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Sir Geo. But since you escaped undiscovered Enter Whisper, with pen, ink, and paper. by him, his rage will quickly lash into a calm; never fear it.
Mar. You'd say it was no good sign, if you Cha. But who knows what that unlucky dog, knew all. Marplot, told him; nor can I imagine what Sir Geo. Why, prithee ! brought him hither: that fellow is ever doing Mar. Hark'e, sir George, let me warn you; mischief; and yet, to give him his due, he never pursue your old haunt no more; it may be dandesigns it
. This is some blundering adventure gerous. wherein he thought to shew his friendship, as he
(CHARLES sits down to write. calls it! a curse on him!
Sir Geo. My old haunt! what do you mean? Sir Geo. Then you must forgive him. What Mar. Why, in short, then, since you will have said he?
it, Miranda vows, if you dare approach the garCha. Said ! nay, I had more mind to cut his den-gate at eight o'clock, as you used, you shall throat, than to hear his excuses.
meet with a warm reception. Sir Geo. Where is he?
Sir Geo. A warm reception ! Whis. Sir, I saw him go into sir Francis Gripe's Mar. Aye, a very warm reception--you shall just now.
be saluted with a blunderbuss, sir. These were Cha. Oh! then he's upon your business, sir her very words: nay, she bid me tell you so, George: a thousand to one but he makes some mistake there, too!
Sir Geo. Ha! the garden gate at eight, as I Sir Geo. Impossible, without he huffs the lady used to do! There must be meaning in this. Is and makes love to sir Francis.
there such a gate, Charles ?
Mar. Is there such a gate, Charles ?
Cha. Yes, yes; it opens into the Park: I supDraw. Mr Marplot is below, gentlemen, and pose her ladyship has made many a scamper desires to know if he may have leave to wait through it. upon ye.
Sir Geo. It must be an assignation, then. Ha! Cha. How civil the rogue is when he has done my heart springs for joy; 'tis a propitious omen. a fault!
My dear Marplot! Let me embrace thee; thou Sir Geo. Ho! desire him to walk up. Prithee, art my friend, my better angel. Charles, throw off this chagrin, and be good com- Már. What do you mean, sir George? pany.
Sir Geo. No matter what I mean, Here, tako Cha Nay, hang him, I'm not angry with him. a bumper to the garden-gate, you dear rogue Whisper, fetch me pen, ink, and paper.
you ! Whisp. Yes, sir.
[Exit WHISPER. Mar. You have reason to be transported, sir
George; I have saved your life.
Sir Geo. My life! thou hast saved my soul,
Charles, if thou dost not pledge this Cha. Do but mark his sheepish look, sir health, may'st thou never taste the joys of love! George.
Cha. Whisper, be sure you take care how you Mar. Dear Charles ! don't overwhelm a man deliver this.-[Gives him the letter.}-Bring me already under insupportable affliction. I'm sure the answer to my lodgings. I always intend to serve my friends; but if my Whis. I warrant you, sir. malicious stars deny the happiness, is the fault Mar. Whither does that letter go? Now, dare mine?
I not ask for my blood-That fellow knows more Sir Geo. Never mind him, Mr Marplot; secrets than I do. he's eat up with spleen. But tell me, what says
(Exit WHISPER. Miranda?
Cha. Now I'm for
you. Mar. Says --nay, we are all undone there, Sir Geo. To the garden-gate at the hour of
eight, Charles : along; huzza ! Cha. I told you so; nothing prospers that he Cha. I begin to conceive you. undertakes.
Mar. That's more than I do, egad-To the Mar. Why, can I help her having chose your garden-gate, huzza !-(Drinks.] --But, I hope, father for better for worse?
you design to keep far enough off on’t, sir Cha. So; there's another of Fortune's strokes. George? I suppose I shall be edged out of my estate with Sir Geo. Aye, aye; never fear that; she shall twins every year, let who will get them. see I despise her frowns; let her use the blun
Sir Geo. What! is the woman really possess- derbuss against the next fool; she sha'nt reach ed?
me with the smoke, I warrant her; ha, ha, ha! Mar. Yes, with the spirit of contradiction : Mar. Ah, Charles ! if you could receive a disshe railed at you most prodigiously,
appointment thus en cavalier, one should have Sir Geo. That's no ill sign.
some comfort in being beat for you.
