FLINCHING AT ST. MICHAEL'S, SHOREDITCH. THE newly-built Church of St. Michael and All Angels, Shoreditch, is situated in what is called a low neighbourhood. It does not therefore follow that the Clergy who officiate therein are low men, and in point of fact, they are High Churchmen. Nevertheless, it is possible for High Churchmen to be very low fellows, and, for example, to issue an advertisement of a character so low as the following :

CURATE WANTED IMMEDIATELY for S. MICHAEL AND ALL ANGELS, SHOREDITCH. Daily Celebration, and Choral Services, and therefore knowledge of Music required. A Priest who will be AFRAID to flinch. Stipend at present £120.-Address, &c., &c.

Here you have ultra High Churchmanship stooping to puff itself in exactly the phraseology of the illiterate advertising tradesman and vile quack. You see the highest Churchmanship in combination with the lowest style.

The foregoing announcement appeared in the Church Times of August 12. On the 24th of the same month the BISHOP OF LONDON consecrated the Church named in it. The manager, or whatever he calls himself, of St. Michael's, Shoreditch, advertised for a Priest who He got very much more than he bargained for-an unflinching Bishop. According to the Daily News of August 25, on arriving at the vestry, accompanied by DR. TRAVERS TWISS, and MR. SHEPPERD, registrar of the diocese of London, and being met by the Clergy of the district,

was afraid to flinch.

"Almost the first words spoken by the Right Rev. Prelate were addressed to the REV. C. LYFORD, the incumbent, and had reference to four handsome bouquets on the altar. The Right Rev. Prelate stated that before the consecration took place they must be removed."

There was the unflinching Bishop. Where was the Priest that was to be "afraid to flinch?" The REV. MR. LYFORD flinched :"MR. LYFORD accordingly sent for the churchwarden, and desired him to take the flowers away.”

The BISHOP OF LONDON proceeded to do his episcopal duty without flinching:

“The Bishop then surveyed the assembled Clergy, most of whom were habited in

surplices, with richly embroidered stoles. His Lordship said quietly, but sternly, The Clergy here of my diocese must appear in the ceremonial of to-day in the simple dress of Clergymen of the Church of England."

Hereupon, indeed, the reverend gentlemen in the smart petticoats, showed some symptoms of being afraid to flinch. With a hesitation that was quite ladylike

At this the Clergy looked at each other very innocently, as though they were at a loss to comprehend his Lordship's meaning. A somewhat awkward pause ensued, during which no one stirred."

But the Bishop insisted, and the Clergy presently flinched :

Again turning to the Clergy, his Lordship said somewhat peremptorily, 'I must ask you to take off those ribbons, gentlemen.' MR. LYFORD bowed, and at once removed his stole (a white silk one with rich crimson and gold embroidery), and his example was followed by the other Clergymen present."

These gentlemen, dressed so remarkably like ladies, were not so much afraid to flinch from taking their ribbons off, and perhaps divesting themselves of Crinoline, as afraid to disobey their Bishop. Having "peeled" their pretty vestments

"The Clergy then formed a procession, and walked to the west door, where they were met by the choir, and the service began."

All's well that ends well, to borrow the language of a distinguished dramatist; and all now seemed likely to end well in the quiet consecration of St. Michael's, Shoreditch. The Clergy, however, evinced just one more indication of being a little afraid to flinch :

"So far the large congregation, which numbered pretty nearly one thousand persons, were in the dark as to any hitch having occurred, the scene above detailed having taken place in the vestry; but now an open breach took place. On the stone reredos behind the communion table there was a rough sketch in charcoal of the Crucifixion, with the figures of St. Mary and St. John. This seemed to give great offence to the Bishop, and he asked for an explanation from the incumbent. That offered did not appear to be satisfactory to his Lordship, and he expressed a wish that the Cartoon should be at once effaced. It would seem that none of the officials relished the task, but the Bishop resolutely refused to proceed with the service

until some understanding was come to."

But the unflinching firmness of the BISHOP OF LONDON ultimately prevailed over the fear of flinching on the part of the REV. MR. LYFORD and his coadjutors, or company :

"At length his Lordship said, 'If you will give an undertaking to efface that Cartoon I will proceed' MR. LYFORD consented to do this, and the Bishop thereupon instructed DR. T. TwIss to draw up a paper to that effect, saying that the registrar could read the petition whilst it was being done. DR. T. TWISS accordingly went to the vestry, and drew up the following memorandum: We hereby undertake to remove to-morrow the unfinished Cartoon on the east end of the chancel wall of the Church of St Michael and All Angels. August 24, 1865." DR. Twiss then returned to the chancel, and the document was signed in presence of the congregation by MR. LYFORD, by MR. TRANTER, Churchwarden, and by MR. BROOKE, Architect."

