things; so that, if this be made plain-I don't | sir Paul-So now, I can read my own letter unsee how my daughter can, in conscience, or ho- der the cover of his. nour, or any thing in the world Sir Paul. Indeed, if this be made plain, as my lady, your mother says, child Lady Ply. Plain! I was informed of it by Mr Careless And I assure you Mr Careless is a person--that has a most extraordinary respect and honour for you, sir Paul. Cyn. [Aside.] And for your ladyship, too, I believe, or else you had not changed sides so soon; now I begin to find it. Sir Paul. I am much obliged to Mr Careless, really; he is a person that I have a great value for, not only for that, but because he has a great veneration for your ladyship. Lady Ply. O la! no, indeed, sir Paul; it is upon your account. Sir Paul. No, I protest and vow, I have no title to his esteem, but in having the honour to appertain, in some measure, to your ladyship; that's all. Lady Ply. O la! now, I swear and declare it shall not be so; you are too modest, sir Paul. Sir Paul. It becomes me, when there is any comparison made between Lady Ply. O fy, fy, sir Paul! you will put me out of countenance- -Your very obedient and affectionate wife, that's all-And highly honoured in that title. Sir Paul. Gads-bud, I am transported! Give me leave to kiss your ladyship's hand. Lady Ply. My lip, indeed, sir Paul, I swear you shall. [Aside. Sir Paul. He! and wilt thou bring me a grandson at nine months end?-He! A brave chopping boy? I will settle a thousand pounds a-year upon the rogue as soon as ever he looks me in the face; I will, gads-bud. I am overjoyed to think I have any of my family that will bring children into the world. For I would fain have some resemblance of myself in my posterity, eh, Thy! heh! Make the young rogue as like me as you can. sir. Cyn. I am glad to see you so merry, Sir Paul. Merry! Gads-bud, I am serious! I will give thee five hundred pounds for every inch of him that resembles me. Ah! this eye, this left eye! this has done execution in its time, girl; why, thou hast my leer, hussy, just thy father's lecr. Let it be transmitted to the young rogue by the help of imagination-Why, 'tis the mark of our family, Thy; our house is distinguished by a languishing eye, as the house of Austria is by a thick lip. Ah! when I was of your age, hussy, I would have held fifty to one I could have drawn my own picture-Gads-bud, but I could have done-not so much as you neither—butnay, don't blush Cyn. I don't blush, sir, for I vow I don't understand. Sir Paul. Pshaw, pshaw, you fib, you baggage; you do understand, and you shall understand : Come, don't be so nice; Gads-bud, don't learn after your mother-in-law, my lady here-Marry, Heaven forbid that you should follow her example; that would spoil all indeed. Bless us, if [He kisses her, and bows very low. you should take a vagary, and make a rash resoSir Paul. I humbly thank your ladyship-Ilution on your wedding-night, to die a maid, as don't know whether I fly on ground, or walk in she did, all were ruined, all my hopes lost My heart would break, and my estate would be left to the wide world, eh! I hope you are a better Christian than to think of living a nun, eh! Answer me. air -Gads-bud, she was never thus before-Well, I must own myself beholden to Mr Careless-As sure as can be, this is all his doingsomething that he has said; well, it is a rare thing to have an ingenious friend. Well, your ladyship is of opinion, that the match may go forward. Lady Ply. By all means—Mr Careless has satisfied me of the matter. Sir Paul. Well, why then, lamb, you may keep your oath; but have a care of making rash vows; come hither to me, and kiss papa. Lady Ply. I swear and declare, I am in such a twitter to read Mr Careless's letter, that I cannot forbear any longer-But though I may read all letters first by prerogative, yet I will be sure to be unsuspected this time. Sir Paul! Sir Paul. Did your ladyship call? Lady Ply. Nay, not to interrupt you, my dear -Only lend me your letter, which you had from your steward to-day: I would look upon the account again, and may be increase the allowance. Sir Paul. There it is, madam. Do you want a pen and ink? [Bows and gives the letter. Lady Ply. No, no; nothing else, I thank you, Cyn. I am all obedience, sir, to your commands. Lady Ply. [Having read the letter.] O dear Mr Careless! I swear he writes charmingly, and he looks charmingly, and he has charmed me as much as I have charmed him; and so I'll tell him in the wardrobe when 'tis dark. O