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Lest the poor things should roam and prove untrue,

They all are crippled in the tiny shoe,

A hopeful scheme to keep a wife from madding! -We pinch our feet, and yet are ever gadding. Then they've no cards, no routs, ne'er take their fling,

And pin money is an unheard-of thing!
Then how d'ye think they write-You'll ne'er
divine-

From top to bottom down in one straight line.
[Mimics.
We ladies, when our flames we cannot smother,
Write letters-from one corner to another.

[Mimics.

One mode there is in which both climes agtie I scarce can tell-'mongst friends then let it be--The creatures love to cheat as well as we. But bless my wits! I've quite forgot the bard A civil soul!-By me he sends this cardPresent respects-to every lady hereHopes for the honour of a single tear. The critics then will throw their dirt in vain, | One drop from you will wash out every stain. Acquaints you-(now the man is past his fright) He holds his rout-and here he keeps his night. Assures you all a welcome, kind and hearty, The ladies shall play crowns-and there's the shilling party.

[Points to the upper gallery.

THE PROVOKED HUSBAND:

OR

A JOURNEY TO LONDON:

A COMEDY,

IN FIVE ACTS.

BY SIR JOHN VANBRUGH AND C. CIBBER, Esq.

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THIS play took birth from principles of truth,
To make amends for errors past of youth.
A bard that's now no more, in riper days,
Conscious, review'd the license of his plays:
And though applause his wanton muse had fired,
Himself condemn'd what sensual minds admired.
At length he own'd, that plays should let you see,
Not only what you are, but ought to be;
Though vice was natural, 'twas never meant
The stage should show it but for punishment.
Warm with that thought his muse once more took

flame,

Resolved to bring licentious life to shame.
Such was the piece his latest pen design'd,
But left no traces of his plan behind.
Luxuriant scenes, unpruned, or half-contrived;
Yet, through the mass his native fire survived:
Rough, as rich ore in mines, the treasure lay,
Yet still 'twas rich, and forms at length a play;

In which the bold compiler boasts no merit,
But that his pains have saved your scenes of spirit:
Not scenes that would a noisy joy impart,
But such as hush the mind, and warm the heart
From praise of hands, no sure account he draws,
If then (for hard you'll own the task) his art
But fix'd attention is sincere applause:
Can to these embryon-scenes new life impart,
The living proudly would exclude his lays,
And to the buried bard resigns the praise.

ACT I.

SCENE I-LORD TOWNLY's Apartment. Lord T. Why did I marry?-Was it not evident, my plain, rational scheme of life was impracticable, with a woman of so different a way of thinking!-Is there one article of it that she

has not broke in upon ?—Yes, let me do her justice-her reputation-that-I have no reason to believe is in question-But then how long her profligate course of pleasures may make her able to keep it, is a shocking question! and her presumption while she keeps it-insupportable! for on the pride of that single virtue she seems to lay it down as a fundamental point, that the free indulgence of every other vice this fertile town affords, is the birth-right prerogative of a woman of quali y -Amazing! that a creature so warm in the pursuit of her pleasures, should never cast one thought towards her happiness- -Thus, while she admits of no lover, she thinks it a greater merit still, in her chastity, not to care for her husband; and while she herself is solacing in one continual round of cards and good company, he, poor wretch, is left at large, to take care of his own contentment-'Tis time, indeed, some care were taken, and speedily there shall be-Yet, let me not be rash-Perhaps, this disappointment of my heart may make me too impatient; and some tempers, when reproached, grow more untractable-Here she comes-Let me be calm awhile.

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Lady T. Comfortable! and so, my good lord, you would really have a woman of my rank and spirit stay at home to comfort her husband. Lord, what notions of life some men have!

Lord T. Don't you think, Madam, some ladies' notions are full as extravagant?

Lady T. Yes, my lord, when the tame doves live cooped within the pen of your precepts, I do think 'em prodigious indeed.

Lord T. And when they fly wild about this town, Madam, pray what must the world think of 'em then?

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Lady T. Sincerely.

