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THE "GRAND NATIONAL" TRUST.

A MEETING has recently taken place at Grosvenor House to establish a National Trust, the idea being to preserve places of historic interest and natural beauty. Announced at the meeting that already a beautiful cliff had been promised by a lady. We understand the following promises have also been received:

The Duke of W-stm-nst-r. A very handsome ground-rent. Intended to support and sustain beautiful cliffs, &c.

The Duke of D-v-nsh-re. -Ch-tsw-rth, which, owing to recent legislation, he can no longer afford to keep up. Intends to take a small cottage, it is believed, at some inexpensive town on the East Coast. Several Distressed Dukes have also promised, on their death, to leave their estates to the Trust.

A Lover of Ozone. - A particularly bracing breeze. To be dedicated to the public for ever.

The London County Council.-The Shaftesbury Fountain. The L. C. C., we understand, welcomes the prospect of handing over to the Trust the responsibility attaching to this insoluble problem.

A Hertfordshire Gentleman.-A thoroughly reliable right of way.

Mr. Th-m-s B-ch-m.A unique collection of signboards in situ. These are placed in the midst of the most lovely natural scenery, and in themselves will very soon, it is hoped, be of historic interest.

Sir Fr-d-r-ck P-ll-ck will arrange in every case to supply a good title.

Mr. Punch heartily commends so patriotic a scheme to his readers. Any beautiful cliffs, ground-rents, rights of way, &c., sent to him at 85, Fleet Street will immediately be forwarded to the proper quarter. N.B. It is just possible an exception to this rule might be made in the case of ground-rents.

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TAKE a lot of black triangles,

Some amorphous blobs of red; Just a sprinkle of queer spangles,

An ill-drawn Medusa head; Some red locks in Gorgon tangles,

And a scarlet sunshade, spread: Take a "portière" quaint and spotty, Take a turn-up nose or two; The loose lips of one "gone dotty,"

A cheese-cutter chin, askew; Pose like that of front-row" TOTTIE," Hat as worn by "Coster Loo" "; Take an hour-glass waist, in section, Shoulders hunched up camel-wise;

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Give a look of introspection

(Or a squint) to two black eyes; Or a glance of quaint dejection,

Or a glare of wild surprise; Slab and slop them all together With a background of sheer

sludge; (Like a slum in foggy weather),

And this blend of scrawl and
smudge

Vend as ART-in highest feather!-
Dupes in praise will blare and blet her.
Honest Burchells will cry
"FUDGE!!!"

How sweet that lake, where gentle eddies play!

But all around seems lake, through rainfall dim.

Why want a pond, when on dry (!) land to-day

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How sweet - to get a Hansom home again,

And leave this aguish, rheumatic damp! I do not love thee, Ranelagh, in rain,

Beneath a gamp.

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A Demi-French Octave. (Picked up in a Dressing-room.) My razor, you're a true

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IN VIEW OF HOLIDAYS. A HINT.-Of course if you're on pedestrian tours bent-if you're a bicyclist you'll be still more bent-you cannot do better than, as a pedestrian, get WALKER'S Maps. If you are going to sail, or by steam, you are again referred to- "WALKER, London." There is a good idea in these Maps which might be still further developed, and that is not only to show the route and the manner of making your journey, but by arrangement with the principal Steamboat and Railway Companies some sort of 'itinerary" might be added to the Map, with information as to the means whereby," which to the toiler in search of a brief holiday "by rail, by river, or by sea," and perhaps by all three, would be most useful were it available as an almost "instantaneous process" of reference.

BISLEY.

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Pelt or drizzly, Weather-Bisley!

FINANCIAL PROBLEM (the effect of reading the Budget Debates).-Why is the Income-Tax so sharply felt? Because, disguise it as you may, it's a case of tintax!

LONDON KNIGHT BY KNIGHT.-The SOLICITORGENERAL Knighted last Wednesday at Windsor. Will BOB (the only name by which his many friends know him) henceforth be known as "the Queen's Shilling"?

WHAT'S IN A NAME INDEED?
EDWARD, Albert, Christian, George,
Andrew, Patrick, David,

Drink life's pleasures with free gorge!
From its pains be saved!"

So said Punch at the White Lodge,
His old optics glistening,

Sure such names ill-luck should dodge;
Sure such names no babe e'er bore,
Patron Saints! You've all the four
To bless the Royal Christening!

