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which custom is against, I am sure; for more will make hiin ready enough to take money, people get estates by being so, than lose them. wherever he can claim any thing like a property:
[Exeunt. Var. I believe you are in the right, and I will
take care to remove them to-morrow. SCENE III.-Olivia's lodgings.
Oliv. To-morrow! for Heaven's sake stay not Enter Olivia, with Varnish booted and spurr-Go this night-immediately.
till then; he may receive them before to-morrow. ed, as just come off a journey.
Var. You advise well, and I will only stay to Oliv. Lord bless me, my dear! you came upon rest myself a little. me so unawares, you quite startled nie— feel how Oliv. Rest yourself, when you come back. my heart beats!
Pray, dear Varnish, don't trifle upon such an imVar. Beats !-you seem startled, indeed! And portant occasion. Go this very instant ! yet, surely, you expected somebody, when you Var. Well, well, I'll go now directly—a hackmet me so kindly in the dark passage!
ney coach will take me to Fleet-street, and back Olio. Why, I thought it was your step, and again, in an hour. could not refrain from coming out of my cham- Oliv. If you stay till midnight, no matter. ber; and yet I did not know how to believe it Make haste, dearest! I am impatient till you are either, because it was so much sooner than your out of the house.
(Erit Var. letters bid me look for you.
I shan't recover myself a good while, this unVar. And yet you began with upbraiding me expected visit has so furried me! Who could for having staid beyond my time. Let me tell have thought of his coming-a beast !-And at you, madam, this conduct is mysterious, and re- so critical a juncture ! - And yet, if he had stayed quires explanation.
a few moments longer, he might have taken me Oliv. What explanation, my soul? you misun- still more at a disadvantage - My conduct is inysderstood my words. I upbraid you with having terious, and requires explanation ! Sure he instaid too long from me; and you shall never be tends to give himself the airs of being jealousabsent so long from me again, you shan't indeed; I wish I had never married him! He is of a cruel by this kiss you shan't! But, my dearest, I have and dangerous temper; and, had I not luckily sirange news to tell you—since you went, Manly's thought of the money, as an expedient to send returned.
him out again, I know not what might have hapVar. Fortune forbid !
pened, had he and my young friend metOlio. He met with the French fleet; fought, and afterwards sunk his ship. He was here with
Enter FIDELIA. me yesterday.
Ah, heavens! Var. You did not own our marriage to him! Fide. I hope I don't frighten you, madam.
Olio. I told him I was married, to get rid of Oliv. Oh, is it you? No, no; but I am the bim; but to whom, is yet a secret to all the world : strangest timorous creature !-Well, you can exand I used him so abominably ill, that his pride, cuse a woman's weakness; indeed I have given I believe, will prevent his troubling me any fur- you too great proofs of mine--I hope you are ther.
not one of those capricious conquerors who des. l'ar. I hope it has given him a surfeit of the pise a victory for being too easily gained ! shore, and will send him to sea again; be you Fide. I hope, madamsure only to keep our great secret : in the mean Oliv. Nay, I know you will say to the contrary, time, I will lead the easy fool by the nose, as I and I shall believe you: though the hurry you used to do; and, whilst he stays, rail with him at were in to leave me, and your unkind behaviour, you; and, when he is gone, laugh with you at him. in hardly speaking to me, might inake one of a By that time, too, I shall have settled some af- less jealous tensper suspect-fairs, which I have now on hand, and shall not Fide. Upon my word, madam! care who knows of our marriage. As for the Oliv. I am satisfied; you will tell me, no notes and jewels, which he left with you, if he doubt, your letter contained a sufficient apology should want to recover them by law, you may for that; and, to convince you desire no other, plead a gift; but I fancy we are pretty safe as if you are as sincere as I am, I will, this moment, to that, for I know the particularity of his tem- put into your possession what, in many parts of
the world, will be a magniticent fortune. In Oliv. Yet, let us be cautious, my love---Have short, I am ready to forsake friends, country, reyou taken the thousand guineas, he lodged in my putation, aud Ny with youname, out of the banker's band?
