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damage I have digressed so much of late from petitioners at the head of the family of the custhe natural course of my precautions. They metics, and your petitioners shall ever pray,&c.' bave addressed and petitioned me with appellations and titles, which admonish me to be 'To Nestor Ironside, Esq. Guardian of Good that sort of patron which they want me to be,

Fame. as follows.

'The memorial of Esau Ringwood, sbeweth, ' To Nestor Ironside, Esq. Patron of the

* That though nympbs and shepherds, son

nets and complaints, are no more to be seen industrious.

or heard in the forests and chases of Great • The humble petition of John Longbottom, Britain, yet are not the burtsmen who now

Charles Lilly, Bat. Pidgeon, and J. Nor- frequent the woods so barbarous as represented wood, capital artificers, most humbly in the Guardian of the twenty-first instant; sheweth,

that the knife is not presented to the lady of 'That your petitioners behold with great quality by the huntsman to cut the throat of sorrow, your honour employing your important the deer ; but after he is killed, that instru moments in remedying matters which nothing ment is given her, as the animal is now become but time can cure, and which do not so imme-food, in token that all our labour, joy, and ex diately, or at least so professedly, appertain to ultation in the pursuit, were excited from the your office, as do the concerns of us your peti- sole hope of making the stag an offering to her tioners, and other handicraft persons, who excel table ; that your honour bas detracted from in their different and respective dexterities.

the humanity of sportsmen in this representa. 'That as all mechanics are employed in ac.

tion; that they demand you would retract your commodating the dwellings, clothing the per- error, and distinguish Britons from Scythians. sons, or preparing the diet of mankind, your ‘P.S. Repent, and eat venison.' petitioners ought to be placed first in your guardianship, as being useful in a degree su. 'To M’estor Ironside, Esquire, Avenger of perior to all other workmen, and as being wholly

Detraction. conversant in clearing and adorning the head of man.

'The humble petition of Susan How-d'ye-call, "That the said Longbottom, above all the

most humbly she weth, rest of mankind, is skilful in taking off that 'That 'your petitioner is mentioned at all horrid excrescence on the chins of all males, visits, with an account of facts done by her, of and casting, by the touch of his band, a cheer. speeches she has made, and of journeys she has fulness where that excrescence grew; an art taken, to all which circumstances your petiknown only to this your artificer.

tioner is wholly a stranger; that in every family 'That Charles Lilly prepares snuff and per. in Great Britain, glasses and cups are broken, fumes which refreshes the brain in those that and utensils displaced, and all these faults laid have too much for their quiet, and gladdens it upon Mrs. How-d'ye-call; that your petitioner in those who have too little to know their want has applied to counsel, upon these grievances; of it.

that your petitioner is advised, that her case * That Bat. Pidgeon euts the luxuriant locks is the same with that of John-a-Styles, and growing from the apper part of the head, in that she is abused only by way of form; yorir 50 artful a manner, with regard to the visage, petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that that he makes the ringlets, falling by the tem- in behalf of herself, and all others defamed ples, conspire with the brows and lashes of the under tbe term of Mr. or Mrs. How-d'ye-call, eye, to heighten the expressions of modesty you will grant her and them the following conand intimations of good-will, which are most cessions : that no reproach sball take place infallibly communicated by ocular glances. where the person has not an opportunity of

That J. Norwood forms periwigs with respect defending himself; that the phrase of a 'cer. to particular persons and visages, on the same tain person,' means ' no certain person :' that plan that Bat. Pidgeon corrects natural hair ; the . How-d'ye-calls,' 'some people,'' a certhat he has a strict regard to the climate under tain set of men,'' there are folks now-a-days,' which his customer was born, before he pre- and 'things are come to that pass,' are words tends to cover his head; that no part of his that shall concern nobody after the present wig is composed of bair which grew above Monday in Whitsun-week, 1713. twenty miles from the buyer's place of nativity;

That it is baseness to offend any person, that the very neck-lock grew in the same except the offender exposes himself to that county, and all the hair to the face in the very person's examination; that no woman is des parish where he was born.

fained by any man, without he dames her *That these your cephalic operators humbly name; that exasperated mistress,' 'false fair, entreat your more frequent attention to {tbe and the like, sball from the said Whitsunmechanie arts, and that you would place your Monday, siguify no more than Clue, Coriana, op



A. B.'

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Mrs. How-d'ye-call; that your petitioner, being ! senting it to himself in a manner wonderfully an old maid, may be joined in marriage to John- suited to the vanity and impiety of his character. a-Nokes, or, in case of his being resolved upon

So Pluto, seiz'd of Proserpine, conveyed celibacy, to Tom Long the carrier, and your To bell's tremendous gloom th' attrighted maid ; petitioner shall ever pray, &c.'