A COMPANY THAT OUGHT TO "FLOAT.""The Cork Company."

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday, July 16.-The Blameless B. is translated into the Breathless BARTLEY. Of eleven pages of Amendments to Budget Bill standing for consideration when House met to-day, not less than three contributed by this particular B. Embodied readjusted scale of graduated taxation. Only objections to it presently stated by SQUIRE OF MALWOOD (1) It would necessitate total reconstruction of Bill (2) resulting in loss of £643,000; (3) whole question had been thoroughly threshed out in Committee. To raise it again at eleventh hour seemed too much to ask even in connection with Budget Bill. Nevertheless BARTLEY, not yet breathless, moved his multitudinous Amendment. Resumed his seat with consciousness of man who had done his duty. The SQUIRE would get up to answer him; debate would follow; at least two hours would be pleasantly occupied. Instead of SQUIRE, ATTORNEY-GENERAL rose. Well," said BLAMELESS, throwing himself into attitude of attention, "let's hear what he has to say."

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Turned out to be exceedingly little. "Government scale has been attacked and defended many times," said ATTORNEY-GENERAL. "I do not think it necessary to defend it again; but," here he leaned on the table with engaging look at the now BREATHLESS BARTLEY, "the hon. gentleman can take a division if he thinks fit." BARTLEY sat and audibly gasped. JOKIM gallantly protested against this treatment of his hon. friend; threatened to move adjournment of debate. PRINCE ARTHUR sent for; arrived almost as breathless as BARTLEY; thunder boomed, lightning flashed round head of ATTORNEY-GENERAL, who is always finding himself astonished. "The hon. and learned gentleman," said PRINCE ARTHUR, with delightful assumption of anger, "has abused the situation. The Opposition have no means of compelling him to talk sense, but talk he must."

SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, who had fled before prospect of long speech from BARTLEY, hastily brought back. Don't know where incident would have ended had it not been for KENYON-SLANEY. Finding opening he slipped in. Threw himself into easy oratorical attitude; proposed to consider principle of graduation adopted in Bill. Would do so under three heads: injustice to the poor, injustice to the middle-class, injustice to the rich.

With

This too much even for Opposition. groans of despair they rushed into Division Lobby; BARTLEY'S scheme negatived by majority of 62. Business done.-Budget Bill passed Report stage.

you know; helps WOODALL in getting his clothing vote; and, I believe, is rather liked by Tommy Atkins."

Business done.-SQUIRE OF MALWOOD announces programme for remainder of Session. A mere nothing. Only, as PRINCE ARTHUR says, in view of number of Bills and their contentious character, more like what we are accustomed to at beginning of Session, than to have dumped down in what should be its last month.

Thursday. "JOSEPH," said the Member for SARK, dropping into one of his tiresome didactic moods, "would do well in any circumstances. Whether in Upper Egypt or Lower, he was sure to come to the top of the well, however securely his brethren might have packed him in its lowest depths. But, regarding him just now as he criticised the SQUIRE's arrangements for the Session, I could not help thinking what a loss the auction-room has only partially survived by his turn into the field of politics. If in early life, or even middle age, he had only taken to the rostrum, the shade of the much over-rated ROBINS would have been dimmed in glory. Observe how well he looks the part. See with what unconscious effect he produces a stumpy piece of lead pencil, and looks round for bids. Listen to the clear sharp notes of his voice. What shall we say, gentlemen, for the Equalisation of Kates Bill? How many days will you give for it? Name your own time, gentlemen. There is no reserve. Shall we say six days? Does the tall, somewhat stout gentleman with a white waistcoat, on the Treasury Bench, shake his head? Very well, we will say four days. Going at four days;' and the pencil, scratching out six, substitutes four. This may seem very easy

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when it's done; but it's art, TOBY, even genius. If you think it's easy for a man discussing State business, suddenly but completely to invest the high court of Parliament with the tone and atmosphere of an auction-room, just reckon up how many other men of first rank in public life could do it. Not to go further afield, could PRINCE ARTHUR manage it, even after a week's training? Very well; then don't minimise a successful effort because, thanks to the commanding influence of native talent, its accomplishment seems easy to a particular person." Business done. - HICKSBEACH, complaining that Ministers have dropped a large number of Bills for lack of time to pass them, and asserting that the time remaining at their disposal for passing the poor balance is too short, reduces it by three hours, in order that he and his friends may lament the fact.

