EPISTLE III.

P. WHO shall decide when doctors disagree,

And soundest casuists doubt, like you and me?
You hold the word, from Jove to Momus giv'n,
That man was made the standing jest of heav'n;
And gold but sent to keep the fools in play,
For some to heap, and some to throw away.

But I, who think more highly of our kind,
(And surely, heav'n and I are of a mind)
Opine, that nature, as in duty bound,
Deep hid the shining mischief under ground:
But when by man's audacious labour won,
Flam'd forth this rival to its sire, the sun,
Then careful heav'n supply'd two sorts of men,
To squander these, and those to hide

agen.

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IO

Like

EPISTLE III.] This Epistle was written after a violent outcry against our Author, on suspicion that he had ridiculed a worthy nobleman merely for his wrong taste. He justified himself upon that article in a letter to the Earl of Burlington; at the end of which are these words: "I have learnt that there are some who would rather be wicked than ridiculous; and therefore it may be safer to attack vices than follies. I will therefore leave my better s in the quiet possession of their idols, their groves, and their high places, and change my subject from their pride to their meanness, from their vanities to their miseries; and as the only certain way to avoid misconstructions, to lessen offence, and not to multiply illnatured applications, I may probably, in my next, make use of real names instead of fictitious ones."

Like doctors thus, when much dispute has past,
We find our tenets just the same at last.
Both fairly owning, riches, in effect,
No grace of heav'n, or token of th' elect;
Giv'n to the fool, the mad, the vain, the evil,
To Ward, to Waters, Chartres, and the Devil.

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20

B. What

VER. 20. JOHN WARD of Hackney, Esq. Member of Parliament, being prosecuted by the Duchess of Buckingham, and convicted of forgery, was first expelled the House, and then stood on the pillory on the 17th of March, 1727. He was suspected of joining in a conveyance with Sir John Blunt, to secrete fifty thousand pounds of that Director's estate, forfeited to the SouthSea Company by Act of Parliament. The Company recovered the fifty thousand pounds against Ward; but he set up prior conveyances of his real estate to his brother and son, and concealed all his personal, which was computed to be one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. These conveyances being also set aside by a bill in Chancery, Ward was imprisoned, and hazarded the forfeiture of his life, by not giving in his effects till the last day, which was that of his examination. During his confinement, his amusement was to give poison to dogs and cats, and see them expire by slower or quicker torments. To sum up the worth of this gentleman, at the several æras of his life: At his standing in the pillory, he was worth above two hundred thousand pounds; at his commitment to prison, he was worth one hundred and fifty thousand; but has been since so far diminished in his reputation, as to be thought a worse man by fifty or sixty thousand.

FR. CHARTRES, a man infamous for all manner of vices. When he was an ensign in the army, he was drummed out of the regi ment for a cheat; he was next banished Brussels, and drummed out of Ghent, on the same account. After a hundred tricks at the gaming-tables, he took to lending of money at exorbitant interest and on great penalties, accumulating premium, interest, and capital into a new capital, and seizing to a minute when the payments became due; in a word, by a constant attention to the vices, wants, and follies of mankind, he acquired an immense fortune. His house was a perpetual bawdy-house. He was twice con demned for rapes, and pardoned; but the last time not without in prisonment in Newgate, and large confiscations. He died in Scotland

in

B. What nature wants, commodious gold bestows,

'Tis thus we eat the bread another sows. P. But how unequal it bestows, observe,

'Tis thus we riot, while, who sow it, starve: What nature wants (a phrase I much distrust) 25 Extends to luxury, extends to lust:

Useful, I grant, it serves what life requires,

But dreadful too, the dark assassin hires.

B. Trade it may help, society extend.

P. But lures the pirate, and corrupts the friend. 30
B. It raises armies in a nation's aid.

P. But bribes a senate, and the land's betray'd.
In vain may heroes fight, and patriots rave;
If secret gold sap on from knave to knave.
Once, we confess, beneath the patriot's cloak, 35
From the crack'd bag the dropping guinea spoke,
And gingling down the back-stairs, told the crew,
"Old Cato is as great a rogue as you."