Cha. The fool comprehends nothing.
Cha. Come; you shall go home with me. Sir Geo. Nor would I have him. Prithee, take Mar. Shall I! And are we friends, Charles ? him along with thee.
I am glad of it. Cha. Enough.
Cha. Come along. Sir Geo. I kiss both your hands And now
[Erit Sir CHARLES for the garden gate!
Mar. Egad, Charles' asking me to go home
with him, gives me a shrewd suspicion there's 'Tis beauty gives the assignation there, more in the garden-gate than I comprehend.And love too powerful grows to admit of fear. Faith, I'll give him the drop, and away to Gar[Exit Sir George. I dy's, and find it out,
SCENE I.— The outside of Sir JEALOUS Traf- saw Patch's tail sweep by: that wench may be a PICK's house, Patcu peeping out of the door. slut, and, instead of guarding my honour, betray
it. I'll find it out, I'm resolved- Who's Enter WHISPER.
there? Whis. Ha! Mrs Patch, this is a lucky minute,
Enter Servant. to find you so readily; my master dies with impatience.
What answer did you bring from the gentlemen Patch. My lady imagined so; and, by her or- I sent you to invite? ders, I have heen scouting this hour in search of Ser. That they'd all wait on you, sir, as I told you, to inform you, that sir Jealous has invited you before; but I suppose you forgot, sir? some friends to supper with him to-night, which Sir Jea. Did I so, sir? but I sha'nt forget to gives an opportunity to your master to make use break your head, if any of them come, sir. of his ladder of ropes. The closet window shall Ser. Come, sir! Why, did not you send me be open, and Isabinda ready to receive him. Bid to desire their company, sir? him come immediately.
Sir Jea. But I send you now to desire their abWhis. Excellent! he'll not disappoint her, I war- sence. Say, I have something extraordinary falrant him. But hold, I have a letter here, which len out, which calls me abroad, contrary to exI'm to carry an answer to. I cannot think what pectation, and ask their pardon; and, d’ye hcar, language the direction is.
send the butler to me. Patch. Pho! 'tis no language, but a character Ser. Yes, sir.
[Erit. which the lovers invented to avert discoveryHa! I hear my old master coming down stairs ;
Enter Butler. it is impossible you should have an answer : Sir Jea. If this paper has a meaning, I'll find away, and bid him come himself for that. Be-it-Lay the cloth in my daughter's chamber, gone! we're ruined, if you're seen, for he has and bid the cook send supper thither, presently. doubled his care since the last accident.
But. Yes, sir. Hey-day! What's the matter, Whis. I go, I go.
[Erit Butler. [Erit Whisper. Sir Jeo. He wants the eyes of Argus, that has Patch. There, go thou into my pocket.—[Puts a young, handsome daughter, in this town; but it beside, and it falls down.]—Now, I'll up the my comfort is, I shall not be troubled long with back-stairs, lest I meet him—Well, a dexterous her. He, that pretends to rule a girl once in her chambermaid is the ladies' best utensil, I say. teens, had better be at sea in a storm, and in less
[Erit Patch. danger. Enter Sır Jealous, with a letter in his hand.
For let him do, or counsel all he can, Sir Jea. So, this is some comfort; this tells me She thinks, and dreams of nothing else, but that signior Don Diego Babinetto is safely arri
[Erit. ved. He shall marry my daughter the minute he comes -Ha! What's here !
SCENE II.-ISABINDA's chamber. the letter Parcu dropped.]-A letter! I don't know what to make of the superscription. I'll
Enter ISABINDA and Patch. see what's within-side. [Opens it.]-Humph'tis Hebrew, I think.' What can this mean? Isa. Are you sure nobody saw you speak to There must be some trick in it. This was cer- Whisper? tainly designed for my daughter; but I don't Patch. Yes, very sure, madam; but I beard know that she can speak any language but her sir Jealous coming down stairs; so clapt this letmother tongue. No matter for that; this may ter into my pocket. [Feels for the letter. be one of love's hieroglyphicks; and I fancy I Isa. A letter ! give it me quickly.
