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Madem. Turn me out of doors turn your- Madem. Tant pis pour vous.
self out of doors, and go see what de gentleman Lady Fun. Curiosity's a wicked devil.
have to say to you— Tenez. Voilà (giving her Mudem. C'est une charmante sainte.
her things hastily.] votre esharpe, voilà votre Ludy Fan. It ruined our first parents.
coife, voilà votre masque, voilà tout. Hey, Mer- Madein. Elle a bien diverti leurs enfans,
cure, Coquin: Call one chair for matam, and one Lady Fan. L'honneur est contre.
oder calling within] for me: Va t'en, vite. Madem. Le plaisir est pour.

[Turning to her lady, and helping her on Ludy Fan. Must I then go?
hastily with her things.]

Mudem. Must you go!----Must you eat, must Allons, matam; depechez vous donc. Mon Dieu, you drink, must

, you sleep, must you live? De quelles scrupules !

nature bid
you do one, de nature bid

you do toder. Lady Fan. Well, for once, mademoiselle, I'll Vous me ferez enrager. follow your advice, out of the intemperate desire Lady Fan. But reason corrects nature, madeI have to know who this ill-bred fellow is. But moiselle? I have too much delicatesse to make a practice Madem. Elle est donc bien insolente ; c'est sa on't.

scur ainée. Madem. Belle chose vrayment que la delica- Lady Fan. Do you then prefer your nature to tesse, lors qu'il s'agit de se divertir- -à

ça— your reason, mademoiselle? Vous voilà équipée. Partons---llé bien ?---qu'avez Níudem. Qui da. vous donc?

Lady Fun. Pourquoi ? Lady Fan. J'ai peur.

Mudem. Because my nature make me merry, Mudem. Je n'en point moi.

my reason make me mad. Ludy Fan. I dare not go.

Lady Fan. Ah, la méchante Francoise ! Malem. Demeurex donc.

Madem. Ab, la belle Angloise ! Lady Fan. Je suis poltrone.

(Furcing her lady off.


SCENE I.---St. James's Park.

Lady Fan. Pray, sir, let me ask a question in

my turn: By what right do you pretend to exEnter Lady FANCYFUL and MADEMOISELLE.

amine me? Lady Fan. Well, I vow, mademoiselle, I'm Heart. By the same right that the strong gostrangely impatient to know who this contident vern the weak; because I have you in my power; fellow is.

for you cannot get so quickly to your coach, but

I shall have time enough to make you hear every Enter IIEARTFREE.

thing I have to say to you. Look, there's Heartfree. But sure it can't be Ludy Fan. These are strange liberties you him: he's a professed woman-hater. Yet who take, Mr Heartfree. knows what my wicked eyes may have done ! Heart. They are so, madam, but there's no Madem. Il nous approche, matam.

help for it; for know, that I have a design upon you. Lady Fan. Yes, 'tis he : Now he will be most Ludy Fan. Upon me, sir ! intolerably cavalier, though he should be in love Heart. Yes; and one that will turn to your with me.

glory, and my comfort, if you will but be a little Heart. Madam, I'm your humble servant; wiser than you use to be. I perceive you have more humility and good Lady Fan. Very well, sir. nature than I thought you had.

Heart. Let me see- -Your vanity, madam, I Lady Fan. What you attribute to humility take to be about some eight degrees higher than and good nature, sir, may, perhaps, be only due any woman's in the town, let t'other be who she to curiosity. I had a mind to know who 'twas, had | will; and my indifference is naturally about the ill manners enough to write that letter.

same pitch. Now could you find the way to turn [Throwing him his letter. this indifference into fire and flames, methinks Heart. Well, and now I hope you are satisfied. your vanity ought to be satisfied; and this, perLady Fan. I am so, sir : Good-by t'ye. haps, you might bring about upon pretty reason

Heart. Nay, hold there; though you have able terms. done your business, I han't done mine : By your Lady Fan. And pray, at what rate would this ladyship's leave, we must have one moment's indifference be bought off, if one should have so pratule together. Have you a mind to be the depraved an appetite as to desire it? prettiest woman about town, or not? How she Heart, Why, madam, to drive a quaker's barstares upon me! What! this passes for an im- gain, and make but one word with you, if I do pertinent question with you now, because you part with it-you must lay me down your afihink you are so already.



