were actually employed for a whole week in a most strenuous and eloquent debate about patching up a hole in the wall of the room appropriated to their meetings! A vast profusion of nervous argument and pompous declamation was expended on the occasion. Some of the orators, I am told, being rather waggishly inclined, were most stupidly jocular on the occasion; but their waggery gave great offence, and was highly reprobated by the more weighty part of the assembly, who hold all wit and humour in abo mination, and thought the business in hand much too solemn and serious to be treated lightly. It was supposed by some that this affair would have occupied a whole winter, as it was a subject upon which several gentlemen spoke who had never been known to open their lips before in that place except to say yes and no. These silent members are by way of distinction denominated Orator Mums, and are highly valued in this country on account of their great talents for silence,-a qualification extremely rare in a logo

cracy.

In the course of debate on this momentous question, the members began to wax warm, and grew to be exceeding wrath with each other, because their opponents most obstinately refused to be convinced by their arguments, or rather their words. The hole in the wall came well nigh producing a civil war of words throughout the empire; for, as usual in all public questions, the whole country was divided, and the holeans and the anti-holeans, headed by their respective slang-whangers, were marshalled out in array, and menaced deadly warfare. Fortunately for the public tranquillity, in the hottest part of the debate, when two rampant Virginians, brim-full of logic and philosophy, were measuring tongues, and sylogistically cudgelling each other out of their unreasonable notions, the president of the divan, a knowing old gentleman, one night slyly sent a mason with a hod of mortar, who, in the course of a few minutes, closed up the hole, and put a final end to the argument. Thus did this wise old gentleman, by hitting on a most simple expedient, in all probability save his country as much money as would build a gun-boat, or pay a hireling slang-whanger* for a whole volume of words. As it

* A news-paper editor.

happened, only a few thousand dollars were expended in paying these men, who are denominated, I suppose in derision, legislators.

Another instance of their economy I relate with pleasure, for I really begin to feel a regard for these poor barbarians. They talked away the best part of a whole winter before they could determine not to expend a few dollars in purchasing a sword to bestow on an illustrious warrior; yes, Asem, on that very hero,* who frightened all our poor old women and young children at Derne, and fully proved himself a greater man than the mother that bore him. Thus, my friend, is the whole collective wisdom of this mighty logocracy employed in somniferous debates about the most trivial affairs, like I have sometimes seen a Herculean mountebank exerting all his energies in balancing a straw upon The sages behold the minutest objects with the microscopic eye of a pismire; mole-hills swell into mountains, and a grain of mustard-seed will set the whole ant-hill in a hub-bub. Whether this indicates a capacious vision or a diminutive mind I leave thee to decide; for my part I consider it as another proof of the great scale on which every thing is transacted in this country.

his nose.

I have before told thee that nothing can be done without consulting the sages of the nation, who compose the assembly called the Congress. This prolific body may not be improperly termed the "mother of inventions ;" and a most fruitful mother it is, let me tell thee, though its children are generally abortions. It has lately laboured with what was deemed the conception of a mighty navy.-All the old women and the good wives that assist the bashaw in his emergencies hurried to head-quarters to be busy, like midwives, at the delivery. All was anxiety, fidgeting, and consultation; when, after a deal of groaning and struggling, instead of formidable first-rates and gallant frigates, out crept a litter of sorry litttle gun-boats! These are most pitiful little vessels,† partaking vastly of the character of

* General Eaton, who was employed in the war against Tripoli. It was this person who gave information to the American government of Burr's designs against Mexico.

These gun-boats are a small despicable craft, built of various shapes and sizes; some with one, others with two, masts. The latter have one mast raking forward, the other aft; with small narrow lug sails. They are not pleasing to the eye of a seaman, for I have never

the grand bashaw, who has the credit of begetting them,being flat shallow vessels that can only sail before the wind, -must always keep in with the land, are continually foundering or running ashore: and, in short, are only fit for smooth water. Though intended for the defence of the maritime cities, yet the cities are obliged to defend them, and they require as much nursing as so many rickety little bantlings. They are, however, the darling pets of the grand bashaw, being the children of his dotage, and, perhaps from their diminutive size and palpable weakness, are called the "infant navy of America." The act that brought them into existence was almost deified by the majority of the people as a grand stroke of economy.-By the beard of Mahomet, but this word is truly inexplicable!