Fide. This ofter, madam, does me so great an Var. No-where was the necessity ?
honour Ulio. The greatest in the world. Do not con- Oliv. Honour! Why will you make use of that fide too much in his generosity: I am well in- cold expression? But methinks you look grave formed a much smaller sum would be acceptable upon it! must I have the mortification to find to him at present; and, no doubt, his necessity that your passion is less violent than mine?
per so well
Fide. Pardon me, madam; but the violence of Fide. How, madam! Where? your passion may presage its change; and I must Oliv. Ask no questions, but get out the back needs be afraid your affections would soon cool way as fast as you can; my husband's coming ! to me, since you could once grow indifferent to Fide. Your husband, madam! so worthy a gentleman as captain Manly.
Oliv. Ay, ay; he came in just before you did; Oliv. Oh, mention not his name !
I thought he was gone abroad again, but I saw Fide. Why, madam, did not you love him? him this moment cross the hall, and he followed Oliv. Never. How could you think it? me up stairs „Oh, heavens, here be is !--This Fide. Because he thought it; who is a man of way.
[Erit. that excellent understanding, and nice discern- Fide. Hold, madam !-She has clapt the door ment
after her, and the bolt is shot! What will beOliv. Hang him, untractable, surly brute ! come of me? Some private reasons, indeed, made me outward
Enter VARNISH. ly accommodate myself to his tramontane humour; and he had vanity enough to think I liked Var. So, now I am somewhat of a more dehim.
cent figure to go abroad; while the fellow has Fide. Bless my soul, madam! Vanity! Why, been getting me a coach, I have made a shift to he is very well to be liked, I hope.
alter my dress a little.- Ha! who have we here! Oliv. Ha, ha, ha!
Nay, by the Lord, you shan't slip by me! Fide. Indeed, madam, you don't do well to Fide. Pray, sir, do not be rude. speak so disrespectfully of the captain.
Var. Rude, you rascal! Who are you? And Oliv. Why, you dear, friendly creature, you what brings you into this house? could not be a greater advocate for him, if you
Fide. I did not come to do you any harm, sir. were one of his mistresses stept into breeches ! Var. You come here to do no good, I am cer
Fide. His mistresses, madam? I don't know tain. But now I see who it was my wife expectwhat you mean. To be sure, I have great obli- ed, and what occasioned her extraordinary trepigations to the captain, and don't like to hear him dation. Damn you, sirrah, I have a mind to cut abused-but
throat. Come, draw ! Oliv. Come, come, let us talk no more of him, Fide. Oh, pray sir, don't draw your swordthat is the best way-What say you, shall we go pray, sir, don't ! sit in the next room? I have prepared a little col- Var. How, a coward ! yet dare to do a man lation there.
the greatest injury in the world! but your want Fide. Are we not better here, madam? of courage shall not save your life.
Oliv. No, no ; I'll conduct you; give me your Fide. Hold, sir, hold! Do not terrify me, and hand.
I will satisfy you I could not injure you. Fide. I would rather stay where we are, if you Var. Now, quickly, then! What have you to please, madam. Oliv. Why so?
Fide. I am a woman, sir; a very unfortunate Fide. I do not know, madam; I think it is woman! more airy here.
Var. Ha! a very handsome one, I am sure. Oliv. Airy! Is any thing the matter with you? It is so—But why in this masquerade ?-Well, Fide. I am afraid I am going to have one of no matter.
Fide. I hope, sir, you are so much a man of Oliv. What fits?
honour as to let me go, now I have satisfied you. Fide. Oh, madam, I am very subject to fits; Var. Let you go, madam! and sometimes lie in a trance for an hour toge- Fide. Yes, sir; you may guess my misfortune thor.
to be love, by my disguise;' and I dare swear, Oliv. Ay!
you will not urge me further on secrets, which Fide. Yes, indeed, madam; but, if you will let concern my honour. me alone where I am, perhaps I may not have Var. Oh, no, madam, by no means—But I
thought I saw my wife turn short upon the stairs Oliv. Oh, stay, I will run into the next room, just now, and run up in a great hurry before me. and fetch you some spirits; I would not, for the Has.she not been with you? should be seized here.
[Erit. Fide. Yes, sir. Fide. Mercy on us, what shall I do! wish Var. Well, and where is she gone? the captain would come and deliver me from this Fide. Out of the house, I believe, sir. odious woman; she will certainly discover me, if Var. And why so, madam? I stay much longer. I wish I was well out of the Fide. I know not, sir: perhaps, because she house !
would not be forced to discover me to you; or, Enter OLIVIA,
to guard me from suspicions, that you inight not
discover me yourself. Oliv, Undone, undone !
