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into the side-box, forswears merchandise, where account: I long to know whether the fop be kilhe must live by cheating, and usurps gentility, led or not. where he may die by raking. He keeps his coach and liveries, brace of geldings, leash of mis
Enter STANDARD. tresses, talks of nothing but wines, intrigues, plays, fashions, and going to the jubilee. Oh lord ! no sooner talk of killing, but the sol
Wild. Ha, ha, ha! how many pounds of pul. dier is conjured up. You're upon hard duty, covil must the fellow use in sweetening himself lonel
, to serve your king, your country, and a from the smell of hops and tobacco ? Faugh-In mistress, too. my conscience, methought, like Olivia's lover, he Stand. The latter, I must confess, is the hardstunk of Thames-street. But now for Angelica, est; for, in war, madam, we can be relieved in that's her name : we'll to the prince's chocolate our duty; but, in love, he who would take our post, house, where you shall write my passport. Allons! is our enemy; emulation in glory is transporting,
[Ereunt. but rivals here intolerable.
Lure. Those, that bear away the prize in the SCENE II.-LADY LUREWELL's lodgings.
field, should boast the same success in the bed
chamber; and, I think, considering the weakEnter LUREWELL, and her maid Parly. ness of our sex, we should make those our com
panions who can be our champions. Lure. Parly, my pocket-book- let me see- Stand. I once, madam, hoped the honour of Madrid, Paris, Venice, London! Aye, London! defending you from all injuries, through a title to They may talk what they will of the hot coun- your lovely person; but now my love must attries, but I find love most fruitful under this tend my fortune. My commission, madam, was climate - In a month's space have I gained—let my passport to the fair; adding a nobleness to me see-imprimis, colonel Standard,
my passion, it stampt a value on my love : 'twas Par. And how will your ladyship manage once the life of honour, but now its winding him?
sheet, and with it must my love be buried. Lure. As all soldiers should be managed; he Par. What ! disbanded, colonel ? shall serve me till I gain my ends; then I'll dis- Stand. Yes, Mrs Parly. band him.
Par. Faugh, the nauseous fellow ! he smells Par. But he loves you, madam.
of poverty already
[Aside. Lure. Therefore, I scorn him; I hate all that Lure. His misfortune troubles me, because don't love me, and slight all that do; would his it may prevent my designs.
[ Aside. whole deluding sex admired me! Thus would I Stand. I'll choose, madam, rather to destroy slight them all. My virgin and unwary inno- my passion by absence abroad, than have it cence was wronged by faithless man; but now, starved at home. glance eyes, plot brain, dissemble face, lie tongue,
Lure. I'm sorry, sir, you have so mean an opiand be a second Eve to tempt, seduce, and nion of my affection, as to imagine it founded plague the treacherous kind! Let me survey my upon your fortune. And, to convince you of captives : The colonel leads the van; next Mr your mistake, here I vow, by all that's sacred, I Vizard; he courts me out of the practice of piety, own the same affection now as before. Let it therefore is a hypocrite; then Clincher; he adores suffice; my fortune is considerable. me with orangerie, and is consequently a fool; Stand. No, madam, no; I'll never be a charge then my old merchant, Alderman Sinuggler; to her I love! The man, that sells himself for he's a compound of both; out of which medley gold, is the worst of prostitutes ! of lovers, if I don't make good diversion—What
Lure. Now, were he any other creature but a dy'e think, Parly?
man, I could love him.
Aside. Par. I think, madam, I'ın like to be
Stand. This only last request I make, that no tuous in your service, if you teach me all those title recommend a fool, no office introduæ a tricks that you use to your lovers.
knave, nor coat a coward, to my place in your Lure. You're a fool, child; observe this, that affections; so, farewell my country, and adieu though a woman 'swear, forswear, lie, dissemble,
[Erit. back-bite, be proud, vain, malicious, any thing, Lure. Now the devil take thee for being 80 if she secures the main chance, she's still virtu
honourable ! here, Parly, call him back; I shall ous; that's a maxim.
lose half my diversion else. Now for a trial of Par. I cannot be persuaded though, madam, skill! but that you really loved sir Harry Wildair in Paris. Lure. Of all the lovers I ever had, he was
Re-enter STANDARD. my greatest plague, for I could never make him Sir, I hope you'll pardon my curiosity, When do uneasy : I left him involved in a duel upon my you take your journey?
