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Lady Dar. How, sir, come to affront us ! Ang. Consider what a tender Aower is woD'ye know who we are, sir?
man's reputation, which the least air of foul deWild. Know who you are! Why, your daugh- traction blasts. ter there, is Mr Vizard's cousin, I suppose. Wild. Yes, madam. [Bows to the other. And for you, madam Now, to call her pro- Lady Dar. Call, then, to mind your rude and curess à-la-mode de France.-(Aside. J'estime scandalous behaviour. votre orcupation
Wild. Right, madam.
[Bows again. Lady Dar. Pray, sir, speak English.
Ang. Reinember the base price you offered Wild. Then, to define her office á-la-mode de
Erit. Londres. Aside. I suppose your ladyship to be Wild. Very true, madam. Was ever man so one of those civil, obliging, discreet old gentle- catechized ? women, who keep their visiting days for the en- Lady Dar. Then, think, that Vizard- the villain tertainment of their presenting friends, whom Vizard-caused all this, yet lives: that's all : they treat with imperial tea, a private room, and farewell. a pack of cards. Now I suppose you do under- Wild. Stay, madam, [To Darling.] one stand me?
word; is there no other way to redress your Lady Dar. This is beyond sufferance ! But wrongs, but by fighting ? say, thou abusive man, what injury have you ever Lady Dar. Only one, sir; which, if you can received from me, or mine, thus to engage you think of, you may do; you know the business I in this scandalous aspersion ?
entertained you for. · Ang. Yes, sir, what cause, what motives could Wild. I understand you, madam. [Erit Darinduce you thus to debase yourself below your LING.) Here am I brought to a very pretty dirank?
lemma. I must commit murder, or commit maWild. Hey-day! Now, dear Roxana, and you, trimony; which is the best now? a licence from my fair Statira, be not so very heroic in your Doctors Commons, or a sentence from the Old style: Vizard's letter may resolve you, and answer Bailey? ---If I kill my man, the law hangs me; all the impertinent questions you have made me. if I marry my woman, I shall hang myself
Lady Dar. $ Ang. We appeal to that. But, damn it cowards dare fight :- I'll marry;
Wild. And I'll stand to it; he read it to me, that's the most daring action of the two"and the contents were pretty plain, I thought. my dear cousin Angelica, have at you. [Exit.
Ang. Here, sir, peruse it, and see how much we are injured, and you deceived.
SCENE II.-Newgate. Wild. Opening the letter.] But, hold, madam, (To DARLING.] before I read I'll make
CLINCHER senior, solus. some conditions : Mr Vizard says here, that I Clin. sen. How severe and melancholy are won't scruple thirty or forty pieces. Now, ma- Newgate reflections ! Last week my father died; dam, if you have clapt in another cypher to the yesterday I turned beau; to-day i am laid by account, and made it three or four hundred, the heels; and to-morrow shall be hung by the 'egad lll not stand to it.
neck-- I was agreeing with a bookseller about Ang. Now, I cannot tell whether disdain or printing an account of my journey through France anger be the most just resentment for this in- and Italy : but now the history of my travels jury.
must be through Holborn to Tyburn- The Lady Darl. The letter, sir, shall answer you. last dying speech of beau Clincher, that was
Wild. Well, then—[Reads.}- Out of my ear- going to the Jubilee_Come, a halfpenny anest inclination to serve your ladyship, and my piece'- A sad sound, a sad sound, faith! 'Tis cousin Angelica'--Aye, aye, the very words, I one way to have a man's death make a great can say it by heart— I have sent sir Harry noise in the world. Wildair to -What the devil's this? Sent sir
Enter SMUGGLER and Gaoler. Harry Wildair to court my cousin'-lle read to me quite a different thing— He's a gentleman of Smug. Well, friend, I have told you who I am: great parts and fortune'--He's a son of a whore so, send these letters into Thames Street, as diand a rascal — And would make your daughter rected: they are to gentlemen that will bail me. very happy [Whistles.) in a husband.:-[ Looks [E.rit Gaoler.) Eh! this Newgate is a very pofoolish and hums a song] Oh! poor sir Harry, pulous place ! here's robbery and repentance in what have thy angry stars designed !