Patch. Bless me! What's become on't-I'm | ache--I have worn it these seven years ; 'twas sure I put it
(Searching still. given me by an angel, for aught I know, when I Isa. Is't possible that thou couldst be so care- was raving with the pain, for nobody knew from less ? Oh, I'm undone for ever, if it be lost. whence he came, nor wbither he went. He charged
Patch. I must have dropt it upon the stairs.-- me never to open it, lest some dire vengeance But why are you so much alarmed? if the worst befell me; and Heaven knows what will be the happens, nobody can read it, madam, nor find event. Oh, cruel misfortune! that I should drop out whom it was designed for.
it, and you should open it
had not Isa. If it falls into my father's hands, the very opened itfigure of a letter will produce ill consequences.- Isa. Excellent wench !
[Aside. Run, and look for it upon the stairs this moment. Sir Jeal. Pox of your charms and whims for
Patch. Nay, I'm sure it can be no where else. me! If that be all, 'tis well enough: there, there, -[As she is going out of the door, meets the but- burn it, and, I warrant you, no vengeance will ler.]-How now, what do you want?
follow. But. My master ordered me to lay the cloth Patch. So, all's right again, thus far. [Aside. here for supper.
Isa. I would not lose Patch for the worldIsa. Ruined past redemption- (Aside. I'll take courage a little.—[ Aside.}-- Is this usage Patch. You mistake, sure.
What shall we for your daughter, sir? Must my virtue and condo?
duct be suspected for every trifle ? You immure Isa. I thought he expected company to-night-me like some dire offender here, and deny me all Oh, poor Charles! Oh, unfortunate Ísabinda! the recreations which my sex enjoy, and the cus
But. I thought so, too, madam; but I sup- tom of the country, and modesty, allow; yet, pose he has altered his mind.
not content with that, you make my confinement [Lays the cloth, and exit. more intolerable by your mistrusts and jealouIsa. The letter is the cause. This heedless sies. Would I were dead, so I were free from action bas undone me. Fly, and fasten the clothis! set-window, which will give Charles notice to re- Sir Jeal. To-morrow rids you of this tiresome tire. Ha! my father! oh, confusion !
load: Don Diego Babinetto will be here; and
then my care ends, and his begins. Enter Sir JEALOUS.
Isu. Is he come, then? Oh, how shall I avoid Sir Jca. Hold, hold, Patch! whither are you this hated marriage ! going? I'll have nobody stir out of the room till after supper:
Enter servants with supper.
Sir Jeal. Come, will you sit down?
Patch. No, I dare swear he has given her sup, Isa. What will be the event of this? [Aside. per enough. I wish I could get into the closet. Sir Jea. Hark ye, daughter, do you know this
(Aside. hand ?
Sir Jeal. Well, if you cannot eat, then give me Isu. As I suspected---Hand, do you call it, a song, u bilst I do. sir ? 'tis some school-boy's scrawl.
Isa, I have such a cold I can scarce speak, sir, Patch. Oh, Invention! Thou chambermaid's much less sing. Ilow shall I prevent Charles best friend, assist me!
[Aside. Sir Jea. Are you sure you don't understand Sir Jeal. I hope you have the use of your finit?
gers, madam. Play a tune upon your spinnet, [Patcu feels in her bosom, and shakes her whilst your woman sings me a song. couts.
Patch. I am as much out of tube as my lady, Isa. Do you understand it, sir?
if he knee all.
Aside. Sir Jeal. I wish I did.
Isa. I shall make excelleut music. Isa. Thank Heaven you do not !—[Aside.}
(Sits down to play. Then I know no more of it than you do, indeed, Patch. Really, sir, I am so frighted about your sir.
opening this charm, that I cannot remember one Patch. Oh Lord, Oh Lord! What have you song. done, sir ? Why, the paper is mine, I dropped it Sir Jeul. Pish! Hang your charm! Come, out of my bosom.
come; sing any thing. [Snatching it from him. Patch. Yes, I'm likely to sing, truly - Aside.) Sir Jeal. Ha! yours, mistress ?
-Humph, humph; bless me! I cannot raise my Isa. What does she mean by owning it? voice, my heart pants so. Patch. Yes, sir, it is.
Sir Jeal. Why, what, does your beart pant so, Sir Jeal. What is it? Speak!
that you cannot play, neither ? Pray, what key Putch. Yes, sir, it is a charm for the tooth- are you in, ha?
Patch. Ah, would the key was turned on you Isa. I'm glad I have escaped so well; I was once !