Our unflinching Bishop gained his point, and the clerical masqueraders, whose Coryphæus advertises for a Curate afraid to flinch from

making a fool of himself, proved to be not only courageous enough to be capable of flinching, but unconditionally "caved in." Having made himself obeyed

"The Bishop then said, 'I have no objection to consecrate this Church in accordance with the prayer of that petition,' and proceeded with the service." In reference to the unflinching determination of the BISHOP OF LONDON not to countenance a ridiculous display of simious ritualism, the following piece of impertinence appeared, on August 26, in the same paper as that in which an asinine incumbent, wanting a Curate, advertised for "a Priest who will be afraid to flinch:"

"ST. MICHAEL AND ALL ANGELS, SHOREDITCH.-This Church was consecrated by the BISHOP OF LONDON on Thursday last. We reserve our report until next week, merely mentioning that the Right Rev. Prelate displayed his iconoclastic propensities in reference to ornaments both of the Church and the Clergy, and altogether behaved both before and during the service with an amount of intolerance and irreverence which we were shocked to witness."

mimes to doff their motley, he "displayed his iconoclastic propensities," In saying that when the BISHOP OF LONDON ordered a set of clerical the Church Times displays considerable proficiency in penny-a-lining. and the BISHOP OF LONDON must certainly be admitted to have done Yet the act of destroying the Golden Calf was doubtless iconoclastic, much the same thing in dealing, as he did on the consecration of St. Michael's, Shoreditch, with the ecclesiastical calves attached to that sacred edifice.

ROMANTIC INCIDENT. Scene in a Secluded Glen.

me some love-token, which shall recall your loved image to my Henry. Good bye, dearest EMILY, we may never meet again. Give memory, some treasured trifle, which shall remind me always of the happy past. EMILY, my heart's idol, pray give me a lock of your beautiful hair?

Emily (deeply affected, and beginning to sob). My darling HENRY, I cannot dare not give you a lock of my hair. Still, as I cannot refuse you anything, here take-take, my best-beloved, this Chignon instead. [Ridiculous confusion of HENRY at having the article in question put into his hands there and then.

AN ATTRACTION IN THESE DAYS!

AT a fashionable watering-place in the North, not twenty miles from Filey, outside the doors of the miserable Town Hall, where offenders are tried by Magistrates in the morning, and audiences are still more severely tried by performers in the evening, we noticed the three following placards:"MAD DOGS."-" CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.""GAVAZZI. What between the first and third announcements, we did not in the least wonder at the fact mentioned in the second. Considering the heat of the weather, and that the 66 CAUTION" about muzzling was confined only to the dogs, it was not surprising that the few visitors, who ventured near the place, hurried on as quickly as possible. It was quite a panic in the town.

THE NAGGLETONS ON THEIR EXTINCTION. Lunch Time. At that unaccustomed hour, the master of the house (MR. NAGGLETON) has returned from the City. He has impatiently partaken of some Sardines and toast, and is even more impatiently disposing of a glass or two of Chablis.

Mr. Naggleton. Now, can't you say what you have to say?
Mrs. Naggleton. Have you finished lunch?

[Fetches a writing-case, and takes out a paper, evidently of a legal character.

Mr. N. Are you going to make your will?

Mrs. N. (with a serious smile). It is curious that you should have used that expression. (Sits.) HENRY, the event which I expected has occurred.

Mr. N. (dazed). But you expect so many events-some of them must occur occasionally.

Mrs. N. You have frequently-I may say habitually-taunted me with the remark that my family have estranged themselves from us.

Mr. N. I have never complained of it, at all events. I rather like it. Mrs. N. A wife understands many things, said by her husband, of which she feels it best to take no notice.

Mr. N. Agreed-especially when he hints at any little domestic reforms.

Mrs. N. You will regret introducing this tone into our conversation. Mr. N. (growing angry). I may regret introducing another tone if you don't make haste and tell me what you are driving at.

Mrs. N. READ THAT! [Places the paper in his hands. Mr. N. A lawyer's hand-writing! Am I cited before SIR JAMES WILDE? Eh! (reads). I-I beg your pardon, MARIA, I'm sure (reads on). Then you were right in remaining in town.

[Reads to the end of the paper, then lays it down, and gazes in a singular manner at his wife. She returns the gaze for some moments, and then begins to cry. MR. NAGGLETON takes up the paper, and retires to a sequestered chair to re-peruse. He then comes back to his former seat.

