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Jas so indulgent as to connive at him for four- J is apprehended, that there may be great conteen days, because I would give him the wear- tention about precedence, the proposer humbly ing of them out; but, after all this, I am in- desires the opinion of the learned, towards his formed he appeared yesterday with a new pair assistance in placiug every person according to of the same sort. I have no better success his rank, that none may have just occasion of with Mr. What-d’ye-call, as to his buttons ; offence. Stentor still roars; and box and dive rattle as The merits of the cause sball be judged by loud as they did before I writ against them. plurality of voices. Partridge walks about at noon day, and Æscu- For the more impartial execution of this imJapius thinks of adding a new lace to his livery. portant affair, it is desired, that no man will However, I must still go on in laying these offer his favourite hero, scholar, or poet ; and enormities before men's eyes, and let them an- that the learned will be pleased to send to swer for going on in their practice.
Mr. Bickerstaff, at Mr. Morphew's near StaMy province is much larger than at first tioners'- hall, their several lists for the first sight men would imagine, and I shall lose no table only, and in the order they would bave part of my jurisdiction, which extends not only them placed ; after which, the proposer will to futurity, but also is a retrospect to things compare the several lists, and make another rast; and the behaviour of persons, who have for the public, wberein every name shall be long ago acted their parts, is as much liable to ranked according to the voices it has had. my examination, as that of my own contem- Under this chamber is to be a dark vault for poraries.
the same number of persons of evil fame. In order to put the whole race of mankind It is bumbly submitted to consideration, in their proper distinctions, according to the whether the project would not be better if the opinion their cohabitants conceived of them, I persons of true fame meet in a middle room,
have, with very much care and depth of medi- those of dubious existence in an upper room, • tation, thought fit to erect a chamber of Fame, and those of evil fame in a lower dark room.
and established certain rules, which are to be It is to be noted, that no historians are to be observed in admitting members into this illus. admitted at any of these tables; because they trious society.
are appointed to conduct the several persons to In this chamber of Fame there are to be three their seats, and are to be made use of as ushers tables, but of different lengths; the first is to to the assemblies. contain exactly twelve persons; the second, I call upon the learned world to send me twenty; and the third, a hundred. This is their assistance towards this design, it being a reckoned to be the full number of those who matter of too great moment for any one person have any competent share of fame. At the to determine. But I do assure them, their first of these tables are to be placed, in their lists shall be examined with great fidelity, and order, the twelve most famous persons in the those that are exposed to the public, made world ; not with regard to the things they are with all the caution imaginable. famous for, but according to the degree of their In the mean time, while I wait for these lists, fame, whether in valour, wit, or learning. Thus, I am employed in keeping people in a right way if a scholar be more fainous than a soldier, he to avoid the contrary to fame and applause; to is to sit above him. Neither must any preser. wit, blame, and derision. For this end, I work ence be given to virtue, if the person be not upon that useful project of the penny-post, equally famous.
by the benefit of which it is proposed, that a When the first table is filled, the next in re- charitable society be established : from which nown must be seated at the second, and so on society there shall go every day, circular letters in like manner to the number of twenty ; as to all parts within the bills of mortality, to tell also in the same order at the third, which is to people of their faults in a friendly and private bold a hundred. At these tables, no regard is manner, whereby they may know what the to be had to seniority: for if Julius Cæsar shall world thinks of them, before it is declared to be judged more famous than Romulus and Scipio, the world that they are thus faulty. This he must have the precedence. No person who method cannot fail of universal good consehas not been dead a hundred years must be quences: for, it is further added, that they offered to a place at any of these tables : and who will not be reformed by it, must be conbecause this is altogether a lay-society, and tented to see the several letters printed, which that sacred persons move upon greater motives were not regarded by them, that when they than that of fame, nu persons celebrated in will not take private reprehension, they may holy writ, or any ecclesiastical men whatsoever, be tried further by a public one.
