their stings into its body--at every dart they deposit na egg"-Goldsmith

As work like this was unbefitting,

And flesh and blood no longer bore it, The Court of Common Sense then sitting, Summon'd the culprits both before it. Where, after hours in wrangling spent

(As courts must wrangle to decide well,) Religion to Saint Luke's was sent,

And Royalty pack'd off to Bridewell:

With this proviso-Should they be
Restored in due time to their senses,
They both must give security

In future, against such offences

Religion ne'er to lend his cloak,

Seeing what dreadful work it leads to; And Royalty to crack his joke

But not to crack poor people's heads, too.

FABLE V.

THE LITTLE GRAND LAMA.

Proem.

NOVELLA, a young Bolognese,
The daughter of a learn'd law doctor,'
Who had with all the subtleties

Of old and modern jurists stock'd her,
Was so exceeding fair, 't is said,

And over hearts held such dominion,
That when her father, sick in bed,
Or busy, sent her, in his stead,

To lecture on the Code Justinian,
She had a curtain drawn before her,

Lest, if her charms were seen, the students Should let their young eyes wander o'er her, And quite forget their jurisprudence.2 Just so it is with Truth-when seen,

Too fair and bright-'t is from behind

A light, thin allegoric screen,

She thus can safest teach mankind.

Fable.

IN Thibet once there reign'd, we 're told,
A little Lama, one year old-
Raised to the throne, that realm to bless,
Just when his little Holiness
Had cut-as near as can be reckon'd-
Some say his first tooth, some his second.
Chronologers and verses vary,
Which proves historians should be wary.
We only know the important truth-
His Majesty had cut a tooth.3

And much his subjects were enchanted,
As well all Lamas' subjects may be,

1 Andreas.

2 Quand il étoit occupé d'aucune essoine, il envoyait Novelle, sa fille, en son lieu lire aux escholes en charge, et, afin que la biauté d' elle n' empêchât la pensée des oyants, elle avoit une petite courtine devant elle.-Christ. de Pise, Cité des Dames, p. 11. chap. 36.

3 See Turner's Embassy to Thibet for an account of his interview with the Lama. "Teshoo Lama (he says) was at this time eighteen months old. Though he was unable to speak a word, he made the most expressive signs, and con ducted himself with astonishing dignity and decorum "

And would have given their heads, if wanted,

To make tee-totums for the baby As he was there by Right Divine

(What lawyers call Jure Divino, Meaning a right to yours, and mine,

And every body's goods and rhino)Of course his faithful subjects' purses Were ready with their aids and succoursNothing was seen but pension'd nurses,

And the land groan'd with bibs and tuckers.

Oh! had there been a Hume or Bennet
Then sitting in the Thibet Senate,
Ye gods, what room for long debates
Upon the Nursery Estimates!
What cutting down of swaddling-clothes
And pin-a-fores, in nightly battles!
What calls for papers to expose

The waste of sugar-plums and rattles! But no-if Thibet had M. Ps.,

They were far better bred than these;

Nor the slightest opposition,
gave
During the Monarch's whole dentition

But short this calm; for, just when he
Had reach'd the alarming age of three,
When royal natures-and, no doubt
Those of all noble beasts-break out,
The Lama, who till then was quiet,
Show'd symptoms of a taste for riot;
And, ripe for mischief, early, late,
Without regard for Church or State,
Made free with whosoe'er came nigh-
Tweak'd the Lord Chancellor by the nose,
Turn'd all the Judges' wigs awry,

And trod on the old General's toes-
Pelted the Bishops with hot buns,

Rode cock-horse on the City maces, And shot, from little devilish guns,

Hard peas into his subjects' faces. In short, such wicked pranks he play'd, And grew so mischievous (God bless him!) That his chief Nurse-though with the aid Of an Archbishop-was afraid,

When in these moods, to comb or dress him; And even the persons most inclined

For Kings, through thick and thin, to stickle, Thought him (if they'd but speak their mind, Which they did not) an odious pickle.