Var. Well, madam, at any rate I am obliged
to her for having left me alone with so charming Var. Damn the coach!-Well, madam, I shall a creature. Lovely, bewitching woman! eave you for a little while; perhaps, when I
Fide. What do you mean? Help, bo ! come back, I shall find you in a better humour.
Var. 'Tis in vain to cry out—no one dares to lere, sir, help me in with this fellow, this dishelp you; I am lord here.
honourer of my family. Fide. Tyrant here !-But, if you are the mas- Boy. Fellow! Your honour said she was a ter of this house, which I have taken for a sanctuary, do not violate it yourself.
Var. No matter, sir; must you prate? Var. No, I'll preserve you in it, and nothing Fede. Oh, Heavens! Is there shall hurt you : I will be as true to you as your
Var. Come, madam, since you will yield to disguise, but you must trust me.
me no other way, you shall, at least, be my priFide. You don't look like a villain, sir-Help | soner till I have leisure to examine you further help!
--In there, in-I will know you better before I
part with you, my pretty masquerader, or you Enter Foot BOY.
hall have more strength and cunning than I think Var. You saucy rascal, how durst you !
[Ereunt. Boy. I come, sir, to let you know the coach is at the door.
SCENE I.-Eliza's Lodgings. amine her when I came back; but in the me
time she got away, by tying the window-curtains Enter Olivia, Eliza, and LETTICE.
to the balcony, by which she slid down into the Olio. Ai, cousin! nothing troubles me, but street-for you must know I jested, and made that I have given the malicious world its revenge, her believe I should be rude with her, which she and reason now to talk as freely of me as I used apprehended, I suppose, in earnest. to do of it.
Oliv. Then she got from you.? Eliz. Faith, then, let not that trouble you : for Var. Yes. to be plain, cousin, the world cannot talk worse Oliv. Arid is quite gone? of you than it did before.
Var. Yes. Oliv. How, cousin ! I'd have you to know, be- Olio. I am glad on't—otherwise you had been fore this faux-pas, this trip of mine, the world rude with her. But how durst you go so far, as could not talk of me.
to make her believe you would? Let me underLett. Oh, Lud, madam, here is my master! stand that, sir! What! there is guilt in your
Oliv. Whither shall I run? Save, protect me façe ! You blush, too !-Nay, then, I see how from him!
things have happened—Oh, you base fellow ! Enter Varnis.
Var. Nay, hear me PritheemI swearVar. Nay, nay, come!
Oliv. I have heard already too many of your Olid. Oh, sir! forgive me.
false oaths and vows, especially your last in the Vur. Yes, yes, I can forgive your being alone church : Wicked man! and wretched woman that with a woman in man's clothes, but have a care I am! of a man in woman's clothes!
Var. My dear ! Olio. A woman in man's clothes! What does Oliv. My devil he mean! [Aside.]"
Var. Come, prithee be appeased—and go Var. Come, come, you need not have lain out home : I have been so uneasy all day, not knowof your house for this : but perhaps you were ing where to find you—I'll give you every satisafraid, when I was warm with suspicions, you faction. must have discovered who she was.
Oliv. Satisfaction ! Oliv. Who she was ! Sure he dissembles only Var. Yes, do but go home, and I'll thoroughly to get ine into his power; or perhaps my young satisfy you—and then, too, we'll have a fit of spark has imposed upon him! (Aside.] laughing at Manly, whom I am going to find at
Var. Come, what's the matter with you? If the King's Arms, where I hear he dined-Go, must not know who she was, I am satisfied with dearest, go home. out-Come hither.
Eliz. A very pretty turn indeed, this ! Olin. Sure you do know her; she has told you Var. Now, cousin, since, by my wife, I have berself, I suppose.
the honour and privilege of calling you so, I have Var. No, I might have known her better, but something to beg of you, too; which is, not to I was obliged to go to the banker's; and so lock- take notice of our marriage to any person what, ed her into your chamber, with a design to ex- ever yet a while, for some reasons very importa VOL. JI
ant to me; and, next, that you will do my wife | very I have to make should be public, and before the honour to go home with her, and me the fa- a number of witnesses--she must be made as vour to use that power, you have with her, in our infamous as she is guilty. reconcilement.