Friday.-House heard with keen satisfaction that SZLUMPER is around again. Not having seen in the newspapers any telegrams from him lately, there was vague idea that he had succumbed to his exertions on occasion of the happy event at White Lodge. Perhaps he was a little fatigued, for SZLUMPER, in addition to being Mayor of Richmond, is almost human. No man born of woman could with impunity fire off such a succession of telegrams as on that memorable day SZLUMPER dealt out to his Sovereign, the Heir Apparent to the Throne, the Crowned Heads of Europe, and bis ducal neighbours at the White Lodge. But on Royal Christening day SZLUMPER was around again, with a little SZLUMPER carrying a bouquet of flowers to be presented to the QUEEN, whilst SZLUMPER père, plumped on his knees, welcomed his Sovereign within the gateway of ancient Richmond.

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"The Young Wales Party."

Wednesday. ST. JOHN BRODRICK sitting on front Opposition Bench through Committee of Supply on Army Estimates this afternoon, invested neighbourhood with unwonted air of fashion. Not that there is, as a rule, any lack of style_on part of Leaders of Opposition regarded as a body. Only something, je ne sais quoi, about BRODRICK that suggested profoundest depths of POOLE. Couldn't help complimenting him on his turn out.

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Evidently you spare no expense," I said; "though why even a millionaire should wear an overcoat a day like this seems wicked waste of property. Hope you are not growing desperate in anticipation of Death Duties; spending your money recklessly so that HARCOURT may be disappointed when, for taxing purposes, he comes to aggregate your property?"

My dear boy," said BRODRICK, giving the overcoat a dexterous lift by the lappels that added fresh grace to its fit at the back of the neck, "you're out of it altogether. This is the thirteen-and-sixpenny coat supplied to Tommy Atkins in which, following the advice of Dr. JOHNSON, wasn't it ?-I, as I told the House the other day, took a walk down Bond Street. The surtout underneath, which I will fully display when the House gets a little fuller, cost seventeenand six net. You will observe it is so made that you can button it across and so save a waistcoat. If you must have a waistcoat, we can do it at eight-and-ninepence. As for trousers, these cost me thirteen shillings." (Here he stretched out and fondly regarded a manly leg.) "If I had taken a couple of pair, cut at the same time you know, I could have had the two for 25s. I see your eyes fixed on the boots. As you say, the shape of the foot may have something to do with it. But apart from that, the article is equal to what you pay thirty-five shillings for in Regent Street or Piccadilly. Eleven-and-ninepence was the figure. Misfits, very popular with privates newly joined, knock off the odd ninepence. Of course I don't wear this suit every day. Can't afford that; put 'em on whenever House in Committee on Army Supply or debate going forward on Army matters. It encourages CAWMELL - BANNERMAN,

Ah, ce SzLUMPER!" said SARK, "he delights me more and more. He represents, if you think of it, the essence of our English social life. He is part of the foundation of the British Constitution, which everyone, especially those regarding it from a distance, regards as the perfection of good government." Business done.-A dull night speechmaking on Irish Evicted Tenants Bill.

OXFORD AND YALE.-(JULY 16.)

A VERY good fight! Come again to us, Yale!
We know a true Yank knows not how to spell "fail."
HICKOK and SHELDON can throw and can jump!
And e'en in the racing you made our lads pump
Come again, Yale, come again, and again;
Victors or vanquished such visits aren't vain.
One of these days you will probably nick us.
We don't crow when we lick; we won't cry when you lick us!

Rise, Sir!

"We are informed that the QUEEN has been pleased to confer the honour of a Baronetcy on Dr. JOHN WILLIAMS, of Brook Street. Dr. WILLIAMS is the Physician who attended the Duchess of YORK."-Daily Paper, July 16. We congratulate Sir JOHN, who is now a Sur-geon in every sense of the word.

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5th. A few rogue elephants having been imported (at considerable expense to the rates), and located in the Regent's Park, the Chairman of the L. C. C., assisted by the Parkkeepers, will give an exhibition of the method employed in snaring them. The elephants in the Zoological Gardens will be expected to assist.

6th.-Bank Holiday.Popular festival on Hampstead Heath. Two herds of red deer will be turned on to the Heath at different points, and three or four specially procured man-eating Bengal tigers will be let loose at the Flag-staff to pursue them. Visitors may hunt the deer or the tigers, whichever they prefer. Express rifles recommended, also the use of bullet-proof coats. No dynamite to be employed against the tigers. Ambulances in the Vale of Health.