-Well, friend, what are you? Ang. Now, sir, I hope you need no instigation a cut-throat or a bum-bailiff! to redress our wrongs, since even the injury Clin. sen. What are you, mistress, a bawd or points the way.
a witch ? Hark'e, if you are a witch, d'ye see, I'll Lady Dar. Think, sir, that our blood for many give you a hundred pounds to mount me on a generations has run in the purest channel of un-broom-staff
, and whip me away to the Jubilee. sullied honour.
Smug. The Jubilee! 0, you young rake-hell, Wild. Ay, madam.
[Bows to her. what brought you here?
Clin. sen. Ah, you old rogue, what brought | SCENE III.-Changes to LADY DARLING's you here, if you go to that ?
house. Smug. I knew, sir, what your powdering, your prinking, your dancing, and your frisking, would Enter Wildair, with letters ; Servants follow
ing. Clin. sen. And I knew what your cozening, your extortion, and your smuggling would come to. Wild. Here, fly all around, and bear these as
Smug. Ay, sir, you must break your inden- directed ; you to Westminster, you to St. James's, tures, and run to the devil in a full-bottom wig, and you into the city. Tell all my friends, a brideinust you?
groom's joy invites their presence. Look all of Clin. sen. Ay, sir, and you must put off your ye like bridegrooms also : all appear with hosgravity, and run to the devil in petticoats- pitable looks, and bear a welcome in your faces. You design to swing in masquerade, master, d’ye? | Tell them I am married. If any ask to whom,
Smug. Ay, you must go to the plays, too, sir- make no reply ; but tell them, that I'm married; rah: Lord, lord ! what business has a 'prentice that joy shall crown the day, and love the night. at a play-house, unless it be to hear his master Begone, fly! made a cuckold, and his mistress a whore? It is
Enter STANDAP.D. ten to one now, but some malicious poet has my character upon the stage within this month : 'tis A thousand welcomes, friend; my pleasure's now a hard matier, now, that an honest sober man complete, since I can share it with my friend : cannot sin in private for this plaguy stage. I gave brisk joy shall bound from me to you : then back an honest gentleman five guineas myself towards again; and, like the sun, grow warmer by rewriting a book against it; and it has done no flection, good, we see.
Stand. You're always pleasant, sir Harry; Clin. sen. Well, well, master, take courage! but this transcends yourself: whence proceeds Our comfort is, we have lived together, and shall | it? die together; only with this difference, that I Wild. Canst thou not guess, my friend ? have lived like a fool, and shall die like a knave, Whence flows all earthly joy? What is the life and you have lived like a knave, and shall die of man, and soul of pleasure? Woman.like a fool.
What fires the heart with transport, and the Smug. No, sirrah! I have sent a messo soul with raptures? - Lovely woman.- -What for my clothes, and shall get out immediately, is the master-stroke and smile of the creation, and shall be upon your jury by and by-Go to but charming, virtuous woman?-When nature, prayers, you rogue, to prayers.
(Exit. | in the general composition, first brought woman Clin. sen. Prayers ! 'it is a hard taking when a forth, like a Aushed poet, ravished with his fancy, man must say grace to the gallows-Ah, this with ecstasy it blest the fair production ! cursed intriguing! Had I swung handsomely in a Methinks, my friend, you relish not my joy. What silken garter now, I had died in my duty; but is the cause to hang in hemp, like the vulgar, it is very un- Stand. Canst thou not guess ?- What is the genteel.
bane of man, and scourge of life, but woman?
What is the heathenish idol man sets up, and is
damned for worshipping? Treacherous woman.A reprieve! a reprieve! thou dear, dear- What are those, whose eyes, like basilisks, shine damned rogue. Where have you been? Thou beautiful for sure destruction, whose smiles are art the most welcome-- -son of a whore
dangerous as the grin of fiends, but false, deluwhere's my clothes?
ding woman ?--Woman, whose composition inErr. Sir, I see where mine are. Come, sir, verts huinanity; their bodies heavenly, but their strip, sir, strip!
souls are clay. Clin. sen. What, sir, will you abuse a gentle- Wild. Come, come, colonel, this is too much : man?