Free. Well, I am your man at any mad work; Eliz. That, I dare promise, sir, will be no hard so here's my service to you—but I must now go matter. Your servant. [Freunt VARNISH and look a little after my charge; I have disposed LETTICE.]-Well, cousin, this I confess was a of him in the next room, with lord Plausible, reasonable bypocrisy; you were the better for it. and Mr. Novel, who have been here to day, at Olio. What hypocrisy?
the expence of a young Creole, at a turtle feast. Eliz. Why, this last deceit of your husband Man. Go your ways, then, I won't detain you; was lawful, siuce in your owo defence.
but, I say, you know Olivia's house, and will be Oliv. Wbat deceit? I would have you to know sure not to let slip the hour. I never deceived my husband.
Free. I warrant you. Eliz. You do not understand me: I say this Man. And come straight up to her chamber, was an honest come off, and a good one. But without more ado; and bring your charge, and what sort of a gallant must this be, who could so
fellow Oakum, and whoever else you please; dexterously pass himself for a woman?
the greater your company the better. . Here, Oliv. What do you mean by a gallant, and take the watch—'Tis now five o'clock, and at passing for a woman?
half an hour after seven preciselyEliz. What do you mean? You see your hus- Free. You need not doubt my diligence; I am band took him for a woman.
an old blood, and can naturally beat up a wench's Oliv. Whom?
quarters that won't be civil to my friend-Shan't Eliz. Hey-day! why the man he found with we break her windows, too? you; for whom, last night, you were so much Man. No, no; be punctual only. afraid; and who
[Erit FREEMAN. Olio, Lord, you rave sure ! Eliz. Why, you did not tell me last night?
Enter Varnish. Oliv. I know not what I might tell you last How !-Nay, here's a friend indeed! And he, night in a fright.
that has him in bis arms, can know no wants. Eliz. Ay, what was that fright for ?- For a Vur. Dear sir! and he, that is in your arnis, woman ! Fie, this fooling is insipid, 'tis offen- is secure from all fears whatever : nay, our nasive.
tion is secure by your defeat at sea; and the Oliv. And fooling with my honour will be more French, that fought against you, have proved eneoffensive. Did you not hear my husband
say- mies to themselves only, in bringing you back to us. Eliz. Come, you need not fear, I'll keep your Mun. Fie, fie-this from a friend? And yet,
froin any other 'twere insufferable. I thought I Oliv. My secret! I'd have you to know, I should liever have taken any thing ill from you. have no need of confidantes, though you value Var. A friend's privilege is to speak his mind, yourself on being a good one,
though it be ill taken. Eliz. Admirable confidence !
Man. But your tongue need not tell me you Olio. Confidence ! Is this language to me think too well of me; I have found it from your Nay, then, I'll never see your face again! Let- heart, which spoke in actions, your unalterable tice, where are you? Let us be gone from this heart. But Olivia is false, my friend; which I censorious, ill woman.
[Exit Uliv. suppose is no news to you. Eliz. Your very humble servant, my sweet,
Var. Why, no- -it is not. good cousin !
[E.cit. Man. But could not you keep her true to me? SCENE II.-A Tavern.
Var. Not for my life, sir. Manly and FREEEMAN discovered, drinking at before I went? Could she so deceive us both?
Man. But could you not perceive it at all a table.
Var. I must confess, the first time I knew it, Free. What, then, you were going to her was three days after your departure, when she yesterday evening?
received the money you had left in Fleet-street, Man, I did, as I tell you, intend it; but, in her name; and her fears, it seems, did not being detained on the way by an old ship-mate, hinder her from counting it. You must trust just as I had got to the corner of the street, í ber with all, like a true, generous lover ! met the volunteer, breathless, and almost fright- Man. And she, like a mealened out of his wits, who gave me this whimsi- Var. Jiltingcal relation of his adventure with her busband. Man. Traitorous
Free. Whimsical indeed! Danın it the fel- Var. Baselow must be an ideot!
Man. Damned Man. I am not sorry the affair has happened, Vur. Mercenary strumpet! however; for, upon second thoughts, the disco- Man. Ay, a mercenary strumpet, indeed! for
she made me pay her before I had her.