Mrs. N. (half smiling). How do you like it?

Mr. N. (in a low voice). She was all right, I suppose?

is concerned, and bless 'em for it). Ou, yes! as sane as you are.
Mrs. N. (with the women's quick apprehension where worldly advantage
I said before-well?
Mr. N. (Goes to door and opens it suddenly; then closes it again). As

Mrs. N. You received my telegram?

Mr. N. Why, of course I did, or I shouldn't be here.

Mrs. N. O, I don't know. I sent it entirely on speculation, as I had no idea where you might be.

Mr. N. Where should I be at twelve in the day but at business. Did you suppose I was on the top of the Monument, or in the middle of next week?

Mrs. N. The message reached you, and that is enough. Now ring, please.

Mr. N. What for?

Mrs. N. To have the things taken away.

Mr. N. Let 'em stop. Will you tell me why you have sent for me? Mrs. N. Do you wish the servant to come in, in the middle of our conversation ?

Mr. N. O, is it going to have a middle? Well, have your way.
[Rings, and the table is cleared, to the accompaniment, performed by
MR. NAGGLETON, of the tattoo popularly dedicated to the
Ecrasé of LORD WESTBURY.

Mrs. N. (to the Servant). We are at home to nobody. [Exit Servant.
Mr. N. Who would call at such an hour?

Mrs. N. I cannot say. I have had one visitor already.

Mr. N. Now, MARIA, you have not been absurd enough to call me away from business because some tax-gatherer has left a paper, or any nonsense of that kind? I was particularly engaged.

Mrs. N. I am sorry that you leave the house exposed to any such scandal, but that is not the business now.

Mr. N. What am I to say?

Mrs. N. Nay, it is a case for your decision, HENRY.
Mr. N. Do you mean that?

Mrs. N. Do I ever say anything that I don't mean?
Mr. N. I hope so; I often do. But, seriously?
Mrs. N. (smiling). Seriously.

Mr. N. (snutching up paper). "Twenty thousand pounds, on two conditions, one of which shall be enforced by my executors, the other of which I must leave to the honour of HENRY NAGGLETON and MARIA,

his wife."

Mrs. N. Now, is not that conceived in the spirit of a lady?

Mr. N. She was a lady, and I am sorry to have to speak of her in the past tense. The first condition is

Mrs. N. Read the second, first, dear.

Mr. N. "That they entirely and for ever abandon their habit of scolding, snarling, and sneering, and study to converse politely, if not affectionately." I thought we always did.

Mrs. N. O, you story! And, now the other condition.
Mr. N. "That they immediately discard the name of NAGGLETON,
and assume, and for ever hereafter bear the name of
MARIA!

Mrs. N. (laughing). Read it out, Sir.
Mr. N. "The name of LOVEY-DOVEY."
Mrs. N. (slowly). Lovey-Dovey.
Mr. N. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

Mrs. N. My dear HENRY, what a noise.

My dear

Mr. N. Noise! I should think so. My respected MARIA, when a man is suddenly called upon to abandon a proud name which has been

and I do not know how many cavaliers, crusaders, and cannibals in the previous ages, it is time for him to make a noise.

Mrs. N. That means that the conditions are Accepted.

Mr. N. They are frightfully hard, of course, but then consider the children. Twenty thousand pounds, added to the eleven and fourpence, or whatever other trifle I may have managed to put into the Post-office Savings' Bank, is money.

Mrs. N. It is money, dear, and do not joke when we speak of the children's welfare.

Mr. N. I was never less inclined to joke in my life. Ha! ha! ha! ha! Mrs. N. Hush, dear; you will really have the servants up if you go on like that.

Mr. N. LOVEY-DOVEY! I tell you what, we 'll travel on the Continent.
Mrs. N. I should like it of all things; but what for?

Mr. N. We should break ourselves gradually into the name.
SIEUR ET MADAME L'AUVE D'AUVE would not be so bad.
Mrs. N. Would that be honourable ?

Mr. N. The name condition is not the one upon honour.
Mrs. N. Ah! but would it be safe?

MoN

Mr. N. That's another pair of breech-of breech-loaders. Mrs. N. Twenty thousand pounds! How much is that a-year, dear? Mr. N. Why, not exactly a fortune in Consols, but something that if we place it properly, will double itself as fast as a woman doubles a scandal.

Mrs. N. Ah, there! You mustn't talk like that, HENRY, if we are to fulfil the terms.

Mr. N. What? That's a very liberal rendering of the will, MARIA. Penal statutes are construed literally. There's only one woman whom I am never to scold, and as I never did, the abstinence will be no privation. Come here.