I am very are to be introduced here.
sorry I am obliged to print the following At the lower end of the room is to be a side epistles of that kind, to some persons, and the table for persons of great fame, but dubious more because they are of the fair sex. existence ; such as Hercules, Theseus, Æneas, This went on Friday last to a very fine Achilles, Hector, and others. But because it lady.
melancholy truth, that virtue is its own reward 'I am highly sensible that there is nothing and that if no one is the better for his admoof so tender a nature as the reputation and nitions, yet he is himself the more virtuous in conduct of ladies; and that when there is the that he gave those advices ? least stain got into their fame, it is hardly ever to be washed out. When I have said this, you St. James's Coffee house September 12. will believe I am extremely concerned to hear,
Letters of the thirteenth instant from the at every visit I make, that your manner of wearing your bair is a mere affectation of beauty, that the necessary dispositions were made for
duke of Marlborough's camp at Havre advise, as well as that your neglect of powder has been a common evil to your sex. It is to you an ad-opening the trenches before Mons. The di.
rection of the siege to be committed to the vantage to show that abundance of fine tresses : but I beseech you to consider, that the force prince of Orange, who designed to take his of your beauty, and the imitation of you, costs post accordingly, with thirty battalions and Eleonora great sums of money to her tire-woman the seventeenth lieutenant-general Cadogan
thirty squadrons, on the day following. On for false locks, besides what is allowed to her maid for keeping the secret, that she is gray. and artillery which is to be employed in this
set out for Brussels, to basten the ammunition I must take leave to add to this admonition, that you are not to reign above four months enterprise ; and the confederate army was exand odd days longer. Therefore, I must desire order to cover the siege. The loss of the con
tended from the Haisne to the Trouille, in you to raise and friz your hair a little, for it is downright insolence to be thus handsome with known; but it appears, by a list transmitted
federates in the late battle is not exactly out art ; and you will forgive me for entreating to the states-general, that the number of the you to do now out of compassion, what you killed and wounded in their service amounts must soon do out of necessity. I am, madam, Your most obedient,
to above eight thousand. It is computed, that
the English have lost fifteen hundred men, and most humble servant,'
and the rest of the allies above five thousand, This person dresses just as she did before I
including the wounded. The states-general writ; as does also the lady to whom I addressed have taken the most speedy and effectual mea
sures for reinforcing their troops; and it is the following billet the same day:
expected, that in eight or ten days the army • MADAM,
will be as numerous as before the battle. The “Let me beg of you to take off the patches affairs in Italy afford us nothing remarkable ; at the lower end of your left cheek, and I will only that it is hoped, the difference between allow two more under your left eye, which will the courts of Vienna and Turin will be speedily contribute more to the symmetry of your face; accommodated. Letters from Poland present except you would please to remove the ten black us with a near prospect of seeing king Augustus atoms on your ladysbip's chin and wear one
re-established on the throne, all parties being large patch instead of them. If so, you may very industrious to reconcile themselves to his properly enough retain the three patches above
interests. mentioned. I am, &c.'
Will's Coffee-house, September 12. This, I thought, had all the civility and Of all the pretty arts in which our modern reason in the world in it; but whether my writers excel, there is not any which is more letters are intercepted, or whatever it is, the to be recommended to the imitation of belady patches as she used to do. It is to be ob- ginners, than the skill of transition from served by all the charitable society, as an in-one subject to another. I know not whether struction in their epistles, that they tell people I make myself well understood; but it is cerof nothing but what is in their power to mend. tain, that the way of stringing a discourse, I shall give another instance of this way of used in the Mercure Gallant, the Gentleman's writing: two sisters in Essex-street are eternally Journal, t and other learned writings ; not to gaping out of the window, as if they knew not mention how naturally things present themthe value of time, or would call in companions. selves to such as harangue in pulpits, and Upon which I writ the following line:
other occasions wbich occur to the learned ;
are methods worthy commendation. I shall * DEAR CREATURES,
attempt this style myself in a few lines. SupOn the receipt of this, shut your casements.'