Lord T. Now then recollect your thoughts, and tell me seriously why you married me? Lady T. You insist upon truth, you say? Lord T. I think I have a right to it. Lady T. Why, then, my lord, to give you at once a proof of my obedience and sincerity-I think—I married—to take off that restraint that lay upon my pleasures while I was a single woman.

Lord T. How, Madam! is any woman under less restraint after marriage than before it?

Lady T. Oh, my lord, my lord! they are quite different creatures! Wives have infinite liberties in life, that would be terrible in an unmarrie! woman to take.

Lord T. Name one.

Lady T. Fifty if you please-To begin then in the morning-A married woman may have men at her toilet; invite them to dinner; appoint them a party in the stage box at the play; engross the conversation there; call them by their Christian names; talk louder than the players; from thence jaunt into the city; take a frolicsome supper at an India-House; perhaps, in her gaicte de cœur, toast a pretty fellow; then clatter again to this end of the town; break with the morning, into an assembly; crowd to the hazard-table; throw a familiar lerant upon some sharp, lurching man of quality, and if he demands his money, turn it off with a loud laugh, and cry-you'll owe it him, to vex him, ha, ha!

Lord T. Prodigious.

{Aside.

Lady T. These now, my lord, are some few of the many modish amusements that distinguish the privilege of a wife from that of a single wo man.

Lord T. Death, Madam! what law has made these liberties less scandalous in a wife, than in

Lady T. Oh, this world is not so ill-bred as to an unmarried woman? quarrel with any woman for liking it!

Lady T. Why the strongest law in the world,

Lord T. Nor am I, Madam, a husband so well-custom-custom time out of mind, my lord. bred as to bear my wife's being so fond of it; in short, the life you lead, Madam

Lady T. Is to me the pleasantest life in the world.

Lord T. I should not dispute your taste, Madam, if a woman had a right to please nobody but herself.

Lady T. Why, whom would you have her please?

Lord T. Sometimes her husband.

Lady T. And don't you think a husband under the same obligation?

Lord T. Certainly.

Lord T. Custom, Madam, is the law of fools; but it shall never govern me.

Lady T. Nay, then, my lord, 'tis time for me to observe the laws of prudence.

Lord T. I wish I could see an instance of it.

Lady T. You shall have one this moment, my lord; for I think when a man begins to lose his temper at home, if a woman has any prudence, why-she'll go abroad till he comes to himself again. [Going.

Lord T. Hold, Madam-1 am amazed you are not more uneasy at the life you lead. You don't want sense, and yet seem void of all huLady T. Why, then, we are agreed, my lord-manity; for, with a blush I say it, I think I have For if I never go abroad, till I am weary of being at home-which you know is the case-is it not equally reasonable, not to come home till one is weary of being abroad?

Lord T. If this be your rule of life, Madani, 'tis me to ask you one serious question.

not wanted love.

Lady T. Oh, don't say that, my lord, if you suppose I have my senses.

Lord T. What is it I have done to you? What can you complain of?

Lady T. Oh, nothing in the least! 'Tis true,

you have heard me say, I have owed my Lord Lurcher a hundred pounds these three weeksbut what then-a husband is not liable to his wife's debts of honour, you know—and if a silly woman will be uneasy about money she can't be sued for, what's that to him? As long as he loves her, to be sure, she can have nothing to complain of.

Lord T. By Heaven, if my whole fortune thrown into your lap, could make you delight in the cheerful duties of a wife, I should think myself a gainer by the purchase.

Lady T. That is, my lord, I might receive your whole estate, provided you were sure I would not spend a shilling of it.

Lord T. No, Madam; were I master of your heart, your pleasures would be mine; but, different as they are, I'll feed even your follies, to deserve it-Perhaps you may have some other trifling debts of honour abroad, that keep you out of humour at home-at least it shall not be my fault if I have not more of your company-there, there's a bill of five hundred--and now, MadamLady T. And now, my lord, down to the ground I thank you Now I am convinced, were I weak enough to love this man, I should never get a single guinea from him. [Aside.

Lord T. If it be no offence, MadamLady T. Say what you please, my lord; I am in that harmony of spirits it is impossible to put me out of humour.