Crimine! I hope sir Paul has not seen both letters-[Puts the wrong letter hastily up, and gives him her own.] Sir Paul, here's your letter, to-morrow morning I'll settle accounts to your advantage. Enter BRISK. Brisk. Sir Paul, Gads-bud you are an uncivil person, let me tell you, and all that; and I did not think it had been in you. Sir Paul. O la! what's the matter now? I hope you are not angry, Mr Brisk? Brisk. Deuce take me, I believe you intend to marry your daughter yourself; you are always brooding over her like an old hen, as if she were | thoughts; and I was in a sort of dream, that did not well hatched, 'egad, he he! Sir Paul. Good strange! Mr Brisk is such a merry facetious person, he, he, he! No, no, I have done with her; I have done with her now. Brisk. The fiddles have stayed this hour in the hall, and my lord Froth wants a partner; we can never begin without her. Sir Paul. Go, go, child; go, get you gone and dance, and be merry; I will come and look at you by and by. Where is my son Mellefont? Lady Ply. I'll send him to them; I know where he is Brisk. Sir Paul, will you send Careless into the hall, if you meet him. Sir Paul. I will, I will; I'll go and look for him on purpose. [Exeunt all but BRISK. Brisk. So, now, they are all gone, and I have an opportunity to practise-Ah! my dear lady Froth! She's a most engaging creature, if she were not so fond of that damned coxcombly lord of hers; and yet I am forced to allow, him wit, too, to keep in with him--No matter, she's a woman of parts, and 'egad parts will carry her. She said, she would follow me into the galleryNow, to make my approaches-Hem, hem! Ah, ma-[Bows]-dam !- -Pox on't, why should I disparage my parts by thinking what to say; none but dull rogues think: witty men, like rich fellows, are always ready for all expences, while your blockheads, like poor needy scoundrels, are forced to examine their stock, and forecast the charges of the day. Here she comes; I'll seem not to see her, and try to win her with a new airy invention of my own-hem! O ye powers! O my lady Froth, my lady Froth! My lady Froth! Heigho! Break heart; gods, I thank you! [Stands musing, with his arms across.] Lady Froth. O heavens, Mr Brisk! What's the matter? in a manner represent a very pleasing object to my imagination; but-but did I, indeed ?—To see how love and murder will out. But did I really name my lady Froth? Lady Froth. Three times aloud, as I love letters- -But did you talk of love? O Parnassus! Who would have thought Mr Brisk could have been in love? ha, ha, ha! O Heavens! I thought you could have no mistress but the nine muses. Brisk. No more I have, 'egad, for I adore them all in your ladyship-Let me perish, I don't know whether to be splenetic or airy upon it; the deuce take me if I can tell whether I am glad or sorry that your ladyship has made the discovery. Lady Froth. O, be merry, by all meansPrince Volscius in love! Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. O, barbarous, to turn me into ridicule! Yet, ha, ha, ha! The deuce take me, I cannot help laughing myself, ha, ha, ha! yet, by Heavens, I have a violent passion for your ladyship, seriously. Lady Froth. Seriously! Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Seriously, ha, ha, ha! Gad, I have, for all I laugh. Lady Froth. Ha, ha, ha! What d'ye think I laugh at? Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Me, 'egad, ha, ha! Lady Froth. No; the deuce take me if I don't laugh at myself; for, hang me if I have not a violent passion for Mr Brisk, ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Seriously? Lady Froth. Seriously, ha, ha, ha! Brisk. That's well enough, let me perish, ha, ha, ha! O miraculous! what a happy discovery! Ah, my dear charming lady Froth! Lady Froth. Oh, my adored Mr Brisk! [Embrace. Enter LORD FROTH. Lord Froth. The company are all readyHow now? Brisk. Zoons, madam, there's my lord. [Softly to her. Brisk. My lady Froth! Your ladyship's most Lady Froth. Take no notice; but observe me humble servant-The matter, madam? No--Now, cast off, and meet me at the lower end thing, madam; nothing at all, egad. I was fallen into the most agreeable amusement in the whole province of contemplation: That is all- -I'll seem to conceal my passion, and that will look like respect. [Aside. Lady Froth. Bless me! why did you call out upon me so loud? of the room, and then join hands again; I could teach my lord this dance purely; but I vow, Mr Brisk, I can't tell how to come so near any other man. Oh, here's my lord, now you