* No officer was so much relied upon by the duke of But I went by yesterday, and found them Marlborough. He had the care of making out almost every still at the window. What can a man do in camp during the war in the Netherlands and Germany,
which he executed so skilfully, that it is observed the duke this case, but go on, and wrap himself up in was never surprised or attacked in camp, dariug all that war. his own integrity, with satisfaction only in this Published about the beginning of the last century in 41o.
pose I was discoursing upon the king of Swe- sense of living appeared insipid, except their den's passing the Buristhenes. The Boristhenes being was enlivened with a consciousness that is a great river, and puts me in mind of the they were esteemed by the rest of the world. Danube and the Rhine. The Danube I cannot Upon examining the proportion of men's think of, without reficcting on that unhappy fame for my table of twelve, I thought it no prince who had such fair territories on the banks ill way (since I had laid it down for a rule, of it; I mean the duke of Bavaria, who, by our that they were to be ranked simply as they last letters, is retired from Mons. Mons is as were famous, without regard to their virtue strong a fortification as any which has no citato ask my sister Jenny's advice; and particudel : and places which are not completely forti. Iarly mentioned to her the name of Aristotle. fied are, methiuks, lessons to princes that they she immediately told me, he was a very greas are not omnipotent, but liable to the strokes of scholar, and that she had read bim at the fortune. But as all princes are subject to such boarding-school. She certainly means a trille, calamities, it is the part of men of letters to sold by the hawkers called ' Aristotle's Proguard them from the observations of all small blems. But this raised a great scruple in me, writers; for which reason, I shall conclude my whether a fame increased by imposition of present remarks, by publishing the following others is to be added to his account, or that advertisement, to be taken notice of by all these excrescences, which grow out of bis real who dwell in the suburds of learning.
reputation, and give encouragement to others 'Whereas the king of Sweden has been so to pass things under the covert of his name, unfortunate as to receive a wound in his heel; should be considered in giving him his seat in we do diereby prohibit all epigrammatists in the chamber? This punctilio is referred to the either language and both universities, as well learned. In the mean time, so ill-natured are as all other poets, of what denomination soever, mankind, that I believe I have names already to make any mention of Achilles having re- sent me sufficient to fill up my lists for the ceived his death's wound in the same part.
dark room, and every one is apt enough to 'We do tikewise forbid all comparisons in seud in their accounts of ill-deservers. This coffee-houses between Alexander The Great malevolence does not proceed from a real disand the said king of Sweden, and froin making like of virtue, but a diabolical prejudice against any parallels between the death of Patkul and it, which makes men willing to destroy what Philotas ; we being very apprehensive of the
they care not to initate. Thus you see the reflections that several politiejans bave ready greatest characters among your acquaintance, by them to produce on this occasion, and and those you live with, are traduced by ali being willing, as much as in us lies, to free the below them in virtue, who never mention them town from all impertinences of this nature.'
but with an exception. However, I believe I shall not give the world much trouble about
billing my tables for those of evil fame ; for I No.68.] Thursday, September 15, 1709. have some thoughts of clapping up the sharpers Qricezoid agint bomines
there as fast as I can lay hold of them. ostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. 1.85, 76.
At present, I am employed in looking over Whale'er men do, or siy, or think, or dream, the several notices which I have received of Our molley paper seizes for its theme.
tbeir manner of dexterity, and the way at dice From my own Apartment, September 14. of making all rugs, as the cant is. The wbole
The progress of our endeavours will of ne- art of securing a die has lately been sent me, cessity be very much interrupted, except the by a person who was of the fraternity, but is learned world will please to send their lists to disabled by the loss of a finger; by which the chamber of Fame with all expedition. means he cannot practise that trick as he used There is nothing can so much contribute to to do. But I am very much at a loss bow to create a noble emulation in our youth, as the call some of the fair sex, who are accomplices bonourable mention of such whose actions with the Knights of Industry ; for my metahave outlived the injuries of time, and recom-phorical dogs are easily enough understood; mended themselves so far to the world, that! but the feminine gender of dogs has so harsh it is become learping to know the least cir- a sound, that we know not how to name it. cumstance of their affairs, It is a great in. But I am credibly informed, that there are centive to see, that some men have raised female dogs as yoracious as the males, and themselves so highly above their fellow-crea- make advances to young fellows, without any tures, that the lives of ordinary men are spent other design but coming to a familiarity with in enquiries after the particular actions of the their purses.