Blest

jn 1731, aged 62. The populace at his funeral raised a great riot, almost tore the body out of the coffin, and cast dead dogs, &c. into the grave along with it.

VER. 20. Waters,] The Waters here mentioned is the same person who is introduced under the character of "Wise Peter;" whose name was "Walter," though sometimes called Waters.

VER. 32. But bribes a senate, S.] Evidently levelled at Sir Robert Walpole's administration, and the supposed corrupt mode by which he maintained his influence and superiority in Parliament.

VER. 35. beneath the patriot's cloak,] This is a true story, which happened in the reign of William III. to an unsuspected old patriot, who coming out at the back-door from having been closeted by the King, where he had received a large bag of guineas, the bursting of the bag discovered his business there.

Blest paper-credit! last and best supply!

That lends corruption lighter wings to fly!

Gold imp'd by thee, can compass hardest things,
Can pocket states, can fetch or carry kings;

A single leaf shall waft an army o'er,

Or ship off senates to a distant shore;

A leaf, like Sibyl's, scatter to and fro

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45

Our fates and fortunes, as the winds shall blow:
Pregnant with thousands flits the scrap unseen,
And silent sells a king, or buys a queen.

Oh! that such bulky bribes as all might see,
Still, as of old, incumber'd villainy!

50

Could France or Rome divert our brave designs,
With all their brandies or with all their wines?
What could they more than knights and squires con-
Or water all the quorum ten miles round?

[found,

56

A statesman's slumbers how this speech would spoil! "Sir, Spain has sent a thousand jars of oil; "Huge bales of British cloth blockade the door; "A hundred oxen at your levee roar.'

Poor avarice one torment more would find; Nor could profusion squander all in kind.

60

Astride

VER. 44. Or ship off senates to a distant shore ;] Alludes to several ministers, counsellors, and patriots banished in our times to Siberia, and to that MORE GLORIOUS FATE of the PARLIAMENT of PARIS, banished to Pontoise in the year 1720.

After ver. 50. in the MS.

To break a trust were Peter brib'd with wine,
Peter! 'twould pose as wise a head as thine.

66

Astride his cheese Sir Morgan might we meet ;
And Worldly crying coals from street to street,
Whom with a wig so wild, and mien so maz'd,
Pity mistakes for some poor tradesman craz’d.
Had Colepepper's whole wealth been hops and hogs,
Could he himself have sent it to the dogs?
His Grace will game: to White's a bull be led,
With spurning heels and with a butting head.
To White's be carry'd, as to ancient games,
Fair coursers, vases, and alluring dames.
Shall then Uxorio, if the stakes he sweep,
Bear home six whores, and make his lady weep?
Or soft Adonis, so perfum'd and fine,

70

Drive to St. James's a whole herd of swine?

Oh filthy check on all industrious skill,

75

To spoil the nation's last great trade, Quadrille !

Since

VER. 62.] Some misers of great wealth, proprietors of the coalmines, had entered at this time into an association to keep up coals to an extravagant price, whereby the poor were reduced almost to starve; till one of them, taking the advantage of underselling the rest, defeated the design. One of these misers was worth ten thousand, another seven thousand a year.

VER. 65. Colepepper's] Sir WILLIAM COLEPEPPER, Bart. a person of an ancient family and ample fortune, without one other quality of a gentleman, who, after ruining himself at the gamingtable, passed the rest of his days in sitting there to see the ruin of others; preferring to subsist upon borrowing and begging, rather than to enter into any reputable method of life, and refusing a post in the army, which was offered him.

VER. 65. Had Colepepper's] Thus in former editions,

Had Hawley's fortune lay'n in hops and hogs,
Scarce Hawley's self had sent it to the dogs.