shall see me do it with him. [They pretend to practise part of a country dance. Lord Froth. -Oh, I see there's no harm Brisk. O lord! I, madam! I beseech your la-yet-But I don't like this familiarity. [Aside. dyship When? Lady Froth. Just now, as I came in-bless me! why, don't you know it? Brisk. Not I, let me perish!But did I ? Strange! I confess your ladyship was in my VOL. II. Lady Froth. Shall you and I do our close dance, to shew Mr Brisk? Lord Froth. No, my dear, do it with him. Lady Froth. I'll do it with him, my lord, wher you are out of the way. ? A [Aside. Lord Froth. Any other time, my dear, or we'll dance it below. Brisk. That's good, 'egad, that's good; deuce | letter-Well, sir Paul, what do you think of your take me, I can hardly hold laughing in his face. friend Careless? Has he been treacherous, or did you give his insolence a licence to make trial of your wife's suspected virtue? D'ye see here? [Snatches the letter as in anger. Look, read it! Gad's my life, if I thought it were so, I would this moment renounce all communication with you. Ungrateful monster! Ha? Is it so? Ay, I see it, a plot upon my honour; your guilty cheeks confess it: Oh, where shall wronged virtue fly for reparation! I'll be divorced this instant. Lady Froth. With all my heart. Brisk. Come, my lord, I'll wait on you-My charming witty angel ! [To her. Lady Froth. We shall have whispering time enough, you know, since we are partners. [Exeunt. Enter LADY PLYANT and CARELESS. Sir Paul. Gads-bud, what shall I say? This is the strangest surprize! Why, I don't know any Lady Ply. O Mr Careless, Mr Careless! I'm thing at all; nor I don't know whether there be ruined, I'm undone! Care. What's the matter, madam? Lady Ply. O, the unluckiest accident! I'm afraid I shan't live to tell it you. Care. Heaven forbid! What is it? Lady Ply. I'm in such a fright; the strangest quandary and premunire! I'm all over in an universal agitation! I dare swear, every circumstance of me trembles.Oh, your letter, your letter! By an unfortunate mistake, I have given sir Paul your letter instead of his own. Care. That was unlucky. Lady Ply. O, yonder he comes reading of it! for Heaven's sake step in here, and advise me quickly, before he sees. [Exeunt. any thing at all in the world, or no. Lady Ply. I thought I should try you, false man. I, that never dissembled in my life; yet, to make trial of you, pretended to like that monster of iniquity, Careless, and found out that contrivance, to let you see this letter; which, now, I find, was of your own inditing-I do, heathen, I do; see my face no more; I'll be divorced presently. Sir Paul. O strange, what will become of me! I am so amazed, and so overjoyed, so afraid, and so sorry. But, did you give me this letter on purpose, eh? Did you? Lady Ply. Did İ? Do you doubt me, Turk, Sir Paul. Hold, stay, I beseech your ladyship- Sir Paul. Why, now, as I hope to be saved, I had no hand in this letter-Nay, hear me, I beseech your ladyship: The devil take me, now, if he did not go beyond my commission--If I desired him to do any more than speak a good word, only just for me-Gads-bud, only for poor sir Paul-I am an Anabaptist, or a Jew, or what you please to call me. Enter SIR PAUL, with the letter. Sir Paul. O Providence, what a conspiracy have I discovered!-But let me see to make an end on't [Reads.] Hum After supper, in the wardrobe, by the gallery. If sir Paul should surprize us, I have a commission from him to treat with you about the very matter of fact.Matter of fact! Very pretty; it seems, then, I am conducing to my cuckoldom; why, this is a very traiterous position of taking up arms by my authority against my person! Well, let me see Till then, I languish in expectation of my ador'ed charmer. Dying NED CARELESS.' Gads-bud, would that were matter of fact, too! Die and be damned, for a Judas Maccabeus and Iscariot both! O friendship, what art thou but a name! Henceforward, let no man make a friend that would not be a cuckold: for, whomsoever he receives into his bosom, will find the way to his bed, and there return his caresses, with interest, to his wife. Have I approached the marriage-bed with reverence, as to a sacred shrine, and must I now find it polluted by foreign ini-'egad, I have said all I could, but cannot prevail quity? O my lady Plyant, you were chaste as ice; but you are melted now, and false as water.But Providence has been constant to me in discovering this conspiracy; still I am beholden to Providence; if it were not for Providence, sure, poor