Nov. Were you, sir? Free. Yes, faith; but I was ignorant, till now, of the dangerous situation we were in; however, I am extremely obliged to you for your intelligence, as I dare swear the captain will be— Nov. Yonder goes my attorney-I'll just speak two or three words to him, and be back with you again in an instant. Free. Hold, sir! we must not part so. You must go along with me, sir, and tell this story to captain Manly. Nov. Sir, I have not time at present-I-there's a gentleman beckons me, owes a thousand pounds, and goes out of town to-morrow morning-Mr[Exit. Free. Ha, ha, ha! Well, we shall meet again. Enter JERRY BLACKACRE. How now, 'squire, what's the matter? Jer. Nothing: I don't care; nothing's the matter: but if ever I go home again with her, I wish I may never stir! You said you would stand by for a soldier. Free. Take you with me, 'squire! do you desire to go with me? Jer. Yes, 'tis all my desire. Free. How shall I act in this affair? 'gad, 'twill be a good stroke towards making something of the widow in earnest; at least, of getting my right out of her hands.-[Aside.]-Well, 'squire, I'll tell you what, if you are really serious Jer. Oh, Lord! yonder she is coming in at the gate with that old fellow: if you will come, come away; for I won't stay any longer to be beat and abused by her. Free. Nay, since that's the case, have with you, my boy. Jer. Ay, and now let's see how she'll be able to help herself. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-Changes to the gate of Westminster-hall. Enter, from within, MANLY and FIDELIA, and on the opposite side, MRS BLACK ACRE and MAJOR. OLDFOX. Mrs Black. A villain! a rascal! I'll teach him better manners than to talk saucily to his mother!-These are pretty doings, are they not? My son flies in my face; and when I go to correct him for it, he tells me, truly, he'll leave me, and go to the mate of your ship, who has offered to take him. Man. Well, and what's that to me? You must tie your calf up, if you are afraid of his being stolen. Mrs Black. But which way did he run, major? May be he is gone to that seducing villain already; and he has got my writings with him, all that concerns my estate, my jointure, my husband's deed of gift, and the evidences for all my suits now depending. Man. I am glad of that ; for, if you have lost your evidence, your cause can't go on, and I am at liberty. Old. Mr Jerry went off in a great passion, madam; I hope he won't commit any rash action, to do himself a mischief. Mrs Black. No, no, I know him better than so; he will never be felo de se that way: but he may go and chuse a guardian of his own head, and so be felo de ses beins; for he has not chosen one yet. Man. Which I hope he may, with all my heart! Mrs Black. Oh, do you so, sir? then it seems you are in the plot.-Well, look to it; I'll play fast and loose with you all yet, if there be law, and my minor and writings are not forthcoming. I'll bring my action of detinue or trover-but I'll first go and seek— Man. Well, I shall not stay here any longer. Mrs Black. Stir a step, stir a step, at your peril, till the courts are broke up, and I'll serve you with a rule of contempt. [Exeunt MRS BLACK ACRE and MAJOR OLDFOX. Man. Now, sir, go on.- -You have been with Olivia, you say. her. Fide. Yes, sir, I have seen and spoke with Man. Well, and she received you kindly? Fide. Kinder than you would think, sir. Man. That's well-come, now, let me hear what she said to you. i conducted into her dressing-room, where I found her alone; and I took it for granted she would have begun immediately with talking of you and your late difference with her; but, instead of that, sir, I had hardly sat down, when she gave me to understand she had desired to see me on my own account only; and was so bold, and so forward Man. But in what terms did she express herself? Fide. Her tongue, I confess, was silent, sir; but her eyes conveyed such things Man. Eyes! Eyes!-What, then, you have only had eye kindness from her; and your vanity has helped you, in this construction, so much to the lady's disadvantage? Fide. Not so, sir-At first, indeed, her eyes, chiefly, were the interpreters of her thoughts; but, finding they spoke a language I could not, or would not, understand, she threw off the restraint, made a tender of her passion in direct terms; and, in short, sir, offered to prostitute that love to me, at half an hour's acquaintance, which you have deserved whole years in vain. Man. I'll not believe it-It is a damned lie of your own contrivance; come, I know 'tis a lie. Fide. I am sorry you should think so, sir: but, however unlikely it may appear, I can give you proof. Man. Proof! Fide. For which purpose she has shewn me a back way into her apartment, where a lamp always burns; for she will have no light in her chamber, because her woman lies in an adjoining closet-Nay, more, sir; she has given me the key of the garden, to let myself in with, which I have brought off. Man. The key of the garden! Let me see it. -I know it well; and have a thousand times gone, by the passage you mention, to our private interviews: I imagined it led to paradise, and an angel of purity inhabited there; but I must think of that no more-Did she say nothing to you of this husband of her's? Fide. Yes, sir; she is actually married, and her husband gone out of town; but she expects him very soon; and that, I suppose, made her more urgent with me to come to night. Man. And can you think of disappointing a lady upon such an occasion? Fide. I, sir!