Steady command of temper and countenance. There are many inoffensive arts which are nocessary in the course of the world, and which he pleasure in teazing and ridiculing any one that comes in their way; not so much out of contempt, or with an intention to affront them, as merely for their own diver. sion. And, certainly, there would be no difference between jesting upon a person and making a jest of him, but that the end and intention are different: for he that jests upon any one, does it merely for amusement; but he who makes a jest of him, does it out of contempt. Although these two expressions are usually confounded, both in writing and in conversation, yet he that makes a joke of another, sets him in an ignominious light for his own pleasure; whereas he who only jokes upon him, cannot so properly be said to take pleasure, as to divert himself in seeing another involved in some harmless error; for he himself, probably, would be very much grieved and concerned to see the same person in any ludicrous circumstances, attended with real disgrace. Hence it appears, that one and the same thing, though done to one and the same person, may be sometimes taken as jesting upon a man, and sometimes as making a jest of him, according to the intention of the person that does it. But because our intention cannot be evidently known to other people, it is not a very prudent practice, in our daily commerce with the world, to make use of so ambiguous and suspected an art. Not to mention, at present, that many of these waggeries consist, in some sort, of deception. Now, every one is naturally provoked at being deceived or led into an error. It appears, then, from many considerations, that he who is desirous of gaining the love and good-will of mankind, ought not greatly to affect this superiority in playing upon and teazing those with whom he converses. It is true, indeed, that we cannot, by any means, pass through this calamitous mortal life without some recrea who practises the earliest will please the most and rise the soonest. The spirits and vivacity of youth are apt to neglect them as useless, or reject them as troublesome: but subsequent knowledge and experience of the world remind us of their importance, commonly when it is too late. The principle of these things is the mastery of one's temper, and that coolness of mind and serenity of countenance which hinder us from discovering, by words, actions, or even looks, those passions or sentiments by which we are inwardly moved or agitated; and the discovery of which gives cooler and abler people such infinite advantages over us, not only in great business, but in all the most common occurrences of life. A man who does not possess himself enough to hear disagreeable things without visible marks of anger and change of countenance, tion and amusement; and because wit and humour occasion mirth and laughter, and consequently that relaxation which the mind requires, we are generally fond of those who excel in a facetious and agreeable kind of raillery, and, therefore, the contrary to what I have asserted may seem to be true; I mean, that in our ordinary intercourse with mankind, it is highly commendable to entertain each other with wit and facetious repartees; and, doubtless, those who have the art of rallying with a good grace, and in an agreeable manner, are much more amiable than people of a contrary character. But here regard must be had to many circumstances; and since the end proposed by these jocose people is to create mirth, by leading some one, whom they really esteem into some harmless error, it is requisite that the error into which he is led be of such a kind, as not to be attended with any considerable detriment or disgrace; otherwise, this sort of jokes can hardly be distinguished from real injuries.-Galateo. or agreeable ones without sudden bursts of joy and expansion of countenance, is at the mercy of every artful knave or pert coxcomb: the former will provoke or please you by design, to catch unguarded words or looks; by which he will easily decipher the secrets of your heart, of which you should keep the key yourself, and trust it with no man living. The latter will, by his absurdity, and without intending it, produce the same discoveries, of which other people will avail themselves. If you find yourself subject to sudden starts of passion, or madness, (for I see no difference between them, but in their duration,) resolve within yourself, at least, never to speak one word while you feel that emotion within you. : In short, make yourself absolute master of your temper and your countenance; so far, at least, as that no visible change do appear in either, whatever you may feel inwardly. This may be difficult, but it is by no means impossible; and as a man of sense never attempts impossibilities on the one hand, on the other, he is never discouraged by difficulties on the contrary, he redoubles his industry and his diligence; he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last. In any point which prudence bids you pursue, and which a manifest utility attends, let difficulties only animate your industry, not deter you from the pursuit. If one way has failed, try another: be active, persevere, and you will conquer. Some people are to be reasoned, some flattered, some intimidated, and some teazed, into a thing; but, in general, all are to be brought into it at last, if skilfully applied to, properly managed, and indefatigably attacked in their several weak places. The time should likewise be judiciously chosen: every man has his mollia tempora, but that is far from being all day long; and you would choose your time very ill, if you applied to a man about one business, when his head was full of another, or when his heart was full of grief, anger, or any other disagreeable sentiment. Judge of other men's by your own feelings. In order to judge of the inside of others, study your own; for men, in general, are very much alike; and though one has one prevailing passion, and another has another, yet their operations are much the same; and whatever engages or disgusts, pleases or offends you, in others, will mutatis mutandis, engage, disgust, please, or offend others, in you. Observe, with the utmost attention, all the operations of your own mind, the nature of your passions, and the various motives that determine your will; and you may, in a great degree, know all mankind. For instance: Do you find yourself hurt and mortified, when another makes you feel his superiority and your own inferiority, in knowledge, parts, rank, or fortune? you will certainly take great care not to make a person, whose good will, good word, interest, esteem, or friendship, you would gain, feel that superiority in you, in case you have it. If disagreeable insinuations, sly sneers, or repeated contradictions, teaze and irritate you, would you use them where you wished to engage and please? Surely not: and I hope you wish to engage and please almost universally. The temptation of saying a smart and witty thing, or bon mot, and the malicious applause with which it is commonly received, have made people who can say them, and still oftener people who think they can, but cannot, and yet try, more enemies, and implacable ones too, than any one other thing that I know of. When such things, then, shall happen to be said at your expense, (as sometimes they certainly will,) reflect seriously upon the sentiments of uneasiness, anger, and resentment, which they excite in you; and consider whether it can be prudent, by the same means, to excite the same sentiments in others against you. It is a decided folly to lose a friend for a jest; but, in my mind, it is not a much less degree of folly, to make an enemy of an indifferent and neutral person for the sake of a bon mot. When things of this kind happen to be said of you, the most prudent way is to seem not to suppose that they are meant at you, but to dissemble and conceal whatever degree of anger you may feel inwardly; and should they be so plain that you cannot be supposed ignorant of their meaning, to join in the laugh of the company against yourself; acknowledge the hit to be a fair one, and the jest a good one, and play off the whole thing in seeming good-humour: but by no means reply in the same way; which only shows that you are hurt, and publishes the victory which you might have concealed. Should the thing said, indeed, injure your honour, or moral character, remember there are but two alternatives for a gentleman and a man of parts-extreme politeness, or a duel. Avoid seeing an offront if possible. If a man notoriously and designedly insults and affronts you, knock him down; but if he only injures you, your best revenge is to be extremely civil to him in your outward behaviour, though, at the same time, you counterwork him, and return |