Man. Oh, a very buzzard! Did you ever hear Var. How Why, have you had her? so ridiculous a circumstance? Man. Have I
Var. Never, never. Var. Nay, she deserves you should report it. Man. Well, but, my dear friend, I must be Man. Report it!-By Heaven, 'tis true ! gone immediately, in order to meet Olivia again Var. How ?- sure not !
to-night. Man. I do not use to lie, nor you to doubt me. Var. To-night! It cannot be, sure? Var. When?
Man. 'Tis not two hours since I made my Man. The night before last.
young man write to her for that purpose; and Vur. Confusion !
she appointed half an hour after seven precisely Man. But, what--you wonder at it! nay, you - In short, I am, and I ain not, to meet her. seem to be angry too.
It is a riddle, but shall be explained. Var. I cannot but be enraged against her, for Var. But don't you apprehend the husband ? her usage of you ;—damned, infamous, common Man. He, snivelling gull, a thing to be feared! jade!
- A husband-the tamest of creatures ! Man. Bat you do pot, for so great a friend, Var. Very fine! take pleasure enough in your friend's revenge, Man. But I must go to my appointment ; methinks!
you'll meet me here at supper, and then we'll Var. Yes, yes, I am glad to know it, since it is so. have our laugh out.
[Erit. Man. You cannot tell who that rascal, her cuckold, is?
VARNISI alone. Var. No.
Ay, I will meet with you, but it shall be at Man. She would keep it from you, I suppose. Olivia's-Sure, it cannot be! she behaves so calmVar. Yes, yes.
ly, with that honest, modest assurance, it cannot Man. You would laugh, if you knew but all be true-And yet he does not use to lie-But the circumstances of my gaining her : come, I'll then, the woman in man's clothes, whoin he calls tell you.
a man–Well, but I know her to have been a woman l'ar. Damn her! I don't care to hear any -But then, again, his appointinent from her to more of her.
meet with him to -night: I am distracted more Man. Well, you shall hear it presently, then; with doubt than jealousy. Well, I have no way and, in the mean time, prithee go to her, but not but to go home immediately, put on a riding-suit, from me, and try if you can get her to lend me and pretend, to my wife, the same business, which an hundred pounds of my money; which I am carried me out of town last, requires me to go at present in great want of You may, perhaps, post to Oxford again to-night : then, if the aphave some influence with her; and I suppose pointment he boasts of be true, it is sure to hold; there is no recovering it by law.
and I shall have an opportunity either of clearVar. Not any; think not of it; nor by this ing her, or revenging myself on both. [Erit. way neither.
Alan. What have you in your head, that makes SCENE III.- Another room in the same tavern. you seem so unquiet?
Tables and chairs. Var. Only this base, impudent woman's falsehood.
Enter Major Oldfox, Mrs BLACKACRE, and Man. Oh, my dear friend, be not you loo sen
afterwards COUNSELLOR QUILLET. sible of my wrongs, for then I shall feel them, Old. But how is it possible, madam, that you too, with more pain, and think them insufferable. can prove your son has no right to his father's
Var. But why can't you go to Olivia yourself? estate? methinks she, that granted you the last favour, as Mrs Black. Let me alone for that, sir; I will they call it, should not deny you any thing.–1 get a lawyer shall prove black's white, if occaunderstand not that point of kindness, I confess. sion be. But suppose I prove it by his father's
Man. No, you do not understand it, and I have will; I have a will, sir; or can have one made : not time to let you know all now: but anon, at and how is it he can help hiinself? supper, we'll laugh at leisure together at Olivia's Old. Nay, then, indeedcuckold, who took a young fellow, that goes be- Mrs Black. Yes, yes, I will shew the villain, twixt his wife and me, for a woman.
that he took the wrong sow by the ear, when he Var. Ha!
meddled with me: I will lead him such a dance, Man. Senseless, easy rascal! 'twas no wonder major, as he never was led in his life ; and make she chose bim for a husband. She thought him, him pay the piper into the bargain. Come, counselI thank her, fitter than me for that blind, bear-| lor, we shall be quite snug here.--Major, you are ing office.
sure it was at this house the villain appointed us Var. Take a young fellow for a woman, say to meet him? you? —'Sdeath, 'tis impossible I could be mis- Old. Yes, yes, madam, I am very sure; and taken! [uside) Sure, he must be a dolt indeed! have left orders below accordingly.