-I should disappoint her more by going. Man. How so? Fide. Her impudence and infidelity to you, sir, has made me loath her. Man. Well, sir, but I say the lady shall not be disappointed. go Fide. Not disappointed, sir!-If ever near her again, may you think me as false to you as she is! hate and renounce me! Man. Well, well, if you won't, leave the matter to me; I'll take care Fide. You, sir!-You take care, sir!-Pray give me that odious key again, and let me return it with the contempt, the detestation Man, No, sir; this key is the instrument of revenge, which fortune hath put into my hand; and, by Heaven, I'll make use of it. Fide. Revenge, sir!-what revenge? Disdain is best revenged by scorn; and faithless love by loving another. Man. Perhaps it may, where the object has once been esteemed; but, I now begin to think, had never any share in her affections; and, therefore, I'll take another method. Fide. And what is your design, sir? I Man. Not a word more; here's Freeman coming towards us: we will disengage ourselves from him as soon as we can, and talk of this affair further. Enter FREEMAN. Free. The most whimsical accident has happened to me here to-day, captain; the most unexpected, unaccountable-Ha, ha, ha! Man. What, the great boy has rose in rebellion against the tyranny of his widow-mother, and put himself under your protection! Have a care, Freeman; though she is a fiend, and I wish her at the devil, we are still to have a regard to justice. Free. Then we are to do ourselves justice, sure; which, I promise you, is all the use I shall make of the 'squire's revolt in my favour. Where shall we dine? Man. I was just thinking of it-Where can we dine? Free. Will you go to the King's Arms? Man. Why, I don't much care if I do : but it must be upon one condition, Free. Name it. Man. That you shall not attempt to pin yourself upon me after dinner; I must positively have the whole evening at my own disposal; for my young volunteer and I have particular business. Free. That's sufficient, sir; you know you always make your own terms with me. Man. Come then, young gentleman, lead the way. [Exeunt. ACT IV. Man. So much the better, I have been sitting at the coffee-house these three hours, lest knocking at the door at an unseasonable time might alarm the family-Help me off with my coat-and now shut the door, and bolt it, that no body may come in upon us unawares, Fide. Heigh ho! Man. What's the matter with you? Man. You have been crying! Fide. I have not been very well, sir. Man. Come, you are a good lad; don't let your spirits sink; I'll be your friend; you shall fare as I do; let that content you. Fide. I desire no better, sir. Man. Take the pen and ink, and sit down there-I am now convinced that what you told me yesterday was truth; and Olivia is the vilest, and most profligate of her sex. Fide. Are you convinced, sir?—Are you indecd convinced? Then I hope Man. Speak softly-I suppose I need not tell you where I have been! Fide. Sir! Man. I say, I suppose I need not tell you, where I have been since we parted; I have been with Olivia; and she has bestowed on me a thousand caresses, which I returned with seemingly an equal ardour. Fide. Lord, sir, I am vastly sick of a sudden! Man. You are a coward-What ails you? Fide. I don't know, sir, I never was so oddly taken in my life; but it will away again. Man. Listen to me, then, and be surprised yet more―1 have passed myself upon Olivia for you! Fide. For me, sir! Man. Yes-Darkness, and the particularity of our situation, favoured the deceit; and I was cautious not to undeceive her, by speaking but little, and that softly; and leaving her this morning before it was light. Fide. Surely, sir, you will never go near this abominable woman more! doux; deplore the necessity, which forced you from her this morning, so much against your inclination; and appoint another meeting with her, at her own house, this evening, as soon as it shall be dusk. Fide. Out of revenge, I suppose, sir! Fide. Sir, my life is devoted to your service; but, however meanly you may think of me, I cannot descend so low as to the infamous office you would lay upon me.