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you talk of conscience, Mrs. Amlet, how do A world of blessings to that fire we owe: you speed amongst your city customers ? Without it, I'd ne'er make this princely show. Am. My city customers! Now, by my truth, I have a brother too, now in my sight, neighbour, between the city and the court
(Looking behind the scenes. (with reverence be it spoken,) there's not a A busy man amongst us here to-night;
- to choose. My ladies, in the city, in times Your fire has made him play a thousand past, were as full of gold as they were of repranks,
[thanks ; ligion, and as punctual in their payments as For which, po doubt, you've had his daily they were in their prayers; but since they He's thank'd you first, for all his decent plays, have set their minds upon quality, adieu one! Where he so nick'd it, when he writ for praise. adieu t'other! their money and their conscienNext for his meddling with some folks in ces are gone, Heaven knows where. There is black,
[back; not a goldsmith’s wife to be found in town, And bringing -souse-a priest upon his buts as heardhearted as an ancient judge, and For building houses here t'oblige the peers, as poor as a towering duchess. And fetching all their house about his ears; Člog. But what the murrain have they to do For a new play he'as now thought fit to write, with quality? Why don't their husbands make To soothe the town—which they-will damn them mind their shops ? to-night,
Am. Their husbands! their husbands, say'st These benefits are such, no man can doubt thou, woman? Alack, 'alack, they mind their But he'll go on, and see your fancy out, husbands, neighbour, no more than they do a Till for reward of all his noble deeds,
sermon ! At last like other sprightly folks he speeds : Clog. Good lack-a-day, that women born of Has this great recompense fix'd on his brow sober parents should be prone to follow ill At famed Parnassus: has your leave to bow examples ! But, now we talk of quality, when And walk about the streets-equipp'd-as I did you hear of your son Richard, Mrs. Am
let? My daughter Flipp says she met him t'other day, in a laced coat, with three fine ladies, his footman at his heels, and as gay as a bridegroom.
Am. Is it possible? Ah, the rogue! Well, ACT I.
neighbour, all's well that ends well; but Dick
Clog. That were pity.
Am. Pity, indeed; for be's a hopeful young
man to look on; but he leads a life-Well, Enter Mrs. Amlet and Mrs. CLOGGIT, where he has it, Heaven knows; but they say, meeting
he pays his club with the best of them. I have
seen him but once these three months, neighAm. Good morrow, neighbour ; good mor- bour, and then the varlet wanted money; but row, neighbour Cloggit. How does all at I bid him march, and march he did, to some your house this morning?
purpose ; for, in less than an hour back comes Clog. Thank you kindly, Mrs. Amlet, thank my gentleman into the house, walks 'to and you kindly ; how do you do, I pray ?
fro in the room, with his wig over his shoulder, Am. At the old rate, neighbour, poor and his hat on one side, whistling a minuet, and honest; these are hard times, good lack. tossing a purse of gold from one hand to
Clog: If they are hard with you, what are t'other, with no more respect, Heaven bless they with us? You have a good trade going; us! than if it had been an orange. Sirrah, all the great folks in town help you off with says I, where have you got that? He answers your merchandise.
me never a word, but set's his arms a-kimbo, Am. Yes, they do help us off with them in- cocks his saucy hat in my face, turns about deed; they buy all.
upon his ungracious heel, as much as to say, Clog. And pay
kiss- -and I've never set eye on him Am. For some.
since. Clog. Well, 'tis a thousand pities, Mrs. Clog. Look you there now! To see what the Amlet, they are not as ready at one as they youth of this age come to! are at t'other; for, not to wrong them, they Am. See what they will come to, neighbour, give very good rates.
Heaven shield, I say; but Dick's upon the Am. Oh, for that, let's do them justice, gallop. Well, I must bid you good morrow; neighbour; they never make two words upon I'm going where I doubt I shall meet but a the price; all they baggle about is the day of sorry welcome. payment.
Clog. To get in some old debt, I'll warrant Clog. There's all the dispute, as you say.
you ? Am. But that's a wicked one. For my part, Am. Neither better nor worse. neighbour, I'm just tired off my legs with trot- Clog. From a lady of quality ? ting after them; besides, it eats out all our pro- Am. No, she's bút a scrivener's wife ; but fit. Would you believe it, Mrs. Cloggit, I she lives as well, and pays as ill, as the statehave worn out four pair of patteps with fol- liest countess of them all. lowing my old Lady Youthful for one set of
[ Exeunt several ways. false teeth, and but three pots of paint.
