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Sir To. Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o’ till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top.(2 the viol-de-gamboys,(1) and speaks three or four What, wench! Castiliano vulgo ; for here comes languages word for word without book, and hath
sir Andrew Agueface. all the good gifts of nature. Mar. He hath, indeed, -almost natural : for,
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUECHEEK. besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller ; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, sir Toby the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among Belch ! the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a Sir To. Sweet sir Andrew ! grave.
SIR And. Bless you, fair shrew. Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels and Mar. And you too, sir. substractors, that say so of him. Who are they ? Sir To. Accost, sir Andrew, accost.
Mar. They that add moreover, he's drunk Sir And. What's that? nightly in your company.
Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece ; Sir And. Good mistress Accost, I desire better I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in acquaintance. my throat and drink in Illyria. He's a coward, MAR. My name is Mary, sir. and a coystril,“ that will not drink to my niece, Sir And. Good mistress Mary Accost,
a Coystril,–] A mean groom or peasant; derived, it is thought, from the Low Latin, Coterellus. b Castiliano vulgo;) Warburton proposed, “Castiliano-rolto,
put on your Castilian, that is, your grave looks ;” but Maria appears already to have been more serious than suited Sir Toby's humour.
Sin To. You mistake, knight: accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.
Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost ?
Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen.
Sir To. An thou let part so, sir Andrew, would thou might’st never draw sword again.
SIR AND. An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you
have fools in hand ? MAR. Sir, I have not you by the hand.
SIR AND. Marry, but you shall have, and here's
hand. Mar. Now, sir, thought is free : I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar,(3) and let it drink.
SIR AND. Wherefore, sweet heart? what's your metaphor ?
MAR. It's dry, sir.
Sin And. Why, I think so: I am not such an ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?
MAR. A dry jest, sir.
MAR. Ay, sir ; I have them at my fingers' ends :
: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.
Sin To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary: when did I see thee so put down?
SIR AND. Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has : but I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.
Sir To. No question.
SIR AND. An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home to morrow, sir Toby.
Sir To. Pourquoi, my dear knight?
SIR AND. What is pourquoi ? do or not do ? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting : 0, had I but followed the arts !
SIR To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
Sın And. Why, would that have mended my hair ?
Sin To. Past question ; for thou seest, it will not curl by nature.
Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does 't not?
Sm To. Excellent ! it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs and spin it off.
Sir And. Faith, I'll home to-morrow, sir Toby: your niece will not be seen ; or if she be,
It will not curl by nature.] The old text reads, my nature.
* It's dry, sir.) As a moist hand was commonly accounted to denote an amatory disposition, a dry one was considered symptomatic of debility.
Corrected by Theobald.
it's four to one she'll none of me; the count
Enter DUKE, CURIO, and Attendants. himself, here hard by, wooes her.
Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll not DUKE. Who saw Cesario, ho ? match above her degree, neither in estate, years, Vio. On your attendance, my lord ; here. nor wit; I have heard her swear't. Tut, there's DUKE. Stand you awhile aloof.Cesario, life in't, man.
Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp’d SIR AND. I'll stay a month longer. I am a To thee the book even of my secret soul : fellow o' the strangest mind i' the world; I de- Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her ; light in masques and revels sometimes altogether. Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-shaws, And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow, knight?
Till thou have audience. Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever V10.
Sure, my noble lord, he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet
If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow I will not compare with an old man.
As it is spoke, she never will admit me. Sir To. What is thy excellence ? in a galliard, DUKE. Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds, knight?
Rather than make unprofited return. (then ? Sir AND. Faith, I can cut a caper.
Vio. Say, I do speak with her, my lord, what SIR To. And I can cut the mutton to't.
DUKE. O, then unfold the passion of my love, Sir And. And I think I have the back-trick, Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
It shall become thee well to act my woes ; Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid ? She will attend it better in thy youth, wherefore have these gifts a curtain before 'em ?
Than in a nuncio * of more grave aspect. are they like to take dust, like mistress Mall's V10. I think not so, my lord. picture ? (4) why dost thou not go to church in a DUKE.