I know your wrongs received from Lurewell may Err. A gentleman! Ila, ha, ha!-d'ye know excuse your resentment against her. But it is where you are, sir? We're all gentlemen here. I unpardonable to charge the failings of a single stand up for liberty and property: Newgate's a woman upon the whole sex. I have found one, commonwealth. No courtier has business among whose virtues us. Come, sir.
Stund. So have I, sir Harry; I have found Clin. sen. Well, but stay; stay till I send for oue whose pride's above yielding to a prince. my own clothes : I shall get out presently. And if lying, dissembling, perjury and falsehood,
Err. No, no, sir, I'll ha' you into the dun- be no breaches in a woman's honour, she is as geon, and uncase you.
innocent as infancy. Clin. sen. Sir, you cannot master me, for I Mild. Well, colonel, I find your opinion grows am twenty thousand strong.
stronger by opposition; I shall now, therefore, (Ereunt, struggling. wave the argument, and only beg you, for this
day, to make a shew of complaisance at least.- | brother, or devil, I will go to the Jubilee, by Here comes my charming bride.
Stand. Go to the jubilee! go to the bear-garEnter LADY DARLING and ANGELICA.
den.—The travel of such fools as you doubly Stand. [Saluting Angelica.] I wish yoa, injures our country : you expose our native madam, all the joys of love and fortune. follies, which ridicule us among strangers, and Enter CLINCHER junior.
return fraught only with their vices, which you
vend here for fashionable gallantry : a travelling Clin. Gentlemen and ladies, I'm just upon fool is as dangerous as a home-bred villain. Get the spur, and have only a minute to take you to your native plough and cart,
verse with animals like yourselves, sheep and Wild. Whither are you bound, sir?
oxen : men are creatures you don't understand. Clin. Bound, sir! I ain going to the Jubilee, Wild. Let them alone, colonel, their folly will sir.
be now diverting. . Come, gentlemen, we'll disLady Dar. Bless me, cousin ! how came you pute this point some other time; I hear some by these clothes ?
tiddles tuning; let's hear how they can entertain Clin. Clothes ! ha, ha, ha! the rarest jest ! us. (A servant enters, and whispers WildAIR. ha, ha, ha! I shall burst, by Jupiter Ammon, I Wild. Madam, shall I beg you to entertain shall burst.
the company in the next room for a moment? Lady Dar. What's the matter, cousin ?
[To Lady Darling. Clin. The matter! ha, ha, ha! Why an ho- Lady Dar. With all my heart—Come, gentlenest porter, ha, ha, ha! has knocked out my
(Exeunt all but WildAIR. brother's brains, ha, ha, ha!
Wild. A lady to inquire for me! Who can Wild. A very good jest, i'faith, ha, ha, ha! this be?
Clin. Ay, sir, but the jest of all is, he knocked out his brains with a hainmer, and so he is as
Enter LUREWELL. dead as a door-nail, ha, ha, ha!
Oh, madam, this favour is beyond my expectaLady Dar. And do you laugh, wretch? tion- to come, uninvited, to dance at my
Clin. Laugh! ha, ha, ha! let me see e'er a wedding.- -What d'ye gaze at, madam? younger brother in England that won't laugh at Lure. A monster-If thou'rt married, thou'rt such a jest.
the most perjured wretch that e'er avouched Ang. You appeared a very sober, pious gentle- deceit. man some hours ago.
Wild. Ileyday! Why, madam, I'm sure I never Clin. Pshaw! I was a fool then : but now, swore to marry you: I made, indeed, a slight madam, I'm a wit; I can rake now. As for promise, upon condition of your granting me a your part, madam, you might have had me Small favour; but you would not consent, you once; but now, madam, if you should fall to know. eating chalk, or gnawing the sheets, it is none Lure. How he upbraids me with my shame! Can of my fault. Now, madam-I have got an estate, you deny your binding vows, when this appears and I must go to the Jubilee.
a witness against your falsehood? [Shews a ring.)