There grimly smil'd, pleas'd with the beauteous prize,

Nor cuvy'il Juve his sunshine and bis skier, * To Nestor Ironside, Esq.

Pray old Nestor, trouble thyself no more with 'The humble petition of Hugh Pounce, of the squabbles of old lovers ; tell them from me Grub-street, sheweth,

now they are past the sins of the flesh, they That in your first paper you have touched the soul less than malice; it is not now, as

are got into those of the spirit ; desire hurts upon the affinity between all arts whicb concern

when they were Sappho and Pbaon. the good of society, and professed that you

'I am, Sir, should promote a good understanding between

Your affectionate humble servant, them.

" That your petitioner is skilful in the art and mystery of writing verses or distichs.

That your petitioner does not write for No. 65.] Tuesday, Muy 26, 1713. vain-glory, but for the use of society.

luter scabiem tantam et contagia. That, like the art of painting upon glass,

Hor. Lib. 1. Ep. xii. 19. the more durable work of writing upon iron is

Amidst the poison of such infections times. almost lost.

That your petitioner is retained as poet to There is not any where, I believe, so much the Ironmongers coinpany.

talk about religion, as among us in England; 'Your petitioner therefore humbly desires nor do I think it possible for the wit of man to you would protect him in the sole making of devise forms of address to the Almighty, in posies for knives, and all manner of learning more ardent and forcible terms than are every to be wrought on iron, and your petitioner shall where to be found in our book of common ever pray.'

prayer; and yet I have heard it read with such

a negligence, affectation, and impatience, that To the Guardian.

the efficacy of it has been apparently lost to

all the congregation. For my part, I make no 'Though every body has been talk

scruple to own it, that I go sometimes to a writing on the subject of Cato, ever since the particular place in the city, far distant from world was obliged with that tragedy, there has mine own home, to hear a gentleman, whose not, metbinks, been an examination of it,

manner I adınire, read the liturgy. I am perwhich sufficiently shows the skill of the author suaded devotion is the greatest pleasure of his merely as a poet. There are peculiar graces soul, and there is none hears him read without which ordinary readers ought to be instructed the utmost reverence. I have seen the young how to admire; among others, I am charmed people, who have been interchanging glances with his artificial expressions in well adapted of passion to each other's person, checked into similies: there is no part of writing in which it

an attentiou to the service at the interruption is more difficult to succeed, for on sublime oc

which the authority of his voice has given them. casions it requires at once the utmost strength But the other morning I happened to rise of the imagination, and the severest correction earlier than ordinary, and thought I could not of the judgment. Thus Syphax, when he is

pass my time better, than to go upon the adforming to himself the sudden and unexpected monition of the morning bell, to the church destruction which is to befall the man he hates, prayers at six of the clock. I was there the expresses himself in an image which none butørst of any in the congregation, and had the a Numidian could have a lively sense of; but

opportunity, however I made use of it, to look yet, if the author bad ranged over all the ob- back on all my life, and contemplate tbe bles. jects upon the face of the earth, be could not sing and advantage of such stated early hours have found a representation of a disaster so

for offering ourselves to our Creator, and pregreat, £o sudden, and so dreadful as this :

possess ourselves with the love of Him, and * So where our wille Numidian wastes extend, the hopes we have from Him, against the snares Sudden th' impetnous harricanes descend,

of business and pleasure in the ensuing day. Wheel through the air, in circling eddies play, Tear up the sands, and sweep whole plains away.