Dear lad, believe it; galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very For they shall yet belie thy happy years, walk should be a jig ; I would not so much as That
say thou art a man : Diana's lip make water, but in a sink-a-pace. What dost Is not more smooth and rubious ; thy small pipe thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I Is as the maiden's organ, shrill, and sound, did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, And all is semblative a woman's part. it was formed under the star of a galliard.
I know thy constellation is right apt Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent For this affair :—some four or five attend him ; well in a flame-coloured* stock. Shall we set All, if you will ; for I myself am best, about some revels ?
When least in company: prosper well in this, Sir To. What shall we do else? were we not And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, born under Taurus ?
To call his fortunes thine. SIR AND. Taurus ? that'st sides and heart.
I'll do my best, Sir To. No, sir ; it is legs and thighs. Let To woo your lady: yet, [Aside.] a barful strife! me see thee caper: ha! higher : ha, ha !-ex- Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife. cellent ! [Exeunt.
(*) Old copy, nuntio's. and in other instances of this “skipping dialogue," is lost
(*) Old text, dam'd colour'd.
(1) Old text, That. a Needs to fear no colours. ] Nares conjectures that to fear no colours was origiually a military expression for fear no enemy. Maria suggests the same thing, but the point of the allusion here,
Mar. A good lenten* answer: I can tell thee what remedy ? As there is no true cuckold but where that saying was born, of, I fear no colours. calamity, so beauty's a flower.—The lady bade Clo. Where, good mistress Mary?
take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take Mar. In the wars ; and that may you be bold her away. to say in your foolery.
Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you. Clo. Well, God give them wisdom that have Clo. Mieprision in the highest degree !-Lady, it; and those that are fools, let them use their Cucullus non facit monachum ; that's as much talents.
to say as, I wear not motley in my brain. Good MAR. Yet you will be hanged for being so long madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool. absent; or, to be turned away,-is not that as Oli. Can you do it ? good as a hanging to you?
Clo. Dexterously, good madonna. Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad OLI. Make your proof. marriage; and, for turning away, let summer bear Clo. I must catechize you for it, madonna ; it out.
good my mouse of virtue, answer me. MAR. You are resolute, then ?
Oll. Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'II Clo. Not so neither, but I am resolved on two bide your proof. points.
Clo. Good madonna, why mournest thou ? Mar. That, if one break, the other will hold; Oli. Good fool, for my brother's death. or, if both break, your gaskins a fall.
Clo. I think his soul is in hell, madonna. Clo. Apt, in good faith ; very apt! Well, go Oli. I know his soul is in heaven, fool. thy way; if sir Toby would leave drinking, thou Clo. The more fool, madonna, to mourn for wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in your
brother's soul being in heaven. Take away Illyria.
the fool, gentlemen. Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Oli. What think you of this fool, Malvolio ? Here comes my lady: make your excuse wisely, doth he not mend ? you were best.
[Exit. MAL. Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death Clo. Wit, and 't be thy will, put me into good shake him : infirmity, that decays the wise, doth fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, ever make the better fool. do very oft prove fools ; and I, that am sure I Clo. God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for lack thee, may pass for a wise man: for what the better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will says Quinapalus? Better a witty fool than a be sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass foolish wit.
his word for two pence that you are no fool.
Oli. How say you to that, Malvolio ?
MAL. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in Enter OLIVIA, MALVOLIO, and Attendants. such a barren rascal ; I saw him put down the
other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more God bless thee, lady!
brain than a stone. Look you now, he's out of Oli. Take the fool away.
his guard already ; unless you laugh and minister Clo. Do you not hear, fellows ? take away
the occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, I take lady.
these wise men, that crow so at these set kind of Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of fools, no better than the fools' zanies. you: besides, you grow dishonest.
OLI. O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, Clo. Two faults, madonna, that drink and good and taste with a distempered appetite. To be counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, generous, guiltless, and of free disposition, is to then is the fool not dry ; bid the dishonest man take those things for bird-bolts, that you deem mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dis- cannon-bullets : there is no slander in an allowed honest ; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him : fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing any thing that's mended is but patched : virtue in a known discreet man, though he do nothing that transgresses is but patched with sin ; and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that Clo, Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not, for thou speakest well of fools.