Methinks the motto of this sacred pledge should Enter CLINCHER senior in a blanket.
flash confusion in your guilty face-Read, read Clin. sen. Must you so, rogue, must ye? You here, the binding words of Love and Honour ! will go to the Jubilee, will you?
words not unknown to your perfidious tongue, Clin. jun. A ghost! a ghost! Send for the though utter strangers to your treacherous heart. dean and chapter presently.
Wild. The woman's stark staring inad, that's Clin. sen. A ghost! No, no, sirrah, I'm an certain. elder brother, rogue.
Lure. Was it maliciously designed to let me Clin. jur. I don't care a farthing for that ; I'm find my misery when past redress; to let me sure you're dead in law.
know you, only to know you false? Had not Clin. sen. Why so, sirrah, why so ?
cursed chance shewed me the surprising motto, Clin. jun. Because, sir, I can get a fellow to I had been happy-The first knowledge I swear he knocked out your brains.
had of you was fatal to me, and this second Wild. An odd way of swearing a man out of worse. his life!
Wild. What the devil is all this! Madam, I'm Clin. jun. Smell him, gentlemen ; he has a not at leisure for raillery at present, I have deadly scent about him.
weighty affairs upon my hands ; the business Clin. sen. Truly the apprehensions of death may of pleasure, madam : any other timehave made me savour a little. O, lord ! the colo
[Going. nel! The apprehension of him may make the sa- Lure. Stay, I conjure you, stay. your worse, I'm afraid.
Wild. 'Faith, I can't, my bride expects me; Clin. jun. In short, sir, were you a ghost, or but hark'e, when the honey-moon is over, about
a month or two hence, I may do you a small fave Lure. Answer me first : did not you receive
(Erit. this ring about twelve years ago ? Lure. Grant me some wild expressions, Hea- Stand. I did. vens, or I shall burst ! Woman's weakness, man's Lure. And were not you about that time enfalsehood, my own shame, and love's disdain, at tertained two nights at the house of sir Oliver once swell up my breast-Words, words, or I Manly, in Oxfordshire? shall burst!
[Going Stand. I was, I was. (Runs to her, and em
braces her.] The blest remembrance fires my soul Enter STANDARD. with transportI know the rest
the charming she, and I the happy man. Stand. Stay, madam, you need not shun my Lure. How has blind fortune stumbled on the sight; for, if you are perfect woman, you have right! But, where have you wandered since ? confidence to outface a crime, and bear the 'Twas cruel to forsake me. charge of guilt without a blush.
Stand. The particulars of my fortune are too Lure. The charge of guilt! What, making a tedious now: but, to discharge myself from the fool of you? I've done it, and glory in the act : stain of dishonour, I must tell you, that immethe height of female justice were to make you diately upon my return to the university, my elder all hang or drown : dissembling to the prejudice brother and I quarrelled: my father, to prevent of men is virtue; and every look, or sign, or farther mischief, posts me away to travel : I smile, or tear, that can deceive, is meritorious.. wrote to you from London, but fear the letter
Stand. Very pretty principles, truly! If there came not to your hands. be truth in woman, 'tis now in thee. Come, Lure. I never had the least account of you by madam, you know that you're discovered, and, letter or otherwise. being sensible that you cannot escape, you Stand. Three years I lived abroad, and at my would now turn to bay. That ring, madam, pro- return found you were gone out of the kingdom, claims you guilty.
though none could tell me whither : missing you Lurë. O, monster, villain! perfidious villain ! thus, I went to Flanders, served my king till the Has he told you?
peace commenced; then, fortunately going on Stand. I'll tell it you, and loudly, too. board at Amsterdam, one ship transported us
Lure. O, name it not !-Yet, speak it out ; 'tis both to England. At the first sight I loved, though so just a punishment for putting faith in man, ignorant of the hidden cause —
-You may rethat I will bear it all; and let credulous inaids, member, madam, that, talking once of marriage, that trust their honour to the tongues of men, I told you I was engaged; to your dear self I thus hear the shame proclaimed. Speak now, what his busy scandal, and your improving ma- Lure. Then, men are still most generous and lice, both dare utter.
