BALLADS OF THE BILLOWS. NLY last week, your Honour, I called your attention to the revival of the Nautical Drama. But where and oh, where! are all the nautical ditties, and the singers of them gone? "Twas in Trafalgar's Bay," the "Battle of the Nile," "My Lovely Nancy," and all the rest of them: where are they? Gone! Ay, ay, Sir, gone! Belay, there! not for ever. No, Sir, not if I, BENNY THE Bo'SEN, know it. Inspiration has seized me; I clutch my fiddle, on which I was, and am, no mean performer, and with a view to rousing the poetic fire of my countrymen on behalf of the poetic water, I strike up a prelude, and then commence. Each ballad is intended to be sung with great spirit and "Then I can die happy," and did: so did she. Singing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! Once each year, in the Bay, when night's curtain descends, Sing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! The Commodore over the Admiral bends With the ghost of a handkerchief trimmed at all ends With the lace that is known as real Va-len-ci-ennes. ; Singing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! Chorus (all together). Singing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! 1 Repeat this line as a chorus. Every one likes to sing in a chorus. *It has been supposed that the Lieutenant was in the plot. At this distance of time we have no means of ascertaining the exact truth. 3 A common expression among nautical men; with now and then a forcible prefix. "The crew had for some days been inclined to mutiny, on account of their rations having been curtailed."-SIMPSON'S Lives of the Admirals. 5 That part of the ship nearest the jib-boom. "The engagement was sharp, short, and decisive."-CAPT. CUTTLE'S Notes. 7 Soundings are generally taken on board ship by means of a line and a leaden plummet. Three bells" is very deep soundings. The usual plan after an engagement of this sort. 10 WILLIAM was the Admiral's Christian name. The last line of this verse should pathos; each will have a tune of its own, which may be obtained by be sung with great feeling; and the chorus, if any, should be slightly subdued. application to Yours, my hearty, BENNY THE BO'SEN. THE ADMIRAL'S TRUE LOVE; OR, THE BREEZES OF BONNYKIRK BAY. (This Ballad is founded upon a legend still believed and repeated by the Mariners of Bonnykirk. The incident itself probably occurred during the sharp and decisive engagement between the British fleet and the united fleets of France and Austria, in which the flag of England was signally victorious. As to the justice and causes of a war that raised the little fishing village of Bonnykirk to such an eminence in the annals of our country's glory, I offer no opinion.B. T. B.) IN Bonnykirk Bay, oh, the fleet it was moored, Sing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! "A sail, ho! a sail!" shouts the look-out aloft, Sing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! Singing ho! blow the breezes in Bonnykirk Bay! Boom! bang! went the guns from the binnacle's deck," When we'd keelhaul'd amidships and spliced the ropes' ends,8 FEMININE LONGEVITY. DEAR MR. PUNCH, Do, pray, now use your influence, which I well know is gigantic, to put a stop to these unseemly letters about longevity. I declare I feel quite terrified when I think of what alarming disclosures may be made by them. There is no harm in discussing the longevity of gentlemen, but it is really most indelicate in people to make public the longevity of ladies. As a woman, I protest against one's age being sion. Yet I am shocked to see that letters have been written about old made known, and still more against its being made a subject of discusladies, and the most annoying PROOFS have been given of the ages they are said to have arrived at. It really makes one shudder when one thinks of the sad peril to which one is exposed, of hearing such exposures made about oneself and one's feminine relations. I am a single lady, and have, happily, no daughters to remind me of my age, and prevent my looking as young as I can make myself. But suppose my elder sister should become an octo- something (it isn't octoroon, I know, and it rhymes with vegetarian), suppose that she gets old and unfortunately looks so, horrid people may write letters and expose her real age, and pray then how can I make people think that I am juvenile? So, Mr. Punch, I must entreat you to stop this dreadful theme from being publicly discussed; and I think you ought to mention the matter to LORD PALMERSTON, and get him just to pass a proper Act of Parliament to suppress such correspondence. The statement of a lady's age without her special sanction should be viewed as an outrageous libel and offence, and should be punished by at least six months' hard labour and imprisonment. Indeed I think a good sound flogging would just serve the wretches right who are guilty of these shamefully indecent exposures, and I wish that every lady had, as SHAKSPEARE says, a whip "to lash the rascal aching through the world." No, Sir. Let male donkeys boast of their long years, if it please them so to do; but a lady's age is sacred, and it should be penal to violate its sanctity. For sacrilegious monsters who are infamous enough to perpetrate such outrages, a proper punishment should forthwith be invented by the law, and these miscreants be dealt with by the officers of justice. Now that Parliament has met, not a moment should be lost in applying for some wholesome legislation in the matter, and surely Parliament must feel it is of personal importance to take the matter up, for among its Members Parliament has plenty of old women. Hoping, my dear Mr. Punch, that as the champion of the ladies you will come to their protection, and prevent any further exposure of their ages, Believe me, yours admiringly, PATIENCE PRIM. P.S. I enclose my carte de visite, by which you may see that when I wear my visiting costume I am barely five-and-twenty.