Lady Fan. My affectation, sir !

doing here this morning? Heart. Why, I ask you nothing but what you Heart. Doing! guess if you can- -Why I may very


have been endeavouring to persuade my lady Lady Fan. You grow rude, sir. Come, ma- Fancyful, that she's the most foolish woman demoiselle, 'tis high time to be gone.

about town. Madem. Allons, allons, allons !

Con. A pretty endeavour truly! Heart. [stopping them.] Nay, you may as Heart. I have told her in as plain English as well stand still; for hear me you shall, walk I could speak, both what the town says of her, which way you please.

and what I think of her. In short, I have used Lady Fan. What mean you, sir?

her as an absolute king would do Magna Charta. Heart. I mean to tell you, that you are the Con. And how does she take it? nost ungrateful woman upon earth.

Heart. As children do pills; bite them, but Lady Fan. Ungrateful! To whom?

can't swallow them. Heart. To nature.

Con. But, prithee, what has put it into your Lady Fan. Why, what has nature done to me! head, of all mankind, to turn reformer?

Heart. What you have undone by art! It Heart. Why, one thing was, the morning made you handsome; it gave you beauty to a hung upon my hands, I did not know what to do miracle, a shape without a fault, wit enough to with myself : and another was, that as little as I make them relish, and so turned you loose to care for women, I could not see with patience your own discretion, which has made such work one, that Heaven had taken such wondrous with you, that you are become the pity of our pains about, be so very industrious to make hersex, and the jest of your own. There is not a self the jack-pudding of the creation. feature in your face, but you have found the way Con. Well, now could I almost wish to see to teach it some affected convulsion ; your feet, my cruel mistress make the self-same use of your hands, your very finger ends are directed what Heaven has done for her, that so I might never to move without some ridiculous air or be cured of the same disease, that makes me so other; and your language is a suitable trumpet, very uneasy; for love, love is the devil, Heartto draw people's eyes upon the raree show. free.

Madem. [aside.) Est ce qu'on fait l'amour en Heart. And why do you let the devil govern Angleterre comme ça ?

Lady Fan. (aside.] Now could I cry for mad- Con. Because I have more flesh and blood ness, but that I know he'd laugh at me for it! than grace and self-denial. My dear, dear

Heart. Now do you hate me for telling you mistress—'sdeath! that so genteel a woman the truth, but that's because you don't believe 'tis should be a saint, when religion's out of fashion. 60°; for, were you once convinced of that, you'd Heart. Nay, she's much in the wrong, truly; reform for your own sake.

but who knows how far time and good example Lady Fan. Every circumstance of nice breed- may prevail ? ing must needs appear ridiculous to one, who has Con. O! they have played their parts in so natural an antipathy to good manners.

vain already : Tis now two years since the Heart. But suppose I could find the means to damned fellow her husband invited me to his convince you, that the whole world is of my wedding; and that was the first time I saw that opinion?

charming woman, whom I have loved ever Lady Fan. Sir, though you, and all the world since; but she is cold, my friend, still cold as you talk of, should be so impertinently officious, the northern star. as to think to persuade me i don't know how to Heart. So are all women by nature, which behave myself'; I should still have charity enough makes them so willing to be warmed. for my own understanding, to believe inyself in Con. O don't profane the sex! prithee think the right, and all you in the wrong.

them all angels for her sake; for she's virtuous Mudem. Le voilà mort.

even to a fault. [E.reunt Lady Fanciful, and MADEMOISELLE.] Ileart. A lover's head is a good accountable

Heart. [gazing after her.] There her single thing truly; he adores his mistress for being virclapper has published the sense of the whole sex. tuous, and yet is very angry with her, because Well, this once I have endeavoured to wash the she won't be lewd. black-moor white, but henceforward I'll sooner Con. Well, the only relief I expect in my undertake to teach sincerity to a courtier, gene- misery is to see thee, some day or other, as rosity to an usurer, honesty to a lawyer, than deeply engaged as myself, which will force discretion to a woman, I see has once set her me to be merry in the midst of all


misforheart upon playing the fool.

Heart. That day will never come, be assured, Enter Constant.

