DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.

JUSTICE FIDGET.

JUSTICE SPARROWHAWKE.

CAPTAIN CONSTANT.

CARELESS, his Friend, Nephew to Justice Fidget. O'BLARNEY, an Irish Schoolmaster, and Clerk to both Justices.

STURDY, an Innkeeper and Farmer.

TODDY, Servant to Constant.

Servants, &c.

SOPHIA, Daughter to Fidget.

GRACE, Sister to Constant.

SUSAN, MAID to Sophia.
Servants, &c.

Scene, a Village.-Time, the Performance.

YOUR'S OR MINE.

ACT I.

Scene, a Village.

Enter TODDY.

Tod. So here I am, once more quartered in my own native village; and if ever I believe a recruiting serjeant again, when he tells me there's no danger in fighting, may I be scalp't by a Cherokee Indian, or broiled alive by a cannibal cook.

AIR 1st.

I.

I had heard of the pleasures of war and campaigning,
And much of the honour and beauty of scars,
So Tim Jolter and I, peace and quiet disdaining,
Determin'd like heroes, to list for the wars.

The drum and the fife beat to arms thro' the village, Tim's wife was heart-broke, but I bad her not cry, Whilst he kiss'd off the tear as it stood in her eye; Like a couple of ninnies,

We took the king's guineas,

And left our sweet hamlet, for plunder and pillage.

II.

In drilling, we soon found our torments began, "Twixt my shoulders and head, such a sympathy rose, That they never would part, so I got the rattan,

And Tim, for his soul, could'nt turn out his toes:

We soon curs'd the day, the drum beat thro' the village,

When Tim's wife, &c.

III.

Spite of oatmeal and flour, my hair stood on end,
When the battle on both sides, was set in array,
A twenty-four pounder soon settled my friend,
And I was found missing, the very next day.
And now fifty drums may alarum the village,
I want courage perhaps, yet I'll not stir a peg,
For I don't want an arm, and I don't want a leg:
And whilst from the misses,

I ravish sweet kisses,

I'll envy not heroes their plunder and pillage.

O'BLARNEY crosses the back of the stage. Tod. Sure I know that face, why O'Blar O'Blar. Why Toddy, and is it your own self now? Tod. Why you look at me, as if I was altered a little.

O'Blar. Faith that may be without a miracle: the man who goes to the wars, is more likely to be altered than he who stays at home.

Tod. You are right, and if I had taken your advice, I should have staid at home too; not that I minded the danger, but the noise of the great guns always gave me a head-ache.

O'Blar. The heart-ach you mean, I suppose; but it's nearly the same thing.

Tod. Well, O'Blarney, are you still clerk to the justice?

O'Blar. Clerk to two justices, besides being a bit of a retail potatoe merchant.

Tod. And do you keep on your school?

O'Blar. My school? To be sure, when you left us, it was but a school, but you'll please to remember that now it's an academy.

Tod. And have you plenty of scholars ?

D O'Blar. More than I can teach, more than I can teach; especially since I have began to puzzle them with a new grammar of my own mvention · you see, without bothering their tender understand

in which

ings with eight or nine parts of speech, I have made it as clear as the Liffey, that the devil a part of speech is there but one, and that's the tongue which every man (and man, you know, includes woman of course) carries in his own head. -You shall just peep in upon me one morning, and see me teach the English languish in it's purity, at fourteen-pence a week, besides giving them a pretty strong twang of the Irish into the bargain. But come, you see the Blackamoor's Head stands just where it did, tho' one of my little urchins the other day knock'd off his nose; sha'nt we drink a glass or two to our old friendship?

་

Tod. Yes, and a bottle or two to our new acquain

tance.

O'Blar. To be sure we wont for the wind being south-west, I have given my little disciples a holiday.

Tod. What, because the wind was south-west ?

O'Blar. I'll tell you - you see there's an old trout at the mill-tail, I have wanted to catch for this month past; I had call'd my little fellows together, to hear them their evening tasks, when I caught little Tommy Truant looking up at the weathercock in the church-yard. I had flogg'd him the day before, for having his stockings about his heels, for as I said to