Clog. Look you there now !
Enter Brass. enough by them, to keep a coach to carry me a dunning after them, there would be some Brass. Well, surely, through the world's conscience in it.
wide extent, there never appeared so impudent Clog. Ay, that were something. But now a fellow as my school-fellow, Dick. To pass himself upon the town for a gentleman, drop like a dog will you look, with a pair of plod into all the best company with an easy air, as shoes, your hair cropped up to your ears, and if his natural element were in the sphere of a band-box under your arm! quality; when the rogue had a kettle-drum to Dick. Why faith, Brass, I think thou art in his father, who was hanged for robbing a the right o'nt; I must fix my affairs quickly, church; and has a pedlar to his mother, who or Madam Fortune will be playing some of carries her shop under her arm. But here be her bitch tricks with me : therefore I'll tell comes.
thee what we'll do: we'll pursue this old
rogue's daughter heartily ; we'll cheat his Enter Dick.
family to purpose, and they shall atone for
the rest of mankind. Dick. Well, Brass, what news ? Hast thou Brass. Have at her then. I'll about your given my letter to Flippanta ?
business presently. Brass. I'm just come ; I ha'n't knock'd at Dick, ** One kiss-and" success attend thee. the door yet. But I've a damned piece of news
[Erit Dick. for you.
Brass. A great rogue-Well, I say noDick. As how ?
thing. But when I have got the thing into a Brass. We must quit this country.
good posture, he shall sign and seal, or I'll have Dick. We'll be banged first.
him tumbled ont of the house like a cheese. Brass. So you will if you stay.
Now for Flippanta.
[He knocks. Dick. Why, what's the matter ? Brass. There's a storm a coming.
Enter FLIPPANTA. Dick. From whence ?
Brass. From the worst point in the compass, Flip. Who's that? Brass ! the law.
Brass. Flippanta ! Dick. The law! Why, what have 1 to do Flip. What want you, rogue's face? with the law ?
Brass. Is your mistress dressed ? Brass. Nothing; and therefore it has some- Flip. What, already? Is the fellow drunk ? thing to do with you.
Brass. Why, with respect to her lookingDick. Explain.
glass, it's almost two. Brass. You know you cheated a young fel.
Flip. What then, fool ? low at piquet t'other day of the money he had Brass. Why, then it's time for the mistress to raise his company.
of the house to come down and look after her Dick. Well, what then ?
family. Brass. Why, he's sorry he lost it.
Flip. Pr'ythee, don't be an owl. Those that Dick. Who doubts that.
go to bed at night may rise in the morning ; Brass. Ay, but that's not all; he's such a we that go to bed in the morning rise in the fool to think of complaining on't.
afternoon. Dick. Then I must be wise to stop his
Brass. When does she make her visits then. mouth.
Flip. By candle light: it helps off a muddy Brass. How ?
complexion ; we women hate inquisitive sunDick. Give him a little back; if that wont shine. But do you know that my lady is godo, strangle him.
ing to turn good housewife ? Brass. You are very quick in your methods. Brass. What, is she going to die?
Dick. Men must be so that will despatch Flip. Die ! business.
Bruss. Why, that's the only way to sare Brass. Hark you ; colonel, your father died money for her family. in's bed.
Flip. No; but she has thought of a project Dick. He might have done, if he had not to save chair-bire. been a fool.
Brass. As how ? Brass. Why, he robbed a church.
Flip. Why, all the company she used to Dick. Ay, but he forgot to make sure of the keep abroad, she now intends shall meet her sexton.
at her own house. Your master has advised Brass. Are not you a great rogue?
her to set up a basset-table. Dick. Or I should wear worse clothes.
Brass. Nay, if he advised her to it, it's Brass. Hark you; I would advise you to right. But has she acquainted her husband change your life.
with it yet? Dick. And turn ballad singer.
Flip. What to do? When the company meet, Bruss. Not so neither.
he'll see them. Dick, What then?
Brass. Nay that's true, as you say,
he'll Brass. Why, if you can get this young know it soon enough. wench reform and live bonest.