Lord T. How long, in reason then, do you think that sum ought to last you?

Lady T. Oh, my dear, dear lord! now you have spoiled all again: how is it possible I should answer for an event that so utterly depends upon fortune? But to show you that I am more inclined to get money than to throw it away-I have a strong prepossession, that with this five hundred, I shall win five thousand.

Lord T. Madam, if you were to win ten thousand, it would be no satisfaction to me.

Lady T. Oh, the churl! ten thousand! what not so much as wish I might win ten thousand! -Ten thousand! Oh, the charming sum! what infinite pretty things might a woman of spirit do with ten thousand guineas! O' my conscience, if she were a woman of true spirit-she-she might lose them all again.

Lord T. And I had rather it should be so, Madam, provided I could be sure that were the last you would lose.

Lady T. Well, my lord, to let you see I design to play all the good house-wife I can; I am now going to a party at quadrille, only to piddle with a little of it, at poor two guineas a fish, with the Dutchess of Quiteright. [Exit. Lord T. Insensible creature! neither reproaches or indulgence, kindness or severity, can wake her to the least reflection! Continual license has Julled her into such a lethargy of care, that she speaks of her excesses with the same easy confidence, as if they were so many virtues. What a turn has her head taken!-But how to cure it-I am afraid the physic must be strong that reaches her-Lenitives, I see, are to no purpose-take my friend's opinion-Manly will speak freely-my sister with tenderness to both sides. They know my case-I'll talk with them.

Enter a SERVANT.

Serv. Mr. Manly, my lord, has sent to know if your lordship was at home. VOL II....4 H

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Lord T. And your ladyship's inquiry into the reason of those orders, shows, at least, it was not a matter indifferent to you.

Lady G. Lord, you make the oddest constructions, brother!

Lord T. Look you, my grave Lady Grace-in one serious word-I wish you had him. Lady G. I can't help that.

Lord T. Ha! you can't help it; ha, ha! The flat simplicity of that reply was admirable.

Lady G. Pooh, you tease one, brother! Lord T. Come, I beg pardon, child-this is not a point, I grant you, to trifle upon; therefore, I hope you'll give me leave to be serious.

Lady G. If you desire it, brother; though, upon my word, as to Mr. Manly's having any serious thoughts of me--I know nothing of it.

Lord T. Well there's nothing wrong in your making a doubt of it. But, in short, I find, by his conversation of late, that he has been looking round the world for a wife; and if you were to look round the world for a husband, he is the first man I would give to you.

Lady G. Then, whenever he makes me any offer, brother, I will certainly tell you of it.

Lord T. Oh! that's the last thing he'll do; he'll never make you an offer, till he's pretty sure it wont be refused.

Lady G. Now you make me curious. Pray, did he ever make any offer of that kind to you?

Lord T. Not directly; but that imports nothing: he is a man too well acquainted with the female world to be brought into a high opinion of any one woman, without some well-examined proof of her merit; yet I have reason to believe, that your good sense, your turn of mind, and your way of life, have brought him to so favourable a one of you, that a few days will reduce him to talk plainly to me; which as yet, notwithstanding our friendship, I have neither declined nor encouraged him to. Lady G. I am mighty glad we are so near in our way of thinking; for, to tell you the truth he

is much upon the same terms with me: you know he has a satirical turn; but never lashes any folly, without giving due encomiums to its opposite virtue: and, upon such occasions, he is sometimes particular, in turning his compliments upon me, which I don't receive with any reserve, lest he should imagine I take them to myself.

Lord T. You are right, child; when a man of merit makes his addresses, good sense may give him an answer, without scorn or coquetry. Lady G. Hush! he's here

Enter MR. MANLY.

Man. My lord, your most obedient. Lord T. Dear Manly, yours-I was thinking to send to you.

Man. Then, I am glad I am here, my lordLady Grace, I kiss your hand-What, only you two! How many visits may a man make, before he falls into such unfashionable company? A brother and sister soberly sitting at home, when the whole town is a gadding! I question if there is so particular a tete-a-tete again, in the whole parish of St. James's.

Lady G. Fy, fy, Mr. Manly! now censorious you are!