Mrs. N. Oh, you great goose. (Coming, however.) But there! [This line is inexplicable by the Editor. Mr. N. It will be a severe trial to you, my poor MARIA; but I must aid you with my masculine resolution and forbearance.

Mrs. N. (boxes his ears). As if you did not always begin. Well, then, that is settled, and you had better write to the executors telling them that we accept the legacy. How do people take new names?

Mr. N. Anyhow. If you like, you can pay your Sovereign eighty-two pounds fifteen shillings for a Royal Licence, and if you prefer keeping the money, you can adopt your new name, and pay nothing at all. Mrs. N. I suppose that it would be most respectable to have the Royal Licence.

RE you anxious, dear Punch, to find a retreat where there are no nigger bands, and not one barrel-organ? Yes, of course, I know you are, for everybody must be so whose fate it is to live in London, and have any brains to work, and any need to work them. Well, then, come to Douglas in the Isle of Man, and see the tailless cats and the monstrous three-legged Manxmen. I have actually been staying a whole week at this sea-town, and I have not once heard a banjo or a barrel-organ.

Do not dream, however, that if you come to Manxland you will find no other aural nuisances to plague you. If this were happily the case, do you think I should be fool enough to advertise the Paradise?

From the organ-grinding plague, Douglas happily is free; at least it was so when I visited it. Nor, although the fish there is capital

Mr. N. Why don't you go and ask the genteel SNOTCHLEY? Mrs. N. Now, HENRY, is that right?

Mr. N. No, it isn't. I withdraw the SNOTCHLEY. But we haven't begun the new régime yet. I think we may go on as before until the money is forked over.

Mrs. N. The sooner we begin the easier it will be.

Mr. N. And we are both in very good tempers, so there is a platform for a good start. And so, my dear MRS. LOVEY-DOVEY, I salute you by your new name. [Salutes exchanged.

Mrs. N. And are you serious about travelling? Mr. N. Have you not often wished to see Rome? Mrs. N. Ah, my wishes have been too often (recovers herself) granted by a kind husband for me to insist on anything he dislikes.

Mr. N. But I don't dislike it, and we 'll go, and look after that shawl which you thought proper to sell (recovers himself), and very properly too, for to tell you the truth, I never much liked it, though I fancied you did.

Mrs. N. Rome! That will be delightful. And long before we come back, all the talk about this affair will be over.

Mr. N. Yes, our dear five hundred friends will have swallowed their envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness. Mrs. N. Don't make fun of such words, HENRY-though you do make me laugh, and you ought not, dear.

Mr. N. Quite right, though I mean nothing wrong.

Mrs. N. I am sure of that. Well, will you write the letter. And then, will you order some cards with the new name. It's very absurd, but I shan't feel that I have secured the legacy until I have sent cards to everybody I know.

Mr. N. We'll put Twenty Thousand Pounds in a corner, and call the whole business OUR GOLDEN WEDDING. May we live to keep a real one. Mrs. N. Amen, with all my heart.

[And so ends the History of the Naggletons, but you shall have one peep at the Lovey-Doveys.

and cheap, were there any bellowing Stentors bawling, "Fine fresh So-holes! or Mackreel, four a shillun!" as they do at Brighton, Hastings, Ramsgate, Lowestoft, Deal, and Yarmouth. One evening, however, just as I sat down to dinner, a street-band did its utmost to take away my appetite; and every morning, just at breakfasttime, my relish for my herring was sadly spoilt by a duet between a small boy with a horn, upon a shaky, open, wheeled thing that was called the "Cresent Buss" [sic], and a dog that lived next door to me, and tried to howl in unison. Then the little natives have just learned the song of "Slap Bang! Here we are again!" and you hear them squalling it at every cottage door and every street corner. How is it that such songs become so popular, I wonder? Once let a tune be whistled through the streets of London, and every country town in England within six months will ring with it.

I believe that this annoying song was first imported into Manxland by the people who swarm thither from the cotton-spinning country. The natives call them "cotton balls," and seem to hold them in contempt, although many a Manx pocket is the richer for their coming. Where they get the money which they fling about so freely is more than I can tell; nor have I any notion why they fix on coming to the Isle of Man to spend it. If the scenery attracts them, they have rather an odd way of showing their attachment to it. All they seem to do all day is to ride about in cars, smoking bad tobacco, and playing at All Fours, and you see them at their ride's end, with the prettiest views accessible, sitting in inn-yards and playing All Fours still: and this is, I presume, how they enjoy seeing the scenery. Nearly every man JACK of them is attended by his JILL, and the girls all play at cards as everlastingly as the men, and join them in singing "Slap Bang!" with great relish and rejoicing.