Stand. To-morrow morning, early, madam. has so persecuted me with letters, songs, dances,
Lure. So suddenly! which way are you de- serenading, flattery, foppery, and noise, that I was signed to travel!
forced to fly the kingdom-And I warrant you Stund. That I can't yet resolve on.
he made you jealous. Lure. Pray, sir, tell me; pray, sir, 1 entreat Stand. Faith, madam, I was a littlc uneasy. you; why are you so obstinate?
Lure. You shall have a plentiful revenge. 17! Stand. Why are you so curious, madam? send him back all his foolish letters, songs, and Lure. Because
verses, and you yourself shall carry them : 'twill Stand. What?
atford you opportunity of triumphing, and free Lure. Because I, I
me from his further impertinence; for, of all Stand. Because! What, madam ?--Pray tell men, he's my aversion. I'll run and fetch them
[Erit. Lure. Because I design to follow you. (Crying. Stand. Dear madam, a rare project! Now
Stand. Follow nie! By all that's great, I ne'er shall I bait him, like Actæon, with his own dogs was proud before. But such love, from such -Well, Mrs Parly, it is ordered, by act of a creature, might swell the vanity of the parliament, that you receive no more pieces, proudest prince. Follow me! By Heavens thou Mrs Parly. shalt not! What! expose thee to the hazards of a Pur. 'T'is provided by the same act, that you camp-Rather I'll stay, and here bear the con- send no more messages by me, good colonel ; tempt of fools, and worst of fortune.
you must not presume to send any more letters, Lure. You need not, shall not; my estate for unless you can pay the postage. both is sufficicnt.
Stand. Come, come, don't be mercenary; take Stand. Thy estate! No, I'll turn a knave, and example by your lady; be honourable. purchase one myself; I'll cringe to the proud Par. A-lack-a-day, sir, it shews as ridiculous man I undermine, and fawn on him that I would and haughty for us to imitate our betters in their bite to death; I'll tip my tongue with Aattery, honour, as in their finery; leave honour to nobiand smooth my face with smiles; I'll turn pimp, lity, that can support it: we poor folks, colonel, informer, office-broker, nay, coward, to be great; have no pretence to't; and truly, I think, sir, and sacrifice it all to thee, my generous fair! that
your honour should be cashiered with your Lure. And I'll dissemble, lie, swear, jilt, any leading-staff
. thing, but I'll reward thy love, and recompense
Stand. 'Tis one of the greatest curses of pothy noble passion.
verty, to be the jest of chambermaids. Stand. Sir Harry, ha, ha, ha! poor sir Harry,
Enter LUREWELL. ha, ha, ha! Rather kiss her hand, than the Pope's toe, ha, ha, ha!
Lure. Here's the packet, colonel; the whole Lure. What sir Harry, colonel? What sir magazine of love's artillery. Harry?
[Giving him the packet. Stand. Sir Harry Wildair, madam.
Stand. Which, since I have gained, I will Lure. What! is he come over:
turn upon the enemy. Madam, I'll bring you Stand. Ay, and he told me--but I don't be the news of my victory this evening. Poor sir lieve a syllable on't.
Harrry! ha, ha, ha!
Erit. Lure. What did he tell you?
Lure. To the right about as you were ; march, Stand. Only called you his mistress, and, pre-colonel
. Ha, ha, ha! tending to be extravagant in your commendation, would vainly insinuate the praise of his own Vain man, who boasts of studied parts and wiles! judgment and good fortune in a choice. Nature in us your deepest art beguiles,
Lure. How easily is the vanity of fops tickled Stamping deep cunning in our frowns and by our sex!
smiles. Stand. Why, your sex is the vanity of fops. You toil for art, your intellects
you trace; Lure. On my conscience, I believe so. This Woman, without a thought, bears policy in her gentleman, because he danced well, I pitched on face.
Ereunt. for a partner at a ball in Paris, and, ever since, he
SCENE I.-CLINCHER junior's lodgings. pageants, and squibs, and raree-shows, and all
that, sir. Enter CLINCHER, opening a letter ; servant
Clin. jun. And must you go so soon, brother? following
Clin. sen. Yes, sir, for I must stay a month at Clin. (Reads.] Dear brother, I will see Amsterdam, to study poetry. you presently: I have sent this lad to wait op Clin. jun. Then I suppose, brother, you travel you; he can instruct you in the fashions of the through Muscovy, to learn fashions; don't you, town. I am your affectionate brother, CLINCHER.' brother? Very well; and what's your name, sirs
Clin. sen. Brother ! Prithee, Robin, don't call Dick. My name is Dicky, sir.
me brother; sir will do every jot as well. Clin. Dicky!