GENEROSITY.

The Council's Band, up some of the tallest trees, I will perform musical selections.

7th.-Races at Wormwood Scrubbs between the Council's own ostriches and leading cyclists. A force of the Al Division of the Metropolitan Police, mounted on some of the reindeer from the enclosure at Spring Gardens, will be stationed round the ground to prevent the ostriches escaping into the adjoining country.

8th.-Sale of ostrich feathers (dropped in the contests) to West-End bonnet-makers at Union prices.

9th.- Grand review of all the Council's animals on Clapham Common. Procession through streets (also at Union rate). Banquet on municipal venison, tiger chops, elephant steaks, and ostrich wings at Spring Gardens. Progressive fireworks.

RATHER A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. They (the dockers) wouldn't listen to BEN TILLETT. They cried out to him, "We keep you and starve ourselves." Hullo! the revolt of the sheep are they beginning to think that their leaders and instigators are after all not their best

Andrew (preparing to divide the orange). "WILL YOU CHOOSE THE BIG friends? "O TILLETT not in HALF, GEORGIE, OR THE WEE HALF?"

Gath!" And Little BEN may say to himself, "I'll wait

George. "COURSE I'LL CHOOSE THE BIG HALF."
Andrew (with resignation). "THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE 'EM EVEN." TILL-ETT's over."

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Wiping out all troubles and disgraces, How we seem to cast, with your assistance, All our boyish lines in pleasant places! Greek and Latin, struggles mathematic, These were worries leaving slender traces; Now we tell the boys (we wax emphatic)

How our lines fell all in pleasant places. How we used to draw (immortal W ́ackford!) ECCLID's figures, more resembling faces, Surreptitiously upon the black-board,

Crude yet telling lines in pleasant places. Pleasant places! That was no misnomer. Impositions?-little heed scape-graces; Writing out a book or so of HOMER,

Even those were lines in pleasant places! How we scampered o'er the country, leading Apoplectic farmers pretty chases, Over crops, through fences all unheeding,

Stiff cross-country lines in pleasant places. Yes, and how-too soon youth's early day flies

In the purling brook which seaward races How we used to poach with luscious May-flies, Casting furtive lines in pleasant places.

Then the lickings! How we took them, scorning

Girlish outery, though we made grimaces; Only smiled to find ourselves next morning Somewhat marked with lines in pleasant places!

VOL. CVII.

Alma Mater, whether young or olden,

Thanks to you for hosts of friendly faces, Treasured memories, days of boyhood golden, Lines that fell in none but pleasant places!

LONDON BICYCLISTS.

["Mr. ASQUITH said that he was informed by the Chief Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police by bicycles and tricycles, though he was not prethat undoubtedly numerous accidents were caused pared to say from the cause of the machines passing on the near instead of the off side of the road. Bicycles and tricycles were carriages, and should

conform to the rules of the road, and the police, as far as possible, enforced the law as to riding to the common danger."-Daily Graphic, July 25.]

ROUND the omnibus, past the van,
Rushing on with a reckless reel,
Darts that horrible nuisance, an
Ardent cyclist resolved that he 'll
Ride past everything he can,
Heed not woman, or child, or man,
Beat some record, some ride from Dan
To Beersheba; that seems his plan.
Why does not the Home Office ban
London fiends of the whirling wheel?
Let them ride in the country so,

Dart from Duncansbay Head to Deal,
Shoot as straight as the flight of crow,
Sweep as swallow that seeks a meal,
We don't care how the deuce they go,
But in thoroughfares where we know
Cyclists, hurrying to and fro,

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Make each peaceable man their foe,
Riders, walkers alike cry Whoa!
Stop these fiends of the whirling
wheel!"

F

ODE ON SACRIFICE.
AMID the glowing pageant of the year
There comes too soon th' inevitable shock,
That token of the season sere,
To the unthinking fair so cheaply dear,
Who, like to shipwreck'd seamen, do it hail,
And cry,
"A Sale! a Sale!
A Sale! a Summer Sale of Surplus Stock!".
Around the ineffable fragrance of the lime,
See, how, like busy-humming bees
Woman, unsparing of the salesman's time,
Reviews the stock, and chaffers at her ease,
Nor yet, for all her talking, purchases,
But takes away, with copper-bulged purse,
The textile harvest of a quiet eye,
Great bargains still unbought, and power to
buy.