But whether it be that people think fit to in, The helpless traveller, with wild surprise,

dulge their own ease in some secret, pleasing Bees the dry desert all around lim lise, }

fault, or whatever it was, there was none at the And smother'd in the dosty wbirdwinii, clics.

confession but a set of poor scrubs of us, who When Sempronius promises himself the pos- could sin only in our wills, whose persons could session of Marcia by a rape, he triumphs in the be no temptation to one another, and might prospect, and exults in his villany, by repro- bave, without interruption from any body else,



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humble, lowly hearts, in frightful looks and joyments; while these, who forbear the gratidirty dresses, at our leisure. When we poor fications of flesh and blood, without having souls bad presented ourselves with a contrition won over the spirit to the interests of virtue, suitinile to our worthlessness, some pretty are implacable in defamations on the errors of young ladies in mobs, popped in here and there such who offend without respect to fame. But about the church, clattering the pew-door after the consideration of persons whom one cannot them, and squatting into a whisper behind their but take notice of, when one sees them in that fans. Among others, one of lady Lizard's place, bas drawn me out of my intended talk, laughters, and her hopeful maid, made their which was to bewail that people do not know entrance: the young lady did not omit the ar- the pleasure of early hours, apd of dedicating dent form behind the fan, while the maid im- their first moments of the day, with joy and mediately gaped round her to look for some singleness of heart, to their Creator. Expeother devout person, whom I saw at a distance rience would convince us, that the earlier we very well dressed; bis air and habit a little left our beds, the seldomer should we be conmilitary, but in the pertness, not the true pos-fined to them. session, of the martial character. This jacka- One great good which would also accrue from napes was fixed at the end of a pew, with the this, were it become a fashion, would be, tbat utmost impudence, declaring, by a fixed eye on it is possible our chief divines would condescend that seat (where our beauty was placed) the to pray themselves, or at least those whom they object of his devotion. This obscene sight gave substitute would be better supplied, than to be me all the indignation imaginable, and I could forced to appear at those oraisons in a garb and attend to nothing but the reflection, that the attire which makes them appear mortified with greatest affronts imaginable are such as no one worldly want, and not abstracted from the can take notice of. Before I was out of such world by the contempt of it. How is it possivexatious inadvertencies to the business of the ble for a gentleman, uuder the income of fifty place, there was a great deal of good company pounds a year, to be attentive to sublime now come in. There was a good number of things ? He must rise and dress like a labourer very janty slatterns, who gave us to understand, for sordid hire, instead of approaching bis place that it is neither dress nor art to which they of service with the utmost pleasure and satiswere beholden for the town's admiration. Be- faction, that now be is going to be mouth of a sides these, there were also by this time arrived crowd of people who have laid aside all the distwo or three sets of whisperers, who carry on tinctions of this contemptible being, to beseeeh most of their calumnies by what they entertain a protection under its manifold pains and disone another with in that place, and we were now advantages, or a release from it, by his faveur altogether very good company. There were in- who sent them into it. He would, with decent deed a few, in whose looks there appeared a superiority, look upon himself as orator before beavenly joy and gladness upon the entrance the throne of grace, for a crowd, who hang of a new day, as if they bad gone to sleep with upon his words, while he asks for them all that expectation of it. For the sake of these it is is necessary in a transitory life ; from the asworth while that the church keeps up such early surance that a good behaviour, for a few momatins throughout the cities of London and ments in it, will purchase endless joy and Westminster; but the generality of those who happy immortality. observe that hour, perform it with so tasteless But who can place himself in this view, who, a behaviour, that it appears a task rather than though not pinched with want, is distracted a voluntary act. But of all the world, those with care from the fear of it? No; a man, in familiar ducks who are, as it were, at home at the least degree below the spirit of a saint er a the church, and by frequently meeting there martyr, will loll, huddle over his duty, look throw the time of prayer very negligently into confused, or assume a resolution in bis bebatheir common life, and make their ooming to- viour which will be quite as ungraceful, except gether in that place as ordinary as any other be is supported above the necessities of life. action, and do not turn their conversation upon Power and commandment to his minister any improvements suitable to the true design to declare and pronounce to his people,' is of that house, but on trifles below even their mentioned with a very unguarded air, when the worldly concerns and characters. These are speaker is known in his own private condition little groups of acquaintance dispersed in all to be almost an object of their pity and charity. parts of the town, who are, forsooth, the only This last circumstance, with many others bere people of unspotted characters, and throw all loosely suggested, are the occasion that one the spots that stick on those of other people. knows not how to recommend, to such as have Malice is the ordinary vice of those who live not already a fixed sense of devotion, the pleain the mode of religion, without the spirit of sure of passing the earliest hours of the day in it. The pleasurable world are hurried by their a public congregation. But were this morning passions above the consideration of wbat others solemnity as much in vogue, even as it is now thiuk of them, into a pursuit of irregular en- at more advanced bours of the day, it would


necessarily bave so good an effect upon us, as be applied. Whereupon I shut my eyes to
to make us more disengaged and cheerful in prevent a distraction from outward objects,
conversation, and less artful and insincere in and a while after shot away, upon an impulse
business. The world would be quite another of thought, into the world of ideas, where ab-
place than it is now, tbe rest of the day; and stracted qualities became visible in such ap-
every face would have an alacrity in it, which pearances as were agreeable to each of their
can be borrowed from no other reflections, natures.
but those which give us the assured protection