Flip. Well, I must begone; bave you any Dick. That's the way to be starved.
business with my lady? Brass. No, she has money enough to buy Brass. Yes, as ambassador from Araminta, you a good place, and pay me into the bargain, I have a letter for her. for helping her to so good a match. You have Flip. Give it me. but this throw left to save you; for you are Brass. Hold--and, as first minister of not ignorant, youngster, that your morals be- state to the colonel, I have an affair to comgin to be pretty well known about town; have municate to thee. a care your noble birth, and your honourable Flip. What is it? Quick. relations are not discovered too; there needs Brass. Why-he's in love. but that to have you tossed in a blanket, for Flip. With what ? the entertainment of the first company of ladies Brass. A woman—and her money together. you intrude into; and then, like a dutiful son, Flip. Who is she ?
Brass. Corinna. you may daggle about with your mother, and sell paint; she's old and weak, and wants Flip. What would he be at ? somebody to carry her goods after her. How Brass. At ber if she's at leisure.
Madam ; for jealousy's a city passion ; 'tis a Brass. Honourably-He has ordered me to thing unknown amongst people of quality. demand her of thee in marriage.
Clar. Fy! A woman must indeed be of a Flip. Of me!
mechanic mould, who is either troubled or Brass. Why, when a man of quality has a pleased with any thing her husband can do to mind to a city-fortune, wouldst have him ap- her. Pr’ythee, mention him no more; 'tis the ply to her father and mother ?
dullest theme ! Flip. No.
Flip. 'Tis splenetic indeed. But when once Brass. No, so I think; men of our end of the you open your basset-table, I hope that will town are better bred than to use ceremony.- put him out of your head. With a long periwig we strike the lady; with Clar. Alas, Flippanta, I begin to grow weary a you-know-what we soften the maid'; and even of the thought of that too! when the parson has done his job, we open the Flip. How so? affair to the family. Will you slip this letter Clar. Why, I have thought on't a day and a into her prayer book, my little queen ? It's a pight already, and four and twenty hours, thou very passionate one; it's sealed with a heart know'st is enough to make one weary of any and dagger; you may see by that what he in- thing. tends to do with himself.
Flip. Now, by my conscience, you have Flip. Are there any verses in it? If not, 1 more woman in you than all your sex together. wont touch it.
-You never know what you would have. Brass. Not one word in prose; its dated in Clar. Thou mistakest the thing quite. I alrhyme.
[She takes it. ways know what I lack, but I am never Flip. Well, but
have you brought nothing pleased with what I have. The want of a thing else?
is perplexing enough, but the possession of it Brass. Gad forgive me! I'm the forgetful. is intolerable. lest dog. I have a letter for you too-here- Flip. Well, I don't know what you are made ’tis in a purse-but it's in prose-you wont of, but other women would think themselves touch it.
blessed in your case : handsome, witty, loved Flip. Yes, hang it, it is not good to be too by every body, and of so happy a composure, dainty.
to care a fig for nobody. You have no one pasBrass. How useful a virtue is humility!- sion but that of your pleasures, and you have Well, child we shall have an answer to-mor- in me a servant devoted to all your desires, let row, sha'n't we?
them be as extravagant as they will. Yet all Flip. I can't promise you that; for our young this is nothing ; you can still be out of hugentlewoman is not so often in my way as she mour. would be. Her father (who is a citizen from Clar. Alas, I have too much cause ! the foot to the forehead of him) lets her seldom Flip. Why, what have you to complain of ? converse with her mother-in-law and me, for Clar. Alas, I have more subjects for spleen fear she should learn the airs of a woman of than one! Is it not a most horrible thing that quality. But I'll take the first occasion-See, I should be but a scrivener's wife ?--Come, there's my lady; go in, and deliver your letter don't fatter me-don't you think nature deto her.
[Exeunt. sigoed me for something plus élevée ?
Flip. Nay, that's certain; but on t'other SCENE II.-4 Parlour.
side, methinks, you ought to be in some measure content, since you live like a woman of
quality, though you are none. Enter CLARISSA, followed by FLIPPANTA and Clar. Oh, fy ! the very quintessence of it is Brags.