* *Looks fifty, if a day.-Note by Mrs. Punch. Punishment for Paupers. Is it true that oakum-picking is work to which paupers are put in workhouses? If so, we would suggest that, as a punishment for poverty, the treadmill or the crank be substituted for a kind of hard labour which has the disadvantage of incapacitating some of the poor for needlework and other lighthanded employment, by spoiling their fingers. TO CANDIDATES FOR HOLY ORDERS.-Copies of Bishops' Examination Papers given of late: with PRIVATE INFORMATION as to the peculiarities of each Bishop and his Chaplain in the viva voce Examination of Candidates. If the Examination papers are not handed to the candidates as private affairs, there can be no objection to letting other candidates know what sort of questions they are likely to be asked. Mr. Punch has written to a friend of his, who is a Bishop, to ascertain how this is; but perhaps the examining chaplain who ran to the pillar-post with his Lordship's answer, let the letter get wet, and it stuck in the mouth, and was picked out by somebody else, or perhaps some ass who could not read or would not heed the orders on the pillar, had rammed in a fat newspaper, which choked the way, and left all subsequently deposited letters at the mercy of the public. In one of these ways millions of letters are lost every day. Anyhow, the Bishop's answer had not come, up to our going to press. We, therefore, give the advertiser the benefit of a doubt which we do not entertain. But this proposal to show up the Peculiarities of each Bishop and of his Chaplain is clearly Scandalum Ecclesiasticum. We should like to know, nevertheless, what is told, but we scorn to spend, on any printed book, the price of two cigars, which bring us priceless thoughts. Are the hints in this style:-1. This Bishop is testy and a little deaf. 2. This Bishop is garrulous, and will answer two-thirds of the questions for you, if you take things easy, and give him his head. 3. This Bishop hates any talk of the Evangelical kind; beware of the slightest unctuosity. 4. Take a snuff-box, full of the best rappee, and leave it, without offering it, near this Bishop; he will pretend to take a pinch unconsciously. 5. Be so tremendously struck with the picture over this Bishop's fireplace as to disregard a question; he will be awfully CHORUS OF GREEDY BOYS. "GIVE US A SLICE! GIVE US A SLICE!" DR. PAM (HEAD MASTER). "KEEP BACK, BOYS! KEEP BACK! OR IT SHALL NOT BE CUT TILL EASTER." POEM BEFORE PARLIAMENT. THE Parliament's coming, oh dear, oh dear! To put in the Essence, Than Parliament gave us last year? LORD PALMERSTON 's coming, oh dear, oh dear! Less like information Than meant to elicit "hear, hear!" DISRAELI 's coming, oh dear, oh dear! And studied impromptu-like jeer. LORD RUSSELL is coming, oh dear, oh dear! And storm in a puddle, But often brave words, which we'll cheer. EARL DERBY is coming, oh dear, oh dear! EARL DERBY is coming, oh dear! So ready to smile at The scrapes of our Pilot, But never attempting to steer. The CHANCELLOR 's coming, oh dear, oh dear! The CHANCELLOR's coming, oh dear! Exploding, like nitre, At sight of a mitre, And healing a snub with a sneer. LORD ELLEN is coming, oh dear, oh dear! That peace is a blunder, And war not a thing we should fear. DUKE SOMERSET's coming, oh dear, oh dear! BISHOP OXFORD is coming, oh dear, oh dear! Are parts of the Faith we revere. LORD GREY he is coming, oh dear, oh dear! To prove that all others And he's not a quack, but a seer. CHARLEY WOOD he is coming, oh dear, oh dear! For some one has told him A jaguar's not a jaghire. MR. LAWSON is coming, oh dear, oh dear! JOHN BRIGHT he is coming, oh dear, oh dear! And clamour for suffrage Is that your aim-preacher austere ? MR. Cox he is coming, oh dear, oh dear! The Governing Race is Not now in his graces: But suppose they should make him a Peer? TRELAWNEY is coming, oh dear, oh dear! Bringing hammers and axes MR. EWART is coming, oh dear, oh dear! As did to the hangman, King Lear. LOCKE KING he is coming, oh dear, oh dear! POPE HENNESSY's coming, oh dear, oh dear! To scold the Italians For sending bad Kings to the rear. Old BERKELEY is coming, oh dear, oh dear! To paint, with bright palette, And be called, by its friends, insincere. MR. NEWDEGATE's coming, oh dear, oh dear! MR. NEWDEGATE's coming, oh dear! To prove toleration Has ruined the nation, And pay her a Protestant tear. The COLONELS are coming, oh dear, oh dear! The COLONELS are coming, oh dear! To stand up for arrack, Cat, bearskin, and barrack, And beg that we won't interfere. MR. ROEBUCK is coming, oh dear, oh dear! From "saloons" at Vienna, And salts, till we feel very queer. MR. HENLEY, is coming, oh dear! oh dear! MR. HENLEY is coming, oh dear! To growl and to grumble If bailiff, or Bumble, Or bosh, from our system we shear. NUM SCULLY is coming, oh dear, oh dear! Our warm benediction Was wasted on fiction, Which said that he would not appear. MR. MASSEY's not coming, oh dear, oh dear! MR. MASSEY 's not coming, oh dear! To India goes MASSEY To win a peace Plassy, And rival the bold BARTLE FRERE. MR. COBDEN is coming, oh dear, oh dear! But not, we hope, preaching To spoil a true statesman's career. MR. COWPER is coming, oh dear, oh dear! To promise that roses Shall gladden our noses, When Battersea's like Bendermeer. MR. GLADSTONE is coming, oh dear, oh dear! MR. GLADSTONE is coming, oh dear! 'Mid his exquisite phrases MR. PUNCH he is coming, oh joy, oh joy! With a new rod in pickle, The Toby to tickle Of every bad Parliament boy. |