sir Paul, thy heart would break. Enter LADY PLYANT. Lady Ply. Why, is not here matter of fact? Sir Paul. Ay, but, by your own virtue and continency, the matter of fact is all his own doing. I confess, I had a great desire to have some honours conferred upon me, which lie all in your ladyship's breast, and he being a well-spoken man, I desired him to intercede for me. Lady Ply. Did you so? Presumption! [Exit. Enter CARELESS. Care. Sir Paul, I am glad I have met with you; Then, my friendship to you has carried me a little further in this matter Sir Paul. Indeed- -Well, sir-I'll dissemble with him a little. [Aside. Care. Why, faith, I have, in my time, known honest gentlemen abused by a pretended coyness in their wives, and I had a mind to try my lady's virtue—And, when I could not prevail for you, Lady Ply. So, sir, I see you have read the 'egad, I pretended to be in love myself—but all in vain, she would not hear a word upon that | subject; then, I writ a letter to her; I don't know what effects that will have, but I'll be sure to tell you, when I do; though, by this light, I believe her virtue is impregnable. Sir Paul. O Providence! Providence! What discoveries are here made! Why, this is better, and more miraculous than the rest. Care. What do you mean ? Sir Paul. I cannot tell you, I am so overjoyed; come along with me to my lady; I cannot contain myself; come, my dear friend. Care. So, so, so, this difficulty's over. [Aside. [Exeunt. Enter MELLEFONT and MASKWELL, from different doors. Mel. Maskwell, I have been looking for youIt is within a quarter of eight. Mask. My lady is just gone into my lord's closet; you had best steal into her chamber before she comes, and lie concealed there; otherwise, she may lock the door when we are together, and you not easily get in to surprize us, Mel. Ha? You say truc. Mask. You had best make haste; for, after she has made some apology to the company for her own and my lord's absence all this while, she'll retire to her chamber instantly, Mel. I go this moment: Now, Fortune, I defy thee. [Exit. Mask. I confess, you may be allowed to be secure in your own opinion; the appearance is very fair; but I have an after-game to play, that shall turn the tables; and here comes the man that I must manage. Enter LORD TOUCHWOOD. Lord Touch. Maskwell, you are the man I wished to meet. Mask. I am happy to be in the way of your lordship's commands. Lord Touch. I have always found you prudent and careful in any thing, that has concerned me or my family. Mask. I were a villain else--I am bound by duty and gratitude, and my own inclination, to be ever your lordship's servant. Lord Touch. Enough- -You are my friend; I know it: Yet there has been a thing in your knowledge, which has concerned me nearly, that you have concealed from me. Mask. My lord! Lord Touch. Nay, I excuse your friendship to my unnatural nephew thus far-But, I know, you have been privy to his impious designs upon my wife. This evening, she has told me all: her good-nature concealed it as long as was possible; but, he perseveres so in villainy, that she has told me even you were weary of dissuading him, though you have once actually hindered him from forcing her. Mask. I am sorry, my lord, I cannot make you an answer; this is an occasion, in which I would not willingly be silent. Lord Touch, I know you would excuse himAnd I know as well that you cannot. Mask, Indeed, I was in hopes it had been but a youthful heat, that might have soon boiled over; but Lord Touch. Say on. Mask. I have nothing more to say, my lordbut to express my concern; for I think his frenzy increases daily. Lord Touch. How! give me but proof of it, ocular proof, that I may justify my dealing with him to the world, and share my fortunes. Mask. O, my lord! consider that is hard: besides, time may work upon him: then, for me to do it! I have professed an everlasting friendship to him. Lord Touch. He is your friend, and what am I? Lord Touch. Fear not his displeasure; I will put you out of his and Fortune's power; and for that thou art scrupulously honest, I will secure thy fidelity to him, and give my honour never to own any discovery that you shall make me. Can you give me a demonstrative proof? Speak. Mask. I wish I could not- -To be plain, my lord, I intended this evening to have tried all arguments to dissuade him from a design, which I suspect; and, if I had not succeeded, to have informed your lordship of what I knew. Lord Touch. I thank you. What is the villain's purpose? Mask. He has owned nothing to me