-Excuse me, sir, I cannot act the part of a pander. Man. Your principles of honour I do not dislike, if they are sincere; but I tell you, you are mistaken in the matter. Fide. Indeed, sir, I am not; I see all plain enough; but, upon my knees, I beg, if you have the least regard for yourself, renounce this woman; give her up, and never Man. What am I to think of your behaviour? Sure you would have me believe you love her yourself; which, indeed, I have all along suspected. Fide. Indeed, sir, it is all my concern for your safety. care Man. Methinks you might trust that to my -but, once for all, I desire I may have no more impertinent disputing or advice-you have reason to know I am unalterable. Fide. Sir, you must give up either Olivia or me! Man. Why so, sir? What have you and Olivia to do with one another? Fide. Well, sir, let me hear your commands. Man. I have already told them to you-I would have you write this letter, to make the appointment; you shall keep it in person; and when you have been with her some time, I will come in at the back door, which you shall purposely leave open, and catch you together, Fide. Well, sir, and what then? Man. Why then, sir, I will upbraid her falsehood, confront her impudence, boast of the triumph I have had over her, and never see her more. Fide. And is this really all you intend, sir? Fide. I think you can have no kindness left for Olivia_now, sir; I think you can't-You don't love her the least bit, captain, do you? Man. Love her! Damn her! I think of her with abhorrence. Fide. Then, I will go and write the letter di Man. That we'll consider of-In part, my re-rectly, sir. venge is satisfied. Fide. Well, sir, what are your commands with me? Man. Hear me! I would have you go immediately and write Olivia a very tender billet Free. (Speaks within) Well, well, I will introduce you. Man. Do so-and open the door, for I think I hear Freeman in the next room. [Exit FIDELIA. Enter FREEMAN and MAJOR OLDFOX. Free. Captain, here's a gentleman who is ambitious of being ranked amongst the number of your acquaintance.-This, sir, is major Oldfox, at once the votary of Mars and Apollo, and equally an ornament to the pen and the sword. Old. Sir, I am your most Man. What do you mean by bringing the old fool to me?-Why will you, Freeman, take these liberties? Free. Excuse me; upon my soul I could not avoid it.The captain is a whimsical man, major; but I suppose you know his humour. Old. Ay, ay, I have heard, and like him the better.-Captain, I honour you; you are a great man, sir: your late behaviour against the enemy has proved you such, and I shall be proud of being better known to you as Mr Freeman has intimated, I am an humble admirer of the arts, and now and then throw my thoughts upon paper: nequeo dormire, as the poet says. Man. And what then, sir? Old. Nay, good captain, take me along with You.-I suppose you would not be displeased to have the particulars of your late action laid in a proper manner before the public; and, if so, I should be glad to drink a bottle, and have a little discourse with you about it-That's all, sir. Old. Nor the Imperial Magazine? Old. That's much, that's much, indeed; neither the Royal Chronicle, the Imperial Magazine, nor! There are often very excellent pieces make their appearance in those publications, Mr Freeman. Free. So there are, major, so there are― and I believe I can guess to whom the public is indebted for a good many of them! What say you? Eh?-Don't I know the signum-three stars and a dash? Old. No, Mr Freeman; no, upon my honour, sir! That was my mark formerly; but now, all my things are signed Philanthropos. Free. You are not author of that soliloquy in blank verse, in the papers the other day? Old. What! an address to the land-carriage fish-office? Free. Ay. Old. Why, did you like it? Old. Mr Freeman, my dear soul! I am extremely sorry, that any thing should happen between us; but, as I said before, I hope that is all forgotten; and you will henceforward look upon me as your friend. It was I that writ it, But muin! between ourselves. Man. Hark you, old gentleman, it seems you have taken it into your head you can write, and are turned author; shall I tell you what I once said to an acquaintance of mine, who was possessed of the same unaccountable whim? Old. Well, sir, and what was that? Man. Why, faith, I told him very plainly he was making himself an ass. Old. Mr Freeman, I shall be glad to see you at my house, to eat a bit of mutton with ine, and to have a little conversation about a matter I shall tell you. Sir, your servant! [Exit. Free. You took a very sure way to get rid of an author, by advising him not to write. But you are grown a very early man, sure; I was here two hours ago, and was told you were gone Enter Mrs BLACK ACRE and Major OLDFOX. Old. But will you not walk in, madam ? Mrs Black. No, major, no; I shall not put my foot into his