Ned. Not but that I can pass a night with a 'Morrow, Constant.

woman. Nay, I can court a woman too, call her Con. 'Good-morrow, Jack: What are you nymph, angel, goddess, what you please: But




here's the difference between you and I; I per- Heart. And just now he was sure time could suade a woman she's an angel, and she persuades do nothing ! you she's one. Prithee, let me tell you how Con. Yet not one kind glance in two years, is I avoid falling in love; that, which serves me

somewhat strange. for prevention, may chance to serve you for a Heart. Not strange at all; she don't like you,

that's all the business. Con. Well, use the ladies nioderately, then, Con. Prithee, don't distract me. and I'll hear you.

Heart. Nay, you are a good handsome young Heart. That using them moderately undoes fellow, she might use you better: Come, will you us all; but I'll use them justly, and that you go see her? perhaps, she may have changed ought to be satisfied with. I always consider a her mind; there's some hopes as long as she's a woman, not as the taylor, the shoemaker, the tire-woman, the sempstress, and (which is more Con. O, 'tis in vain to visit her : sometimes, to than all that) the poet makes her; but I consi- get a sight of her, I visit that beast her husband, der her as pure nature has contrived her, and that but she certainly finds some pretence to quit the more strictly than I should have done our old room as soon as I enter. grandmother Eve, had I seen her naked in the Heart. It's much she don't tell him you have garden; for I consider her turned inside out. made love to her, too; for that's another goodHer heart well examined, I find there pride, natured thing usual amongst women, in which vanity, covetousness, indiscretion; but, above all they have several ends. Sometimes 'tis to rethings, malice: plots eternally forging to de- commend their virtue, that they may sin with stroy one another's reputations, and as honestly the greater security. Sometimes 'tis to make to charge the levity of mens' tongues with the their husbands fight, in hopes they may be killed, scandal ; hourly debates how to make poor when their affairs require it should be so: but gentlemen in love with them, with no other in- most commonly 'tis to engage two men in a tent but to use them like dogs when they have quarrel, that they may have the credit of being done; a constant desire of doing more mischief, fought for; and if the lover's killed in the business, and an everlasting war waged against truth and they cry, Poor fellow! he had ill luck-and so good-nature.

they go to cards. Con. Very well, sir; an admirable composi- Con. Thy injuries to women are not to be fortion, truly !

given. Look to it, if ever you fall into their Heurt. Then for her outside, I consider it hands-merely as an outside; she has a thin tiffany Heart. They can't use me worse than they do covering over just such stuff as you and I are you, that speak well of them. O ho! here comes made of. As for her motion, her mien, her

the knight. airs, and all those tricks, I know they affect you mightily. If you should see your mistress at a

Enter Sir John BRUTE. coronation, dragging her peacock's train, with all ber state and insolence about her, 'twould strike Your humble servant, sir John. you with all the awful thoughts, that heaven itself Sir John. Servant, sir. could pretend to from you: whereas, I turn the Heart. How does all your family? whole matter into a jest, and suppose her strut- Sir John. Pox on my family! ting in the self-same stately manner, with nothing Con. How does your lady? I han't seen her on but her stays, and her under scanty quilted abroad a good while. petticoat.

Sir John. Do? I don't know how she does, not Con. Hold thy profane tongue; for I'll hear I; she was well enough yesterday; I han't been no more.

at hoine to-night. Heart. What, you'll love on then?

Con. What, were you out of town? ('on. Yes, to eternity.

Sir John. Out of town! No, I was drinking. Heart. Yet you have no hopes at all?

Con. You are a true Englishman; don't know Con. None.

your own happiness. If I were married to such Heart. Nay, the resolution may be discreet a woman, I would not be from her a night for enough; perhaps you have found out some new all the wine in France. philosophy, that love, like virtue, is its own re- Sir John, Not from her !'Oons—what a ward : So you and your mistress will be as well time should a man have of that! content at a distance, as others that have less Heart. Why, there's no division, I hope. learning are in coming together.

Sir John. No; but there's a conjunction, and Con. No; but if she should prove kind at last, that's worse; a pox of the parson-Why the my dear Heartfree!

[Embracing him. plague don't you two marry! | fancy I look like Heart. Nay, prithee don't take me for your the devil to you. mistress; for lovers are very troublesome.

Heart. Why, you don't think you have horns,. Con. Well, who knows what time

do you? VOL. II.


may do?