Flip. What's that ? Clar. No messages this morning from any Clar. Why, I dare abuse nobody : I'm afraid body, Flippanta? "Lard, how dull that is ! to affront people, though I don't like their Oh, there's Brass! I did not see thee, Brass. faces; or to ruin their reputations, though What news dost thou bring ?
they pique me to it, by taking ever so much Brass. Only a letter from Araminta, Madam. pains to preserve them: I dare not raise a lie
Clar. Give it me-Open it for me, Flippan- of a man, though he neglects to make love to ta; I am so lazy to-day.
Sits down. me; nor report a woman to be a fool, though Brass. (To Flip.] Be sure now you deliver she's handsomer than I am. In short, I dare my master's as carefully as I do this.
not so much as bid my footman kick the people Flip. Don't trouble thyself ; I'm no novice. out of doors, though they come to ask me for
Clar. (To Brass.] 'Tis well; there needs no what I owe them. answer, since she'll be here so soon.
Flip. All this is very hard indeed. Brass. Your ladyship has no farther com- Clar. Ab, Flippanta, the perquisites of quamands then ?
lity are of an unspeakable value ! Clar. Not at this time, honest Brass- Flip. They are of some use, I must confess: Flippanta!
[Exit Brass. but we must not expect to have every thing. Flip. Madam.
You have wit and beauty, and a fool to your Clar. My husband's in love.
husband.-Come, cone, Madam, that's a good Flip. In love!
portion for one. Clar. With Araminta,
Clar. Alas! what signifies beauty and wit, Flip. Impossible!
when one dares neither jilt the men, nor abuse Clar. This letter from her is to give me an the women? "Tis a sad thing, Flippanta, when account of it,
wit's confined, 'tis worse than the rising of the Flip. Methinks you are not very much alarm- lights; I have been sometimes almost choked ed.
with scandal, and durst not cough it up, for Clar. No; thou know'st I am not much tor- want of being a countess. tured with jealousy.
Flip. Poor lady! Flip. Nay, you are much in the right on't, Clar. Oh, liberty is a fine thing, Flippanta: things.
It's a great help in conversation to have leave (Reads.] “ Imprimis, for bolstering out the to say what one will. I have seen a woman Countess of Crump's left hip."-Oh, fy! this of quality who has not had one grain of wit, does not belong to me. entertain a whole company the most agreeably Am. I beg your ladyship's pardon : I misin the world, only with her malice. But'tis in took indeed: 'tis a countess's bill I have writ vain to repine ; I can't mend my condition till out to little purpose. I furnished her two years my husband dies ; so I'll say no more on't, but ago with three pair of hips, and am not paid think of making the most of the state I am in. for them yet. But some are better customers
Flip. That's your best way, Madam; and in than some. There's your ladysbip's bill, order to it, pray consider how you'll get some Madam. ready-money to set your basset-table a-going; Clar. (Reads.] “ For the idea of a new-infor that's necessary.
vented commode."-Ay, this may be mine; but Clar. Thou say'st true: but what trick ! | 'tis of a preposterous length. Do you think I shall play my husband to get some, I don't can waste time to read every article, Mrs. Amknow; for my pretence of losing my diamond let? I'd as lief read a sermon. pecklace has put the man into such a passion, Am. Alack-a-day, there's no need of fa. I'm afraid he wont bear reason.
tiguing yourself at that rate : cast an eye only, Flip. No matter; he begins to think ’tis lost if your honour pleases, upon the sum total. in earnest: so I fancy you may venture to sell Clar. Total," fifty-six pounds and odu it, and raise money that way.
Clar. That can't be ; for he has left odious Flip. But six and fifty pounds! notes with all the goldsmiths in town.
Am. Nay another body would have made it Flip. Well, we must pawn it then.
twice as much ; but there's a blessing goes Clar. I'm quite tired with dealing with those along with a moderate profit. pawn-brokers.
Clar. Flippanta, go to my cashier, let him Flip. I'm afraid you'll continue the trade a give you six and kfty pounds. Make haste.great while for all that.
[Aside. Don't you hear ine ? Six and fifty pounds. Is
it so difficult to be comprehended? Enter JESSAMIN.
Flip. No, Madam.-I-I comprehend six
and fifty pounds, butJes. Madam, there's the woman below that Clur. But go fetch it then. sells paint and patches, iron bodice, false teeth, Flip. Wbat she means I don't know-but I and all sorts of things to the ladies ; I can't shall, I suppose, before I bring her the money, think of her name.