I may add that these Slap-Bangers return from their trips often in the middle of the night; and with their holloaings and howlings they make the night as hideous as the Foresters did lately, when returning nocte media from their Crystal Palace trip, bellowing songs, and blowing horns, and blazing off magnesium wire, to frighten passing horses. A Disafforesting Commission sat the while I was in Manxland. What a blessing it would be, thought I, remembering that night, if a Commission were to sit for disafforesting the Foresters!

Besides flirting, playing All Fours, swigging beer and smoking spankers" (a sort of big cigar I saw thus labelled in the shops), these rollicking Slap-Bangers have the still further excitement every evening of a ball, which is given well-nigh gratis to all who choose to go to it. The ball is an al fresco one, and is held at the pier's end; and although the floor is stone, and the band a stray accordion, the dancing is kept up with splendid energy and spirit. I think it a great pity such hardworking honest dancers have not a better ball-room than this rough stone pier. Casinos and Cremornes such as London is polluted with I view with loathing and disgust; but the dancing in Manxland was mere honest crural exercise, and had not a whit of the foul Casino flavour in it. VAGABUNDUS.

AVE you seen all the Reports of this year's Congress? Yes. Then you've still got to see mine. It is special, and for you. All others are incomplete, and as the advertisements of patent mustards have it, none are genuine unless signed thus:-PROFESSOR FLUFF, i. e. myself. The reports, above mentioned, composed under the influence of prejudiced and envious persons, whose names I have entered, as MAXIMILIAN, the Emperor of Germany, used to, in my private "book of insults," do not contain any of my papers, nor do they give what certainly appeared to me to be the most interesting portions of the scientific proceedings. I send in my little account to you which shall supply the deficiencies. First, I will give you the names of my own papers, which I carried in separate parts of my luggage; I could not be sufficiently unfortunate to lose them all. Physiology. The art of Making Faces. (In my Bag, also false nose and whiskers.)

Geology. Illustrated by a performance on the Bones. (Great coat pocket; handy for practising in the Railway Carriage.) Architecture. Use of the Air-pump in erecting castellated edifices. (Portmanteau.)

Geography. The question, "Where are you going on Sunday?" satisfactorily answered. This included practical demonstrations in Street Gymnastics, or the Use of the Globes and Poles. (In large globe cases marked " with care.")

Mathematics. A few words on Squaring a Beadle who was arguing in a vicious circle. Illustrated pugilistically. (4 portmanteau to itself, including gloves and change of linen.)

Physics. Thoughts on Negro Conscription and the Black Draughts: with remarks on Shaking before Taking. (Dressing-case fitted with burnt corks for blacking my face; and medicine)

Illustrated by experimental conjuring. (A box of tricks packed up in a large clothes-basket for doing the STODARE trick. Swords separate.)

Some idiotic friend who doesn't understand these things asked me if I I arrived in Birmingham safely with all my scientific paraphernalia. was going to the Donkey Show? His joke meant, he explained, the British As-sociation; a low, coarse fellow, whom I only quote to show you the persecution that Science is exposed to even in these days. I was dressed in a scarlet gown, college cap, and carried side-arms, and a fishing-rod for Sundays.

After some difficulty I found one of the Association Rooms. Here is my report condensed.

COALS.

MR. BEETE JUKES, F.R.S., at least I think it was MR. JUKES, said that he had got something to say on coals. He proceeded to make a statement.

PROFESSOR TYNDALL offered to haul MR. JUKES over the coals for that remark. (I didn't catch it, though JUKES did.)

The discussion was at its height when it suddenly occurred to me that I could sing "Old King Cole." I rose. Shortly afterwards I fired Finding another door open, I looked in and said "Bo!" They couldn't my pistols, loaded with grapes, in the air, and pretended to vanish. find out who did it, so I then went to the school of

GEOLOGY.

SIR RODERICK MURCHISON was saying something about bones. A Gentleman expressed his opinion that grilled and devilled they were excellent for supper. I voted for him.

PROFESSOR PHILLIPS said that as a beverage Beaune was not to be despised.

SIR RODERICK, without noticing these interruptions, proceeded. When he had finished, the President asked if there was any just cause or impediment, &c., &c.

I had, lots; but, unfortunately, when I stood up I found that I'd I returned from the hotel the room was empty. brought my paper on Architecture. I said I'd be back in a jiffey. When

EXCURSIONS.

VOL. XLIX.