[Aside. almost dead in earnest with the fright. Sir Jeal. Why don't you sing, I say? Patch. When madam has put her spinnet in
Re-enter Sir Jealous out of the closet. tune, sir; humph, humph
Sir Jeal. Whoever the dog were, he has escaIsa. I cannot play, sir, whatever ails me. ped out of the window, for the sash is up: but,
(Rising. though he is got out of my reach, you are not. Sir Jeal. Zounds! sit down and play me a And first, Mrs Pander, with your charms for the tune, or I'll break the spinnet about your ears. tooth-ache, get out of my house! go, troop! yet Isa. What will become of me?
hold-stay—l'll see you out of my doors myself;
[Sits down and plays. but I'll secure your charge, ere I go. Sir Jeal. Come, mistress. [To PATCH Isa. What do you mean, sir? Was she not a Patch. Yes, sir.
creature of your own providing? [Sings, but horribly out of tune. Sir Jeal. She was of the devil's providing, for Sir Jeal. Hey, hey! Why, you are a-top, of aught I know. the house, and you are down in the cellar? what Patch. What have I done, sir, to merit your is the meaning of this? is it on purpose to cross displeasure?
Sir Jeal. I don't know which of you have done Patch. Pray, madam, take it a little lower; I it, but you shall both suffer for it, till I can discannot reach that notenor any note I fear. cover whose guilt it is. Go, get in there; I'll
Isa. Well, begin Oh, Patch, we shall be dis- move you from this side of the house. [Pushes covered.
ISABINDA in at the door, and locks it, puts the Patch. I sink with apprehension, madam- key in his pocket ]-I'll keep the key myself; I'll Humph, humph-[Sings.]
try wbat ghost can get into that room : and now, [Charles opens the closet door. forsooth, I'll wait on you down stairs. Cha. Music and singing !
Patch. Ah, my poor lady! Down stairs, sir !
But I won't go out, sir, till I have locked up my ?Tis thus the bright celestial court above clothes. Beguiles the hours with music and with love. Sir Jeal. If thou wert as naked as thou wert
born, thou shouldst not stay to put on a smock. Death! her father there !--[The women shriek.]| Come along, I say. When your mistress is mar- Then I must fly- Exit into the closet. ried, you shall have your rags, and every thing [SIR Jealous rises up hastily, seeing Cha. that belongs to you; but, till thenslip back into the closet.
[Erit, pulling her out. Sir Jeal. Hell and furies! A man in the clo- Patch. Oh, barbarous
usage for nothing ! set ! Patch. Ah! a ghost ! a ghost !-He must not
Re-enter at the lower end. enter the closet-[ISABINDA throws herself down before the closet door, as in a swoon.]
Sir Jeal. There, go, and come no more within Sir Jeal. The devil! I'll make a ghost of you, sight of my habitation these three days, I charge I warrant you. (Strives to get by: you.
[Slaps the door after her. Patch. Oh, hold, sir! have a care; you'll tread Patch. Did ever any body see such an old upon my lady-Who waits there? Bring some monster! water. Oh! this comes of your opening the charm. Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Enter CHARLES. [ Weeps aloud. Sir Jeal. I'll charm you, housewife. Flere lies Oh, Mr Charles ! Your affairs and mine are in an the charm that conjured this fellow in, I'm sure on't. Come out, you rascal, do so. Zounds! Cha. I am inured to the frowns of fortune; take her from the door, or I'll spurn her from it, but what has befallen thee? and break your neck down stairs.
Patch. Sir Jealous, whose suspicious nature is Isa. He's gone; I heard him leap down. always on the watch, nay, even while one eye
[ Aside to Patch. sleeps, the other keeps centinel, upon sight of Patch. Nay, then, let him enter-Ilere, here, you, flew into such a violent passion, that I could madam, smell to this ; come, give me your havd; find no stratagem to appease him; but, in spite come nearer to the window; the air will do you of all arguments, he locked his daughter into his good.
own apartment, and turned me out of doors. Sir Jeal. I would she were in her grave. Cha. Ila! oh Isabinda! Where are you, sirrah? Villain ! robber of my Patch. And swears she shall see neither sun honour! I'll pull you out of your nest.
nor moon, till she is Don Diego Babinetto's wife,
(Goes into the closet. who arrived last night, and is expected with imPatch. You'll be mistaken, old gentleman; the patience. hird is flown.