[Aside-Exit. Flip. "T'is Mrs. Amlet; she wants money.' Clar. [Setting her hair in a pocket-glass.)
Clar. Well, I ha'n't enough for myself, it's the trade you follow gives you a great deal of an unreasonable thing she should think I have trouble, Mrs. Amlet ? any for her.
Am. Alack-a-day! a world of pain, Madam Flip. She's a troublesome jade.
-and yet there's small profit as your bonour Clur. So are all people that come a dunning. sees by your bill. Flip. What will you do with her ?
Clur. Poor woman !-Sometimes you have Clar. I have just now thought on't. She's great losses, Mrs. Amlet? very rich ; that woman is, Flippanta; I'll bor- Am. I have two thousand pounds owing me, row some money of her.
of which I shall never get ten shillings. Flip. Borrow! Sure you jest, Madam.
Clar. Poor woman You have a great Clar. No, I'm in earnest; I give thee com- charge of children, Mrs. Amlet? mission to do it for me.
Am. Only one wicked rogue, Madam, who, Flip. Me!
I think, will break my heart. Clar. Why dost thou stare, and look so un- Clar. Poor woman gainly? Don't I speak to be understood ? Am. He'll be hanged, Madam: that will be
Flip. Yes, I understand you we! enough; the end of him. Where he gets it, Heaven but Mrs. Amlet
knows ; but he's always sbaking, his heels Clar. But Mrs. Amlet must lend me some with the ladies ; and his elbows with the lords. money ; where shall I have any to pay her He's as fine as a prioce, and as gim as the best else ?
of them. But the ungracious rogue tells all he Flip. That's true ; ) never thought of that, comes near that his mother is dead, and I am truly. But here she is.
but his purse.
Clar. Poor woman!
Am. Alas! Madam, he's like the rest of the
world-Every body's for appearing to be more Mrs. Amlet? I ha'n't seen you these thousand I have a little business. Flippanta will bring Clar. How do you do? How do you do, than they are, and that ruins all.
Clar. Well, Mrs. Amlet, you'll excuse me ; years; and yet I believe I'm down in your you your money presently. Adieu, Mrs.wmi books.
(Exit. Am. Oh, Madam, don't come for that,
Am. I return your honour many thanksalack!
Ah, there's a good lady! not so much as read Flip. Good morrow, Mrs. Amlet. 'Am. Good morrow, Mrs. Flippanta.
her bill-If the rest were like her, I should Clur. How much am 1 indebted to you, Mrs. soon have money enough to go as fine as Dick Amlet?
Am. Nay, if your ladyship desires to see your bill, I believe I may have it about me
Enter Dick. There, Madam, if it ben't too much fatigue to you to look it over.
Dick. Sure Flippanta must have given my Clar. Let me see it; for I hate to be in debt letter by this time. I long to know how it has -where I am obliged to pay. (Aside.}- been received.
Am. Misericorde ! what do I see?
to bubble the ladies of their money. I have Dick. Fiends and bags the witch, my small business of yours in my pocket, colonel. mother!
Dick. An answer to my letter? Am. Nay, 'tis he-Ah, my poor Dick, what Flip. So quick indeed? No, it's your letter art thou doing here?
itself. Dick. W bat a misfortune!
[Aside. Dick. Hast thou not given it then yet? Am. Good Lard, how thou art bravely deck- Flip. I han't had an opportunity ; but 'twont ed !--But it's all one ; I'm thy mother still; be long first. Wont you go in and see my and though thou art a wicked child, paturé lady? will speak; I love thee still
—Ah, Dick ! my Dick. Yes, I'll go make her a short visit, poor Dick!
[Embracing him. But, dear Flippanta, don't forget; my life and Dick. Blood and thunder! Will you ruin fortune are in your hands. me?
[Breaking from her. Flip. Never fear; I'll take care of them. Am. Ah, the blasphemous rogue, how he Am. How he traps them! Let Dick alone. swears!
(A side Dick. You destroy all my hopes.
Dick. (To his Mother.) Your servani, good Am. Will your mother's kiss destroy you, Madam.