I have also long lists of permost illustrious. True it is, that without this sons of condition, who are certainly of the impulse to fame and reputation, our industry same regimen with these banditti, and instruwould stagnate, and that lively desire of pleas- mental to their cheats upon undiscerning men ing each other, die away. This opinion was so of their own rank. These add their good restablished in the heathen world, that their putation to carry on the impostures of others,
whose very names would else be defence enough | mediately inclines her to tears; but in a man, against falling into their bands. But, for the bo- it makes bim thiok bow such a one ought to nour of our nation, these shall be unmentioned; act on that occasion suitably to the dignity of provided we hear no more of such practices, and bis nature. Thus a woman is ever moved for that they shall not from henceforward suffer the those whom she hears lament, and a man for society of such as they know to be the com- those whom he observes to suffer in silence. It mon enemies of order, discipline, and virtue. is a man's own behaviour in the circumstances If it appear that they go on in encouraging he is under, which procures him the esteem of them, they must be proceeded against accord-others, and not merely the aMiction itself ing to the severest rules of history, where all which demands our pity; for we never give a is to be laid before the world with impartiality, man that passion which he falls into for himand without respect to persons,
self. He that commends himself never pur• So let the stricken deer go weep.'
chases our applause; nor he who bewails him
self, our pity. Will's Coffee-house, September 14. Going through an alley the other day, I ob. I find left here for me the following epistle : served a noisy impudent beggar bawl out, 'SIR,
that he was wounded in a merchant-man ; Having lately read your discourse about that he had lost his poor limbs ;' and showed a the family of Trubies, * wherein you observed, leg clouted up. All that passed by made what that there are some who fall into laughter out haste they could out of his sight and hearing; of a certain benevolence in their temper, and but a poor fellow at the end of the passage, not out of the ordinary motive, viz. contempt, with a rusty coat, a melancholy air, and soft and triumph over the imperfections of others; voice, desired them to look upon a man not I have conceived a good idea of your knowledge used to beg.' The latter received the charity of mankind. And, as you have a tragi-comic of almost every one that went by. The strings genius, 1 beg the favour of you to give us your of the heart, which are to be touched to give thoughts of a quite different effect, which also us compassion, are not so played on but by the is caused by other motives than what are com
finest band. We see in tragical representamonly taken notice of. What I would have tions, it is not the pomp of language, nor the you treat of, is the cause of shedding tears. magnificence of dress, in which the passion is i desire you would discuss it a little, with ob- wrought, that touches sensible spirits; but servations upon the various occasions which pro- something of a plain and simple nature, which voke us to that expression of our concern, &c.' breaks in upon our souls, by that sympathy
which is given us for our mutual good-will and To obey this complaisant gentleman, I know service. no way so short as examining the various In the tragedy of 'Macbeth,' where Wilks touches of my own bosom, on several occur. acts the part of a man whose family bas been rences in a long life, to the evening of which murdered in his absence, the wildness of his I am arrived, after as many various incidents passion, which is run over in a torrent of caas any body bas met with. I have often re.
lamitous circumstances, does but raise my spiflected, that there is a great sinilitude in rits, and give me the alarm: but when he skilthe notions of the heart in mirth and in fully seems to be out of breath, and is brought sorrow; and I think the usual occasion of the too low to say more; and upon a second relatter, as well as the former, is something flection cries only, wiping his eyes, What, wbich is sudden and unexpected. The mind both childreu ! Both, both my children gone!' bas not a sufficient time to recollect its force, there is no resisting a sorrow which seems to and immediately gushes into tears before we have cast about for all the reasons possible for can utter ourselves by speech or complaint. The its consolation, but has no resource. There most notorious causes of these drops from our is not one left; but both, both are murdered !' eyes are pity, sorrow, joy, and reconciliation. such sudden starts from the thread of the dis
The fair sex, who are made of man and not course, and a plain sentiment expressed in an
insomuch that it had almost come to some
Tatler No. 63.