Clin. jun. Oh, Jupiter Ammon! why so ? Dick. Ay, Dicky, sir.
Clin. sen. Because people will imagine you Clin. Very well; a pretty name! And what have a spite at me—But have you seen your can you do, Mr Dicky?
cousin Angelica yet, and her mother, the lady Dick. Why, sir, I can powder a wig, and pick Darling ? up a whore.
Clin. jun. No; my dancing-master has not Clin. Oh, lord ! Oh, lord! a whore! Why, are been with me yet. How shall I salute them, there many whores in this town?
brother? Dick. Ha, ha, ha! many whores! there's a Clin. sen. Pshaw! that's easy; 'tis only two question, indeed! Why, sir, there are above five scrapes, a kiss, and your humble servant. I'II hundred surgeons in town--Hark'e, sir : do tell you more when I come from the Jubilee. you see that woman there, in the velvet scarf, Come along.
[Exeunt, and red knots ? Clin. Ay, sir; what then?
SCENE II.-LADY DARLING's house. Dick. Why, she shall be at your service in three minutes, as I'm a pimp.
Enter WildAIR with a letter. Clin. Oh, Jupiter Ammon! Why, she's a gen- Wild. Like light and heat, incorporate we lay; tlewoman.
We blessed the night, and cursed the coming Dick. A gentlewoman! Why, so are all the day. whores in town, sir.
Well, if this paper-kite flies sure, I'm secure of
my game- -Humph the prettiest bourdel I Enter CLINCHER senior.
have seen; a very stately genteel oneClin. sen. Brother, you're welcome to London.
Footmen cross the stage. Clin. jun. I thought, brother, you owed so Hey-day! equipage, too! Now for a bawd by the much to the memory of my father, as to wear curtesy, and a whore with a coat of armsmourning for his death.
'Sdeath, I'm afraid I've mistaken the house ! Clin. sen. Why, so I do, fool; I wear this, because I have the estate, and you wear that, be
Enter LADY Darling. cause you have not the estatc. You have cause No, this must be the bawd, by her bulk. to mourn indeed, brother. Well, brother, I'm Lady Dar. Your business, pray, sir? glad to see you; fare
[Going Wild. Pleasure, madam. Clin. jun. Stay, stay, brother-Where are you Lady Dar. Then, sır, you have no business going?
here. Clin. sen. How natural 'tis for a country bouby Wild. This letter, madam, will inform you to ask impertinent questions ! -Hark'e, sir; is farther, Mr Vizard sent it, with his humble sernot my father dead?
vice to your ladyship. Clin. jun. Ay, ay, to my sorrow.
Lady Dar. How does my cousin, sir? Clin. sen. No matter for that, he's dead; and Wild. Aye, her cousin, too! that's right proam not I a young, powdered, extravagant Eng- curess again. lish heir ?
[Aside. Clin. jun. Very right, sir.
Lady Dar. [Reads. ]— Madam-earnest inClin. sen. Why, then, sir, you may be sure that .clination to serve-sir Harry-madain-court I am going to the Jubilee, sir.
• my cousin-gentleman—fortune Clin. jun. Jubilee! What's that?
Your ladyship's most humble servant, VIZARD.' Clin. sen. Jubilee! Why, the Jubilee is- Sir, your fortune and quality are sufficient to Faith, I don't know what it is.
recommend you any where; but what goes farDick. Why, the Jubilee is the same thing as ther with me, is the recommendation of so sober pur lord Mayor's day in the city; there will be and pious a young gentleman as my cousin Vizard, VOL. II.
Wild. A right sanctified bawd, o' my
Enter Clincher Jun, and Dicky.
[Aside. Lady Dar. Sir Harry, your conversation with What the devil's here? another cousin, I warrant Mr Vizard argues you a gentleman, free from ye! Harkee, sir, can you lend me ten or a dozen the loose and vicious carriage of the town. I guineas instantly? I'll pay you fifteen for them shall, therefore, call my daughter,
in three hours, upon my honour. [Erit Lady Darling. Clin. jun. These London sparks are plaguy imWild. Now, go thy way, for an illustrious bawd pudent! This fellow, by his wig and assurance, of Babylon-she dresses up a sin so religiously, can be no less than a courtier. that the devil would hardly know it of his ma- Dick. He's rather a courtier by his borrowking.