At length, some patriot lords-a breed
Of animals they have in Thibet,
Extremely rare, and fit, indeed,

For folks like Pidcock to exhibit-
Some patriot lords, seeing the length

To which things went, combined their strength,
And penn'd a manly, plain and free
Remonstrance to the Nursery;
In which, protesting that they yielded
To none, that ever went before 'em-
In loyalty to him who wielded

The hereditary pap-spoon o'er 'em-
That, as for treason, 't was a thing

That made them almost sick to think of—

That they and theirs stood by the King,

Throughout his measles and his chin-cough,
When others, thinking him consumptive,
Had ratted to the heir Presumptive-
But, still-though much admiring Kings
(And chiefly those in leading-strings) -
They saw, with shame and grief of soul,
There was no longer now the wise
And constitutional control

Of birch before their ruler's eyes;
But that, of late, such pranks, and tricks,
And freaks occurr'd the whole day long,
As all, but men with bishopricks,

Allow'd, even in a King, were wrong-
Wherefore it was they humbly pray'd
That Honourable Nursery,

That such reforms be henceforth made,
As all good men desired to see ;-
In other words (lest they might seem
Too tedious,) as the gentlest scheme
For putting all such pranks to rest,
And in its bud the mischief nipping-
They ventured humbly to suggest

His Majesty should have a whipping!

When this was read-no Congreve rocket,
Discharged into the Gallic trenches,
E'er equall'd the tremendous shock it

Produced upon the Nursery Benches.
The Bishops, who of course had votes,
By right of age and petticoats,
Were first and foremost in the fuss-

"What, whip a Lama!-suffer birch To touch his sacred infamous! Deistical-assailing thus

The fundamentals of the Church!
No-no-such patriot plans as these
(So help them Heaven-and their sees!)
They held to be rank blasphemies."

The alarm thus given, by these and other
Grave ladies of the Nursery side,
Spread through the land, till, such a pother,
Such party squabbles, far and wide,
Never in history's page had been
Recorded, as were then between
The Whippers and Non-whippers seen.
Till, things arriving at a state

Which gave some fears of revolution,
The patriot lords' advice, though late,
Was put at last in execution.
The Parliament of Thibet met→

The little Lama, call'd before it,
Did, then and there, his whipping get,
And (as the Nursery Gazette

Assures us) like a hero bore it.

And though 'mong Thibet Tories, some
Lament that Royal Martyrdom
(Please to observe, the letter D

In this last word 's pronounced like B,)
Yet to the example of that Prince

So much is Thibet's land a debtor,

"Tis said, her little Lamas since

Have all behaved themselves much better

FABLE VI.

THE EXTINGUISHERS.

Proem.

THOUGH Soldiers are the true supports,
The natural allies of Courts,
Woe to the Monarch who depends
Too much on his red-coated friends;

For even soldiers sometimes think

Nay, Colonels have been known to reason,— And reasoners, whether clad in pink, Or red, or blue, are on the brink

(Nine cases out of ten) of treason. Not many soldiers, I believe, are

As fond of liberty as Mina;
Else-woe to Kings, when Freedom's fever
Once turns into a Scarletina!
For then-but hold-'tis best to veil
My meaning in the following tale:-

Fable.

A LORD of Persia, rich and great,
Just come into a large estate,

Was shock'd to find he had, for neighbours,
Close to his gate, some rascal Ghebers,
Whose fires, beneath his very nose
In heretic combustion rose.

But lords of Persia can, no doubt,

Do what they will-so, one fine morning, He turn'd the rascal Ghebers out,

First giving a few kicks for warning. Then, thanking Heaven most piously,

He knock'd their temple to the ground, Blessing himself for joy to see

Such Pagan ruins strew'd around. But much it vex'd my lord to find,

That, while all else obey'd his will, The fire these Ghebers left behind

Do what he would-kept burning still. Fiercely he storm'd, as if his frown Could scare the bright insurgent down; But no-such fires are headstrong things, And care not much for lords or kings. Scarce could his lordship well contrive The flashes in one place to smother, Before-hey, presto-all alive,

They sprung up freshly in another.