brave-and, to reward your truth, au estate of Stand. Your falsehood can't be reached by ma- three thousand pounds a-year waits your acceptlice nor by satire; your actions are the justest ance; and, if I can satisfy you in my past conlibel on your fame; your words, your looks, your duct, and the reasons that engaged me to deceive tears, I did believe in spite of common fame. all men, I shall expect the hovourable performNay, 'gainst mine own eyes, I still maintained ance of your promise, and that you will stay with your truth. I imagined Wildair's boasting of me in England. your favours to be the pure result of his own va- Stand. Stay! Nor fame nor glory e'er shall nity : at last he urged your taking presents of part us more. My honour can be nowhere more him; as a convincing proof of which, you yester concerned than here. day, from him, received that ring, which ring, that I might be sure he gave it, 1 lent him for that Enter WildAIR, ANGELICA, and both Clixpurpose.
Lure. Ha! you lent it him for that purpose ! Oh! sir Harry, fortune has acted miracles to
Stand. Yes, yes, madam, I lent it him for that day : the story's strange and tedious, but all purpose No denying it-I know it well, for amounts to this that woman's mind is charmI have worn it long, and desire you now, madam, ing as her person, and I am made a convert, to restore it to the just owner.
too, to beauty. Lure. The just owner! Think, sir, think but Wild. I wanted only this to make my pleasure of what importance 'tis to own it: if you have perfect. And now, madam, we may dance and love and honour in your soul, 'tis then most just- sing, and love and kiss in good earnest. ly yours ; if not, you are a robber, and have stolen it basely.
A dance here. After the dance, enter SMUGStund. Ha !your words, like meeting flints, have struck a light to shew me something strange Smug. So, gentlemen and ladies, I'm glad to But tell me instantly, is not your real name
find you so merry; is my gracious nephew amous Manly?
Wild. Sir, he dares not shew his face among / merchandising; among the rest, the counterpart such honourable company; for your gracious ne- of an agreement with a correspondent at Bourphew is
deaux, about transporting French wine in SpaSmug. What, sir! Have a care what you say. nish casks. First, return this lady all her writWild. A villain, sir.
ings; then I shall consider whether I shall lay Smug. With all my heart. I'll pardon you the your proceedings before the parliament or not, beating me for that very word. And pray, sir whose justice will never suffer your smuggling to Harry, when you see him next, tell him this go unpunished. news from me, that I have disinherited him- Smug. Oh, my poor ship and cargo ! that I will leave him as poor as a disbanded quar- Clin. sen. Hark'e, master, you had as good ter-inaster. And this is the positive and stiff re- come along with me to the Jubilee now. solution of threescore and ten; an age that sticks Ang. Come, Mr Alderman, for once let a as obstinately to its purpose, as to the old fashion woman advise : Would you be thought an honest of its cloak.
man, banish covetousness, that worst gout of age: Wild. You see, madam, [TO ANGEL.] how avarice is a poor, pilfering quality of the soul, industriously fortune has punished his offence to and will as certainly cheat, as a thief would steal. you.
Would you be thought a reformer of the times, Ang. I can scarcely, sir, reckon it an offence, be less severe in your censures, less rigid in your considering the happy consequence of it. precepts, and more strict in your example. Smug. Oh, sir Harry, he is as hypocritical- Wild. Right, madam; virtue flows freer from
Lure. As yourself, Mr Alderman. How fares imitation than compulsion; of which, colonel, my good old nurse, pray, sir ?
your conversion and mine are just examples. Smug. O, madam, I shall be even with you
be- In vain are musty morals taught in schools, fore I part with your writings and money, that I By rigid teachers, and as rigid rules, have in my hands.
Where virtue with a frowning aspect stands, Stand. A word with you, Mr Alderinan; do And frights the pupil from its rough commands: you know this pocket-book?
But womanSmug. O lord, it contains an account of all my Charming woman can true converts make, secret practices in trading. [Aside.] How came We love the precept for the teacher's sake. you by it, sir?
Virtue in them appears so bright, so gay, Siand. Sir Harry, here, dusted it out of your We hear with transport, and with pride obey. pocket at this lady's house yesterday. It con
[Exeunt omnes. bains an account of some secret practices in your