Clin. jun. Faith, sir, I han't above five guineaş
about me. Re-enter LADY DARLING with ANGELICA,
Wild. What business have you here, then, Lady Dar. Pray, daughter, use him civilly; sir ? For, to my knowledge, twenty won't be sufsuch matches don't offer every day.
ficient. [Erit Lady Darling. Clin. jun. Sufficient! for what, sir? Wild. Oh, all ye powers of love! an angel ! Wild. What, sir! why, for that, sir; what the 'Sdeath, what money have I got in my pocket? I devil should it be, sir? I know your business, cannot offer her less than twenty guineas—and, notwithstanding all your gravity, sir. by Jupiter, she's worth a hundred.
Clin. jun. My business! why, my cousin lives, Ang. 'Tis he! the very same! and his person here. as agreeable as his character of good humour- Wild. I know your cousin does live here, and Pray fleaven bis silence proceed from respect ! Vizard's cousin, and every body's cousin~barkee,
Wild. How innocent she looks! How would sir, I shall return immediately; and if you offer that modesty adorn virtue, when it makes even to touch her, till I come back, I shall cut your vice look so charming! by Heaven, there's such a throat, rascal. commanding innocence in her looks, that I dare
[Erit WildAIR. not ask the question !
Clin. jun. Why, the man's mad, sure! Ang. Now, all the charms of real love, and Dick. Mad, sir ! aye—why, he's a beau. feigned indifference, assist me to engage his Clin. jun. A beau ! what's that? are all madheart; for mine is lost already!
men beaux ? Wild. Madam--1, 1--Zoons, I cannot speak Dick. No, sir; but most beaux are madmen. to her! but she's a whore, and I will madam, But now for your cousin. Remember, your three in short, I, Imob, hypocrisy, bypocrisy, what a scrapes, a kiss, and your humble servant. charming sin art thou !
[E.reunt, as into the house. Ang. He is caught; now to secure my conquest- I thought, sir, you had business to com
Enter WilpaIR, STANDARD following. municate.
Wild. Business to communicate! how nicely Stand. Sir Harry, sir Harry! she words it! Yes, madam, I have a little busi- Wild. I am in haste, colonel; besides, if you're ness to communicate. Don't you love singing- in nu better humour than when I parted with you birds, madam?
in the park this morning, your company won't be Ang. That's an odd question for a lover- very agreeable. yes, sir,
Štand. You're a happy man, sir Harry, who Wild. Why, then, madam, here is a nest of are never out of humour. Can nothing move the prettiest goldfinches that ever chirped in a your gall, sir Harry? cage; twenty young ones, I assure you, madam. Wild. Notbing but impossibilities, which are
Ang. Twenty young ones! what then, sir? the same as nothing.
Wild. Why, then, inadam, there are-twen- Stand: What impossibilities? ty young ones -'Slife, I think twenty is pretty
Wild. The resurrection of my father to disinfair.
herit me, or an act of parliament against wenchAng. He's mad, sure! sir Harry, when you | ing. A man of eight thousand pounds per anhave learned more wit and manners, you shall be numn to be vexed! No, no; anger and spleen are welcome here again.
companions for younger brothers.
(E.rit ANGELICA. Stund. Suppose one called you a son of a Wild. Wit and manners ! 'Egad, now, I con- whore behind your back. ceive there is a great deal of wit and manners in Wild. Why, then would I call him rascal hetwenty guineas I'm sure 'tis all the wit and hind his back; so we're even. manners I have about me at present. What shall Stand. But suppose you had lost a mistress. I do?
Wild. Why, then I would get another.
Stand. But suppose you were discarded by the Stand. Then they must be grounded in your woman you love that would surely trouble you. nature : for she's a rib of you, sir Harry.