At length, when, spite of prayers and damns, 'Twas found the sturdy flame defied him, His stewards came, with low salams,

Offering, by contract, to provide him
Some large extinguishers (a plan
Much used, they said, at Ispahan,
Vienna, Petersburgh--in short,
Wherever light 's forbid at court)—
Machines no lord should be without,

Which would, at once, put promptly out
Fires of all kinds-from staring stark
Volcanos to the tiniest spark-
Till all things slept as dull and dark

As, in a great lord's neighbourhood,
"T was right and fitting all things should.
Accordingly, some large supplies

Of these Extinguishers were furnish'd (All of the true, imperial size,)

And there, in rows, stood black and burnish'd, Ready, where'er a gleam but shone Of light or fire, to be clapp'd on.

But, ah! how lordly wisdom errs,
In trusting to extinguishers!
One day, when he had left all sure
(At least believed so,) dark, secure-
The flame, at all its exits, entries,

Obstructed to his heart's content,
And black extinguishers, like sentries,
Placed upon every dangerous vent—
Ye gods! imagine his amaze,

His wrath, his rage, when, on returning, He found not only the old blaze,

Brisk as before, crackling and burningNot only new, young conflagrations, Popping up round in various stationsBut, still more awful, strange, and dire, The Extinguishers themselves on fire!!! They, they those trusty, blind machines His lordship had so long been praising, As, under Providence, the means

Of keeping down all lawless blazing, Were now themselves-alas, too true The shameful fact-turn'd blazers too, And, by a change as odd as cruel, Instead of dampers, served for fuel!

Thus, of his only hope bereft,

"What," said the great man, "must be done? All that, in scrapes like this, is left

To great men is-to cut and run.
So run he did; while to their grounds

The banish'd Ghebers bless'd return'd:
And, though their fire had broke its bounds,
And all abroad now wildly burn'd,
Yet well could they, who loved the flame,
Its wand'ring, its excess reclaim;
And soon another, fairer dome
Arose to be its sacred home,
Where, cherish'd, guarded, not confin'd,
The living glory dwelt inshrined,
And, shedding lustre, strong but even,
Though born of earth, grew worthy Heaven

Moral.

The moral hence my Muse infers

Is that such lords are simple clves, In trusting to extinguishers

That are combustible themselves.

1 The idea of this fable was caught from one of those brilliant mots which abound in the conversation of my friend, the author of the Letters to Julia-a production which contains some of the happiest specimens of playfu. poetry that have appeared in this or any age.

CORRUPTION,

AN EPISTLE.

Νυν δ' απανθ' ωσπερ εξ αγοράς εκπεπραται ταύτα αντει σήκται δε αντί τούτων, υφ' ων απολωλε και νενοσηκεν η Ελλας. Ταύτα δ' εστι τις ζήλος, ει τις 867.39 TI' γελως αν ομολογης συγγνώμη τοις ελεγχόμενοι, μισος, αν τούτοις τις επιτιμα ταλλα, παντα, όσα EX TOU боробовым пртита. Demosth. Philipp. iii.

BOAST on, my friend-though, stript of all beside,
Thy struggling nation still retains her pride :'
That pride which once in genuine glory woke,
When Marlborough fought, and brilliant St. John
spoke;

That pride which still, by time and shame unstung, Outlives e'en Wh*tel*cke's sword and H*wksb'ry's tongue!

Boast on, my friend, while in this humbled isle,2 Where honour mourns and freedom fears to smile, Where the bright light of England's fame is known But by the baleful shadow she has thrown

Boast on, while wandering through my native haunts,
I coldly listen to thy patriot vaunts,
And feel, though close our wedded cour.:ries twine
More sorrow for my own than pride from thine
Yet pause a moment-and if truths severe
Can find an inlet to that courtly ear.
Which loves no politics in rhyme but P―e's,
And hears no news but W-rd's gazetted lies;
If aught can please thee but the good old saws
|Of "Church and State," and "William's matchless
laws,"