house, since I have not my lawyer with me. I called on counsellor Quillit, but he's attending a trial for an assault. Old. Well, but, madam, this is a strange place to transact business in. Mrs Black. Major, you are an ignoramus !do you know, that as I have no search-warrant, execution, or other legal authority, if I was to go into his house, he might bring his writ for a forcibly entry on the premises. I served a person so once myself. Old. Well, madam, I have sent the servant to call him out; and that you mayn't think the time long 'till he comes, I'll just read you over a little fancy, that came into my head this morning. Mrs Black. Lord, major, how can you trouble me with such cursed stuff, when you see how I am perplexed and plagued here? Old. Nay, in troth, I must have your opinion of a satire I am going to publish; it is a lash for the reviewers; in which I give such a characterMrs Black. Nay, if you talk of characters, look at my last suit in chancery, which gives such a character of my adversary, makes him as black as the very devil. Old. Then, here's the outlines of what I once intended for a pamphlet―"The coffee-house man's case on the late rise of news-papers, humbly addressed to both Houses of Parliament." Enter FREEMAN and JERRY. Mrs Black. What do I see? Jerry Blackacre, my minor, in red breeches! Oh, Jerry, Jerry! have I lost all my good inns of court-breeding upon you, then? and will you go breeding yourself at coffee-houses and bagnios? Jer. Aye, aye! what then? perhaps I will, and what's that to you? Here's my guardian and tutor, now that I am out of your huckster's hands. Mrs Black. How! you have not chose him for your guardian yet? Jer. Yes, but I have though; and I'll do any thing he bids me, and I'll go all over the world with him, to ordinaries or bagnios, or any where else. Mrs Black. Do not go to ordinaries and bagnios, good Jerry! Jer. Why, have you had any dealings there? you never had any ill by them, had you? but if I have left you, you may thank yourself; for you used me so barbarously, I was weary of my life. Mrs Black. But consider, Jerry, you are but an infant; however, if you will go home with me again, and be a good child, you shall see—— Free. I beg your pardon, madam; this young gentleman is now under my care; and it is my duty, in quality of his guardian Mrs Black. Why, you villain, would you part mother and minor? rob me of my child and my writings? but you shall find that there is law; and in the case of ravishment of guard--Westm. the second Old. Well, but madam, by what I can find, this has been all the young gentleman's own doing. Come, squire, pray be ruled by your mother and friends. Jer. Yes, I'll be ruled by my friends, and therefore not by my mother. I'll chuse him for my guardian till I am at age-nay, may be for as long as I live. Mrs Black. Will you so, you wretch? and when you are of age, you will sign, seal, and deliver, too, will you? graces Mrs Black. I understand you, sir; no, if one of us must be ruined, e'en let it be him, if he What say you, booby, won't be ruled by me. will you be ruled? Jer. Let me alone, can't you? Mrs Black. Will you chuse him for a guardian, whom I refuse for a husband? Jer. Aye, to chuse, I thank you! for I have taken leave of lawyering and pettifogging! Mrs Black. Pettifogging, you profane! have you so?-Pettifogging! then you shall take your leave of me, aud your estate, too; you shall be an alien to me and it for ever-Pettifogging! Jer. Oh, but if you go there, we have the deeds and settlements, I thank you! would you cheat me of my estate? Mrs Black. No, no; I will not cheat your little brother Bob; for. you were not born in wedlock; you was Jer. What quirk has she got in her head, now? Mrs Black. I say you cannot, shall not, inherit the Blackacre estate: you are but my base child, and, according to law, cannot inherit it.— Nay, you are not so much as a bastard eigne. Jer. What am I, then, mother, the son of -? a Mrs Black. The law says Free. Madam, we know what the law saysbut have a care of what you say! do not let your passion to ruin your son, ruin your reputation. Mrs Black. Hang reputation, sr! am not I a widow? have no husband, nor intend to have any? Jer. But have you no shame left in you, mo ther? Mrs Black. No, no, sir! Come, major, let us make haste to the prerogative court. [Exeunt. Free. Nay, but, madam-We must not let her go so, 'squire! Jer. Nay, the devil can't stop her, if she has a mind to it. But I'll tell you what, master guardian-lieutenant, we will go and advise with three attornies, two proctors, two solicitors, and a sharp dog in White-friars, and sure all they will be too hard for her! for I fear, honest guardian of mine, you are too good a joker to have any law in your head. Free. You are in the right on't, 'squire; I understand no law, especially that against bastards |