lected themselves ; Brutus does more than There is lately broke loose from the London make an apology for the beat he bad been in, pack, a very tall dangerous biter. He is now by saying, “Portia is dead.' . Here Cassius is at the Bath, and it is feared will make a damall tenderness, and ready to dissolve, when he nable havoc amongst the game. :His manner considers that the mind of his friend had been of biting is new, and he is called the Top. He employed on the greatest affliction imaginable, secures one die betwixt his two fingers : the when he had been adding to it by a debate on other is fixed, by the help of a fainous wax, trifles; which makes him, in the anguish of invented by an apothecary, since a gamester : his heart, cry out, How scaped I killing, a little of which he puts upon his fore-finger, when I thus provoked you?' This is an inci- and that holds the die in the box at his devodent which moves the soul in all its sentition. Great sums have been lately won by ments; and Cassius's heart was at once touched these ways; but it is hoped, that this hint of with all the soft pangs of pity, remorse, and re- his manner of cheating will open the eyes of conciliation. It is said, indeed, by Horace, many who are every day imposed upon. 'If you would have me weep, you must first There is now in the press, and will be sudweep yourself.' This is not literally true ; for denly published, a book entitled, “An Appenit would have been as rightly said, if we ob- dix to the Contempt of the Clergy ;*' wherein serve nature, That I shall certainly weep, if will be set forth at large, that all our dissen. you do not: but what is intended by that tions are owing to the laziness of persons in the expression is, that it is not possible to give sacred ministry, and that none of the present passion, except you show that you suffer schisms could have crept into the flock, but by yourself. Therefore, the true art seems to be, the negligence of the pastors. There is a dithat when you would have the person you re- gression in this treatise, proving, that the prepresent pitied, you must show him at once in tences made by the priesthood, from time to the bigbest grief, and struggling to bear it time, that the church was in danger, is only a with decency and patience. In this case, we trick to make the laity passionate for that of sigh for him, and give him every groan he which they themselves have been negligent. suppresses.
The whole concludes with an exhortation to I remember, when I was young enough to the clergy, to the study of eloquence, and pracfollow the sports of the field, I have more than tice of piety, as the only method to support the once rode off at the death of a deer, when I highest of all honours, that of a priest who lives have seen the animal, in an affliction which ap- and acts according to his character. peared human, without the least noise, let fall tears when he was reduced to extremity; and I have thought of the sorrow I saw him in, Vo. 69.) Suturduy, Sptember 17, 1709. when bis baunch came to the table. But our
-Quid oportet tears are not given only to objects of pity, but
Nos facere, à vulgo longe stegne remotos?
Flor. 1 Sat. v. i. 17. the mind has recourse to that relief in all oc
But how shall we, who differ far and wide, casions which give us great emotion. Thus,
from the mere vulgar, this great point decide. to be apt to shed tears is a sign of a great as
Francis. well as little spirit. I have hearı say, the pre
From my own Apartment, September 16. sent pope* never passes through the people, who always kneel in crowds, aud ask his benedice
It is, as far as it relates to our present being, tion, but the tears are seen to flow from his the great end of education to raise ourselves eyes. This must roceed from an imagination above the vulgar ; but what is intended by that he is the father of all those people; and the vulgar, is not, methinks, enough unthat he is touched with so extensive a benevo- derstood. In me, indeed, that word raises a lence, that it breaks out into a passion of tears. quite different idea from what it usually does You see friends, who have been loog absent, in others; but perhaps that proceeds from my transported in the same manner: a thousand being old, and beginning to want the relish of little images crowd upon them at their meet-such satisfactions as are the ordinary entertaining, as all the joys and griefs they have known ment of men. However, such as my opinion during their separation; and, in one burry of is in this case, I will speak it; because it is thought, they conceive how they should have possible that turn of thought may be received participated in those occasions; and weep,
by others, who may reap as much satisfaction because their minds are tou fuil to wait the from it as I do myself. slow expression of words.
It is to me a very great meanness, and someIlis lacrymis vitim damus, et miserescimus nltro.
thing much below a philosopher, which is what
I mean by a gentleman, to rank a man among With tears the wretch confirm'd liia tale of woe;
thie vulgar for the condition of life be is in, and Aud soft-ey'rl pily pleaded for the fve. R. Ilyune.
* A celebratcıl book, written by Dr. John Eachard, and * l'ope Clement XI.
published in 1019.
Virs. Æn, ii. 115.