And "Acts and Rights of glorious Eighty-eight,"—
Things, which though now a century out of date,
Still serve to ballast, with convenient words,
A few crank arguments for speeching Lords-
Turn, while I tell how England's freedom found,
Where most she looked for life, her deadliest wound;
How brave she struggled, while her foe was seen,
How faint since Influence lent that foe a screen ;
How strong o'er James and Popery she prevail'd,
How weakly fell, when Whigs and gold assail'd.2

the first moments of their popularity have in general been the last of their government. Thus sir Anthony Bellingham, after the death of Henry the Eighth, was recalled, "for not sufficiently consulting the English interests," or, in other words, for not shooting the requisite quantity of wild Irish. The same kind of delinquency led to the recall of Sir John Perrot, in Elizabeth's time, and to that of the Earl of Radnor, in the reign of Charles the Second, of whom Lord Orford says, "We are not told how he disappointed the King's expectations, probably not by too great complaisance, nor why his administration, which Burnet calls just, was disliked. If it is true that he was a good governor, the presumption will be that his rule was not disliked by those to whom but from whom he was sent."-Royal and Noble Authors.

We are not without instances of the same illiberal policy in our own times.

1 It never seems to occur to those orators and addressers who round off so many sentences and paragraphs with the

slights,

We hear you talk of Britain's glorious rights,

1 Angli suos ac sua omnia impense mirantur; cæteras nationes despectui habent.-Barclay (as quoted in one of Dryden's prefaces.)

2 England began very early to feel the effects of cruelty towards her dependencies. The severity of her Government (says Macpherson) contributed more to deprive her of the continental dominions of the family of Plantagenet than the arms of France."-See his History, vol. i. page 111. 3"By the total reduction of the kingdom of Ireland, in 1691 (says Burke,) the ruin of the native Irish, and in a great measure too of the first races of the English, was completely accomplished. The new English interest was settled with as solid a stability as any thing in human affairs can look for. All the penal laws of that unparalleled code of oppression, which were made after the last event, were manifestly the effects of national hatred and scorn towards a conquered people, whom the victors delighted to trample upon, and were not at all afraid to provoke." Yet this is the era to which the wise Common Council of Dublin refer us for "invaluable blessings," etc. And this is the era which such Governors as his Grace the Duke of R-chm-nd think it politic to commemorate, in the eyes of insulted my Countrymen, by an annual procession round the statue of King William!

An unvarying trait of the policy of Great Britain towards Ireland has been her selection of such men to govern us as were least likely to deviate into justice and liberality, and the alarm which she has taken when any conscientious Viceroy has shown symptoms of departure from the old code of prejudice and oppression. Our most favourite Governors have accordingly been our shortest visitors, and

visions which these Acts contained for the preservation of parliamentary independence have been long laid aside as romantic and troublesome. The Revolution, as its greatest admirers acknowledge, was little more than a recognition of ancient privileges, a restoration of that old Gothic structure which was brought from the woods of Germany into England. Edward the First had long before made a similar recognition, and had even more expressly reverted to the first principles of the constitution, by declaring that "the people should have their laws, liberties, and free customs, as largely and wholly as they have used to have the same at any time they had them." But, luckily for the Crown and its interests, the concessions both of Edward and of William have been equally vague and verbal, equally theoretical and insincere. The feudal system was continued, notwithstanding the former, and Lord M-'s honest head is upon his shoulders, in spite of the latter. So that I confess I never meet with a politician who seriously quotes the Declaration of Rights, etc. to prove the actual existence of English liberty, that I do not think of the Marquis, whom Montesquieu mentions, (a) who set about looking for mines in the Pyrenees, upon the strength of authorities which he had read in some ancient authors. The poor Marquis toiled and searched in vain. He quoted his authorities to the last, but he found no mines after all.

2 The chief, perhaps the only, advantage which has resulted from the system of influence, is the tranquil, uninterrupted flow which it has given to the administration of Government. If Kings must be paramount in the State (and their Ministers at least seem to think so,) the country is indebted to the Revolution for enabling them to become so quietly, and for removing so skilfully the danger of those shocks and collisions which the alarming efforts of tive never failed to produce.

(a) Liv. xxi, chap. 11.

preroga