‘That part of the country where I happened of Omnipotence.

to light, was the most noisy that I had ever known. The winds wbistled, the leaves rustled,

the brooks rumbled, the birds chattered, the No. 66.] Wednesday, May 27, 1713.

tongues of men were heard, and the echo

mingled something of every sound in its repeSæpe tribus lectis videas conare quaternos : E quibus unus avet qnavis aspergere cunctos,

tition, so that there was a strange confusion Præter eum qui præbet aquam; post, hunc quoque- and uproar of sounds about me. At length, Hor. Lib. 1. Sat, iv. 86.

as the noise still increased, I could discern a Set twelve at supper ; one above the rest

man habited like a herald, (and as I afterwards Takes all the talk, and breaks a scurvy jest On all, except the master of the feast :

understood) called Novelty, that came forward At last on bim

proclaiming a solemn day to be kept at the

house of Common Fame. Immediately behind The following letter is full of imagination, him advanced three nymphs, who had monand in a fabulous manner sets forth a connec

strous appearances. The first of these was tion between things, and an alliance between Curiosity, habited like a virgin, and having a persons, that are very distant and remote 'to

hundred ears upon her head to serve in her common eyes. I think I know the hand to be enquiries. The second of these was Talkative. that of a very ingenious man, and shall there

ness, a little better grown; she seemed to be fore give it the reader without farther preface. like a young wise, and had a bundred tongues "To the Guardian.

to spread her stories. The third was Censori. 'SIR,

ousness, habited like a widow, and surrounded There is a set of mankind, who are wholly with a hundred squinting eyes of a malignant employed in the ill-natured office of gathering influence, which so obliquely darted on all up a collection of stories that lessen the repu- around, that it was impossible to say which tation of others, and spreading them abroad of them had brought in the information she with a certain air of satisfaction. Perhaps

boasted of. These, as I was informed, had indeed, an innocent unmeaning curiosity, a been very instrumental in preserving and reardesire of being informed concerning those we ing Common Fame, when upon her birtb-day live with, or a willingness to profit by reflection she was shuffled into a crowd, to escape the upon the actions of others, may sometimes search which Truth might have made after ber afford an excuse, or sometimes a defence for and her parents. Curiosity found her there, inquisitiveness; but certainly it is beyond all Talkativeness conveyed her away, and Cenexcuse a transgression against humanity, to soriousness so nursed her up, that in a short carry the matter farther, to tear off the dress. time she grew to a prodigious size, and obings as I may say, from the wounds of a friend, tained an empire over the universe; wherefore and expose them to the air in cruel fits of diver the power, in gratitude for these services, bas sion ; and yet we have something more to be since advanced them to her bighest employmoan, an outrage of a higher nature, which ments. The next who came forward in the mankind is guilty of when they are not con-procession was a light damsel, called Credulity, tent to spread the stories of folly, frailty, and who carried behind them the lamp, the silver 'vice, but even enlarge them, or invent new

vessel with a spout, and other iostruments ones, and blacken characters, that we may proper for this solemn occasion. appear ridiculous or bateful to one another. “She had formerly seen these three together, From such practices as these it happens, that and conjecturing from the number of their some feel a sorrow, and others are agitated ears, tongues, and eyes, that they might be with a spirit of revenge ; that scandals or lies the proper genï of Attention, Familiar Conare told, because another has told such before; verse, and Ocular Demonstration, she from that resentments and quarrels arise, and af- that time gave herself up to attend them. The fronts and injuries are given, received, and last who followed were some who had closely multiplied, in a scene of vengeance.

muffled themselves in upper garments, so that All this I have often observed with abund. I could not discern who they were ; but just ance of concern, and having a perfect desire

as the foremost of them was come up, I am to further the happiness of mankind, I lately glad, says she, calling me by my name, to set myself to consider the causes from whence meet you at this time; stay close by me, and such evils arise, and the remedies which may

take a strict observation of all that passes :