Man. I had not made the reflection, Madam; but that I saw you an exception to it—Where's my lady?

Lord T. That, I believe, is impossible to guess. Man. Then I wont try, my lord

Lord T. But, 'tis probable I may hear of her, by that time I have been four or five hours in bed. Man. Now, if that were my case-I believe I -But I beg pardon, my lord.

Lord T. Indeed, Sir, you shall not: you will oblige me if you speak out; for it was upon this head I wanted to see you.

Man. Why, then, my lord, since you oblige me to proceed-if that were my case-1 believe I should certainly sleep in another house. Lady G. How do you mean? Man. Only a compliment, Madam, Lady G. A compliment!

Man. Yes, Madam, in rather turning myself out of doors than her!

Lady G. Don't you think that would be going too far?

Man. I don't know but it might, Madam; for, in strict justice, I think she ought rather to go than I.

Lady G. This is new doctrine, Mr. Manly. Man. As old, Madam, as love, honour, and obey. When a woman will stop at nothing that's wrong, why should a man balance any thing that's right? Lady G. Bless me! but this is fomenting things

Man. Fomentations, Madam, are sometimes necessary to dispel tumours: though I do not directly advise my lord to do this-This is only what, upon the same provocation, I would do myself.

Lady G. Ay, ay, you would do! Bachelors' wives, indeed, are finely governed.

Man. If the married men's were as well-I am apt to think we should not see so many mutual plagues taking the air in separate coaches.

Lady G. Well, but suppose it your own case; would you part with your wife, because she now and then stays out in the best company.

Lord T. Well said, Lady Grace! Come,

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stand up for the privilege of your sex. like to be a warm debate. I shall edify.

This is

Man. Madam, I think a wife, after midnight, has no occasion to be in better company than her husband's; and that frequent unreasonable hours make the best company-the worst she can fall into.

Lady G. But if people of condition are to keep company with one another, how is it possible to be done, unless one conforms to their hours?

Man. I can't find that any woman's good breeding obliges her to conform to other people's vices. Lord T. I doubt, child, here we are got a little on the wrong side of the question.

Lady G. Why so, my lord? I can't think the case so bad as Mr. Manly states it-People of quality are not tied down to the rules of those who have their fortunes to make.

Man. No people, Madam, are above being tied down to some rules, that have fortunes to lose.

Lady G. Pooh! I'm sure, if you were to take my side of the argument, you would be able to say something more for it.

Lord T. Well, what say you to that, Manly? Man. Why, troth, my lord, I have something

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Man. Then, in one word, this, my lord-I have often thought that the misconduct of my lady has, in a great measure been owing to your lordship's treatment of her

Lady G. Bless me!

Lord T. My treatment!

Man. Ay, my lord, you so idolized her before marriage, that you even indulged her like a mistress after it in short, you continued the lover, when you should have taken up the husband.

Lady G. Oh, frightful! this is worse than t'other; can a husband love a wife too well? Man. As easy, Madam, as a wife may love her husband too little.

Lord T. So; you two are never like to agree, I find.

Lady G. Don't be positive, brother-I am afraid we are both of a mind already. [Aside.] And do you, at this rate, ever hope to be married, Mr. Manly?

Man. Never, Madam, till I can meet with a woman that likes my doctrine.

Lady G. 'Tis pity but your mistress should hear it.

Man. Pity me, Madam, when I marry the woman that won't hear it.

me.

Lady G. I think, at least, he can't say that's

[Aside.

Man. And so, my lord, by giving her more power than was needful, she has known where she wants it; having such entire possession of you, she is not mistress of herself. And, mercy on us! how many fine women's heads have been turned upon the same occasion!

Lord T. Oh, Manly, 'tis too true! there's the source of my disquiet: she knows, and has abused her power: nay, I am still so weak, (with shame I speak it) 'tis not an hour ago, that in the midst of my impatience, I gave her another bill for five hundred to throw away.

Man. Well, my lord, to let you see I am sometimes upon the side of good-nature, I wont ab solutely blame you; for the greater your indulgence the more you have to reproach her with.

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