Or she, her daylong, garrulous labour done,
Some victory o'er reluctant remnants won,
Fresh from the trophies of her skill,
Things that she needed not, nor ever will,
She takes the well-earned bun;
Ambrosial food, DEMETER erst design'd
As the appropriate food of womankind,
Plain, or with comfits deck'd and spice;
Or, daintier, dallies with an ice.
Nor feels in heart the worse
Because the haberdashers thus disperse
Their surplus stock at an astounding sacrifice!

Yet Contemplation pauses to review
The destinies that meet the silkworm's care,
The fate of fabrics whose materials grew
In the same fields of cotton or of flax,
Or waved on fellow-flockmen's fleecy back",
And the same mill, loom, case, emporium,
shelf, did share.

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Youth on hard-mouthed Grey (having just cannoned against old Twentystun). "'SCUSE ME, SIR,-'BLIGED TO DO IT. THAN A HAYSTACK STOPS HIM!"

THE RIDER'S VADE MECUM.

(For Use in Rotten Row.)

Question. What part of London do you consider the most dangerous for an equestrian?

Answer. That part of the Park known as Rotten Row.

Q. Why is it so dangerous?

A. Because it is overcrowded in the Season, and at all times imperfectly kept.

Q. What do you mean by "imperfectly kept"?

A. I mean that the soil is not free from bricks and other impediments to comfortable and safe riding.

Q. Why do you go to Rotten Row?

A. Because it is the most convenient place in London for the residents of the West End.

Q. But would not Battersea Park do as well?

A. It is farther afield, and at present, so far as the rides are concerned, given over to the charms of solitude.

Q. And is not the Regent's Park also available for equestrians ? A. To some extent; but the roads in that rather distant pleasaunce are not comparable for a moment with the ride within view of the Serpentine.

Q. Would a ride in Kensington Gardens be an advantage?

A. Yes, to some extent; still it would scarcely be as convenient as the present exercising ground.

Q. Then you admit that there are (and might be) pleasant rides other than Rotten Row ?

A. Certainly; but that fact does not dispense with the necessity of reform in existing institutions.

Q. Then you consider the raising of other issues is merely a plan to confuse and obliterate the original contention?

A. Assuredly; and it is a policy that has been tried before with success to obstructors and failure to the grievance-mongers.

Q. So as two blacks do not make one white you and all believe that Rotten Row should be carefully inspected and the causes of the recent accidents ascertained and remedied?

A. I do; and, further, am convinced that such a course would be for the benefit of the public in general and riders in Rotten Row in particular.

NOTHING LESS

"PERSONALLY CONDUCTED."

'Tis a norrible tale I'm a-going to narrate;
It happened-vell, each vone can fill in the date!
It's a heartrending tale of three babbies so fine.
Whom to spifflicate promptly their foes did incline.
Ven they vos qvite infants they lost their mamma;
They vos left all alone in the vorld vith their pa.
But to vatch o'er his babbies vos always his plan-
(Chorus)-

'Cos their daddy he vos sich a keerful old man!

He took those three kiddies all into his charge,
And kep them together so they shouldn't "go large."
Two hung to his coat-tails along the hard track,
And the third one, he clung to his neck pick-a-back.
The foes of those kiddies they longed for their bleed,
And they swore that to carry 'em he shouldn't succeed,
But to save them poor babbies he hit on a plan-

(Chorus)

'Cos their dadda he vos sich a artful old man!

Some hoped, from exposure, the kids would ketch cold,
And that croup or rheumatics would lay 'em in the mould;
But they seemed to survive every babbyish disease,
Vich their venomous enemies did not qvite please.
But, in course, sich hard lines did the kiddies no good;
They got vet in the storm, they got lost in the vood,
But their dad cried, "I'll yet save these kids if I can!
(Chorus)-

'Cos their feyther he vos sich a dogged old man!

Foes hoped he'd go out of his depth,-or his mind,-
Or, cutting his stick, leave his babbies behind,

Ven they came to the margin of a vide roaring stream.
And the kids, being frightened, began for to scream.
But he cries, cheery like, "Stash that hullabulloo!
Keep your eye on your father, and HE 'll pull you through!!"-
Vich some thinks he vill do-if any von can-

(Chorus)

'Cos Sir VILLYUM he is sich a walliant old man!

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