Cha. He dies; yes, by all the wrongs of love,
he shall: Here will I plant myself, and through | love! Who would have given a hundred pounds my breast he shall make his passage, if he en- only to have seen a woman he had not infinitely
loved ? So I find my liking him has furnished me Patch. A most heroic resolution ! there might with arguments enough of his side; and now, be ways found out more to your advantage : po- the only doubt remains whether he will come or licy is often preferred to open force.
Cha. I apprehend you not.
Enter SCENTWELL and SIR GEORGE. Spaniard, imposing upon the father, and marry- Scent. That's resolved, madam; for here's the ing your mistress by his own consent?
[Erit SCENTWELL. Cha. Say'st thou so, my angel? Oh, could that Sir Geo. And do I once more behold that be done, my life to come would be too short to lovely object, whose idea fills my mind, and forms recompense thee: but how can I do that, when my pleasing dreains ! I neither know what ship he came in, nor from Mir. What, beginning again in heroicks ! what part of Spain, who recommends him, or Sir George, don't you remember how little fruit how attended ?
your last prodigal oration produced ? Not one Patch. I can solve all this. He is from Ma- bare single word in answer. drid; his father's name Don Pedro Questo Por- Sir Geo. Ha! the voice of my incognita tento Babinetto. Here's a letter of his to șir Jea-Why did you take ten thousand ways to captilous, which he dropt one day. You understand vate a heart your eyes alone had vanquished?" Spanish, and the hand may be counterfeited.-- Mir. Pr’ythee, no more of these fights; for You conceive me, sir?
our time's but short, and we must fall to busiCha. My better genius! Thou hast revived my ness. Do you think we can agree on that same drooping soul. I'll about it instantly. Come to terrible bugbear, matrimony, without heartily remy lodgings, and we'll concert matters.
penting on both sides? [E.reunt. Sir Geo. It has been my wish since first my
longing eyes beheld you.. SCENE III.-A garden-gate open; SCENTWELL Mir. And your happy ears drank in the pleawaiting within.
sing news I had thirty thousand pounds.
Sir Geo. Unkind! did I not offer you, in those Enter SiR GEORGE Airy.
purchased minutes, to run the risk of your forSir Geo. So, this is the gate, and most invi- tune, so you would but secure that lovely person tingly open. If there should be a blunderbuss to my arms? here, now, what a dreadful ditty would my fall Mir. Well, if you have such love and tendermake for fools, and what a jest for the wits! ness, since our wooing has been short, pray rehow my name would be roared about the streets! serve it for our future days, to let the world see Well, I'll venture all.
we are lovers after wedlock; 'twill be a no Scent. Hist, hist! sir George Airy- [Enters. velty.
Sir Geo. A female voice! thus far I'm safe- Sir Geo. Haste then, and let us tie the knot, My dear!
and prove the envied pairScent. No, I'm not your dear; but I'll con- Mir. Hold, not so fast; I have provided betduct you
to her. Give me your hand; you must ter than to venture on dangerous experiments go through many a da passage and dirty step headlong—My guardian, trusting to my disbefore you arrive
sembled love, has given up my fortune to my own Sir Geo. I know I must, before I arrive at pa- disposal, but with this proviso, that he to-morradise; therefore, be quick, my charming guide. row morning weds me. He is now gone to Doc
Scent. For aught you know. Come, come, tors Commons for a licence. your hand, and away!
Sir Geo. Ha! a licence ! Sir Geo. Here, here, child; you can't be half Mir. But I have planted emissaries that infat so swift as my desires.
[Ereunt. libly take him down to Epsom, under a pretence
that a brother usurer of his is to make him his SCENE IV.-The house.
executor, a thing on earth he covets.
Sir Geo. 'Tis his known character.
Mir. Now my instruments confirm him this Mir. Well, let me reason a little with my mad man is dying, and he sends me word he goes this self. Now, don't I transgress all rules, to ven- minute. It must be to-morrow ere he can be ture upon a man without the advice of the grave undeceived: that time is ours. and wise? But then, a rigid, knavish guardian, Sir Geo. Let us improve it then, and settle on who would have married me to whom? even to our coming years endless, endless happiness ! his nauseous self, or nobody. Sir George is what Mir. I dare not stir till I bear he's on the road I have tried in conversation, inquired into his -then I and my writings, the most material character, and am satisfied in both. Then his point, are soon removed.