To this economic body therefore was I advised to address my petition, and humbly to pray that the august assembly of sages would, in the plenitude of their wisdom and the magnitude of their powers, munificently bestow, on an unfortunate captive, a pair of cotton breeches! "Head of the immortal Amrou," cried I, "but this would be presumptuous to a degree-what! after these worthies have thought proper to leave their country naked and defenceless, and exposed to all the political storms that rattle without, can I expect that they will lend a helping hand to comfort the extremities of a solitary captive?" My exclamation was only answered by a smile, and I was consoled by the assurance that, so far from being neglected, it was every way probable my breeches might occupy a whole session of the divan, and set several of the longest heads together by the ears. Flattering as was the idea of a whole nation being agitated about my breeches, yet I own I was somewhat dismayed at the idea of remaining in querpo, until yet heard them spoken of with approbation by any nautical man. They generally carry one gun, from twenty-four to thirty-eight pounder, and from twenty to thirty men, with two or three officers; though their complement is upwards of fifty men. A part of the crew are artillerymen, who act also as marines. The accommodations on board these gun-boats are very uncomfortable, for few of them will admit a man to stand upright, being built broad and shallow for the purpose of running into shoal water. When they put to sea in blowing weather the men are constantly wet. They are only fit for smooth and shallow waters, as a defence against the armed boats of hostile shipping, but never against the ships themselves; for one broadside from a frigate

would sink a dozen of them.

all the national grey-beards should have made a speech on the occasion, and given their consent to the measure. The embarrassment and distress of mind which I experienced was visible in my countenance, and my guard, who is a man of infinite good-nature, immediately suggested, as a more expeditious plan of supplying my wants, a benefit at the theatre. Though profoundly ignorant of his meaning, I agreed to his proposition, the result of which I shall disclose to thee in another letter.

Fare thee well, dear Asem;-in thy pious prayers to our great prophet, never forget to solicit thy friend's return; and, when thou numberest up the many blessings bestowed on thee by all-bountiful Allah, pour forth thy gratitude that he has cast thy nativity in a land where there is not an assembly of legislative chatterers,—no great bashaw, who bestrides a gun-boat for a hobby-horse,-where the word economy is unknown,-and where an unfortunate captive is not obliged to call upon the whole nation to cut him out a pair of breeches. Ever thine,

MUSTAPHA.

ECCENTRIC LETTERS.

"SPRIGHTLINESS and wit," says a learned author, “are graceful in letters, just as they are in conversation; when they flow easily, and without being studied; when employed so as to season, not to cloy. One, who either in conversation or in letters, affects to shine and sparkle always, will not please long. The style of letters should not be too highly polished. All nicety about words betrays study, and hence, musical periods, and appearance of number and harmony in arrangement, should be carefully avoided in letters.'

Warminster, Apr. 8.

Rev. and Dear Sir, Mrs. Axford is dead of a palsy aged 58, after 48 hourshope to see you the last Tuesday in April-I was yesterday employed in collecting monies for clergymen's widows and children. The news from Salisbury will characterize my

* This letter is humourously satirical on those public bodies, who, in their legislative and executive functions, too often strain at gnats and swallow camels.

late wife, her virtues extoll'd, her foibles conceal'd. I had been from Eastcott 30 days-Mrs. **** wished to see mewhy? not a line!-I arrived speedily in 7 hours from Charborough to Eastcott, found her dying with the rattles; read prayers, Visitation of the Sick-gave her a passport recommendatory to the Creator to receive her soul, and she went by consent of Yours to serve,

J. AXFORD.

P. S. The use I shall make of it is-memento mori.

On the foldings of the letter was written, Mors janua vita-marry again as soon as convenientCompts to Mrs. Montague-Finis.-De mortuis nil nisi bonum-Compts Ford, Rev. Mr. Digby-Ly-Non sibi sed TotiJ. A.

Mr. Forlow,

By this day's coach I send two spaniel puppies which with a deal of care will be able to shift for themselves, one is for Miss Tomlinson and the other for Miss Higgins, they are both bitches. Yrs to command,

Sir,

R. BARNES.

I am sorry I cant be agreeable as to what you asks me to do: but by the cannon law nobody must not presume to take nothing out of the church especilly the sakrid utensils under pain of blasphemy. I must therefore refuse you the brass monimental tom stone which you desierd but you'r welcum to cum into the church and draw it about as much as you please. J. K.

Sir,

To a Clothier in London.

If you please to send me a scarlet cardinal; let it be full yard long, and let it be full, it is for a large woman. They tell me I may have a large one, and a handsome one for eleven shillings, I should not be willing to give more than twelve: but if you have any as long as that, either duffil or cloth, if it is cheaper, I should like it as well, for I am not to give more than twelve shillings. I beg you, sir, to be so good as not to fail me this cardinal by Wednesday without fail. Let it be full yard long, I beg, or else it will not do.