Sir John. No, I believe my wife's religion will Con. I'll hold you a guinea you don't make keep her honest.

her tell it you. Heart. And what will make her keep her re- Sir John. I'll hold you a guinea I do. ligion?

Con. Which way? Şir John. Persecution; and therefore she shall Sir John. Why, I'll beg her not to tell it me. have it.

Heart. Nay, if any thing does it, that will. Heart. Have a care, knight; women are tend- Con. But do you think, sirer things.

Sir John. 'Oons, sir, I think a woman and a seSir John. And yet, methinks, 'tis a hard mat- cret are the two impertinentest themes in the ter to break their hearts.

universe : therefore, pray let's hear no more of Con. Fy, fy! you have one of the best wives my wife, nor your mistress. Damn them both, in the world, and yet you seem the most uneasy with all my heart, and every thing else, that husband.

daggles a petticoat, except four generous whores, Sir John. Best wives !- the woman's well who are drunk with my lord Rake and I, ten enough; she has no vice, that I know of, but times in a fortnight. she's a wife, and—damn a wife! if I were married

[Erit Sir Joux. to a hogshead of claret, matrimony would make Con. Here's a dainty fellow for you! And me hate it.

the veriest coward, too. But his usage of his Heurt. Why did you marry then? You were wife makes me ready to stab the villain. old enough to know your own mind.

Heart. Lovers are short-sighted : all their Sir John. Why did I marry? I married, be- senses run into that of feeling. This proceeding cause I had a mind to lie with her, and she of his is the only thing on earth can make your would not let me.

fortune. If any thing can prevail with her to acHeart. Why, did you ravish her?

cept of a gallant, 'tis his ill usage of ber. PriSir John. Yes, and so have hedged myself into thee, take heart, I have great hopes for you : forty quarrels with her relations, besides buying and, since I can't bring you quite off her, I'll enmy pardon: but, more than all that, you must deavour to bring you quite on; for a whining loknow I was afraid of my soul in those days; for ver is the dained'st companion upon earth. I kept sneaking, cowardly, company; tellows, Con. My dear friend, flatter me a little more that went to church, said grace to their meat, with these hopes; for, whilst they prevail, I have and had not the least tincture of quality about Heaven within me, and could melt with joy. them.

Heart. Pray, no melting yet; let things go Heart. But I think you are got into a better farther first. This afternoon, perhaps, we shall gang, now

make some advance. In the mean while, let's Sir John. Zoons, sir, my lord Rake and I are go dine at Locket's, and let hope get you a stohand and glove: I believe we may get our bones mach.

(Ereunt. broke together, to-night; have you a mind to share a frolic?

SCENE II.-Lady Fanciful's house. Con. Not I, truly; my talent lies to softer exercises.

Enter Lady Fanciful, and MADEMOISELLE.
Sir John. What, a down-bed and a strumpet ? Lady Fan. Did you ever see any thing so im-


you come and portune, mademoiselle? drink with me this afternoon?

Madem. Inteed, matam, to say de trute, he Con. I can't drink to-day, but we'll come want leetel good-breeding. and sit an hour with you, if will.

Lady Fan. Good-breeding! He wants to be Sir John. Phugh! pox, sit an hour! why can't caned, mademoiselle: an insolent fellow! and

yet, let me expose my weakness, 'tis the only man Con. Because I am to see my mistress. on earth I could resolve to dispense my favours Sir John. Who's that?

on, were he but a fine gentleman. Well! did Con. Why, do you use to tell ?

men but know how deep an iinpression a fine Sir John. Yes.

gentleman makes in a lady's heart, they would Con, So wont I.

reduce all their studies to that of good-brecding Sir John. Why?

alone, Con. Because, 'tis a secret. Sir John. Would my wife knew it! 'twould be

Enter Servant. no secret long.

Serv. Will your ladyship please to dine yet? Con. Why, do you think she can't keep a se- Lady Fan. Yes, let thein serve. [Erit Sercret?

vant.] Sure this Heartfree has bewitched me, Sir John. No more than she can keep Lent. Mademoiselle. You can't imagine how oddly he Heart. Prithee, tell it her to try, Constant. mixt bimself in my thoughts, during my rapture,

Sir John. No, prithee don't, that I mayn't be even now. I vow 'tis a thousand pitics he is not plagued with it.

more polished; don't you think so?

A pox


you drink?