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her voice was sweet and commanding, I thought company was over, and a serene light, till I had somewhere heard it ; and from her, as then unknown to the place, diffused around I went along, I learned the meaning of every it. At this the detected sorceresses endean thing which offered.

voured to escape in a cloud wbich I saw begaa We now marched forward through the to thicken round them; but it was soon diaRookery of Rumours, which few thick, and persed, their charms being controlled, and pre. with a terrible din, all around us. At length vailed over by the superior divinity. For my we arrived at the house of Common Fame, part I was exceedingly glad to see it so, and where a hecatomb of reputati was that day gan to consider what punishment she would to fall for her pleasure. The house stood upon inflict upon them. I fancied it would be proan eminence, having a thousand passages to it, per to cut off Curiosity's ears, and fix them to and a thousand whispering holes for the con- the eaves of the houses : to nail the tongues of veyance of sound. The hall we entered was Talkativeness to Indian tables; and to put formed with the art of a music-chamber for out the eyes of Ceusoriousness with a flash of the improvement of noises. Rest and silence ber light. In respect of Credulity, I had in. are banished the place. Stories of different deed some little pity, and had I been judge she natures wander in light flocks all about, some. might, perhaps, have escaped with a hearty times truths and lies, or sometimes lies them. reproof. selves clashing against one another. In the * But I soon found that the discerning judge middle stood a table painted after the manner had other designs. She knew them for such of the remotest Asiatic countries, upon which as will not be destroyed entirely while mankind the lamp, the silver vessel, and cups of a wbite is in being, and yet ought to have a brand and earth, were planted in order. Then dried herbs punishment affixed to them that they may be were brought, collected for the solemnity in avoided. Wherefore she took a seat for judge moon-shine, and water being put to them, ment, and had the criminals brought forward there was a greenish liquor made, to which | by Shame ever blushing, and Trouble with a they added the flower of milk, and an extrac. whip of many lashes; two phantoms who bad tion from the canes of America, for performing dogged the procession in disguise, and waited a libation to the infernal powers of Mischief. till they had an authority from Truth to lay After this, Curiosity, retiring to a withdrawing hands upon them. Immediately then she orroom, brought forth the victims, being to ap- dered Curiosity and Talkativeness to be fettered pearance a set of small waxen images, which together, that the one should never suffer the she laid upon the table ove after another. other to rest, nor the other ever let her remain Immediately then Talkativeness gave each of undiscovered. Light Credulity she linked to them the name of some one, whom for that Shame at the tormentor's own request, wbo time they were to represent; and Censorious. was pleased to be thus secure that her progner ness stuck them all about with black pins, still could not escape ; and this was done partly pronouncing at every one sbe stuck, something for ber punishment, and partly for her amendto the prejudice of the persons represented. ment. Censoriousness was also in like manner No sooner were these rites performed, and in- begged by Trouble, and had her assigned fro cantations uttered, but the sound of a speaking an eternal companion. After they were thus trumpet was heard in the air, by which they chained with one another, by the judge's order, knew the deity of the place was propitiated she drove them from the presence to wander and assisting. Upon this the sky grew darker, for ever through the world, with Novelty stalka storm arose, and murmurs, sighs, groans, ing before them. cries, and the words of grief, or resentment, The cause being now over, she retreated were heard witbin it. Thus the tbree sor- from sight within the splendour of her ows ceresses discovered, that they whose names glory; which leaving the bouse it bad brightthey had given to the images, were already ened, the sounds that were proper to the place affected with wbat was done to them in effigy. began to be as loud and confused aś when we The knowledge of this was received with the entered; and there being no longer a clear loudest laughter, and in many congratulatory distinguished appearance of any objects reprewords they applauded one another's wit and sented to me, I returned from the excursico power.

I bad made in fancy.' As matters were at this high point of disorder, the muffled lady, wbom I attended on, being no longer able to endure such barbarous No. 67.] Thursday, May 28, 1713. proceedings, threw off her upper garment of

pe forte pudori Reserve, and appeared to be Truth. As Sic tibi masa lyræ solers, et canter Apollo. soon as she had confessed herself present, the

Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 106. speaking-trumpet ceased to sound, the sky

Blush not to patronize the muse's skill, cleared up, the storm abated, the noises which It has been remarked, by curious observers, were beard in it ended, the laughter of the that poets are generally long-lived, and run


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