[Erit. varlet! Thou art an ungracious bird. Kneel
Am. Your honour's most devoted.- A down, and ask my blessing, sirrah.
pretty, civil, well-bred gentleman this, Mrs. Dick. Death and furies !
Flippanta.Pray whom may he be ? Am. Ah, he's a proper young man ! See Flip. A man of great pote-Colonel Shapely. what a shape he has-Ah, poor child ! Am. Is it possible?- I have heard inuch
[Running to embrace him, he still aroiding her. of him, indeed, but never saw him before.
Dick. Oons, keep off! the woman's mad. If One may see quality in every limb of him— any body comes, my fortupe's lost.
He's a fine man, truly. Am. Wbat fortune, ha ? Speak, Graceless- Flip. I think you are in love with him, Mrs. Ah, Dick, thou'lt be hanged, Dick.
Amlet. Dick. Good, dear mother, don't call me Dick Am. Alas, those days are done with me! but here.
if I were as fair as I was once, and had as Am. Not call thee Dick ?-Is it not thy much money as some folks, Colonel Shapely name"?-What shall I call thee?-Mr. Amlet? should not catch cold for want of a bed-lellow. -Ha-Art not thou a presumptuous rascal? I love your men of rank; they have something -Hark you, sirrah ; I hear of your tricks; in their air does so distinguish them from the you disown me for your mother, and say I am rascality: but your purse.--Is not this true ?
Flip. People of quality are fine things inDick. No: I love you, I respect you, (Taking deed, Mrs. A mlet, if they had but a little more her hund.] I am all duty. But if you discover money; but for want of that they are forced to me here, you ruin the fairest prospect that man do things their great souls are ashamed of ever had.
For example, here's my lady-she owes you Am. What prospect ?-Ha !-Come, this is a but six and fifty pounds. lie, now.
Am. Well! Dick. No, my honoured parent, what I say Flip. Well, and she has it not by her to pay is true ; I'm about a great fortune. I'll bring you. you home a daughter-in-law in a coach and Am. How can that be? six horses, if you'll but be quiet. I can't tell Flip. I don't know; her cash-keeper's out more now.
of humour; he says he has no money. Am. Is it possible ?
Am. What a presumptuous piece of vermin Dick. 'Tis true, by Jupiter.
is a cash-keeper? Tell his lady he has no Am. My dear lad
money !-Now, Mrs. Flippanta, you may Dick. For Heaven's sake
sce bis bags are full, by his being so saucy. Am. But tell me, Dick-
Flip. If they are, there's no help for it ; he'll Dick. I'll follow you home in a moment, and do what he pleases, till he comes to make up tell you all.
his yearly accounts. Am. What a shape is there !
Am. But Madam plays sometimesso, Dick. Pray, mother, go.
when she has good fortune, she may pay me Am. I must receive some money here first, out of her winnings. which shall go for thy wedding-dinner.
Flip. Oh, ne'er think of that, Mrs. Arlet ; if Dick. Here's somebody coming—'Sdeath, she had won a thousand pounds, she'd rather she'll betray me!
die in a gaol, thao pay off a farthing with it.
Play-money, Mrs. Amlet, amongst people of Enter FLIPPANTA.
qnality, is a sacred thing, and not to be pro
faned; 'tis consecrated to their pleasures; [He makes signs to his mother. 'would be sacrilege to pay their debts with it. Good morrow, dear Flippanta, how do all the Am. Why, what shall we do, then? For I larlies within ?
ha'n't one penny to buy bread. Flip. At your service, colonel : as far at least Flip. I'll tell you-it just now comes in my as my interest goes.
head--I know my lady has a little occasion An. Colonel --Look you, now, how for money at this time so if you lend her a Dick's respected.
(Aside. hundred pounds, d'ye see—then she may pay Dick. Waiting for thee, Flippanta, I was you your six and fifty out of it. making acquaintance with this old gentle- Am. Sure, Mrs. Flippanta, you think to woman here.
make a fool of me? Am. The pretty lad! He's as impudent as a Flip. No, the devil fetch me if I do--You page.
[Aside. shall have a diamond necklace in pawn. Dick. Who is this good woman, Flippanta ? Am. () ho, a pawn! That's another case
Flip. A gip of all trades; an old daggling and when must she have the money ? cheat, that hobbles about from house to house, Flip. In a quarter of an hour.