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Madem. Matam, I tink it so great pity, dat if Lady Fan. Why, truly, satire has ever been of I was in your ladyship’s place, I take him home wondrous use to reform ill manners. Besides, in my house, 1 lock him up in my closet, and I'tis in particular talent to ridicule folks. I can never let him go till I teach him every ting dat be severe, strangely severe, when I will, madefine laty expect from fine gentelınan.

inoiselle. Give me the pen and ink-I find inyLady Fan. Why, truly, I believe I should soon self whinsical—I'll write to hiin-or, i'll let it subdue his brutality; for, without doubt, he has alone, and be severe upon himn that way. [Sita strange penchant to grow fond of me, in spite ting down to write, rising up again.] Yet acof his aversion to the sex, else he would ne'er tive severity is better than passive. [Setting have taken so much pains about me. Lord, how down.] 'Tis as good to let it alone, tuo; tor proud would some poor creatures be of such a every lash I give him, perhaps he'll take tör a faconquest ! but I, alas ! I don't know how to re- vour. Yet, 'tis a thousand pities so much satire ceive as a favour, what I take to be so infinitely should be lost. [Sitting.). But, if it should have my due. But what shall I do to new-inould him, a wrong etfect upon hun, 'twould distract me. madeinoiselle? for, till then, he is my utter aver- Rising:) Well, I must write though, after all. sion.

[Sitting:) Or, I'll let it alone, which is the same Madem. Matain, you must laugh at him in all thing. [Rising.) de place dat you meet him, and turn into de re- Madem. La voilà determinée. ticule all he say, and all he do.



for you.


spleen ! 'Oons-[ Aside.]--If a man had got the Sir Joun, LADY BRUTE, and Belinda rising remedy.

head-ache, they would be for applying the same from the table.

Lady Brute. You have done a great deal, BeSir John. Here; take away the things; I ex- linda, since yesterday. pect company. But first bring me a pipe; I'll Bel. Yes, I have worked very hard; smoke.

[To a servant. you like it?' Lady Brute. Lord, Sir John, I wonder you Lady Brute. Oh, 'tis the prettiest fringe in the won't leave that nasty custom.

world! Well, cousin, you have the bappiest fanSir John. Prithee, don't be impertinent. cy: prithee, advise me about alteriug iny crim

Bel. (To Lady Brute.] I wonder who those son petticoat. are, he expects this afternoon?

Sir John. A pox o' your petticoat! here's such Lady Brute. I would give the world to know : a prating, a man can't digest his own thoughts perhaps 'tis Constant; he comes here sometimes; if it does prove him, I am resolved I'll Lady Brute. Don't answer him.-[Aside.]share the visit.

Well, what do you advise me? Bel. We'll send for our work, and sit here. Bel. Why, really, I would not alter it at all. Lady Brute. He'll choak us with his tobacco. Methinks, 'tis very pretty as it is

Bel. Nothing will choak us, when we are do- Lady Brute. Aye, that's true: but, you know, ing what we have a mind to. Lovewell! one grows weary of the prettiest things in the

world, when one has had them long. Enter LOVEWELL.

Sir John. Yes, I have taught her that. Love. Madam.

Bel. Shall we provoke hiin a little? Lady Brute. Here; bring my cousin's work Lady Brute. With all my heart. Belinda, and mine hither.

don't you long to be married ? (Evit Lovewell, and re-enters with their work. Bel. Why, there are some things in it which

Sir John. Why, pos, can't you work somewhere I could like well enough, else?

Lady Brute. What do you think you should Lady Brute. We shall be careful not to dis- dislike? turb you, sir.

Bel. My husband, a hundred to one else. Bel. Your pipe would make you

toộ thought- Lady Brute. ye wicked wretch ! sure you ful, uncle, if you were left alone; our prittle don't speak as you think? prattle will cure your spleen.

Bel. Yes, I do: especially if he smoked toSir John. Will it so, Mrs Pert! Now I believe bacco ?

(He looks earnestly at them. it will so increase it, (Sitting and smoking.) Il Lady Brute. Why, that many times takes off shall take my own house for a paper-mill. worse smells.

Lady Brute. (To Belinda aside.] Don't let's Bel. Then he must smell very ill indeed. mind him; let hiin say what he will.

Lady Brute. So some men will, to keep their Sir John. A woman's tongue a cure for the wives from coming near them.

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