(*) Old copy, lenton. & Or, if both (points) break, your gaskins fall.) See note (e), p. 250, Vol. I.
b That's os much to say as,-) In modern editions this is usually printed in conformity with modern construction, "That's as much as to say," but the form in the text was not uncommon in old language : -" And yet it is said, -labour in thy vocation; which is as much 10 say as," &c.—" Henry VI." (Part VOL. II.
Second), Act IV. Sc. 2.
c du ordinary fool, -1 An ordinary fool may mean a common fool; but more probably, as Shakespeare hal always an eye to the manners of his own countrymen, he referred to a jester hired to make sport for the diners at a public ordinary.
d Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for ihou speakest well of fools.) The humour of this is not very conspicuous even by the light of Johnson's comment, -" May Mercury teach thee to lie, since thou liest in favour of fools !"
stand at your door like a sheriff's post,(6) and be MAR. Madam, there is at the gate a young
the supporter to a bench, but he'll speak with you. gentleman, much desires to speak with you.
OLI. What kind o' man is he? Oli. From the count Orsino, is it?
Mal. Why, of man kind.
Oli. Wliat manner of man ? Mar. I know not, madam ; 'tis a fair young
Mal. Of man, and well attended.
very ill manner; he'll speak with you,
will Oli. Who of my people hold him in delay ?
you or no. Oli. Of what
personage Mar. Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
years Oli. Fetch him off, I pray you ; he speaks
Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young nothing but madman : fie on hiîn ! [Exit Maria.] enough for a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peasMalvolio : if it be a suit from the count,
cod, or a codling when ’tis almost an apple: ’tis I am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dis
with him in standing water, between boy and man. miss it. [Exit Malvolio.] Now you see, sir, how
He is very well-favoured, and he speaks very
shrewishly; one would think his mother's milk were your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.
scarce out of him. Clo. Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if
OLI. Let him approach; call in my gentlethy eldest son should be a fool,—whose skull Jove cram with brains ! for here he comes, one of thy
Mal. Gentlewoman, my lady calls. kin, has a most weak pia mater.
Oli. Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my Oli. By mine honour, half drunk.-- What is
face; he at the gate, cousin ?
We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.
Vro. The honourable lady of the house, which Clo. Good sir Toby!
is she ? Oli. Cousin, cousin, how have you come so Oli. Speak to me, I shall answer for her : your early by this lethargy?
will? Sir To. Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one V10. Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable
pray you tell me if this be the lady Oli. Ay, marry; what is he?
of the house, for I never saw her: I would be loth Sir To. Let him be the devil, an he will, I care to cast away my speech ; for, besides that it is not: give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one. [E.cit. excellently well penned, I have taken great pains OLI. What's a drunken man like, fool ?
to con it.
Good beauties, let me sustain no scorn ; Clo. Like a drowned man, a fool, and a mad- I am very comptible, a even to the least sinister man: one draught above heat makes him a fool;
usage. the second mads him ; and a third drowns him. OLI. Whence came you, sir ?
Oli. Go thou and seek the crowner, and let V10. I can say little more than I have studied, him sit o' my coz; for he's in the third degree of and that question's out of my part. Good gentle drink,-he's drowned: go, look after him. one, give me modest assurance if you be the lady
Clo. He is but mad yet, madonna ; and the fool of the house, that I may proceed in my speech. shall look to the madman.
Oli. Are you a comedian ?
Vio. No, my profound heart : and yet, by the Re-enter MalvoLIO.
very fangs of malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are
you the lady of the house ? Mal. Madam, yond young fellow swears he will OLI. If I do not usurp myself, I am. speak with you. I told him you were sick; he Vio. Most certain, if you are she, you
usurp takes on him to understand so much, and therefore yourself; for what is yours to bestow is not yours comes to speak with you : I told him you were to reserve. But this is from my commission : I asleep; he seems to have a fore-knowledge of that will on with my speech in your praise, and then too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What show you the heart of my message. is to be said to him, lady? he’s fortified against any denial.
(*) Old copy, Violenta. Oli. Tell him, he shall not speak with me. MAL. H’as been told so; and he says, he'll
at the gate.
& Comptible,-) This must mean impressible, susceptire, sen