of late, and, what I mean now, is only a bare suspicion of my own. If your lordship will meet me a quarter of an hour hence, there, in that lobby, by my lady's bed-chamber, I shall be able to tell you more. Lord Touch. I will. Mask. My duty to your lordship makes me do a severe piece of justice. Lord Touch. I will be secret, and reward your honesty beyond your hopes. [Exeunt. SCENE II. opening, shews LADY TOUCHWOOD'S chamber. MELLEFONT solus. Met. Pray Heaven my aunt keep touch with her assignation.Oh, that her lord were but sweating behind this hanging, with the expectation of what I shall see- -Hist, she comesLittle does she think what a mine is just ready to spring under her feet. But, to my post. [Goes behind the hangings. Enter LADY TOUCHWOOD. Lady Touch. 'Tis eight o'clock: methinks, I should have found him here-Who does not prevent the hour of love, outstays the time; for, to be duly punctual, is too slow.-I was accusing | fall, fall a little, thou swelling heart; let me have you of neglect. some intermission of this rage, and one minute's coolness to dissemble. [She weeps. Mel. You have been to blame-I like those tears, and hope they are of the purest kind-penitential tears. Enter MASKWELL-MELLEFONT absconding. Mask, I confess, you do reproach me, when I see you here before me; but, 'tis fit I should be still behind-hand, still to be more and more indebted to your goodness. Lady Touch. You can excuse a fault too well, not to have been to blame-A ready answer shews you were prepared. Mask. Guilt is ever at a loss, and.confusion waits upon it; when innocence and bold truth are always ready for expression— Lady Touch. Not in love; words are the weak support of cold indifference; love has no language to be heard. Mask. Excess of joy has made me stupid! Thus, may my lips be ever closed. [Kisses her.] And thus--Oh, who would not lose his speech upon condition to have joys above it! Lady Touch. Hold, let me lock the door first, [Goes to the door. Mask. [Aside.] That I believed; 'twas well I left the private passage open. Ludy Touch. So, that's safe. Mask. And so may all your pleasures be, and secret as this kiss ed! Mel. And may all treachery be thus discover[Leaps out. [Shrieks. [Offers to draw. Mask. Nay, then, there's but one way. Lady Touch. Ah! Mel. Villain! [Runs out. Mel. Say you so? were you provided for an escape? Hold, madam, you have no more holes to your burrow; I stand between you and this sally-port. Lady Touch. Thunder strike thee dead for this deceit, immediate lightning blast thee, me, and the whole word!--Oh! I could rack myself, play the vulture to my own heart, and gnaw it, piece-meal, for not boding to me this misfortune. Mel. Be patient Lady Touch. Be damned. Mel. Consider, I have you on the hook; you will but flounder yourself a weary, and be, nevertheless, my prisoner. Lady Touch. I'll hold my breath and die, but I'll be free. Mel. O madam, have a care of dying unprepared; I doubt that you have some unrepented sins that may hang heavy, and retard your flight. Lady Touch. Oh! what shall I do? say? Whither shall I turn? Has hell no remedy? Mel. None. Hell has served you even as Heaven has done, left you to yourself.--You are in a kind of Erasmus paradise; yet, if you please, you may make it a purgatory; and, with a little penance and my absolution, all this may turn to a good account. Lady Touch. [Aside.] Hold in my passion, and Lady Touch. Oh, the scene was shifted quick before me-I had not time to think-I was surprised to see a monster in the glass, and now I find 'tis myself: can you have mercy to forgive the faults I have imagined, but never put in practice? Oh, consider, consider how fatal you have been to me, you have already killed the quiet of this life. The love of you was the first wandering fire that e'er misled my steps, and while I had only that in view, I was betrayed into unthoughtof ways of ruin. Mel. May I believe this true? Lady Touch. Oh, be not cruelly incredulous! How can you doubt these streaming eyes? Keep the severest eye over all my future conduct, and, if I once relapse, let me not hope forgiveness! 'twill ever be in your power to ruin me-iny lord shall sign to your desires; I will myself create your happiness, and Cynthia shall be this night your bride-do but conceal my failings, and forgive. Mel. Upon such terms, I will be ever yours in every honest way. MASKWELL Softly introduces LORD TOUCHWOOD, and retires. Mask. I have kept my word; he is here, but I must not be seen. Lord Touch. Hell and amazement! She is in |