Wild. You're mistaken, colonel; my love is Wild. Here's a copy of verses, too! I must neither romantically honourable, nor meanly mer. turn poet, in the devil's name-stay-'sdeath, cenary; 'tis only a pitch of gratitude; while she what's here? This is her hand-oh, the charming loves me, I love her; when she desists, the obli- characters !--[Reading.] My dear Wildair,'gation's void.
that's I, 'egad this huff-bluff colonel'that's Stand. But to be mistaken in your opinion, sir; he is the rarest fool in nature,'--the devil he if the lady Lurcwell (only suppose it) had dis-is !– and as such have I used him.'-With all carded you-I say, only suppose it—and had my heart, faith— I had no better way of letting sent your discharge by me.
you know, that I lodge in St James's, near the Wild. Pshaw! that's another impossibility. Holy Lamb. Lurewell.'—Colonel, I am your Stand. Are you sure of that?
most humble servant. Wild. Why, 'twere a solecism in nature. Why Stand. Hold, sir, you sha'nt go yet; I ha’nt she's a rib of me, sir. She dances with me, sings delivered half my message. with me, plays with me, swears with me, lies Wild. Upon my faith but you have, colonel.
Stand. Well, well, own your spleen; out with Stand. How, sir?
it; I know you're like to burst. Wild. I mean in an honourable way; that is, Wild. I am so, 'egad; ba, ha, ha! she lies for me. In short, we are as like one
(Laugh and point at one another. another as a couple of guineas.
Stand. Aye, with all my heart, ha, ha, ha! Stand. Now that I have raised you to the high- well, well, that's forced, sir Harry. est pinnacle of vanity, will I give you so mortify- Wild. I was never better pleased in all my ing a fall, as shall dash your hopes to pieces. "Ilife, by Jupiter ! pray your honour to peruse these
Stand. Well, sir Harry, 'tis prudence to hide [Gives him the packet. your concern, when there's no help for it. But, Wild. What is't, the muster-roll of your regi- to be serious, now; the lady has sent you back ment, colonel ?
all your papers there. I was so just as not to Stand. No, no; 'tis a list of your forces in look upon them. your last love compaign; and, for your comfort, Wild. I'm glad on't, sir ; for there were some all disbanded.
things that I would not have you see. Wild. Prithee, good metaphorical colonel, Stand. All this she has done for my sake, and what d'ye mean?
I desire you would decline 'any further pretenStand. Read, sir, read; these are the Sibyl's sions for your own sake. So, honest, good-naleaves that will unfold your destiny.
tured sir Harry, I'm your humble servant. Wild. So it be not a false deed to cheat me of
[Erit STANDARD. my estate, what care —[Opening the packet.}- Wild. Ha, ha, ha! poor colonel? oh, the deHumph! my hand! To the lady Lurewell—To the light of an ingenious mistress! what a life and lady Larewell—To the lady Lurewell-what the briskness it adds to an amour, like the loves of devil hast thou been tampering with, to conjure mighty Jove, still suing in different shapes. A up these spirits?
legerdemain mistress, who, presto! pass! and Stand. A certain familiar of your acquaint- she's vanished; then hey! in an instant in your ance, sir. Read, read.
[Going. Wild. (Reading:}— Madam, my passion--so natural
Enter VIZARD. -force of -your beauty contending"charms_mankind-eternal admirer, Wildair.'- Viz. Well met, sir Harry—what news from I ne'er was ashamed of my name before.
the island of love? Stand. What, şir Harry Wildair out of hu- Wild. Faith, we made but a broken voyage by mour ! ha, ha, ha! poor sir Harry! more glory your chart; but now I'm bound for another port: in her smile, than in the jubilee at Rome; ha, i told you the colonel was my rival. ba, ha! but then her foot, sir Harry; she dances Viz. The colonel cursed misfortune! anoto a miracle ! ha, ha, ha! fie, sir Harry, a man ther.
[ Aside. of your parts write letters not worth keeping ! Wild. But the civilest in the world; he brought what say'st thou, my dear knight-errant? ha, ha, me word where my mistress lodges. The story's ha! you may seek adventures now, indeed. too long to tell you now, for I must fly.
Wild. [Sings.]—No, no, let her wander, &c. Viz. What, have you given over all thoughts of
Stand. You are jilted to some tune, sir; blown Angelica? up with false music, that's all.
Wild. No, no; I'll think of her some other Wild. Now, why should I be angry that a wo-time But now for the lady Lurewell. Wit and man is a woman? Since inconstancy and false- beauty call. hood are grounded in their natures, how can they That mistress ne'er can pall her lover's jovs, help it?
Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys,